1
Dr William Barclay, born 7 March 1936, died 3 March 1994, aged 57. Mysterium Magnum. The principle of all generation is separation, he used to say.
Distract your mind. Take up a new hobby. Occupy your hands.
He said that the Mosaic Virus could sweep through a field of sweet tobacco leaves or potatoes or tomatoes in a single day, causing devastation to entire agricultural eco-systems.
Try not to think about it. Spend time in public places. Keep very very busy all day long.
{365 × 20 × 10} + {2 × 20} (leap years). Equals exactly 73,040. Plus 17 irregulars. Not give or take, not approximately, but exactly seventy-three thousand and fifty-seven. All the same, it’s difficult to prove.
Walter once told me that the old steam-trains in the old days, all steamed up and stretching homewards, used to say Cigarettes tch tch, Cigarettes tch tch. The sound of a train then, an old train on an old track, steaming homewards, smoking.
I knew about this, the concentration. That concentration would be part of the problem. That a restless, dissatisfied mind would rip from one dissatisfaction to the next, like a child stuck in a hawthorn tree in a high wind, on a high hill, in winter. At night.
Lucy Hinton, big-bellied and surrounded by children. The back of her head turns into a chimney, the blackened smoke-stack of a steam train, steaming smoke-signals saying, at the very least, good-bye.
Steer clear of friends who smoke. Repress your desire.
Feeding the dog would distract the mind. Scientists experiment with animals to save people like me from unnecessary discomfort.
Julian Carr, Dr Julian Carr, went to work in his sister’s bra.
Breathe deeply. Indulge yourself in every other way.
Always boxes of Carmen No 6, and never soft-packs, although at one time soft-packs were very fashionable, especially in Paris, where I once was.
I hate and despise more things than I can name. My lungs ache. Avoid tense situations. Use public transport.
In the flat where we used to live above Lilly’s Pasty Shop, Theo would hop once and jump once and Lilly would bring up a Jumbo Pasty No Chips. He had a range of jigs for different orders, and I swear the cat could recognize the step which meant cod.
I wonder if Dr Julian Carr would have made my parents happy if he’d been their only child instead of me. The Hamburg episode notwithstanding.
Carmen No 6 in endless white boxes, on the beds and tables and chairs, in all the pockets of my life. The logo of black castanets, in silhouette, looks like a split scallop shell. Nowadays, the sign of the double Castanet is most often seen beside the air-intake of Formula 3 racing-cars, or discreetly positioned in posters for the English National Opera.
He once said you can change the world and I said no you can’t.
There is also hypnosis, aversion therapy, psychoanalysis, acupuncture, electric shock treatment, and possible conversion to the Seventh Day Adventist Church, who maintain that cigarettes are an invention of hell itself.
My name is Gregory Simpson. I am thirty years old. I’m trying to keep my hands occupied.