When she got home she washed her face and stared into the mirror and did not know the girl who stared back.
She changed her clothes and opened the fridge and found her hands shook so much she almost could not mix the batter.
‘Pancakes,’ Stella said, from the door. ‘Is it my birthday?’
Mae attempted a flip. ‘It’s stuck to the ceiling.’
Stella applauded as the pancake gently unpeeled and landed on the green tiles with a splat. Lady appeared and gulped it down in one bite.
That morning there was a picture so big Mae switched off the television and the radio. She did her best to shrink their world by so much it was just the two of them, sitting in the garden and eating their pancakes on a perfect summer morning.
She tried not to think of the night before. It seemed like a different world, Sally’s parents and where they were. Maybe they’d crossed over, maybe they were burning. Or maybe they just existed in the kind of nowhere Sally had spent much of her life. Unable to feel, unable to see or hear or enjoy anything at all.
‘It’s the concert tonight.’
‘It is.’
‘And the Final.’
‘And the Final.’
Stella took a large bite of her fifth pancake. ‘You know I finish at lunch today? Don’t forget to collect me.’
‘I won’t.’
‘And you have to dress up for my show.’
‘I know.’
‘Are you going to wear black? You always wear black, but Miss Hart wants the room to be filled with colour and happiness and –’
‘I know.’
Mae felt hollow on the walk. She was aware of her bones, how they fit together, the way her heart pumped her blood.
She tried to smile at the old ladies who came out of their front doors and waved to the children of West Primary as they passed, like some kind of dying parade.
‘What’s going on?’ Stella said.
‘I don’t know.’
Lady stayed beside them instead of running ahead.
Mae kept her eyes down as they neared the school, willed all the mothers and fathers to keep their shit together as they packed off their children for a last morning of normal.
‘I’m worried about my dance,’ Stella said.
‘You’ll be brilliant.’
‘Felix said he’s the lord of the dance, but I asked Miss Hart and she’d never heard of him.’
Mae hugged her a little tighter that morning.
And then she held her hand.
And ran her finger over the Forever on her sister’s tiny wrist.
‘Permanent marker,’ Stella said. ‘All the girls did it. Miss Hart is going to go crazy.’
‘Ask her to join.’
‘I think my glasses are too big to dance in. But if I take them off people will see my eyes.’
‘You have beautiful eyes.’
She watched her sister walk into school.
They cut that day.
Every single kid at Sacred Heart.
Five hundred of them went down to the beach, stripped their uniforms off and lay on the sand. Dozens had left town.
‘If God created the universe, then who created God?’ Lexi said.
‘Sometimes I think we should leave,’ Hunter said.
‘And go where?’
‘Somewhere. I want to be doing something.’
‘If they stop Selena, do you think we’ll be different? Maybe we’ll appreciate –’
‘Don’t say life,’ Mae said.
‘Each other.’
‘No. We’ll make exactly the same mistakes over again. We’re flawed by design to ensure we live our lives racking up the kind of debt that can never be settled.’
She cupped the breeze with her hand as Sail lay beside.
‘Matilda and Betty stayed with her.’
Sail nodded.
‘We have one day left,’ Mae said. ‘We can dwell on the past –’
‘We have no past.’
At lunch they collected Stella.
Mae had brought her swimming costume and watched Felix, Stella and Lady splash in the shallows.
‘I let her down,’ Mae said.
Sail turned to her.
‘Abi. I let her down.’ She looked across at the sea of bodies. Hugo tossed a frisbee with Liam, while Hunter and Candice sunned themselves. ‘I needed it to be more than just suicide. I needed someone to have done it to her.’
Sail milled the sand with his fingers. ‘We can’t all be well, Mae.’
‘I know. I didn’t –’
‘Equal and opposite.’
‘For every happy person, someone has to be sad?’
‘It’s not about happy and sad, bad and good. There’s a bigger picture today, right? The news this morning, across the world, people are queuing at the Louvre, the Guggenheim. Thousands are surrounding the pyramids. They cut to garden parties, families coming together.’
‘The closer you look, the less you see.’
‘The less you need to see.’
That afternoon they sat with their grandmother.
Mae brought out Stella’s favourite books and read to her of Lucy and the wardrobe and Max’s search for his family. Stella did not say much.
They stood together when they heard the heavy thump of the helicopter above.
Stella waved frantically.
Mae watched it pass.
‘Where’s it going?’
‘Somewhere.’
At three o’clock they turned on the television and watched as Morales took to the stand for the final time. He had cropped his hair close, shaved and put on a smart shirt and tie. Gone was the lab coat, the sense of despair and urgency. He wished them good luck, told them to remember who they were, and he told them to pray if they had faith. It would work or it would not, there was no second chance, the time had come to focus on what was important, family, friends, loved ones. He spoke of his team, some of the greatest minds this world had known had gathered and worked alongside him for the past decade, and they would be there till whatever end came to be.
Morales signed off with a smile, with a final goodbye and another weighted line.
Tomorrow will happen.
‘What the hell are you wearing?’ Felix said.
The dress was pink and poofy. She’d found it in Stella’s dressing-up box. On her head was a pink tiara, also borrowed from Stella. She carried a wand, at the end was a silver star which she aimed at Felix, attempting to turn him to stone.
‘I need to get my camera,’ he said.
‘Do that and I’ll cut off your hands.’
They walked across the street. Felix kept having to stop, he was laughing so hard.
They fell in with a crowd of princes and princesses.
‘Stella’s nervous about the dance. You did teach her the waltz, right?’
Felix nodded. ‘I’m doing the music, and the lights. Perks of being president of the AV Club.’
‘President and only member.’
She took a seat in the front row. Mae saw familiar faces, kids from school, Hugo sat a few rows behind with his grandparents.
‘Are you going to wear that tonight?’ Sail said, as he sat beside her.
‘I don’t have anything to wear tonight. And I have no idea how to do make-up. Or style my hair. You got a problem with that?’
He shook his head quickly.
Mae felt her stomach tighten when the curtain opened and Stella appeared, wearing old rags and pushing a broom around the stage.
Mae mouthed every word her sister spoke, clapped her hands and laughed and lived Stella’s perfect performance.
And as Stella slipped the glass shoe onto her foot, and Prince Charming asked her to dance, Stella turned to Felix and told him to hit it.
Prince Charming held out a hand, only for Stella to slap it away. ‘Boys make everything worse.’
Mae sank low in her seat.
‘I can dance on my own.’
There was nervous laughter.
‘Felix was supposed to teach her to waltz,’ Mae said, watching from between her fingers as her sister spun a dozen times, then offered a hand to the ugly sisters and told them not to be defined by their looks.
Mae closed her eyes when the speakers crackled and Barry White rang out loud.
There were gasps when Stella gyrated, winces when she slut-dropped.
‘Felix is a dead man.’
The other kids stopped waltzing and stared.
The Fairy Godmother pressed a hand to her mouth.
Sail got to his feet. ‘Stella’s a Forever, right. I’m going up there to join her.’
He crossed the floor and climbed up onto the stage.
Mae looked into the audience with something like pleading in her eyes as it slowly dawned on Stella that her perfect moment was being met with a stony silence.
And then Theodore stood, and people turned as he began to sing.
Sail took Stella’s hands and she stepped onto his feet as they danced together.
‘You know how badass you are,’ Sail said.
‘Totally badass,’ Stella said.
Mrs Abbott stood and began to clap her hands.
The other kids moved around them, spinning and laughing.
Even Miss Hart got to her feet.
Mae frowned at Sail, who held out his hand.
Mae took it. ‘I’m dancing on stage wearing a pink tutu. I think I’m ready for Selena now.’
When the music finally died, Stella and the class took a bow as the parents stood and cheered through their tears.
Felix joined them on stage. ‘Awesome, right? Barry, sending us all off.’
Mae kept her smile in place. ‘When this is over, you better start running.’