Drama hit the fan the next day. “Where is it?” he demanded. It was my husband back from hitting one of his corners and on his way to another one. But I couldn’t give in this time. We needed that money or we’d have no lights or gas. I couldn’t do that to my children again. I couldn’t do that to myself. In a way, I was selling my body, not to take care of my kids, but to take care of Joshua’s habit.
“We need that money for the bills, Joshua,” I told him.
He slapped the wind from me. Instead of falling, I gripped the end table and stood back to my feet weakly. I clutched my stinging cheek.
“No. I need that money! Me.” He pointed to his chests. “This what you want, huh? Me groveling for it? Man, I hate you!”
I crossed my arms under my chest stubbornly, ignoring his hurting words. My actions implied that I never wanted to see the man I used to be deeply in love with again-whether he got clean or not. “I can’t do it this time. Think about our children, Joshua!” He didn’t, wouldn’t, probably couldn’t.
“Mama!” Jo Jo flew into the living room after hearing our raised voices. He looked at me holding my stinging cheek then he looked to his high daddy. “Why you gotta put your hands on her?”
Joshua narrowed his eyes at his son. “Boy, since when do you question what I do? I’m a grown man.” Joshua began to glare at Jo Jo the way he always glared at me right before doing me bodily harm. “What? You think you a man now or something? You trying to step to me?” Joshua took a step toward our son.
“Baby, go back to sleep,” I pleaded with Jo Jo, walking in between my husband and son. Jo Jo just stood there, then I pleaded with my eyes, willing him back in his room. He still refused to leave, but knew better than to respond to his father’s questions.
“So you gonna give it up or what, Shortcake?” Joshua had turned his attention and his anger back to me since Jo Jo didn’t have nothing to say.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Okay fine, you don’t know how to act when someone is being nice to you.” He pulled out his gun and pointed it directly at Jo Jo. “Give me that money or I’m gonna cripple him.”
“Joshua, no!” I dropped to the ground fearfully, crying uncontrollably unable to believe that my husband would pull a gun on our son. “Please, Joshua!”
My son was sobbing so hard his shoulders were shaking uncontrollably. He started calling my name. “Mama.” His tears were a mixture of tears of anger and fear. He was angry that he couldn’t do anything about the situation. He was fearful that something bad would happen if he didn’t.
Joshua laughed and clicked the gun. Urine flew from Jo Jo’s boxers and streamed down his skinny legs.
“You sure are a sissy if I ain’t ever seen one.” Jo Jo fell over laughing onto the couch. “Boy, ain’t nobody gon’ shoot you,” he teased our son, tossing the gun next to him.
That’s when rage swept threw me. Of all the things Joshua had done, this was the lowest, and I couldn’t let it go like the other stuff he had done. I rushed forward. “You sorry piece of trash, don’t you ever pull a gun on my baby! You think it’s funny?” I punched him in the arm with my fist as hard as I could, trying to inflict pain on him.
He turned serious from my assault. “Get off of me.” I ignored him and continued to throw my fists at him, until he stopped my swinging by punching me in my stomach. I moaned and bent over in pain, clutching my stomach, almost not breathing.
“Don’t you ever put your hands on me,” he raged as he jumped up from off the couch. He started kicking me over and over again in my stomach ‘til I rolled over and tried to protect my soft part. He then yanked me up by my hair. That’s when I heard the gun click, and me and Joshua both froze.
Lord, I prayed silently. Say it ain’t so. I closed my eyes briefly for what I knew I was about to see and couldn’t run away from. My ten-year old was holding a gun and aiming it at his father.
“Get off my mama!” Jo Jo ordered.
I screamed, “Baby, please put that gun down!” Joshua pushed me away and looked at his son in surprise. He was speechless. Guess Jo Jo wasn’t as big of a sissy as he’d thought.
“No, Mama. He needs to stop hitting you.” Jo Jo’s voice got louder. “Enough is enough. I’m tired of living like this. Tired!” My poor baby stood there with grown up pain on his face-in his voice.
“Calm down, baby. It’s going to be all right,” I coaxed Jo Jo. “See, Daddy stopped.” I took a step towards Jo Jo.
“Mama, move. I want Joshua to understand something.”
I figured if I stayed calm, he would too. “Okay, baby.” I backed away.
Joshua smirked as if my baby aiming that gun at him was a joke. “Oh yeah, pissy boy. Understand what?” Joshua must have assumed that if Jo Jo hadn’t shot him by now, that he wasn’t gonna. He started taunting him-calling his bluff.
“We don’t want you around here anymore, and we don’t need you.” Jo Jo sniffed, and a sob tore threw him. “You-You don’t do nothing for us no how but cause a lot of heartache. And I’m sick of you putting your hands on my mama. Tonight, one way or another, you leaving.” He gripped the gun between his hands and repositioned it at Joshua’s heart.
Joshua threw his head back and laughed. “Boy, you came from me. One of my tadpoles went up in your mommy and then she pooped you on out.” He pointed at his chest and said, “I brought you in this world, so do you really think I’m gonna let you shoot me and take me out?”
Jo Jo wasn’t hearing his father. It was like he was in a zone. I knew I had to do something. “Jo Jo, this is your mama talking, baby, I love you. Put the gun down,” I pressed.
Jo Jo looked at me as I spoke. As soon as he did that, Joshua lunged forward to grab the gun. Jo Jo jumped and fired. The bullet hit a window. It busted. Tricie ran in the room screaming, causing Jo Jo to jump and fire again. I know in my heart he didn’t mean to do what he did next. When Tricie ran into the room screaming, without thinking, Jo Jo aimed the gun at her. In panic he fired.
Jo Jo screamed when he realized he had shot his little sister. Tricie fell to the floor. I rushed forward and scooped my baby in my arms. Blood was spilling from her chest onto her nightgown and onto my hands. “Call 911, Joshua,” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Jo Jo just stood there frozen. His shoulders were shaking. “What did I do? Tricie,” he said dryly, in a daze.
I rocked my baby but her eyes were taking on a glassy look. My shoulders and entire body shook as I sobbed. “My baby, oh dear God don’t take my baby from me!” Her head laid back like she no longer had control over it. The rest of her body was limp in my arms as well. I sobbed and felt like my heart was caving in. Blood leaked onto my clothes.
Joshua had his head buried in his head and bawled loudly and kept repeating, “What did I do?”
“Joshua, call the police!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. He’d just been standing there the entire time like he couldn’t move or something.
Joshua reached for the phone. He put it to his ear and then slammed it down. “The phone is off,” he yelled back at me.
“Then go to a neighbor’s house,” I continued yelling. “Please, just do something.” I turned my attention back to Tricie’s lifeless body. “Please, just do something,” I whimpered.
Joshua raced for the door to do as I asked while Jo Jo still just stood there looking frozen in shock.
My whimpers turned to screams. “God, nooo. Don’t take my baby.” I kept rocking her body and laid one of my hands over the bullet wound in her chest. Her heart was still beating faintly.
In all the confusion, I had forgotten about Jo Jo. He was still standing there with the gun in his hand saying over and over, “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to.”
I continued to rock my baby as tears streamed down my face. Before I could respond to Jo Jo, I heard another gun shot. The moment I heard the gun shot and saw Jo Jo’s body fall to the floor, I felt Tricie’s heart stop beating. I looked over at my son. I was horrified. “Noooo!” I dragged Tricie's body with me as I crawled to Jo Jo. “Baby!” The front of Jo Jo’s face was blown off and his heart didn’t have a single beat in it. I cradled his body in my other arm. I looked to the ceiling and screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn’t scream any words any particular, but I’m sure God made out what I was trying to relay to Him. After all, the preacher always told us that sometimes we didn’t have to say anything-that God knows our hearts. I’m sure He certainly knew mine.