Gotta go deep in these woods, gotta find myself a place I don’t smell no rats. Need a deep hole I can stay in. Can’t find water, can’t catch nothin.’ Can’t find no hole, neither. No hole anywhere round here. No hole…how do you listen for a hole, how do you smell a hole?
Got a whiff there a somethin’. Somethin’ I really liked smellin’. Take another scent, deep, deep.
Culebraaa!
Sniff! Sniff again, find the direction, dog! That way? No. Sniff, sniff deep. Yeah, there! At last, home is THAT WAY! Put one foot in front of the other, dog. Keep movin’, dog, you goin’ home. Goin’ home, Bob! Hey! (Ouch!) Hey! (Yeoutch!) It hurts to bark, darn!
Go on, dog. Go on dog! Boy, do I want to lie down. Got no lope left in me. Head’s hangin’ low, nose against the ground half the time. O Culebra, sunny days and my Buddy and home.
It’s totally dark now. I been walkin’ a long time. Keep movin’, listen to the hoo-hoo bird in the dark, the rattle of the rats in the leaves, rats followin’ ole Bob, waitin’ for Bob to fall. Stumblin’, too. My head hurts, my nose feels funny. Can’t smell very good. Put a foot down, then another, keep it goin’, Bob.
My insides are screamin’ food, food, water, water. I stop, the breeze comes up around me, and I smell the stink of dead dog. Dead dog walkin.’
Oh, there in the blackness, a flicker! Something to see, but nothin’ to smell.
Bob! Bob!
Whossat barkin’ my name? Whossat? The light is yellow, it’s comin’ from a house. The voice is a friend.
Bob! Bob! Bob!
“Culebra smells somethin’.”
“Get your gun. Might be them coy-dogs been at Harkins’ cattle last night.”
I hear runnin’ I see a shadow against the house lights. And now I smell ohhhh Culebra! I found you, I found my home, heyhey! Heyhey!
“It’s a dog! A dog out in the woods.”
“Get a flashlight.”
Light comin’. Flickerin.’ And people. I smell ‘em. It’s Mom and it’s Dad and Culebra, and you all smell like you!
Hi, Culebra, oh, hi! I thought I’d never smell you again, you beautifullest, wonderfulest mama and friend in all the world!
“Bob?”
Yeahyeah! Oh, yeahyeahyeah!
“I’ll be damned. Mary, it’s ole Bob come back!”
I come home. I come home!
Hey, mom an’ dad, hey Culebra and hey, Buddy! BUDDY? Buddy?
I don’t smell no Buddy nowhere. No Buddy here at home?
“Jesus, you’re all shot up. Mary, bring a tarp out here, this dog’s in a bad way.”
I guess I been lyin’ down. I didn’ even notice. But they got me in a bag now. I smell our kitchen. Our kitchen!
“Where’ve you been, ole boy?”
They lay me on the kitchen porch. I smell good meat, home meat. And water, there’s water. Then down comes my big ole bowl, oh, I want to cry to see my bowl again! My bowl, they got my bowl.
“Take it easy, fella. Hold his muzzle, Mary, I gotta probe this wound, here.”
Hi! Hi! Hi! You’re hurrrrrrting meeeeeeee!
“This sure as hell’s gotta be Bob. Gentlest creature on God’s earth, you do somethin’ hurts like that, all he does is weep. Bob, we thought you followed him all the way, boy. All the way.”
“We gotta feed and water this dog, honey, or he ain’t gonna make it through the night.”
“At least the fascia’s still intact on that chest wound. I figured if he was lung-shot, I’d put ‘im down.”
I smell home, I smell the floors, I smell the stove, the pantry with the meat, the hall rug and the front room with the nono stuff in it that feels so good to lie on. I smell where Buddy and me lived, our lie. I want to be there!
“Come on, fella, you can lift your head. Come on, boy, here, lemme help you.”
You got me water! I been thirsty forever! It sure tastes good, Dad! Thanks, Dad! Oh, Dad, this tastes good!
“Cut up some of that roast and mix it into the kibble. This animal is starvin’.”
“You don’t want to overfeed an empty tummy, Jack.”
“Just the lean. We gotta get some food in this belly, or the dog is gone.”
Food! Real good food! Home food! Oh, I’m so grateful to you, Dad! You always gave me food and you give it to me now when I am so hungry! Hey, Culebra, keep your muzzle outa here! Come on, Culebra. Darrrrrn you! I’m warrrrnin’ you!
“Culebra! Sit! You sit, girl!”
Sit! Yessir!
“Not you, you old fool! You eat, Bob. Bob, eat!”
Yeahyeah! I got the good food goin’ down my gullet. It’s so much better than the calf, it’s so much better than the slops or anything I got on the road. This is real food, the food of home.
“He’s gonna spit up!”
“Are you, Bob?”
Bob! You said Bob! But why? Do I sit, heel, cut out that steer or what? Guess it means keep eatin’, which is what I intend to do.
“We better call Randall Crane.”
“Yeah, get him over first thing.”
They’re doin’ their gobble talk, got nothin’t do with me. I’m not thirsty and I’m full and I’m gonna go to sleep right here right now, I gotta, here comes the ground.
“Oh, Lord, the old guy just dropped dead.”
I feel him come close to me. I like the smell of Dad’s face. Dad and Mom are real nice. They smell so good. I like restin’ here.
“Not quite. Hell, I hope we get ‘im back okay, if Buddy—well, It’d be good to have Bob here, is all.”
Oh, they got a nice warm thing, droppin’ over me. This is my very own ole blanket. It smells like me when I was happy.
I’m happy again but I am cryin’ in my heart. Buddy must be here somewhere and in the mornin’ I will find him. He better not be out huntin’ with some other dog. If he’s got a new dog, that dog is gonna roll to Bob!
Nah, Buddy ain’t got a new dog. I can feel Buddy in me, like he lived in a kind of nest down in there somewhere. And I feel like Buddy’s waitin’ for me jus like I’m waitin’ for him. He’s stayin' with other kids, that’s what I think. He did that sometimes and I cried out here on the porch all night.
Hey, Culebra, you are comin’ down with me, you are cuddlin’ and it hurts and makes me moan, but it’s you and that is good. Dear Culebra, dear home. It smells so good, all of it does.
I remember when Buddy’s bike used to lean up against the wall over there, and when he went away, I’d smell the seat. I remember when he used to ride the bike over to Joe’s and Sal’s and I would follow him. I would never quit running, no matter how tired I got, and sometimes my tongue hung almost all the way down to my toes.
I remember Buddy’s scent on this porch, in the dirt yard outside and in the trees down by the cowlick stream. When he passed under the trees, I remember how the leaves spoke of him. They borrowed voice from the wind and said, “sooo-ssss-sooo-ssss-ohhhh” honoring my Buddy when he passed under them.
All the life in the world, the grass and the trees and the birds, the light in the sky and the light in me, all of these things loved him because he was a good kid, a strong kid, a kid who never hurt us.
Only us creatures know you truly. All of us, the bugs and the running vines, the wrens and the snakes, the dogs, even the cats, see or feel or smell the light that shines from you, o children. It is so bright that most of us, we cannot look in your eyes. I wanna get a hot place in my head, all I had to do was look in Buddy’s eyes. Now, that hurts!
I’m home. Bob is home. Except I know, under my blanket with Culebra by my side, that this is not entirely home. This is just the house that smells of Dad and Mom and the barn that smells of our horses Swallow and Don and Roan, and the garage that smells of our car an’ our pickup. But Buddy is not here, so this is only almost home.
My insides sound like the moth beating the lamp, and with each dwindling swoop of my blood in my ears, I am remembering my Buddy more clearly. He had little light hairs on his arms. His eyes were dark and it hurt to look in them like I am sayin’, but it felt good, too. We dogs know that you are greater than us.
I sleep again, and while I am sleeping, far off I hear the creatures on their prowls, kaiee ki ki ki, and I dream of life as it was among them and it makes me want to run in a way that kind of scares me, because Bob is home now, and Bob does not need to run anymore.
Culebra beside me stirs. I think she wants to play. Could that be true? We crossed muzzles many a time, my momma-partner an’ me. But I am just too tired, I am finished for today.