Chapter Nineteen

“Are we all set for this?” Will asked.

Lori glanced around the room. Marc and Jackson stood close to each other but didn’t openly speak. The members of the board and their legal team waited in the main board room. Representatives from Uni Industries were set to arrive at any minute.

“Stick to the notes,” she said to him, straightening his tie. “We practiced this.”

“Share current and future projections. Make us seem like the only safe bet,” he recited back to her.

“Exactly.”

“Do your hair thing if you need help,” Will said. “You’ve got three of us in the know this time. We can all step in.”

“I’d say this meeting is above Lori’s paygrade but I doubt I’d get anywhere,” Marc pointed out.

“Try to keep me away,” she snapped.

Jackson tugged on a lock of her hair to regain her attention. “No matter how this works out,” he said for her ears only, “thank you.”

The warm glow was back, pulsing through her.

“Will, maybe we should give them a minute. Let’s go join the meeting,” Marc suggested.

“What?” Will’s head swung between them and Marc before finally following the other man out of the room.

When the door closed behind them, she turned back to Jackson.

“You’ll do great.”

“Tell me,” he said instead. “Tell me again which man you prefer.”

Her heart softened.

“I cared about both of you,” she said, referring to the other him. “But you are the one I kissed. The one I fell into bed with. You’re everything I want, Jackson.” Her smile was bittersweet. “I’ll remember you for the rest of my life.”

“I’ll be here,” he said. “You don’t need to remember me.”

But I will. When I leave you for good, all I’ll have are memories.

“You will do great in there,” she said instead. “I have faith in you.”

“That makes one of us.”

“Hey.” She tipped his face toward hers. “You saved this company when your father died. You made billions. This is your world, and you have this. We’re all there to support you.”

“However this works out, I need to know you’ll be waiting at home no matter what.”

“For as long as you want me,” she promised. “I don’t care if you’re a billionaire or flat broke. I’ll stand by your side as long as I can.”

“Forever,” he breathed, pulling her closer.

“Even longer,” she whispered, reaching up to touch her lips to hers.

It was a light kiss. They were in the office, after all. But she reveled in the touch as she always did.

“I—”

Love you.

But it wasn’t fair to say. It wasn’t even fair to think.

I was ready to quit a job I adored because I thought I loved Jackson more.

But she’d been wrong. So very wrong.

She’d never known what love was until he’d lost his memory. Before had been infatuation at best. Not a soul-consuming, life-altering love like the one she was in the middle of now.

You are everything to me.

Even if it wouldn’t last. None of that mattered. Not as long as he needed her.

“You’ll do great,” she said, straightening his collar that didn’t need to be straightened.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He rubbed his forehead, wincing.

“Is it another headache?” she asked, her body on alert.

“A bad one,” he agreed. “I took some Tylenol, but I can’t afford to take one of the prescribed meds. I’ll be too fuzzy.”

“Damn,” she murmured, cupping his face. “Okay, if you need a break, or a pill, speak up. This is going to be a long day and you’re not at your best. Let’s take it a step at a time.”

“Solid plan.”

Worried gnawed at her but what else was there to do? Brushing a light kiss across his lips, she stepped back.

“You can do this. Let’s go.”

Nodding, he turned.

Together they walked into the lion’s den.

She just prayed they’d come back out of it.

…

His head was pounding.

They’d first entered the main boardroom at nine in the morning. It was almost three now.

How long does it take to sign a piece of paper?

The endless speeches by their respective lawyers were mind-numbing. They’d combed every inch of their financial situation. He’d answered every question, sometimes with the aid of Lori, Will, or Marc, whenever he’d run his fingers through his hair. Trisha and the board were doing their best to paint Sinclair Enterprises as the lead brand to partner with, and still the Uni Industries president was hesitant.

What more do I need to do?

His pain was getting hard to ignore. Memories kept popping back into his head at the most inconvenient times. Yes, he wanted his past back, but remembering the first time he went skinny-dipping as the president of Uni Industries went over his accounting questions had been brutal. Though he’d declined the stronger pain meds in the morning, by lunch he’d caved and popped one in hopes of slowing the memories and muting the headache. But the pain was bleeding through the numbness of the drugs.

“Jackson?”

He forced his attention to Lori. “Yes?”

“They wanted to see the projections for the last five fiscal years again.”

“Of course.” Rifling through the pages before him, he pulled out the appropriate graph and handed it off to the Uni Industries team as the memory of his first Boy Scouts meeting came back to him.

“Are you okay?” she asked for him alone.

“Water,” he said.

She had a glass filled and in his hand in a second. “It’s your head,” she said. “I knew we should have had you checked out by Dr. Warren before this meeting.”

“I’m fine,” he lied. “But let’s wrap this up if we can.”

“I don’t know what’s holding them back. Everything is in order. We just need one last push.”

“Yes. Maybe we should—”

A pain so sharp he put a hand to his temple to check for blood slashed though his temple.

“Jackson?” Lori hissed at his sharp inhale.

He wanted to tell her he was fine. That everything was all right, but the pain stole his breath.

Fight through it. You cannot fail here.

Stomping down the pain, he tried to focus on the meeting at hand.

“We’re open to sharing any access to our financials that you need,” he said to the president three seats away from him. “We have nothing to hide.”

Nothing but a brain-injured CEO running this company into the ground.

He fisted his hands at his sides, trying to ignore the lawyers as they fought back and forth across the table. It sounded like they were haggling over a half percent.

Another agony spike shot through his brain. He stiffened, doing his best to keep his expression clear.

Lori glanced his direction, a worried look on her face.

What’s happening to me?

He couldn’t afford this now. If his brain was going to self-destruct, couldn’t it wait an hour?

“Maybe we should take a break,” Lori said to the group. “We’ve prepared refreshments and coffee if you’d like to leave the table for ten minutes or so.”

“Not a bad idea. What do you think?” the president of Uni Industries said, gesturing to his team for consent.

Just hold on. She’s bought you time. Just get to that break.

And raise her salary next chance he got.

But the pain wasn’t abating.

Memory flashes drowned out everything else around him, erasing the board and guests at the table. Instead he saw his childhood. His high-school years and his business ventures. Face after face blasted through his subconscious, racing so fast he could barely recognize them. And then the emotions. The waves and torrents of emotion that buffeted him on all sides.

He gripped the edge of the table, holding on so tight his nails made grooves in the wood.

“Jackson?” he heard a voice call. An important voice. One he should recognize. But he couldn’t. All he could do was survive the onslaught.

Until it all went blank.

…

Lori watched Jackson slump over in his chair, his eyes closed.

Everyone jumped to their feet, some racing for help and some running for the fallen CEO.

But she reached him first.

“Jackson, Jackson. Come on. Open your eyes.”

He didn’t even twitch.

Despair clawed at her. She should have known better. This was too much pressure for someone recovering the way he was. She should have done more. Protected him better.

“Come on,” she whispered. “Come back to me.”

I can’t lose you now.

His eyelashes fluttered and lifted to reveal his clear blue gaze.

“Hi,” she said, almost dizzy with relief. “Welcome back.”

He stared up at her, unblinking, for so long that the smile slipped from her face.

“Jackson?” she asked.

He sat up, righting himself in his chair. “My apologies,” he said to the men around the room. “I’ve been dealing with some health issues this past month. I assure you, however, I’m more than capable of closing this deal to our mutual satisfaction.”

Lori frowned. The words were perfectly appropriate but there was something about them. Something that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

“Having reviewed your stance on the Trans-Eurasian contingencies, I think the biggest issue boils down to a review of our southwestern offices. We happened to conduct a full audit two years ago. Allow me to walk you through the findings.”

His gazed flashed to her as he opened a folder in front of him. For a second, she didn’t understand why.

Until what he’d said hit her.

She’d never mentioned that audit. They hadn’t prepared for this line of questioning, and she hadn’t thought to mention it.

Which meant he’d remembered it on his own.

It’s back. His memory is back.

Cold chills shook her. She’d thought she’d have more time. Once this deal was closed, they could withdraw from company life. They’d have some time to be just the two of them before everything ended.

But now that dream was shattered.

I should be happy.

If she were a better person, maybe she would be. But right now, she was numb.

Dazed, she listened to Jackson take command of the meeting. He no longer thought carefully before each answer. There was nothing diplomatic in his tone. Instead, he laid out a rock-solid case for the alliance. Step-by-step, he dismantled every argument with the eloquence of a politician.

A feat Jackson wouldn’t have been capable of without access to his degree and experience.

In an hour, he was able to do more than the rest of them had accomplished in a day. By the time the sun sank toward the horizon, two signatures were scrawled across the partnership agreement.

We did it.

Half of her hadn’t really thought they could.

We might not have, not without the real Jackson.

Thanks to him, the company was safe. They’d beat out HynCor and their employees would never have to worry about their livelihoods again.

Everything had worked out for the best.

Except for me.

Around her, everyone was standing and shaking hands, congratulating each other on a deal well struck. Pasting a smile on her face, she acted the part of perfect EA one last time. Taking her usual spot along the edges of the room, she watched Jackson charm the crowd. He clapped the president of Uni Industries on the back, laughing loudly as they made plans to hit a few rounds before their guests got on a plane back to Australia. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. The changes were small. So subtle she doubted anyone else would have caught them. But the man commanding the room wasn’t the same one who had woken up beside her today.

Because that man never existed. He was only yours temporarily. You always knew that.

But knowing the end was coming, and facing it in a crowded boardroom, were two different things.

What made everything worse was the fact that a day ago she would have been by his side. He would have included her in these conversations, maybe even touched the small of her back when he thought no one was looking.

But now she was back to being a shadow. No one noticed her in the corner, least of all Jackson. Things were back to the way they’d always been.

I’m invisible again. Invisible to him.

Just as she’d always known she would be. Her lover might have made sweet promises she’d half believed, but there was no hiding from the truth now. Without his memory, she’d been enough for him.

With it, she was an afterthought.

Across the room, her gaze caught Marc’s. He gave her a tight smile and tipped his head in thanks.

I’ve been dismissed.

It was her cue to go. Everything was back to the way it always should have been.

She was the only piece left to be dealt with.

With a last glance at Jackson, who stood tall and proud with his back to her, she slipped from the room. No one tried to stop her. No one chased after her.

No one even noticed.

On leaden feet, she navigated her way to her office. The numbness of shock was beginning to wear off and she didn’t want to be around anyone when it did. Soon she’d have to deal with the fact that the love of her life no longer wanted her.

And somehow, she’d have to find a way to survive it.

You knew this would hurt.

But she’d thought the memories would make up for it.

Alone in her office, she wasn’t sure she’d made the right choice.

Going to her closet, she pulled out a box that had been waiting there since the first time she’d quit. Quietly, she began packing up her office for the second time. It was faster this time around. The majority of her things had never been moved back in after Jackson’s accident. A few binders and some knick-knacks went into the box and she was done.

I should leave.

No good would come of waiting for Jackson to find her, if that was even a priority for him today. If he wanted to press charges, she’d hear about it. And if he didn’t…

Then there was nothing tying them together anymore.

He was never real. You didn’t lose anything.

But if that was true, why did it feel like her heart had been ripped out of her chest? The last time she’d left this building with a box in her hand, she’d thought nothing could be worse.

She’d never been so wrong.

How do I go home to an empty apartment without him?

And an empty life.

She sniffed, her throat tight. Get out of this building. Run. Don’t look back. Just run as fast as you can.

She needed to put as much distance as possible between her and Jackson.

Grabbing her box, she looked around the stripped office one last time. She’d had many enjoyable years here and yet all she could think of was the past few weeks. The best ones of her life.

It’s over now.

All of it.

Turning off the light, she walked away from an office she’d once loved.

Reaching the elevator, she pounded the down button with a little too much force.

Hurry up. Get me out of here. Let me get away before I see —

“Lori.”

She stiffened. Adrenaline surged through her body as she fought the urge to run. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, signaling his approach. Closing her eyes briefly, she lifted her chin and turned.

“Was there something you needed, Mr. Sinclair?”

A small half smile quirked his lips. “A conversation, Ms. Carlow. I think we owe each other that much, don’t you?”

No. I’ve given you enough of me. Just let me go.

But Jackson wouldn’t want any loose ends. And if she needed a lawyer it was better to know now.

“Fine,” she said. “Here?”

“Come to my office.”

Time to face the music.

Woodenly she followed him down the hall to his office. He held the door open for her and she walked in, not looking at him, with her chin held high.

Closing the door behind them, he crossed the room to lean back against his desk, crossing his arms as he watched her.

“You got your memories back.” The words sounded foreign on her own tongue, as if she were watching everything from a distance.

“I don’t know how it happened.”

She watched him run his fingers through his hair just as he had a thousand times before.

“One moment my past was a blank space and then I had a headache like nothing—” He shook his head. “When it was over, everything was back. Like a wall had been demolished. I was me again.”

It’s what we hoped for. I should be happy.

Instead, she just wished she’d kissed him one last time. Stolen a final taste of happiness before her time in his life hit its expiry date.

Whatever happened, she needed to keep her chin up and take whatever he dished out. She’d put him through hell and then she’d taken advantage of his injury.

He deserved his pound of flesh.

“I’m glad,” she whispered. “I’m so happy you have your memories back.”

Everything was as it should be, except for one thing.

Inhaling slowly, she reached into her bag and pulled out a folded sheet of paper she’d kept on her at all times.

“I knew that this promise would be void,” she said, holding it out to him. “Once you remembered.”

He accepted the absolution he’d signed the night they’d first slept together. She doubted it would have ever held up in court anyways. At most, it would have simply been a memento of the man she’d wished she’d had little more time with.

“If your memories are back, you don’t need me anymore.” She tried to smile but her chest felt hollow. “If you want to charge me, I won’t fight you. But if you’ll let me just…slip out of your life I swear you’ll never have to see me again.”

The welcome daze of shock was wearing off and leaving nothing but agony in its place. She wanted to be anywhere but here. Clutching the box to her chest, she did her best to keep her face impassive. How much worse would it be if he saw how devastated she was? The silly assistant, daring to think she could love a billionaire and get a happy ending. Ridiculous. He’d pity her, and that she couldn’t stand. Better to leave with her head held high, and go home to an apartment she hadn’t lived in for weeks. One with a bed she’d have to sleep in without him.

Tonight, and every night from now on.

Because while her lover might have seen something special in her, her boss never had.

Go before you do something stupid like beg him to love you.

The snide thought spurred her into motion.

“If there’s nothing else, I should be going.” Turning on her heel, she headed for the door.

“Stop.”

The word had iron in it, freezing her in place. She stood halfway to the door, her back to Jackson and all she wanted to do was sprint for freedom.

You knew this day was coming. Pull up your big girl pants and face it.

“Not going to look at me?”

Her heart cracked. She didn’t want to. Just this morning he’d stared at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. How could she look at him now and see how little he cared for her stamped across his face?

You can get through this.

Somehow.

Rolling back her shoulders, she turned.

It was both worse and better than she’d thought. All of that intensity of his was fixed on her but it wasn’t as cold as she’d feared. Still, it wasn’t the gaze of the man she’d spent the last couple of weeks with either.

It wasn’t the look of a man who loved her.

“What can I do for you?” she asked, pulling her assistant persona around her like a shield. She straightened her shoulders, smoothing her face of all expression as she waited.

For a moment, he just leaned back against his desk watching her. “I promised you I wouldn’t press charges.”

She shrugged. “That was before.”

“When I was someone else.”

She glanced away. “Exactly.”

“Someone you liked better.”

A harsh laugh escaped her. “Better,” she breathed. “You have no idea what I thought about you. Felt about you. I was invisible until you got hurt, so don’t you dare try to make me feel bad about our past now. I will apologize to my dying day for hurting you and endangering the company, but the rest of it…” Her hands tightened on the box. “I won’t apologize for that.”

“How did you feel about me? Before the accident.”

She met his gaze, sure her expression was anything but open. “What is this? Looking for a little ego stroke before I walk out of your life? I’m not interested in playing this game. If you’re not going to charge me, then I’m leaving.”

“I meant this,” he said, holding up the absolution. “Charges are off the table. Don’t think about them again.”

“Then we’re done here.”

A rusty chuckle escaped him. “Sweetheart, we’re far from done.”

She flinched at the endearment that had once meant so much to her. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why? Because another man did?”

“You’re the same person,” she denied. “Sort of.”

“Sort of,” he agreed. “And in other ways, it’s not even close.”

“It’s early. You just got your memory back. Give yourself some time to adjust.”

A smile curved his lips. “Still looking out for me even after everything that’s happened.”

“None of it was your fault. This is all me.”

“Then I owe you a hell of a thank-you.”

She blinked. “What?”

“My memories are back, but they didn’t erase the ones I made after the accident. I remember it all. The person I was before, the man I was during the amnesia, I thought I had to be one or the other but that’s not it. Everything’s meshed together in my mind. Both sides of me. All of it is there.”

“Then you and me…”

“Yes, I remember that, too.”

She sighed. “I know I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”

“Please, take advantage whenever you’d like. This desk is damn sturdy if you want to test it out.”

A strangled sound escaped her throat. “This is a game to you, but I’m not joking. I don’t want to play.”

“Sorry.” He pushed off the desk, moving toward her carefully as if approaching an animal he thought would bolt. “I shouldn’t joke. Not yet.”

“I won’t be in your life to do it later.”

“Do I get a say?”

“I can’t be your assistant anymore,” she said. “Not after all of this. You might be sophisticated enough to reset the clock to before your accident, but I can’t.”

Not even for whatever tiny pieces of you I could have.

She had her pride, and she refused to go backward. Someday, when her broken heart healed, she’d be glad she walked away.

I hope.

“I don’t want you to be my assistant. That’s been a problem for months.”

She fell back a step, wounded. “I had no idea I was such a thorough disappointment.” In all ways, it seems. “You should have fired me. It would have saved us both a lot of hassle.”

The crooked smile she loved was back. “Lori, you are the best EA in the city. That wasn’t the problem.”

“Then what was?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

The words froze her.

He took another careful step forward. “I had to watch you across my desk, knowing I couldn’t do anything about it. Hell, I implemented the no-fraternizing at work policy. How was I supposed to break it?”

“You wanted to?”

“Every minute I was around you. You think I didn’t notice you but, sweetheart, that was never the case.”

Shock snapped through her. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined hearing these words from him. The real him. “You didn’t say anything. You never did anything. You let me quit without a fight at all.”

“Why do you think I was in the parking garage that day?” he demanded. “Did you ever wonder?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I was chasing after you. Someone as enamored with romantic comedies as you should have put that together by now.”

Her heart pounded in her ears. “You wanted to stop me?”

A tender light entered his eyes, one that reminded her of the man she’d spent countless nights with.

“I never wanted to lose you. If I couldn’t have you as my EA, then I wanted you in my life a different way.” He took the box from her hands and put it on the ground. “You quit. You weren’t my employee anymore. Which meant I was allowed to do this.”

He cupped her face, threading his fingers through her hair.

She inhaled sharply as she froze under his touch.

“But then you went and erased the man I used to be,” he told her softly. “Remind me not to piss you off again.”

“I wasn’t angry,” she whispered. “I was heartbroken.”

Regret filtered into his expression. “My fault. I did all of this wrong.”

“You did a few things right.”

He nodded. “Without my memory, I was free. I didn’t have to worry about HR policies or the future of the company. For the first time in my adult life, I could do what I wanted. Be with who I wanted. And from the moment I opened my eyes I knew that was you. Even without remembering the rest, I knew you mattered.”

“I thought I was just convenient.”

“You are many things, but convenient isn’t one of them.”

“If I’d known…”

He shrugged. “How could you when I didn’t? But we didn’t need the past. We managed just fine on our own.”

“So what now?” she asked. “If you’re not mad about the accident and the company is stable, where does that leave us now?”

“Are you still quitting?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Then he kissed her.

With a moan, she melted into his arms just as she always did. His kiss hadn’t changed. Touching him still felt like coming home.

Something tight and twisted started to relax inside her. Jackson might be different with his memories but the man she’d fallen in love with hadn’t disappeared the way she’d feared.

I can have longer with him. This doesn’t have to end.

They could have a future that had never been possible before.

“Don’t move out,” he said against her lips.

“Technically, I never moved in. I was just temporary help.”

“Okay. Move in.”

She laughed, leaning back. “Isn’t that fast? I mean, we kind of missed the whole dating part of this romance.”

“You want to date? Fine by me. As long as I still get to fall asleep with you in my arms every night.”

How do you argue with that?

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll move in.”

“Tonight.”

“Tonight.”

“Excellent.” He kissed her again. “How long do you think it will take me to convince you to wear a ring?”

“Longer than a month,” she laughed, thinking he was joking.

“Noted. I’ll ask in a few weeks then.”

“You can’t be serious.”

His grin was wide and bright, open in a way the old Jackson had never been. “I’m a man who knows what he wants. And that’s you, sweetheart. No matter who I am, that truth doesn’t change.”

She slid her hands around his shoulders. “I want you, too,” she murmured. “I thought I was in love with you when I quit but this time with you, really with you…” She shook her head. “I’m head over heels in love with you. Now and forever.”

“That makes two of us.” He met her gaze. “I love you, Lori Carlow. For the rest of my life.”

“Promise,” she said.

There was no hesitation as he replied, “Cross my heart.”

Throwing herself into his arms, she held on tight, amazed at how her world had changed in the past few minutes. She’d thought she was walking into a nightmare and had woken up in a dream come true.

He’s mine. Really mine.

Forever.

She never intended to let him go.