Jazz music played through The Snug’s speakers on a quiet loop. The bartender came over and took Kathryn’s drink order. She opted for water and fruit juice in order to remain sober for whatever Miss Mae had to say to her.
In what she was coming to understand was traditional New Orleans style, people started to arrive moments before the show was due to start. They quickly grabbed drinks, and within a few short minutes, the bar was filled to capacity.
Some musicians started to set up on the stage. Kathryn watched with interest how quickly they managed to set up and tune their kit.
A spotlight shone in the middle of the stage, and silence fell over the room. It was the first time in her life that Kathryn had heard a bar completely fall silent. She could hear the ice cubes in her drink chinking together.
A large, worn armchair was brought up onto the stage.
She could feel the anticipation building. The room buzzed with excitement.
Miss Mae stepped onto the stage and the crowd went wild. Kathryn clapped politely, looking around in surprise at the whoops and hollers coming from all around her.
Miss Mae smiled gratefully at the audience. She raised her microphone to her mouth and turned to wink at the musicians. It was an indication for the music to begin, and a moment later Miss Mae started to sing.
Chills ran up Kathryn’s arms. She instantly understood the reverence with which people had looked at the older woman on the street. Miss Mae’s voice was incredible. She was easily the best singer that Kathryn had ever heard.
The short set flew by. The majority of the audience knew not to applaud in between songs. Those who tried received a quick glare from Miss Mae and were soon silenced.
When the set was over, Miss Mae whispered a soft “thank you” into her microphone and the audience went wild. Kathryn joined then, standing up and clapping loudly. Miss Mae smiled and waved to the audience before walking off stage.
A few moments later, one of the bar staff approached Kathryn and asked her to come backstage.
She nervously entered the small dressing room where Miss Mae sat in an armchair that looked as worn and well-loved as the one on stage. In front of her was a glass of whisky and a glass of water. She gestured for Kathryn to sit on the small sofa beside the dressing table.
Kathryn sat down. “You’re extremely talented. You have an amazing voice.”
Miss Mae inclined her head. “Thank you, Fine Shoes.”
Kathryn glanced down at her heels.
“My Jenn has been moping around,” Miss Mae said.
Kathryn looked up but remained silent. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“She won’t speak to me.” The singer shook her head. “She stubborn.”
“Yes, she is,” Kathryn agreed.
“And she don’t want to get her heart all broken up either.”
“I… I know.”
“So whatcha gonna do about it?”
“Me?”
“You.” Miss Mae picked up her whisky and took a small sip.
Kathryn was baffled. She couldn’t fathom what Miss Mae wanted from her. Jenn wanted her to stay away, and that was what she intended to do.
“You want some free advice, Fine Shoes?”
Everyone seemed eager to give her advice, but Kathryn nodded.
“You know they call this here fine city the Big Easy, right?”
Kathryn nodded again.
“That was thought up by some fancy marketing types in the sixties. It’s supposed to signify our laidback attitude to life. But New Awlins ain’t easy, it’s anything but easy. Just like the rest of this country, life is hard. We have to deal with unemployment, natural disasters, and tourists.”
Kathryn snorted.
“You may laugh, Fine Shoes,” Miss Mae took another sip of her whisky, “but you tourists, man, you cause trouble. Don’t get me wrong, we like your money.”
Kathryn smiled.
Miss Mae lowered the glass and leaned back in her chair. “You from New York?”
“I am.”
“The Big Apple.” Miss Mae nodded. “With all your running around, business deals, and coffee to go.”
“And our fine shoes.” Kathryn indicated her heels.
Miss Mae laughed loudly. “And your fine shoes!” She looked at Kathryn for a few moments. “I can see why Jenn likes you.”
Kathryn wondered if Miss Mae wasn’t quite up to date on the latest events in her twisting relationship with Jenn.
“We agreed to avoid each other,” she explained.
“I gathered. She said you were confused, still figuring things out.”
Kathryn broke eye contact. She wasn’t comfortable discussing her sexual preference with someone she’d just met.
“Thing is,” Miss Mae continued. “Life is short. We may be laidback down here, but we don’t go wasting no time. We live our life to the full. We find our happiness wherever we can and we embrace it. Not like you big city folks. Going to doctors every time you have a feeling.”
Kathryn chuckled bitterly. She’d practically paid for her therapist’s new car following the recent turmoil in her life. She was sure that therapy worked perfectly well for some people, but it didn’t for her. Mainly because she purposefully lied to the therapist so he heard what she thought he wanted to hear.
“The way I see it,” Miss Mae said, “you got to talk to her. Tell her that you have feelings for her.”
“How can you possibly know that I have feelings for her?”
“I saw it in your eyes the first time I mentioned her name.” Miss Mae smiled. “If you were here for some pickup then you would have gone with Echo or stayed at that nasty club I saw you come out of earlier. You not like the other girls. You care for her.”
“Echo thinks I’m in love,” she confessed.
“What do you think?” Miss Mae asked.
“I don’t know,” Kathryn said. “The whole thing confuses me.”
Miss Mae’s eyes narrowed. She stared at Kathryn, seemingly taking stock of her.
“How confused can you be?” the woman asked. “You wanna be with Jenn? It’s as simple as that.”
Kathryn blinked. “Um. Well—”
“No, no. Don’t overthink it. Just ask yourself if you wanna be with her. Do you want to talk to her? Walk with her? See sights with her? You getting too caught up on the idea of the future. Live in the now.”
Loose fragments of ideas started to fall together in Kathryn’s mind. She’d been looking at the bigger picture. Straight or gay. She’d been so bewildered about her sudden lusting for a woman, that she’d forgotten an important piece of the puzzle. It wasn’t about whether Jenn was a man or a woman. It wasn’t about whether Kathryn was gay or straight or anything in between.
She liked Jenn. She more than liked Jenn. The rest didn’t matter. The idea of hurting Jenn was painful. The idea of not being able to see Jenn was more so.
She couldn’t shake the memory of the first kiss from her mind. When she had drunkenly initiated a kiss the second night, it was because she wanted to recreate the feelings again.
It all seemed so obvious.
But she’d ruined everything. She couldn’t ask Jenn to give her a chance now. Firstly, she wanted to respect Jenn’s request and stay away. Secondly, she couldn’t think how she could even begin to convince Jenn of her feelings after all the back and forth that had gone on between them. And, lastly, she couldn’t drag Jenn into the mess her life was. How would she ever explain what had happened over the last two years? The decisions she had made?
Addison.
“You overthinking again, Fine Shoes,” Miss Mae said. “Love ain’t easy. It’s one step at a time.”
There was that word again.
Love.
“Come to the tourist office tomorrow afternoon,” Miss Mae said.
“But I promised—” Kathryn said.
“Jenn doesn’t want you to stay away. She wants you to not break her heart. And I don’t think you want to break her heart. You may be confused, but I think you’re starting to work it out.” Miss Mae stood up. “Tomorrow afternoon. Basin Street.”
“What time?” Kathryn asked as she stood up.
Miss Mae laughed. “We don’t do time around here, Fine Shoes. Afternoon is fine.”