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Noah
I watched as Grace paced out of the door.
I sat down on the bed and folded my hands together. I studied the slight mark on my thumb left by the accident. I didn't think I was pushing too hard, but Grace was right. I really wanted a baby more than I wanted a marriage.
What will happen in the future if she doesn't want a baby and I do? What will happen if we can't have a baby?
I felt this dull ache inside me echoed through me. She was very right. I wanted a baby and I was intent on having one. She wasn't ready to have one right now and she made that very clear. I looked up at the door. I don't know if she's coming back anytime soon but I don't think that she can go far in her pyjamas either.
I saw the ring on the table gleam at me. I stood up but before I could pick up the ring, I saw the pregnancy test. Positive. I picked up the test and looked at it. My eyes weren't deceiving me, it was indeed positive. There was this silent excitement I felt sizzle inside me, but it took me a second to remember this was exactly what we were fighting about. I put it in my pocket and decided to push it aside until she comes back.
This wasn't how I planned our trip to go. I planned this day to start with both of us extremely happy and engaged. Not Grace fleeing from me because seeing that ring brought back memories of her mother and my hope for a baby. I heard my phone ringing, I picked it up seeing that it was Adrian.
"Noah, do you know when you'll be back?" He asked out of breath.
"Judging by the way that things are going, I would say tonight or tomorrow." I heard a grunt coming from the other side.
"You are barely engaged and you're already in the dog box...that takes skill."
"We're not engaged," I muttered.
"What? So in the span of a few hours, you managed to get engaged and then fucked that up. How skilled can one man be?" I gritted my teeth together, I’m not in the mood for this right now.
"Why did you call in the first place?"
"You weren't home yet so I was just wondering. Well, I have to get back to work." He said goodbye. I was all but too relieved that this was a short conversation. The last thing that I need is to hear is one of his all too irritating speeches. He was too preoccupied.
I heard the door open again about an hour later. Grace walked back into the room. She went to the bathroom then came out fully dressed. She still looked like she felt sick, but I think that it was I who caused that look.
She didn't look at me. She started packing her bag.
"Grace, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving, it's clear that we should not continue this relationship. You and I have different wants and needs. I want the family and the marriage but not now if it means that we're sacrificing everything we've accomplished. It took us so long to get here to just admit that we love each other. That’s what I thought until I realized that you were using me to get a baby. Maybe I won’t ever be ready for a family or a baby and I don't think you'll accept that."
"You have no choice now. You're getting a family." She wouldn't know what I meant but she needed to know she was pregnant. I needed to stop her from leaving.
"Noah...there was a reason that you hated me from the start, and I hated you." It felt like a punch to the gut. There was something that told me from the start that I would love her. Honestly, it was never hatred.
"Grace, just stop." She didn't listen to me, instead, she continued packing her bag. I could see that she was visibly starting to shake. I walked to her, standing behind her with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Grace! Stop!" She didn't stop. I placed my arms over hers and grabbed her wrists. I spun her around to look at me. I pulled her into my chest forcefully. The tears were already running over her cheeks as she shook. I held onto her as she cried.
"I'm not ready Noah. I can't be engaged and then married. I can't be a wife or a mother, Noah. I can't be who you want me to be. I can't have a baby now." I didn't say anything, I just held onto her tightly. She stopped crying and stepped away from me.
I pulled the pregnancy test out of my pocket and placed it in her hand. She made a guttural sound and then looked at it. There was a moment of silence before she looked back up to me. She didn't say anything, she just sat down on the bed and stared at the test.
––––––––
Grace
I sat down on the bed. All the fight I had left in me just disappeared.
This could not be real.
We just had a big fight over our different needs and him wanting children when I wasn't ready. I didn't know what to say or do. Noah grabbed his bag and started to pack up our things. It's safe to say that this vacation was not going as planned. The island was beautiful and the sights impeccable, but our happy bubble has been incinerated for good.
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails.
The flight back was awful, I got airsick again and decided to sleep the whole trip back. I didn't say a word to Noah. We were in this limbo, we were not together, it was clear that we weren't going to get through this if we get married and he keeps on pushing me to do what he wants. There was no marriage of the minds.
He woke me up telling me we've landed.
I grabbed my bags and walked back to where he had parked his car yesterday. He followed behind me.
I still didn't know what to say nor do, I felt numb.
He gazed out of the window and didn't look at me. In that moment it felt as if everything we ever had disappeared and that we were back to square one. I know he wants a baby and he know that I want one too but not now. I haven't even figure out what I'm doing with my life.
I felt nauseous the whole drive back to the duplex. Most of the roads were snowed in and closed so the only road that was still open was the one back to the duplex. He couldn't go home tonight. Noah gazed at me; his eyes were cold.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded and kept looking out of the window. The duplex was coming into view, the driveway had been cleared thankfully. I think the neighbours did that especially for Noah.
"Grace-" He breathed out a breath and looked at me pained.
"You said you couldn't be everything I wanted you to be, all I want you to be is happy and I can see you are not with me. If you want me to leave, I'll leave."