The following evening, Bounmy and I strolled along the river and ate noodle soup at one of the food stands. I could hardly believe that three weeks had passed since Bridgette’s death. Life went on. Bounmy’s presence brought comfort and happiness; but given how fragile our existence seemed to me now, I was impatient for him to declare his feelings, to make clear where he saw me fitting into his life. I’m not sure what I expected or wanted. Being only eighteen, I wasn’t ready to marry, and I still hoped to go to a university in France with Antoine. Yet it made me uneasy that we never talked of the future. Why was Bounmy holding back? I lacked the courage to ask him, afraid of the answer I might hear.
As we said goodnight outside the gate, he took my hand. “I won’t be here Sunday. Prince Phetsarath and I are traveling to Bangkok for a meeting with the Siamese trade minister on Tuesday.”
“How exciting.” I squeezed his hand. “When will you be back?”
“By next Friday. I’ll come for you at work as usual, or send a note if anything changes.” He kissed my lips gently. “Be well.”
On entering the house, I heard Catherine and Marguerite talking in the salon and peeked in through the door. Julian was sprawled across a chair, one leg dangling over the arm. His eyelids drooped, and he seemed to have difficulty focusing. I hesitated, debating if I should speak to them or continue upstairs.
Catherine glanced over. “There you are,” she said. “Did you have a nice evening?”
“Ah…Cinderellaandtheprince,” Julian said, slurring the words together. He waved his cocktail glass in the air, and the contents sloshed onto the floor.
“Julian, go to bed,” Catherine said, her voice sharp. She got up and removed the glass from his hand. “You’ve had more than enough to drink.”
He gazed at Catherine for a moment, then pulled himself up from the chair with difficulty. He wove his way toward me and bowed deeply, sweeping his arm in a flourish, like a cavalier doffing a grand, plumed hat. “Mademoiselle, the woman I love.” He straightened up, swaying from side to side. “But you continue to break my heart.”
I stood very still, unsure how to react to such an unexpected declaration. He was drunk and not thinking clearly. Simply showing off.
“Oh, Julian, really,” Catherine said, grabbing his arm and leading him toward the hall.
“Bonne nuit, mes chéries,” Julian called over his shoulder.
Mali appeared from out of nowhere and helped Catherine get him up the stairs.
“What happened to him?” I asked, sitting down next to Marguerite.
“Catherine and I went to dinner at Café Français, and you were out. With André off looking for gold, he’s like a child who doesn’t know how to entertain himself, so he drinks too much. Don’t take him seriously.” She paused a moment. “To be fair, it’s a difficult day, the anniversary of when he met Lily.”
“I haven’t seen him this drunk in ages, but I know how much he loved Lily.” I sighed. “Why would he say such a crazy thing to me?”
She finished off her gin and tonic, placing the glass on the side table and nearly dropping it on the floor. She was clearly intoxicated as well. “You’ve been lost in your grief, but Julian believes he’s in love with you, Vivi. At least madly infatuated. It drives him wild every time you go out with Prince Savang.” She lit a cigarette and took a long drag.
“He’s been so good to me since Bridgette died, but…” I knew Julian’s interest in me was complicated, most likely a mix of competition with Bounmy and sympathy for my grief over Bridgette. I thought of it as a simple flirtation, a habit of his personality and the proximity of living in the same house. There had been the kiss we’d shared weeks before and his constant entreaties to go with him to the Cercle dancing, but these were not serious. He cared about me and wanted to be closer, yet it was simply his way of forgetting Lily.
Marguerite sighed. “Catherine’s furious with him. They had a big row this afternoon. She told him to leave you alone and not interfere.”
I winced. “The last thing I want is to cause trouble after all they’ve done for me.”
“Be careful around him. He’s as fragile as you at the moment. It could spell disaster.”
“He’s talked to me many times of Lily.” I glanced at Marguerite. “He’s confusing his grief and loneliness with caring for me.”
“You’re probably right, but try telling that to him.”
Catherine reappeared and sank onto her chair. “He’s passed out, thankfully. I apologize for his behavior.”
“It’s nothing,” I assured her.
Catherine sighed. “I do worry about his drinking…and his emotional state.”
I wondered if she might be thinking of Monsieur Fontaine and their unhappy ending. She had not mentioned his name for some time, but I felt sure he still preoccupied her thoughts. Did she still love him? It mattered little at this point since his wife and children had left for France and he had been transferred to Luang Prabang.
In my room, I heard Julian snoring loudly through the adjoining wall. I didn’t want to cause him any more unhappiness after all he had suffered losing Lily. He was so vulnerable.
After breakfast on Saturday morning, I retreated to the back garden to start another letter to Antoine, determined to sound more cheerful this time.
Julian appeared at my side a short time later looking contrite. “May I sit with you?”
I nodded, unsure how to react after his behavior the previous night and his drunken declaration of love. Did he even remember?
He sat on the bench, clasping his hands in his lap. Dark circles colored the skin under his eyes. He took a deep breath. “My apologies for last night. I was terribly drunk, but, of course, you already know that. I don’t remember what I said, but Catherine assures me I was a total ass.” He looked down. “I’ve made a habit of drinking too much and behaving badly in front of you.”
He stared off into the yard for a moment, his expression one of sorrow. “I don’t have a good explanation. Sometimes life simply becomes too much with memories of Lily, and…” He turned to me. “I’m so sorry.”
I was right: he didn’t love me, but Lily. “You’re still grieving, but perhaps drinking only makes it worse,” I offered.
He chuckled. “So wise for your young age. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes. No one has ever bowed before me, as if I were royalty. I rather liked it.”
He winced, letting several seconds of awkward silence tick by. “Let me make it up to you. Come to the club tonight for dinner and dancing.”
“I’ve told you before how out of place I feel there.”
“Who gives a damn about those stuffy old people?” He took my hand. “We’ll dance and laugh. It will lift both our spirits.” He scrunched his mouth to one side. “And don’t tell me you can’t because of Bounmy. Has he asked you out for tonight?” I shook my head. “It would be wrong if he didn’t allow you an evening with friends when you are going through such a hard period.”
My heart softened, understanding how desperately Julian needed to put aside his sadness over Lily. Since Bounmy was leaving for Bangkok, I didn’t need to worry about seeing him at the club. A pang of guilt nipped at my middle, but I ignored it.
“We’ll go with Catherine and Marguerite. I’ll have to fight off the other men to dance with you.” A dazzling smile lit up his face. “Say you’ll come.”
I nodded, giving in to his excitement and anticipation. It was only dinner and dancing with friends. Surely Bounmy would understand.