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Abbie awoke from her nap in a panic. She had just dreamt about Ricky raping her and killing her. She woke up just as he was about to shoot her. She started to rustle until a hand reached out to grasp hers. She nearly pulled away from fear before she noticed it was Charlie sitting next to her. He seemed slightly concerned.
“Are you okay? You were talking in your sleep again.” Charlie said.
“I had a horrible dream about Ricky. I will be okay. I just really want to get out of this hospital. I don’t want to be an easy target for him. Did the doctors say when I can leave?” Abbie asked.
“I’m not sure. Your dad would know. He hasn’t told me anything about your condition or when you’re leaving. He probably didn’t trust me with the information. Which is understandable since I am a stranger...” Charlie offered.
“Yeah, us piper’s don’t really trust easily...”
Charlie remained quiet and started stroking her hand with his thumb to soothe her. The touch felt wonderful, but Abbie was scared. Her body was reacting negatively to the constraint of Charlie’s grasp. Abbie started to pull away slightly because her nerves were going haywire. Charlie released her hand since she started to shake. He didn’t force anything on her. His movements were always gentle and filled with care.
“You are a mystery to me.” Abbie replied.
“I was just thinking the same thing about you.” Charlie laughed. “I haven’t ever had a woman pull away from me like you do. I hope one day you trust me enough to talk about who hurt you. I could tell the day we met that you were wounded.”
“I hope I can trust someone one day, period.” Abbie retorted.
“Do your trust issues stem from your parents?”
“Probably. My mom abandoned me. My father abused me.” Abbie shrugged.
“Then everything that happened with Ricky... It seems like you haven’t had an easy life.”
“Nope. I haven’t. Boxing allowed for me to get out my aggression from my life without hurting anyone else.”
“At least you care enough about people that you don’t want to lash out at them.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You just said you like to take your aggression out through your career. It’s an easy way to release without hurting the person you are really upset with.”
“I never looked at it like that... I didn’t ever think I cared about people. Especially since my heart is so bitter toward others.”
“I don’t think you are that bitter. You are really nice toward me...”
“That’s because you’re different. You are genuine. My dad and usual acquaintances aren’t usually nice to me. They are gruff and mean.”
“I guess you really do need new friends.”
“My dad said the same thing to me before I met with Ricky. I feel like such an idiot. I shouldn’t have met up with him. It was all too fishy from the beginning.”
“You obviously care about him. That’s why you fell for it.”
“Charlie, I really think you should have become a therapist.”
“Thanks.” Charlie laughed. “I’m serious though... If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have given him a chance.”
“You’re right.” Abbie whispered to herself.
“Are you afraid of him or the emotions you feel toward him?”
“Both.”
“Fear is natural. You just can’t let it rule you.”
“I typically don’t. Although now I’m seeing a lot of the things I do are based in fear. Like me pulling away from you... I was getting panicked because I didn’t want you to pull me close to hit me or something.”
“I would never do that. Abbie, I would never physically hurt you. I can’t bring myself to hit or wound a women.” Charlie cooed.
“I’m just a freak. I have been abused so much I can’t even enjoy nice points of contact. Every time my dad moves, I flinch.”
“Because you are afraid of him hurting you...”
Abbie nodded her head yes. She felt like her emotions were crashing over each other. She felt freedom from talking with Charlie but fear of sharing too much. He had a way of making her talk without breaking down. She was able to see things differently. She wanted to be in a good place emotionally, so she didn’t have to deal with the pain of her past.
“Did you know trauma changes your DNA? When you experience something horrific, your body and psyche shift to ensure it doesn’t happen again. It’s like a child touching the stove. They learn it’s hot and not to do it again.”
“That’s really interesting. How do you know that?”
“I took a psych class in high school.”
“Well, that explains it!” Abbie exclaimed throwing her arms up quickly. “Owww.” Abbie felt a sharp pain along her side.
“Careful. I like watching people too. It’s not just because of the class. People are interesting. I didn’t grow up with trauma or abuse so it’s interesting to hear other’s stories.”
“It sounds like you had a perfect childhood.”
“It wasn’t perfect since my dad died when I was young... My childhood really good though, for the most part. My mom was my biggest advocate. She pushed me to pursue my dreams.”
“Are you sure flowers was the right career path?”
“Yeah. I haven’t doubted once. I offer little pieces of advice to people if I know they will listen to me. It’s a gift I have from God.”
“There you go dropping little nuggets about God again.”
“I told you I would.” Charlie laughed.
“Yeah, I know. You are really subtle though.”
“I don’t want to overwhelm you with spiritual jargon.”
“Thank you.”
“So, what are you going to do if you can’t get back in the ring again?”
“I really don’t know. I don’t like to think about it... Otherwise my head spins with panic.”
“You could become a lawyer.”
“Eh. That requires college. I don’t have enough money for college... It takes a lot of time and energy to become a lawyer.”
“I believe in you. I think you would find a way to get it done.”
“Thank you. Everything seems up in the air right now.” Abbie paused. “Do you want to hear something really sad?”
“Sure.” Charlie was piqued with curiosity.
“After my dad said I might not be able to fight again... I wondered to myself if refusing Ricky when I was younger was the right thing to do. I thought if I slept with him then, I wouldn’t be here now...”
“I think he still would have chased you regardless because he saw your potential. I think he is more jealous of you than anything. Most times rapists act out for a sense of control. He is probably trying to get at you to control you since he can’t control his career.”
“That’s deep.” Abbie laughed.
“That’s me.” Charlie chuckled in unison. “I’m a deep, kind, chivalrous guy who genuinely cares about people.” He shrugged.
“I honestly thought you were nauseating at first. I just wasn’t used to kindness. I thought being nice or emotional was weak.”
“Considering your career and upbringing, that’s not uncommon. Most boxers or fighters I see are gruff and tough.”
“Yeah... It kind of comes with the territory.”
Charlie didn’t utter another word. Instead, he turned on the tv to the old cartoon channel. Abbie snuggled into her bed the best she could. Her delicate frame took up one half of the bed. She looked down at her body with disgust. The once perfect physique was gone. Her years of work and eating right was gone after one stupid decision. She smoothed her hands over her lap with a shake. Tears filled her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them drop.
“What’s wrong?” Charlie asked, reaching out to touch her hand. He stopped himself quickly before touching her.
“You can grab my hand it’s fine...” Abbie cried. “I’m just sad. It feels like my life is over. My body is nowhere near how it was before. I’ve lost most of my muscle and stamina. I can’t even move without my side hurting. I know my ribs are healing and it’s a process. I just want my life back.”
Abbie released tears through her fits of pain and rage. She couldn’t understand why she was so emotional. She was angry about her medical results. She hated Ricky for risking her career and life. He didn’t care about anyone but himself. Abbie started to cry harder after thinking about Ricky. Her mind was racing with what if scenarios. She was really afraid of losing her life and career.
Charlie abruptly stood from his chair next to her large bed. She figured he was going to run away after her acts of pain. She didn’t expect him to understand nor stay. She was a wreck of emotions and brokenness. Her heart was full of rage, bitterness, and pain. She didn’t expect anyone to love her or treat her with kindness. Charlie was different though. He embraced her with open arms and held her close while she cried.
“Shhh. It’s okay. Try to calm down, Abbie.” Charlie cooed.
He started to rub her back gently. His movements were kind, but she felt spikes in her back. His kind touch sent prickles down her back. She pushed Charlie away and smacked him out of habit. Her eyes got wide after her body reacted in such a way. She started crying harder.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t even accept a hug.” Abbie sobbed into her hands.
“You didn’t hurt me. It’s okay.”
“Look at me! I’m broken. I don’t even deserve to be alive.”
“Don’t say that. Abigail Piper, you deserve to live. You didn’t deserve the treatment you experienced all your life. Don’t ever discredit your life. You are here for a purpose.” Charlie retorted, sternly. “How you react isn’t all your fault. It’s habitual. You push people away. Now you have a choice.”
“What do you mean? What choice!?”
“Are you going to let their abuse hurt you all your life? Are you going to let it go and move forward? It’s your choice to live.”
“What if I don’t want to live because life sucks? My career is over. My life is empty and meaningless. I don’t have a reason to live. What’s the point in surviving anymore? I did everything right for my career. Now I have nothing!”
“Abbie, calm down before your machine goes off again...” Charlie cooed softly. “You matter to me. If you can’t find a reason to live, think about your life in a different way. Think about all the abused people you could be an advocate for. There are lives you can touch that I can’t because you understand abuse.”
“Don’t make it sound so noble.”
“Abbie, you said you wanted to become a lawyer to defend people. That is a noble cause. You could defend women who have been abused by family members, or significant others. You could speak out against abuse. Do something that means something!”
“You make it sound so easy.” Abbie cried.
“Abbie, you are overwhelming yourself again. Just breathe.”
Abigail started to breathe and calm down. The nurse decided to enter the room at the wrong time to check her vitals. Charlie asked for a couple more minutes. The nurse refused after claiming the floor was full of patients. Abbie wiped her eyes then said it was fine. The nurse entered with caution. She looked over the charts and machines. She made notes then asked about Abbie’s pain level.
“I’m okay right now. I will let you know if I need pain meds.” Abbie replied. She looked at Charlie quickly to see if he would speak out against her. He remained silent in the chair next to her bed. He stared at the tv while another funny cartoon played. Abbie didn’t feel like laughing. The cartoons stirred up sad memories within her.
Once the nurse left, Abbie asked if Charlie could change the channel. She refused to keep crying. She wanted something different to watch. Charlie kept flipping channels until she settled on a romantic comedy, she used to watch all the time. Romantic movies often made her ask what was wrong with her. She believed no one could or would love her like the romantic story playing out. She didn’t deserve love and attention.
Abbie watched the tv intently after years of missing the movie. She didn’t like to be reminded about her brokenness and inability to experience love. She wanted someone to love her like the man on the screen. Her mind raced with negative characteristics about herself. She was so invested in the movie she didn’t realize Charlie was holding her hand. She didn’t pull away like before because she felt bad. She knew he was right, about everything. She was running scared because she didn’t know how to cope healthily with things.
The final credits started rolling in the dark room. Charlie flipped on the lamp next to Abbie’s bedside. The light illuminated the stale and boring room. Abbie wanted to run away more than anything. She enjoyed Charlie’s calming effect and presence, but she wanted to get on with her normal life. She missed running and working out every day.
“I’m sorry for pushing you earlier. I can leave if you want me to... I don’t want to make your life worse.” Charlie whispered.
“Charlie, you aren’t making my life worse. I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions. It seems like since I hit my head, I can’t control my feelings anymore. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t know what I want.” Abbie replied, honestly. “Can we try something?”
“I am not kissing you...” Charlie laughed.
“Not that. Jeez, way to make a girl feel wanted. I want to fight my urge to pull away at the slightest touch. Would you be comfortable laying in my bed with me...? Just lay here. We can watch movies until we pass out...”
“Are you comfortable with that?” Charlie questioned.
“I want to be... You are the only man who makes me comfortable. I know you aren’t going to try to do anything to me.”
“Okay...” Charlie hesitated. Abbie watched carefully as Charlie walked toward his bag. “I’m going to change into my pajamas... If that’s okay. I don’t want to try to get in bed wearing jeans.”
“Yeah. That’s fine. I don’t blame you.”
Her heart was racing as Charlie walked to the nearby bathroom. She heard him brushing his teeth and changing behind the door. Abbie tried to focus on the tv, but it was hard. She was nervous and excited about Charlie laying with her. She wanted to fight her physical issues. She hated feeling broken and abused.
Abbie looked around the spacious room. Her bed was positioned in the middle of the room. Two large windows lined the wall to her left with a wall and door on her right. There was a small window next to the door if someone needed to look in. She could see people rushing through the hallway with another patient.
She didn’t feel important enough to be sitting in the hospital. All the energy going into keeping her comfortable made her feel inadequate. She wondered what would have happened if she died on the pavement between Ricky and Charlie. She knew Ricky wouldn’t be chasing her anymore since she would be dead. Abbie had a lot to think about in regard to her future.
Her mind stopped as the bathroom door handle jiggled. Charlie walked out of the bathroom wearing a gray tank top and navy-blue plaid lounge pants. Abbie looked him up and down to take in the full look. She thought she was going to start drooling after seeing his chest and muscles popping out of the tank top. He dropped his bag near the bed then looked at her. She stared at him with doe eyes. She was more concerned about wanting to touch Charlie in her bed than him touching her.
Stop thinking about him like that. You aren’t going to jump on him. Abbie consoled herself. I really like how he looks. He’s changed a lot over the past month. I can’t understand why my emotions are going haywire... I have never felt an urge to sleep with a man before. This is crazy! I must have really hit my head.
“Abbie, do you still want me to lay with you...?” Charlie asked.
“Yes, please.” Abbie squeaked.
“Are you sure? If you get uncomfortable, please tell me.”
“Back at you.” Abbie muttered quietly.
“What?” Charlie asked quickly.
“I’ll be fine. Come here.”
“Are you sure I won’t hurt you?”
“Nah, I’m fully medicated.” Abbie laughed.
“Okay...”
He was leery at first. He seemed to be examining the best way to get into her bed considering she had an IV and crushed ribs on her left side. Her right side was wide open for him to enter the bed. She moved the blankets back to reveal her hospital gown underneath.
“I can lay on top of the blanket if you want.” Charlie offered.
“No, it’s okay. It will be easier to move if you are under here with me.” Abbie replied, calmly.
She didn’t want Charlie to know about her growing excitement. She felt like a freak due to the emotions flooding her. She was always in control of her life and feelings toward other people. Her feelings surrounding the situation with Charlie scared her and overwhelmed her with hope. She didn’t understand how the out of the ordinary man joining her bed had wiggled his way into her mind and heart. His annoying questions and nauseating kindness helped her to open up to new possibilities in life.
Charlie slowly eased his way into the bed, while trying not to crush Abbie. Abigail kept a straight face because she didn’t want to freak out Charlie nor reveal her true feelings. In truth she wanted him to lay with her to calm her nerves. His touch carried a peaceful buzz that accelerated her heart and caused her to relax. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms if he allowed her to.
“Are you okay?” Charlie asked, slowly adjusting himself in the bed next to her.
“Yeah. Can you move your hand though?”
“I don’t want to freak you out.”
“I won’t...” Abbie lied in a whisper.
She was starting to freak out in a panic from Charlie’s close proximity. She took an even breath then grabbed his hand. She wanted to force her fears to flee. She was a fighter and knew the best way to conquer things was by jumping in feet first. She released a deep breath then put Charlie’s hand on her side with crushed ribs. The light touch felt horrible and wonderful at the same time. She liked having Charlie next to her because her heart started to immediately release all its pent-up anger and resentment. On the other hand, her heart was fighting her emotions while panic surfaced.
“Are you okay?” Charlie asked.
“No, but I will be.” Abbie breathed slowly.
“I can move if you want.” Charlie offered.
“No, it’s okay. I like having you here. I’m just not used to this.”
“I understand. Let me know if you get overwhelmed. I can leave the bed and sleep in the chair next to you.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“No.” Charlie whispered.
“Then shut up and hold me.” Abbie answered sternly. She couldn’t handle Charlie’s accommodating attitude.
“Yes Ma’am.” Charlie chuckled.
Charlie’s laugh brought butterflies to her stomach. She found herself fighting the smile coming to her lips. Charlie adjusted again next to her. She could feel his muscles and firm chest against her arm. She wanted to move to make things more comfortable, but she didn’t know how. She reached for the remote to shut off the tv. A nurse quickly came to ask about her pain level. She asked for a pain bag for the night. The nurse obliged then shut off the lights after leaving the room. Abbie was happy for the darkness to cover her expressions.
Her stomach twisted with gruesome panic and fighting energy. She wanted to hit Charlie and get him out of the bed immediately. She was afraid of him doing something to her while she slept. In her heart she knew Charlie wasn’t going to do something, but her head didn’t agree. She tried to shift from her back to her side for easy sleep. She found the act most difficult.
“Would you like some help?” Charlie asked.
“Please?”
“What are you trying to do?”
“I want to sleep on my side if I could?”
“Which side?”
“Preferably my left so it’s most comfortable for both of us.”
“You can’t lay on your crushed ribs, Abbie.”
“UGH. Fine. Help me face you then.”
“Here. Let me gently flip you.”
He slowly started to move her body to face him. The gentle touch made her shake with panic. She held back her taunt fists to keep from hitting Charlie. He accidentally grabbed her ribs a little too hard. She released a painful moan which caused him to pause. He moved his hand slowly to a different area to shift her body further. She found herself facing his broad chest at last.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.” Charlie apologized.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to.” Abbie whispered while trying to breathe.
“Can I hold you again?” Charlie asked.
“Yes. Just don’t crush my IV, please.”
“Of course.” Charlie hesitantly placed his arms on her lower back and one under her head. Abbie felt content but still panicked. “Abbie, are you uncomfortable? You are shaking.”
“I’m just forcing myself to not freak out.”
“I can move.” Charlie said quickly. He started to move away from her to get out of the bed.
“No. It’s okay. I need to do this. Thank you for your concern though.” Abbie answered, placing her hand on Charlie’s chest.
“Okay.” Charlie whispered sucking in a deep breath at her touch.
Abbie smiled to herself then snuggled against Charlie’s chest. She got as comfortable as possible against his muscular form. She started feeling up his chest and muscular rib cage hidden under his tank top. Charlie suddenly stopped her hand with his.
“Please stop that.” Charlie asked, releasing her hand.
“What’s wrong? I’m supposed to be the one freaking out here.” Abbie laughed quietly.
“I don’t mind being touched but not like that.” Charlie sighed lightly.
“Well okay then. I guess I won’t touch you at all.” Abbie replied, tucking her hands along her sides.
“That’s not what I meant.” Charlie released a ragged breath. “Abbie, I don’t want to feel an increased desire for you. Your touch along my chest and sides felt wonderful. I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable when I start prodding your belly.”
“Oh...” Abbie laughed too hard. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Let’s try to sleep. If my presence gets to be too much, let me know. Okay?”
Abbie nodded her head against Charlie’s chest. She slowly returned her hands to Charlie’s side. She ensured she didn’t move her hands to make him uncomfortable. She was delighted to have a true gentleman in her presence. Soon her mind started to wander to questions about the future.
Should I date Charlie? He is really nice, a little too nice if you ask me... Regardless he would treat me right. He slowed my hands just to ensure I didn’t get uncomfortable. He won’t kiss me until it can be memorable. I swear this guy is all sugar and mush. I have never heard of a man wanting to wait to kiss a girl. Ricky would exploit any opportunity without asking me. Charlie asks me before doing anything regardless of the level of intimacy. I’m scared to attempt another relationship. I also don’t want to miss something good for my life. Especially since Charlie hasn’t left my side, even when I was unconscious. He brought me flowers and is being a stand-up guy. I guess I should just let things unravel in their own time... Abbie thought to herself.
She released her train of thought to pull into the station for the night. She heard Charlie’s even breathing and calm heartbeat in his chest. She snuggled a little closer which caused him to instinctively hold her a little closer. She was panicked by the increased touch. She resisted her urge to fight him. Instead, she fought and willed herself to sleep. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. Finally, after a long battle within herself, she fell asleep.
