CHAPTER 1

Chapter Ten

Six years later.

I smiled and took a deep breath while laying a hand on my chest. I had been a member of this church for so long. But still, when I approached the pulpit I got nervous. Maybe it was chills I felt and I confused them with nervousness. That was God resting on my shoulders. I knew the Lord lived within me, and He was not going anywhere. He seemed to take a walk with me wherever I went.

“Giving honor to God, Pastor, and everyone in our church,” I spoke then cleared my throat. “It seemed like it was only yesterday that I was in here acting a downright fool. Cursing God and complaining about my sad, sad life. In all that time of arguing and being stubborn, I should have been listening, because in the story of Job there is a message, during that time, I missed.”

Mrs. Hope said, “Go on, honey!”

“Preach, sister,” a man yelled.

A woman said, “Let’s hear it.”

With all those words of encouragement, I continued. “What I learned about Job was that no matter how much he had lost, and he had lost a lot, he still remained a faithful servant of God. And in being a faithful servant of God, couldn’t nothing break him. Y’all don’t feel me.” I waved my arms and felt myself getting teary-eyed. “When you remain a faithful servant of the Lord, you also hold on to the belief that things are gonna get better. You hold on to your faith, your belief.” I pointed towards the ceiling while saying, “In Him. If you don’t, then I’m sorry to tell you, but you ain’t no faithful servant. That’s what Job was. That’s why he didn’t just regain what he lost, but the Lord flourished him with twice as much-ten times as much. And the Lord did the same thing for me.” The church cheered and clapped for me.

I gestured towards my husband, Thompson, who was holding our six-week-old twins, Faith and Honor while their older three and a half year old sister, Taylor Jan’et, sat next to them with her thumb in her mouth. Her name represented Jo Jo and Tricie. No matter how much time passed, how great my life got, they would forever live in my heart. I gave myself permission to forgive myself for their deaths, while still at the same time still holding them there in my heart.

“God is the reason for all of this. He is the reason I was at that shelter, and I met Mrs. Hope who could have let me leave and fend for myself on the streets. But she didn’t, y'all. She opened her home to me, no questions asked. She didn’t know me. I could have been a criminal, a drug addict, a murderer. But she didn’t care. She let me in. And after my tantrum in church, instead of y'all putting me in handcuffs-” The people in the church laughed. “Y'all prayed for me.” I smiled at Mrs. Hope. “Sister, you don’t know how much you helped me see. I had given up on the Lord. When I lost my kids, I felt like I had no one. Not even myself. Then I realized something I hadn’t realized before, something I once told my beloved son Jo Jo years ago. When you ain’t got nothing or no one, you always got God. In my pain I didn’t realize God was always there.”

I dropped to my knees in the very same spot six years before where I had cursed God. I hit the carpeted floor with my fist. But this time not in anger, but in joy. I was rejoicing in the Lord for everything He had done for me. I was blessed because I knew He was with me and always would be.

The End

Born Sinners

By Charles Alexander

When he grabbed my neck,

I kicked in protest of being brought from my mother’s womb.

I knew something wasn’t right, cuz I was born at night, a month too soon.

The world was shady, and unlike other babies born of an innocent birth,

I had two little horns the day I was born, and this was my hell on earth.

My mother’s womb should have been my tomb.

The cradle should have been my grave.

When her water broke she should have been on dope,

smoking crack back in them days.

Or Cowboy killaz, Camel non-filters and blunts for the whole nine months.

And 187 proof, Gin with no juice, Absolute with no fruit punch.

Cursed instead of killed. Hurting as I live, cuz I know one day I’m gonna die.

And I don’t know if I’m going to that party they’re throwing up beyond the sky.

Tired of losing, I came to the conclusion that living is part of life’s curse.

Had I been born when man was being formed,

me and God would have had to converse.

I would have declined being part of mankind and resisted this plan of life.

I would have protested creation, Heaven and Earth separation,

and the giving of Adam a wife.

I would have said, “No, Lord! If Adam is bored, give him angels as friends.

Give him wings and infinite being, and remove his will to sin.

Restore the spiritual plane from whence he came. Return him to his dust.

For you showed him love bonded by blood, and he still violated your trust.

As a result, man is engulfed by murder, fornication and wars.

From the highest creation he degenerated lower than those on fours.

He’s a major hater and a thief by nature, for he robs people of truth.

And acts upon a lie, could cause one to die, so that makes him a murderer too.

He’s an unbeliever and a mass deceiver, B.K.A. An Indian giver.

He does as he pleases, even sold out Jesus, for only thirty pieces of silver.

This son of b#$%! is strangely mixed with half truths and a lot of falsehoods

After he failed, you should’ve sent him to hell, for he became no earthly good.

Not even the devil has stooped to his level; man is overzealous.

He has broken his vows and remains unbowed. This punk is too rebellious.

He breeds hatred, lewdness, rape and rudeness, inconsistency,

arrogance and theft.

Slander, regression, class oppression, murder and everything else.

After knowing the truth, he claims he’s you, even saying y’all look alike.

This religious crook has distorted your books. He claims that Jesus was white.

You already said Jesus wore dreads and His skin was copper-Hue.

They changed His color to a blond from a brother

and his eyes from brown to blue.

It’s hard to believe you allowed these thieves to have their heaven on earth.

While the rejected and despised struggles ‘til he dies

and enslaved from the time of his birth.

His joy becomes pain, and enemy life became, for love seems more like hate.

What’s the purpose of giving this opportunity of living

if you’ve already sealed our fate?”

Personal Invitation

If you have never made a decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, God Himself extends this invitation to you. If you have not trusted Him and believed Him to be the giver of eternal life, you can do so right now. We do not know the second, the minute, the hour, the moment or day that God will come to claim us. Will you be ready? The Word of God says, “If you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are SAVED.” (Romans 10:9-10 NIV). Being saved is just that easy. It’s not some formal ceremony. It is simply being obedient to the scripture above by confessing with your mouth out loud that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Jesus from the dead to cleanse away your sins. Believing in your heart and confess with your mouth the following:

“I ________________________________ believe in my heart that Jesus is Lord. That He died at Calvary for me-for the remission of my sins-and that God raised Him from the dead.”