Jenn stepped into the shower, relieved when the hot water hit her skin and started to wash off the grimy dirt from the river. She looked at the floor of the shower and grimaced at the dirty water flowing towards the drain.
The thought of a fantastic evening of great food, entertainment, and friendship helped to shake off the residual effects of the biting cold Mississippi that still plagued her.
She’d stayed in the staff room for the rest of the trip, not wanting any of the passengers to catch sight of her looking like the proverbial drowned rat. And definitely not wanting to speak to the man she had rescued. She had very little to say to him that would keep her in employment.
She spent the time thinking about places to eat and things to do that evening. She wanted it to be perfect. Everyone was new to New Orleans and she wanted to show them the very best it had to offer. Especially if that meant that she might be able to win Kathryn over a little. Within ten minutes, she had called in some favours and booked a table at her favourite restaurant.
Kathryn had very clearly stated that dinner wasn’t a date, but that didn’t stop Jenn from wanting to go all out when it came to getting ready. There was nothing wrong with getting dressed up, especially after swimming in a river so dirty that you feared you’d never get the smell out of your hair again.
As she poured shampoo into her hand, she thought about Kathryn and all the interactions they’d had to date. To say that she was confused by Kathryn was an understatement. From being convinced that she was a terrible, stuck-up snob, to thinking she was one of the most enigmatic and interesting people she’d met in just a few hours.
And then from the kiss to the realisation of the enormous mistake she’d made. Jenn had run through a ton of emotions in record time.
She lathered the shampoo and worked it into her long hair, letting out a sigh at the knowledge that she’d soon feel more like herself.
She couldn’t get the kiss out of her head. It had seemed so perfect. The warm evening air, the sound of the streetcars rumbling along the road, the twinkling lights from the old-fashioned lampposts.
And then there was Kathryn’s angry face. Closely followed by the cold wave of dread and panic that hit Jenn like a truck. She turned the temperature of the water up a little to counteract the shiver that ran down her spine.
Jenn didn’t like labels, primarily because she didn’t know which one to put on herself. She’d started her sexual life being straight, then thinking she might be bisexual, then lesbian, then pansexual. She hadn’t dated a man in years, but she still found some attractive. So, pansexual, if she was pushed to put a label on herself. Not that she entirely understood the need for labels.
As terrible as her gaydar had always been, she still couldn’t believe how badly she had misread the signals she thought she’d been receiving from Kathryn. It wasn’t like Jenn to go in for a kiss at the end of a date unless she was absolutely certain about things.
She wondered if maybe Kathryn wasn’t 100% straight. Maybe, buried deeply within her, lay someone who wasn’t sure. That had certainly been the case with Jenn.
Her own first experience with a woman had been with someone who was very comfortable in their sexuality and certainly not new to the idea of a female lover, as Jenn had been. Since then, Jenn’s misfiring gaydar had always directed her towards women either as experienced as her or more so.
Jenn had never been anyone’s first, and she certainly had no idea about guiding a gay awakening in a supposedly straight woman. Not to mention the fact that Kathryn could actually be straight, despite some of the evidence to the contrary.
She sighed and rinsed the shampoo out of her hair.
Rebecca was right, she might be cruising straight for a broken heart. It was a dangerous game. On one hand, she’d enjoyed her time with Kathryn so much that she wanted to hang out with her more. On the other, she was deeply attracted to Kathryn and hoped for more than just friendship. But could she separate the two?
If Kathryn was absolutely straight and had no interest in Jenn, how would Jenn feel? Especially if they spent more time together. There was a real danger that the more time Jenn spent with Kathryn, the more she would fall for the woman. And that road led to a lot of emotional pain, pain that Jenn desperately wanted to avoid.
She’d always been told that she was a sensitive soul, and it was true. Jenn wore her heart on her sleeve. It had caused her many problems over the years, from falling in love with the wrong person to having people take advantage of her sweet nature.
She closed her eyes and tilted her face towards the water spray.
Why does it have to be so complicated? She wondered.
In the distance she heard her phone beep, signalling that she had forty-five minutes before she had to leave. Her phone was the only reason she ever arrived anywhere on time. She reached for the bottle of conditioner and started to pick up the pace. She had a dinner to get to.