IT WAS TWELVE O’CLOCK AT NIGHT.
Kim Kardashian, with excited face and ruffled hair, flew into her family’s house and hurriedly ran through all the rooms. Her parents had already gone to bed. Her sisters were awake, trying on lingerie. Her stepbrother was looking at himself in the mirror.
“Where have you come from?” her sister Khloe cried in amazement. “What is the matter with you?”
“Oh, don’t ask! I never expected it; no, I never expected it! It’s positively incredible!”
Kim laughed and sank into an armchair, so overcome by happiness that she could not stand on her legs.
“It’s incredible! You can’t imagine! Look!”
Her other sister, Kourtney, threw a quilt round her and went in to fetch their stepbrother Brody. He came into the room, holding a hand mirror. Within a moment Kim’s parents were in the room as well.
“What’s the matter?” her mother said. “You don’t look like yourself!”
“It’s because I am so happy. The whole world knows me! The whole world! Until now only you knew that there was a girl called Kim Kardashian, and now the whole world knows it! Mama! Thank heavens!”
Kim jumped up, ran up and down all the rooms, and then sat down again.
“What has happened? Tell us sensibly!”
“You live like wild beasts, you don’t watch very much television and take no notice of what’s online, and there’s so much that is interesting there. If anything happens it’s all known at once, nothing is hidden! How happy I am! Oh, Lord! You know it’s only celebrated people whose names are published online, and now they have gone and published mine!”
“What do you mean? Where?”
Kim’s stepfather, Bruce Jenner, turned pale. Her mother crossed herself. Brody looked at her and then looked back into the hand mirror.
“Yes! My name has been published! Now all the world knows of me! Bookmark that page and print it out in memory! We will read it sometimes! Look!”
Kim went to the computer, tapped a series of keys, and then pointed to a paragraph on the screen.
“Read it!” she said to Bruce Jenner.
He put on his glasses.
“Read it!”
Kim’s mother crossed herself again. Bruce Jenner cleared his throat and began to read: “ ‘We will all be hearing more of Kim Kardashian soon . . .’ ”
“You see, you see! Go on!”
“ ‘. . . since an intimate video starring Kardashian and her ex-boyfriend has been confirmed . . .’ ”
“That’s me and Ray J . . . it’s all described exactly! Go on! Listen!”
“ ‘. . . and will be released later this month. The tape, which Vivid reportedly acquired for one million dollars, includes more than thirty minutes of explicit sexual activity . . .’ ”
“Go on! Read the rest!”
“ ‘It was filmed a few years ago, when Kardashian and her boyfriend, an R&B singer named Ray J . . .’ ”
“I told you. Ray J! But keep reading. There’s more about me.”
“ ‘Initially, Kardashian tried to block the release of the tape, but at length came to an agreement with the distribution company.’ ”
“That’s right. I’m being distributed. You have read it now? Good! So you see. It’s all over the Internet, which means it’s all over the world! Give it here!”
Kim closed the window and turned away from the computer.
“I have to go around the neighborhood and show this to a bunch of other people . . . the Gastineaus . . . the Hiltons. . . . Must run! Good-bye!”
Kim put on her hat and, joyful and triumphant, ran into the street.