The smell of freshly percolating coffee greeted Nanette as she made her way down to the large kitchen on Sunday morning. Patsy was busy pushing sprigs of rosemary and gloves of garlic into a large leg of lamb ready to roast for lunch.
‘Hi. Did you sleep well? The twins are helping Bryan feed the baby calves. Help yourself to coffee. You know where the cereals are. There’s plenty of bread for toast. Can you pass me the pot of honey please? I want to drizzle some over the lamb. I’d offer you bacon and eggs, but I can’t stand the smell of bacon cooking at the moment.’
‘Coffee and toast will be just fine. I’ll do the vegetables for lunch afterwards, shall I?’ Nanette asked as she handed her sister the honey.
‘Thanks. Helen always insists on bringing the dessert so I don’t have to worry, she says. More like she doesn’t like my pastry! I thought we could go for a walk after lunch – maybe take the twins down to the lake. Helen always likes Bryan to take her on a tour of the farm on Sunday afternoons, like they used to when Albert was alive.’ Patsy sighed. ‘Honestly, Nanette, sometimes I could strangle the woman, but she does mean well, I suppose. I thought when she finally moved out, things would be better. She’d get an independent life again. Leave Bryan and me to our own devices a bit more.’ Patsy shook her head. ‘Nothing’s really changed. She’s still up here every day on some pretence or other and Sunday lunch here every week has become something of a ritual set in stone. Not sure how I’m going to deal with all the “grandmotherly” advice that is sure to be heaped on me. That’s why I need you here as an ally when junior arrives.’ Patsy glanced at her sister. ‘Any closer to deciding what you’re going to do about Vanessa’s request?’
Nanette shook her head. ‘Still mulling it over. Maybe the walk this afternoon will clear my head and I’ll be able to think straight.’ She certainly hoped so. As she’d expected, sleep had evaded her for most of last night and she’d tossed and turned for hours trying to reach a decision without success.
Helen arrived just as Patsy placed the roast in the Aga and immediately queried whether it would be cooked in time.
‘I always had the meat in the range by ten o’clock at the latest. Ready for lunch at one on the dot. Still, you young things abhor routines, don’t you? Mind you, once the baby arrives, you’ll soon change your tune.’
‘Helen, it’s lovely to see you again,’ Nanette said quickly before Patsy could respond to her mother-in-law’s criticisms. ‘How’s life in your new home?’ She couldn’t decide whether Helen’s prickly nature had got worse since she’d handed over the farmhouse to Bryan and Patsy or whether the woman had always been so… so prickly.
‘Different to what I’ve been used to, but I’m settling in nicely, thank you. Once Bryan finishes off a couple more little jobs, I’ll be really organised. Ready to devote my time to helping Patsy with the new addition.’ Helen slanted a look at Nanette. ‘How about you? Your memory completely back to normal now?’ she asked briskly. ‘I saw a picture in one of the Sunday papers recently of – oh, what’s his name? Your ex-fiancé, anyway. Had a blonde on his arm. Said something about him being newly single again and playing the field. Zachary – that’s his name.’
‘I saw that photo too,’ Nanette said quietly. ‘As for my memory, I still have no recollection of certain things people tell me happened three years ago – maybe it’s for the best,’ she added, forcing a smile in Helen’s direction. ‘Otherwise I’m fine. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go check on the twins.’ Leaving the kitchen, Nanette mouthed an apologetic, ‘Sorry – I’ll see you later,’ at Patsy before closing the kitchen door behind her.
After a slightly strained Iunch, Nanette, Patsy and the twins went for their planned walk down to the lake at the far end of the farm, with the twins running ahead.
‘I’m sorry Helen assumed your memory had returned to normal,’ Patsy said quietly. ‘And mentioned you-know-who. I know you find both difficult to handle.’
Nanette shook her head wearily. ‘Don’t worry. I wish my memory of that evening would return, but I’m beginning to believe it never will now. As for Zac, well, I can’t hide from news about him for ever.’ Opening a heavy farm gate so that Patsy didn’t have to climb over as the twins had done, Nanette said to her sister, ‘Actually, I think Helen’s comments have helped me make up my mind. I can’t run from the past for ever, so’ – she took a deep breath – ‘I’m going to tell Vanessa, yes, I will go to Monaco. At least Mathieu will be around if there are any problems with the twins and he’ll be a friend for me too.’
That night, though, the nightmares that had taunted Nanette for months, years, after the accident returned with a vengeance.
Nanette could feel the wind tearing at her face as she frantically skied faster and faster down the mountainside. Adrenalin flowed through her veins as she heard the noise of the avalanche behind her gathering speed, devouring everything in its way. Her lungs forced a terror-stricken scream into the air. She couldn’t die like this, she…
‘Nanette, Nanette, wake up. You’re having one of your nightmares,’ Patsy shook her gently.
A shudder went through Nanette’s body as she came to.
‘Here, have a sip.’ Patsy handed her a glass of water. ‘What was it this time? Another monster breaking into the house? An earthquake?’
Nanette shook her head. ‘No. I was caught up in an avalanche.’ She took a sip of the water as Patsy regarded her thoughtfully.
‘It’s been ages since you’ve had a nightmare.’
Nanette nodded. ‘I know. I was hoping they’d finally finished,’ she said, her body still racked with shakes.
‘The therapist was saying only last month that it was a good sign I’d gone for so long without one. Wonder what interpretation she’ll put on tonight’s little episode?’ Nanette added through chattering teeth. ‘It was horrible.’
‘The stress of planning the wedding? Or maybe the thought of returning to Monaco?’ Patsy said, giving her sister a concerned glance. ‘Are you cold? Shall I get you a hot-water bottle?’
‘No, thanks. I’ll snuggle back under the duvet in a moment and I’ll soon warm up.’ Nanette smiled at her sister. ‘You go back to bed. Remember your condition. Don’t want you with dark circles under your eyes tomorrow, or rather today.’ She glanced at the bedside clock. ‘I’m sorry I woke you.’
‘If you’re sure you’re OK,’ Patsy said. ‘I could stay with you for a bit?’
‘I’m fine. Go back to bed,’ Nanette ordered. ‘l’ll leave the light on for a bit.’
Patsy glanced anxiously at her before leaving and pulling the door closed behind her.
Once she was alone, Nanette sat on the edge of the bed and took some deep breaths, trying to get her shaking body under control. It was never easy to banish the apprehension and terror that the nightmares brought.
Sitting there, watching a moth seemingly mesmerised by the bedside light, flying frantically round and round, Nanette’s thoughts flitted about in a similar manner over her latest nightmare.
These terrifying dreams had been an irregular part of her nights for nearly three years now. Ever since the car accident in which she – and Zachary Ewart – had nearly died.
The therapist, whom Patsy had persuaded her to see when the nightmares began in the weeks after the accident, had been right when she’d said they would happen less and less as time went on. Tonight’s nightmare, though, had been truly terrifying. As bad as any she’d ever had.
Slowly, as she sat there, the shaking stopped and the feeling of devastation retreated into her subconscious. There had been an extra dimension to the nightmare tonight – something that had lingered as she’d woken up.
As she’d hurtled down that slope in the path of the avalanche, screaming in terror, she hadn’t been alone. A shadowy figure had been alongside, urging her on.
‘Faster, faster. Remember, remember…’
Remember what? Despondently, Nanette replayed the nightmare in her mind, trying to come up with some positive memory from the episode, but her brain refused to co-operate.
Wearily, she slipped under the duvet and reached out to turn off the bedside light. Hopefully the rest of the night would pass peacefully. Now the decision was made and she was going to return to Monaco, she would need all her strength to get through the memories the coming weeks and months were sure to throw at her. She could only pray that she was making the right decision for her, but, in truth, what else could she do?