September 5, 1931
Cher Antoine,
I received your letter of August 24, which arrived yesterday. Thank you for your sympathy and thoughts for Bridgette. I still grieve deeply, but life continues on. I am extremely fortunate to be in this beautiful house with Catherine, Julian, and Mali, who care for me so well. Mali and I are still working on my Lao, which is slowly getting better.
Your descriptions of the beautiful forests and waterfalls in the mountains of the Bolaven Plateau are so vivid, I feel as if I were with you. How lovely to wander about on your free days, exploring the area and meeting rural villagers, who sound warm and welcoming. One day I hope to visit you there.
I didn’t mention this before, but I am seeing someone. His name is Bounmy Savang. He is one of the many princes from the kingdom of Luang Prabang. It sounds very grand, but he is not at all like that. He is sweet, thoughtful, and modest. He went to school in Paris for four years, and I love hearing stories about his experiences. We crossed paths by chance one day at a Buddhist temple and found ourselves attracted. When you come to Vientiane, I hope to introduce you to him.
I will leave with my boss for Luang Prabang in two and a half weeks. I am to stay with Kham’s wife’s sister and family. The husband is the manager of the Luang Prabang operations, and I am tasked with better organizing the office.
We are traveling overland by horse, as it’s difficult by boat at this time of year given the high water and swift currents of the river, although that will be an advantage for my return trip by boat. I’ve never ridden a horse and have no idea what to expect. The rains have been much lighter the last few weeks, so hopefully it won’t be too muddy and wet in the forests. Depending on weather and unexpected delays, it will take us anywhere from ten to fourteen days to get there.
Catherine was concerned about me traveling alone with a group of men. Luckily her friend Marguerite was able to move up her departure to Luang Prabang and will accompany me. Catherine joked that Marguerite isn’t exactly the best chaperone—she has an outspoken personality and is known for flaunting society’s rules—but I enjoy her enormously and will feel much safer being at her side.
It will be a great adventure as I’ve never been farther than a few kilometers outside Vientiane. Of course, we came from Luang Prabang as children, but I remember nothing of that trip. Do you have any memories of this?
I can’t wait to search for Mother’s family. I have goosebumps thinking about it, dreaming that perhaps our mother is still living. If only you could come with me… but I will write immediately with news.
I hope things are going better on the plantation. I know it is difficult. Watch out for tigers and other wild beasts when hiking in the jungles. Maybe I worry too much, but I want you safe.
With love,
Vivi
The evening before my departure for Luang Prabang, Bounmy and I decided to walk the twenty minutes from my office to our secret house. Heavy rains had fallen during most of the afternoon, only to clear, leaving the sky a glorious lapis blue.
Since our first night at the tiny house, we had spent every Sunday and as many evenings as possible there. We cherished our private world, delighting in being wrapped around each other, our hearts beating in sync. Our desire seemed insatiable, and a powerful emotional bond, as essential as breathing, enveloped us body and soul. I longed to stay there all night, gazing at his lovely face and naked body in the pale moonlight, but propriety demanded we drag ourselves back in the darkness to our separate homes, our separate lives. We burned with desperation for our next moments together.
Bounmy arranged for dinners to be delivered, and we often sat out back, overlooking the river, gazing at passing boats and the sunset. Sometimes he read me poignant poems of love and loss. He said his friend had written them, but I began to wonder if they might be his creations, and the house, his house.
It hadn’t slipped Catherine’s attention how many nights I spent out with Bounmy, or the late hours we were keeping. A week earlier she’d tried once more to caution me about the risks of the relationship—what people might think, and the possibility that Bounmy might disappoint me.
“Two friends mentioned rumors about you and Bounmy that are spreading in the French community,” she’d said, her face etched with concern. “You know I only say this because I care about you. It’s good you’ll be apart from him while you’re in Luang Prabang—perhaps it will give you a clearer perspective.”
“But we love each other,” I said with great confidence. “I trust him completely.” And I did, even if unanswered questions about his family and the future wormed their way into my thoughts in the middle of the night. I pushed them aside.
“I understand how wonderful the bloom of new love can be, but circumstances change. And then what? You don’t want people to view you as another Sylvie, swayed by a false romance and ending up in desperate straits.”
I started, appalled at this comparison. “I’d never fall so low.”
“Of course not, and I’ll never let you, but you have to see what a slippery slope you’re walking. You’re so young still.” Catherine sighed and shook her head, perhaps knowing she would never convince me to give him up. “I know you love him, and I hope it works out the way you envision. I’m here if you need to talk.”
Now as Bounmy and I walked toward our little retreat, thoughts of Catherine’s warnings left me anxious. I had to believe our love was true and our future together bright. With Bridgette gone, I needed him by my side more than ever.
Bounmy turned to me suddenly. “You’ll find the scenery on the way to Luang Prabang beautiful and wild. The guides who lead the overland trips are experienced and will keep you as comfortable as possible, but it’s probably rougher than you expect.” He smiled down at me. “Are you excited?”
“A little nervous. I’m relieved Marguerite will be with me.”
“I wouldn’t have let you travel alone with a group of men like that. I don’t trust Kham to watch out for you.”
I looked up, startled by the authority in his voice, commanding and possessive. His concern touched me. “I’ve never ridden a horse. Is it difficult?”
“It’s going to be a long, rough trip, and after a whole day in the saddle, your backside will cry out. It’s good to get down and walk sometimes to keep the blood flowing.” He frowned. “I should have taken you out riding the past few Sundays to show you the basics. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“I’ll be fine. Catherine is loaning me her riding pants and boots. And I bought some men’s khaki pants and several shirts.”
We came to a tiny café along the riverbank, where groups of men were gathered, drinking beer or the rice liquor Lao Lao. A young French officer and a woman sat at one of the tables. The woman turned, and our eyes met. Sylvie. She looked Bounmy up and down then stared at me, her expression changing from one of surprise to a smug, knowing regard. She thought I was no better than her, but she didn’t understand. Bounmy and I loved each other completely.
The Frenchman looked up. “Prince Savang,” he called out, lifting his glass of beer. “Come and join us.”
Bounmy smiled without warmth. “Another time.” He put his hand under my elbow, hurrying me along.
“You know him?” I asked.
“We played tennis a few times. He’s a pompous ass.”
I’d never heard Bounmy swear before. The only other time he’d expressed such disdain was when we’d run into André. Was he embarrassed to be seen with me, or worried for my reputation? As we continued on, I told him about Sylvie, how I’d discovered her situation and that I wanted to help her escape her rude existence.
He held my arm tighter. “Stay away from her. There is nothing you can do.”
“Perhaps, but this is why I want to study law, so I can help other métis and women like Sylvie.”
“That’s an admirable ambition, and I encourage you to pursue your dream, but associating with someone like Sylvie will only taint your reputation.”
The severity of his voice startled me, and I wondered what it was that worried him so.
As soon as we reached the house, Bounmy pulled me onto the divan. Without speaking he removed my clothes and made love to me with a force that startled me. It was as if he needed to possess me, to claim me as his alone.
After, he wrapped me in his arms, our legs entwined. He kissed my forehead. “I love you more than anything, Geneviève. What will I do while you’re gone?”
“Six weeks will feel like an eternity, but I can’t pass up this opportunity to find my mother.” I could barely contain the desperate hopes consuming my thoughts. Everything depended on visiting my mother’s family. I had no other path to follow.
“Of course. I will pray at the temple every day for you to find answers to your past.” He kissed me gently and became aroused again. This time we made love slowly, tenderly.
The sun had already disappeared, so we ate our cheese, bread, and fruit, sitting on the bed. Bounmy wore his undershorts, while I had wrapped myself in the flowered kimono he’d given me the week before. I loved the feel of the silk fabric floating over my skin.
He caressed my cheek with his fingertips. “Do be careful. I won’t be there to keep you safe.”
I laughed. “Luang Prabang can’t be that dangerous.”
“No, but don’t be too trusting of people, especially Kham.”
I wondered where this sudden protectiveness had come from. What did he fear might happen? His warning about Kham gave me pause. “I haven’t mentioned this before, but I’ve found some irregularities in the River Transport accounts, and they won’t even let me look at the ledger for customs taxes. I feel they must be hiding something, but when I talk to Kham, he waves me away. Why doesn’t he care?”
Bounmy scrunched up his face in an expression of distaste. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he is doing something…questionable. But don’t confront him or mention it to anyone else.”
“I wouldn’t, but you should know.”
“It’s best if you simply go along with the status quo.”
He lifted his pants off the floor where he had thrown them and removed a packet of papers and a small box from the pockets. “If you have some free evenings in Luang Prabang, there are many beautiful temples to see. I’ve written down the names of the most famous ones with information on their art and a map of the locations. My favorite is Wat Xieng Thong, which was built in the 1500s and recently restored with help from the French. The Luang Prabang kings are crowned there. Xieng means city and Thong means bodhi tree—after the ancient bodhi tree in India where Buddha attained enlightenment.”
I took the papers, covered with his neat, even script, and kissed his cheek. “I can’t wait to see them.”
He handed me the small box. “And this is for you.”
Inside I found a silver chain with a small flower hanging from it. “It’s beautiful.”
“Do you recognize the flower?”
I studied it a moment, unsure. “An orchid?”
“It’s the bloom of the tamarind tree. I had it specially made to bring you luck in searching for your mother.” He took the necklace from the box and draped it around me, closing the clasp. “A story about Buddha says the tamarind seed is the symbol of faithfulness and forbearance. It seems appropriate, given all the years you’ve waited to find your family.”
I fingered the delicate bloom as tears filled my eyes. “I can’t believe you remembered.”
“Of course I remembered.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled my head onto his shoulder. “I picture you sitting in that tree, watching for your mother year after year, and it breaks my heart. If only I could protect you from everything bad.”
“It’s the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received.” I loved him more than I’d ever imagined possible.
Bounmy lifted my head, looking into my eyes. “Promise me something. If anything should come between us, swear to me you won’t turn to Julian. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being with him. He’s not worthy of you.”
I sat back, shocked by this strange request. “I don’t know what could come between us, but I love you, not Julian. He’s only a friend.”
He pulled me into his arms again. “I don’t want to lose you.”
It was after eleven when I returned home. It felt physically painful to tear myself from Bounmy’s embrace knowing we would be separated for so many weeks. We’d made love twice more and shared a thousand kisses. I was emotionally spent, already missing him, when I stepped inside the house.
Julian appeared in the doorway to the salon. “You’re back, finally.”
My body tensed. Our friendship had continued, but on a more tenuous note since Bounmy and I had become so deeply involved. I tried to maintain a clear distance between us. We still spent evenings with Catherine and Marguerite playing belote, laughing as if everything were the same as before. He seemed to accept my boundaries and, at least, didn’t cross them. He’d stopped coming to take me to lunch and never asked questions about Bounmy.
“I’m surprised you’re up so late,” I said.
“I wanted to say goodbye, since you’re leaving early tomorrow.” His eyes locked on mine, as if searching for a clue to my feelings. “Where were you and the prince at this late hour? Do you have a secret love nest somewhere?”
The sarcasm in his voice filled me with dread. He didn’t appear drunk, but I could smell alcohol on his breath. “I have to be up early. I must get to bed.”
“Your last night with Bounmy. ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow.’ Have you read Romeo and Juliet? You two are as ill-fated as those famous lovers. A tragedy in progress. Surely you see that?”
“My relationship with Bounmy is none of your business.” I was too tired to cope with his jealousy.
He ran his hand through his hair. “I worry for you.”
“Bounmy wouldn’t hurt me.” I stood very still, defying the power of Julian’s words to instill doubt. “He loves me.”
“How can you be so naïve, Vivi? Do you actually think Bounmy’s family will let him marry you, an orphaned métisse? After he’s had his fun, he’ll abandon you.” He grabbed my arm. “You know I’m right.”
“Stop. Please stop.” I wrenched my arm from his grip. “Leave me alone.” I turned and ran up the stairs. His words struck like knives piercing my heart. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps Bounmy would leave me one day. But I would cherish the time we had together. I loved him too much to do anything else.