Relationships: Other Cats, Dogs, Kids, and Your Grumpy Aunt Esther

Does Your Cat Hate Your Spouse?
Will He Be Jealous of the New Baby? Should You
Get a Second Cat? How About a Dog?

Cats have been inaccurately labeled as asocial, but the truth is they do enjoy companionship and are social creatures. In outdoor life, it’s not unusual for female cats to nurse and care for each others’ kittens. Cats are routinely referred to as solitary creatures but that misconception probably comes from the fact that cats tend to hunt alone because of the size of the prey they go after.

To most dog owners, the idea of introducing a second dog into the household brings to mind images of the two pets playfully romping as they get to know each other. For cat owners, though, any initial images of playful romping when introducing a second cat into the home are quickly squashed by the reality of hissing, growling, and the feline version of a nuclear war. Does that mean you shouldn’t risk bringing in a second cat? Absolutely not. Many single cats benefit from the addition of a companion although they may raise quite a considerable fuss initially. Being prepared beforehand and knowing how to do the introduction in the least stressful way will do wonders for getting the two cats to give each other a chance. By understanding their need for territorial security and individual comfort zones, you can make this process go more smoothly.

Will every cat like it? No way. There are some cats who are so territorial that they could never accept any competition. Unfortunately, though, when many owners see their resident cat’s initial hostile reaction to a new cat in the house, they interpret it to mean that the cat could never share her home with another and they give up. On the flip side, there are some cats who are forced to share territory in the name of companionship, and they spend day after day terrorizing each other. Call it bad chemistry or mismatched personalities, but they just get under each other’s skin day after day after day. Some owners don’t pay enough attention to the personality and temperament of their cat and then they bring in a second cat who creates competition instead of companionship.

What kind of a cat would benefit from a feline companion? If your cat is lonely, spending long hours by herself due to your work schedule, another cat might be a wonderful friend. If you travel often and leave your cat at home in the care of a pet sitter, two cats would provide comfort for each other in your absence. A very active cat who never seems to wind down would most likely enjoy being able to run around with a friend. The addition of another cat into the household may put the spark back into the life of a sedentary or overweight cat. There are many reasons to provide your kitty with a companion.

When shouldn’t you consider a second cat? Never try to introduce a new cat when your current cat is in the middle of a crisis. For example, if your cat just lost her longtime companion, don’t try to take her mind off things with the sudden appearance of a kitten. When she has just begun grieving isn’t the time to confuse her with such an overwhelming experience. I advise cat owners to avoid compounding one already stressful situation with another. Make sure your cat is in the right frame of mind to handle the process of a new cat introduction.

If your cat is ill, the addition of another cat could compromise her recovery due to the added stress.

In general, know your cat’s temperament. Some cats just won’t tolerate any other cats. Look at things from her side and use that insight to do what’s best for her when it comes to choosing her buddies.

Bringing a Second Cat into the Home

How well you handle the introduction can make or break the relationship the two cats have. Yes, it all rests on your shoulders. Talk about pressure! So, let’s get it all planned out in advance so everything goes smoothly (well, relatively speaking, that is).

The first thing I want you to keep in mind is that you’re going to be introducing one animal into another animal’s established territory. Plopping the new cat down in the middle of the living room is guaranteed to create hostility, panic, terror, aggression, and maybe even injury. So, let’s just cross that method off the list, shall we? How should you do a new cat introduction? One sense at a time. Introducing two cats one sense at a time allows them to process each step and avoid overreacting, and gives you the opportunity to adjust the speed of each phase. Head off a feline circuit overload; one sense at a time is far less threatening for both cats. Not only do you have to concern yourself with how your resident cat is feeling, but the new cat as well. Remember, he’ll be in unfamiliar territory.

Remember to have any new cat checked by the veterinarian. Never bring an unvaccinated cat into your household with existing cats. Have the cat checked for parasites as well. You certainly won’t want to bring home uninvited guests such as fleas or ear mites.

Before you bring the newcomer in, set up a sanctuary room for him. In it should be several hiding places (they can be boxes lined with towels), a litter box, some toys, and a bowl of water. Whether food is left out depends on if you plan on feeding free-choice or on a schedule. Put a scratching post or a corrugated cardboard scratch pad in the room. For an adult cat, it may help if he feels he can mark some territory. For a kitten, it’s a good way to start proper training right off the bat. Keep the door to the sanctuary room closed.

Bring the new cat into the house in a carrier. Just casually take him right into his room. Set the carrier in the corner of the room, open the door, place a treat on the floor just outside the carrier, then leave. The new cat may or may not choose to leave the safety of his carrier. After you leave the room, he’ll be able to do an initial investigation and choose his own hiding place.

Your immediate concern needs to be your resident cat, who may be completely unaware of what has just taken place in her home or may be right outside the door with a look of disgust. Act casual as you shut the door and walk past your cat. If you have another treat, you can drop it behind you.

At this point you can conduct an interactive play session with your resident cat, feed her, or leave an activity toy or puzzle feeder out for distraction. Don’t be surprised, though, if she shows little interest in anything but what’s beyond that closed door. She may sniff around the door, camp out in front of it, even hiss and growl. Don’t be alarmed—those are all normal reactions. The good thing about having the newcomer out of sight is that only a portion of your resident cat’s turf is violated.

Pay lots of attention to your cat but in a casual, nonclingy way. Don’t try to comfort her by holding and clutching her. Keep the tone of your voice and your body language very normal—casual and soothing.

Let your cat get used to the idea that somebody’s behind the door. Depending on your individual cat, that could take anywhere from a day to a week.

When you go in to feed or visit the new cat, try to do it on the sly so your resident cat doesn’t sit outside the door feeling upset. Visit with the newcomer when your other cat is eating, sleeping, or in another room.

Getting the new cat to bond with you and come out from hiding places may take time depending upon whether he’s a kitten or an adult, what kind of socialization he had, and the type of environment he recently came from. Use treats, food, and interactive playtime to win him over. With a kitten, it won’t take much convincing—he’ll be eager to be with you—but an adult may be a little more skeptical. Refer to Chapter 6 for tips on how to begin the bonding process and build trust.

The next step toward introduction of the two cats will involve scent. For this you’ll need a pair of socks. Put one sock on your hand and rub the new cat down to get his scent all over it. Rub around his face, being sure to go along the sides of the mouth. Leave the scent-filled sock in your resident cat’s territory. Use the other sock to rub down your resident cat and then leave that one in the newcomer’s room. This enables the cats to begin getting familiar with each other’s scents in a controlled, nonthreatening way. You can do this several times, using a few socks.

As your resident cat sniffs the sock, reward her with a treat if she doesn’t show any signs of aggression. If you’re using clicker training, click and treat when the cat approaches the sock (before she has a chance to hiss or growl).

If your cat reacts negatively to the scented sock, just ignore her. If you shoo her away or reprimand her it won’t help her learn to make a positive association with the new kitty. It’s better to just ignore her reaction. After she has moved away from the sock you can engage in an interactive play session so she doesn’t stay reactive.

When the scented sock exchange has been going well, you can then move on to incorporating more of the newcomer’s scent into the environment. Place your resident cat in another room and then let the newcomer do a little investigating. As he investigates beyond his sanctuary room he’ll be spreading his scent as he walks and rubs against objects.

Now, if everything is going well and your resident cat hasn’t declared World War III, you can open the door to the sanctuary room a little and feed the cats within sight of each other but at a far distance. This is a good reason to feed on a schedule so you can keep the cats more focused on the food and less on each other. Food can be a very valuable tool during this crucial time so take every advantage you can.

Keep the sessions short and sweet. It’s better to have the session end before the food runs out. Always go slower than you think you need to in order to increase your chances of success and reduce the risk of a session ending negatively.

Do several of these short mealtime training sessions a day, if possible. Gradually, you should be able to inch the food dishes closer together. Always go at the pace of the most stressed-out cat. If one cat feels more secure being partially hidden or even totally hidden when the sanctuary room is opened, then start at that level. This isn’t a race and you’re not on a schedule.

Catwise Clue

If you have no window of opportunity when it comes to having the cats see each other before one or both immediately go into attack mode, you can place a cat in a carrier. If needed, put each cat in a carrier and place the carriers on opposite sides of the room. It’s extremely important, if using the carrier method, to be sure that the cats are far apart so they don’t feel trapped in the carriers.

If either your resident cat or the newcomer seems dangerously aggressive, you can stack two or three baby gates up to cover the open doorway during the mealtime sessions. That way, the cats can see each other but no one can ambush.

When I do these sessions I sit right at the doorway so I can close the door immediately, if needed. I also keep a thick towel on my lap so I can either cover the gate to prevent the cats from seeing each other or toss it over an ambushing cat. Another option is to install a temporary screen door. A breeder I know came up with the idea of using plastic-coated wire shelving placed vertically. Get a piece the size of the door and install it with a few hookand-eye closures.

If you are clicker training, click and treat (and this is when you want to use totally irresistible treats) for a break in any negative behavior. For example, if the cats are staring each other down and one cat looks away, click and treat the cat who looked away.

If you’ve taught your resident cat to come when called, this can be beneficial during the introduction of a new cat. When a tense situation starts to develop between the cats, if you have one or both trained to a recall cue, you can call someone to you to break the hostility.

Target training can help ease tension as well. Train the cats to go to a certain spot to chill out. You’ll need a clicker and a target stick (you can use a chopstick, eraser end of a pencil, or target training stick). Start target training by holding the target stick an inch or two away from the cat. Click and reward when she touches it with her nose. Move the target out of sight and wait for the cat to look at you (to help her associate YOU with the reward). Now reintroduce the target stick an inch or two away from her and then click and reward again when she touches it with her nose. Continue to move the target stick around but make sure she looks at you in between. Once she is consistently touching it with her nose, you can give the behavior a verbal cue such as “touch” or “target.” Just be sure you’re consistent with whatever verbal cue you use.

Once kitty is proficient in target training, use the stick to direct her to a particular spot. Place a small mat or bed out and hold the target stick over it. Click and reward when your cat puts a paw on the mat. Toss the treat away from the mat so the cat moves off it. Pick up the mat and put it down again, close to her. Set up the target stick again. What you’re doing with the target stick is luring the cat and you only want to use the target stick a couple of times to give her the initial idea of where you want her to go. After that, just place the mat down near her and wait for her to put a paw on it. After the cat has consistently put a paw on the mat, start to delay the click until she puts two paws on the mat, then work up to three, and then four paws on the mat. Each time you reward her, be sure you toss the treat off the mat so she’ll have to move to retrieve her reward. Then reset the mat.

If your cat isn’t getting the idea when you place the mat near her, you can go back to using the target stick to lure her there but only do it a couple of times. Fade the lure so the cat focuses on the fact that going on the mat is the objective and not just following the target stick.

When the cat understands the behavior and is consistently stepping on the mat, give this behavior a cue. It can be anything as long as it is consistent. I use “go to mat” but some of my clients use “go to bed” or even “go chill.”

The “go to mat” cue must be consistently trained for each cat individually before attempting to use it to diffuse a tense situation.

For this to work as well, the mat or bed must be located where the cat likes to be. With some clients the cat is cued to go to a perch or cat tree, or the mat is placed on a chair or other favored place. It doesn’t have to be located on the floor or carpet if your cat prefers an elevated spot.

Once the cats begin sharing space in the house, keep the sanctuary room set up for a while so the newcomer has a safe place of his own during initial tense encounters. Continue to click and treat when they show tolerance. If one cat passes another and would usually hiss, but doesn’t do it this time, click and treat her for showing tolerant behavior.

Keep two litter boxes set up in different locations—not next to each other. This way one cat will always have another option. Having litter boxes spread out in the house is also a way of helping the cats maintain peace because one cat won’t have to cross over another cat’s area in case they have established clear-cut turf divisions.

Take a close look at your home and be certain that the cats will have enough spaces to call their own. For instance, is there only one window perch? One food bowl? Don’t put the cats in the position of having to compete. When a new cat enters the environment, it causes the feline residents to have to renegotiate on some space issues. You can ease the stress and increase the chances of a peaceful coexistence by increasing vertical space. Use your think like a cat approach when modifying the environment for a multicat home.

Enemies Under One Roof: Easing the Tension in a Multicat Household

Now that the cats are out and about the house, there are bound to be some tense moments and unfriendly encounters as they renegotiate and establish personal space.

Whether they’re two cats just beginning the tentative process of getting to know each other or longtime companions barely coexisting year after year, there are things you can do to ease the hostility.

The first rule is to make sure there’s enough of everything for everybody. No one should have to share a litter box, food bowl, scratching post, bed, or toy if they don’t want to. Ideally, there should be an equal number of litter boxes to cats and several safe sleeping retreats available.

If you don’t have a cat tree, I strongly recommend you invest in one now. It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity in a multicat home. By adding levels you increase territory. A multitiered tree can allow two or more cats to occupy the same area without anyone feeling their personal space has been encroached upon. It allows any status issues to remain intact so a more assertive cat and a lower-ranking one don’t stress over having to share one level.

If you’re trying to get two cats to like each other, help them see that in the presence of their “opponent” they get more treats, more playtime, etc. They’ll eventually begin to develop a more positive association with each other.

Distraction and Redirection

Redirection tactics usually involve toys. An interactive toy such as the Cat Dancer is easy to curl up and store anywhere. The scenario: you’re sitting on the sofa watching TV, one cat is peacefully sleeping in his cat tree, and suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you spot your other kitty walking into the room. She has the look of a gunslinger at high noon. She’s staring at the sleeping cat and you just know she’s about to launch an attack. Quietly and very quickly pull out your interactive toy and distract the aggressive cat. Being a predator, she’ll very likely prefer to go after the toy. Then she will get her aggression out in a positive way and forget what her original intent was. The more cat-to-cat attacks you can prevent through redirection, the more likely they’ll begin to tolerate each other. Tolerance may then progress toward actually liking each other. In a hostile household, keep interactive toys in each room so you’ll always have one handy.

When you use redirection, it’s important to get in there before an actual attack. Even if you only suspect that something is about to happen, use diversion. Since you’re using a positive method, even if you’re wrong, what’s the worst that happens? Your cat gets an unexpected play session. Another important reason to time your use of redirection just before the aggression is so you aren’t reinforcing unwanted behavior. When I’m working with clients, I make sure they keep one special interactive toy reserved exclusively for redirection. If you know it’s a toy your cat can’t resist, it increases your chance of a successful diversion.

If both cats are staring each other down from across the room but a fight hasn’t taken place yet, divert their attention with something fun to avoid a continual buildup of hostility. Here’s a little scenario from your own childhood that may help to put it in perspective: you and your new friend (whom you aren’t sure you even like yet) are playing in the yard when you begin fighting over a toy or the rules to a game. Your mother comes out and orders your friend to go home and you to go to your room. You march into your room where you sit on the bed and proceed to stew in anger over how your friend got you in trouble. Boy, are you mad! So even though your mother put a stop to the fighting, you’re left with a negative feeling toward your friend. Let’s go back to the beginning of the scenario where you and your friend are just starting to build up some tension, only this time your mother comes out and announces that she just made a batch of cookies, or maybe she’s standing there with two ice cream cones in her hands. You and your friend put the game (and your potential fight) on hold as your attention is redirected to something fun. By using a positive approach, your wise mother stopped the escalating tension and no damage was done to the blossoming relationship.

If a fight has already broken out, you don’t want to reward the behavior by offering a treat or toy. The chances of a cat even noticing a treat while in the middle of a fight would be rather slim anyway. In the case of an actual fight, make a noise such as clanging a pot, clapping two lids together, or just clapping your hands loudly. Whatever you have, use it to make a noise to startle the cats. Don’t attempt to physically break up the fight because you’ll most likely get injured.

Once you’ve startled the cats, they’ll likely head off in opposite directions. Don’t try to cuddle or pet anyone because they’ll still be highly agitated. Make sure they stay separated for a while so they can calm back down.

Introducing a Dog to Your Cat

Despite what you may have believed in the past, cats and dogs can get along. Some cats who are unable to tolerate the addition of another cat into their territory may more easily accept the introduction of a dog. The upside of bringing a cat and dog together is that their views on territorial rules usually don’t compete with each other the way a cat-to-cat introduction can. The downside of bringing a cat and dog together is that they speak two different languages and you need to help them find common ground.

Dogs and cats make wonderful companions. In order to make a good match and keep both the cat and dog safe, it’s important to do your homework so you can try to create a compatible match. Once you’ve picked a companion you’ll then need to do a careful and gradual introduction. If you attempt to merely put a cat and dog together in the house you’ll be creating a dangerous and potentially deadly situation.

Making a Good Match

Think about the personality and disposition of your cat. If you’re adopting a dog from a shelter or from another family and the dog has been allowed to chase squirrels, cats, birds, rabbits, etc., and has a high prey-drive, then adding him to your household would not be a wise idea. If you’re in doubt as to whether it could be a potentially good match even after proper training, consult with a qualified, certified dog trainer or behaviorist for a professional evaluation. If you know from past experience that the dog has displayed very aggressive behavior toward cats then that is also a sign that the match would be too dangerous.

If you know from past experience that your cat has displayed very aggressive behavior toward dogs or has displayed extreme fear when a dog is in sight, you might be adding too much stress to her life by adding a dog. If in doubt, consult a certified animal behavior expert. See Resource Guide in the back of this book or start by getting your veterinarian’s recommendation.

Try to match complementary personalities. Don’t match a timid cat with a rambunctious dog. Don’t match a nervous dog with a revved up kitten.

Even though the dog is a social creature, be aware of the fact that excitement and playful intentions can get out of control in certain situations. A dog who has a history of rough play or is too stimulated can not only frighten a cat but can pose a very serious danger to her. If more than one dog will be coming into the cat’s life, one dog’s excitement can feed the other’s, creating a highly charged situation. You must be aware of any potential for danger.

Preparations

With a dog coming into your home, some environmental changes may need to be made in order to safeguard your cat’s territory. Doing so gradually, before the pup’s arrival will enable your cat to make a comfortable, easy adjustment. For example, if your cat’s food bowl is normally left out on the floor for her to nibble free-choice, you may have to relocate it to an elevated feeding station or transition her to scheduled meals.

Think carefully about the litter box. The last thing a kitty needs is to be suddenly ambushed by a playful dog while trying to attend to her business in the litter box. Prevent the dog from having access to the box to keep him from eating cat poop as well, which is viewed as a delicacy by many dogs. Because the cat’s diet is higher in fat, dogs tend to find those little litter box nuggets very tasty. Using a covered litter box may not stop a determined dog (and limits the cat’s escape potential) so the best setup is to keep the box in an off-limits area. If the dog is small, you can put a baby gate in the doorway of the room that houses the litter box. Place a chair, box, or small stool just inside the room by the gate so the cat has something to jump off or land on. If the dog is large, use a tall, hinged baby gate with a small pet opening at the bottom. These types of gates are available in pet supply stores and online.

If you’ll be changing the location of the litter box, move it gradually until it’s in the final spot, well in advance of the dog’s arrival. Don’t make abrupt changes, because your cat won’t tolerate that well. Move the box a little each day if necessary so your cat doesn’t have to deal with the “now you see it, now you don’t” disappearing box.

Provide your cat with safe retreats when there will be a dog in the house. A cat tree can be a real haven for a kitty being chased around by the new pup. The bigger the dog, the taller the tree should be (if it’s in your budget), so your cat will have a place she can climb to for an undisturbed nap. Even if the dog chases only in play it can be disconcerting to the cat. The dog should also be trained that the cat tree is off limits.

Before the introduction takes place, make sure everyone is healthy and free of parasites. You certainly don’t want your indoor cat infested with fleas from the new dog. Take care of any problems before the introduction. For more on fleas, refer to Chapter 13.

Catwise Caution

Don’t attempt to introduce an untrained dog to your cat. If you don’t have verbal control over the dog, enroll in a training course or work with a qualified private trainer. Work on clicker training your dog so you’ll have a better ability to shift his focus during the actual introduction.

If you and your cat will be moving into the dog’s environment, a sanctuary room will need to be set up for the cat so she’ll have time to adjust to the new surroundings. Don’t introduce her to a new home and a new dog all at once. When she has adjusted to her new surroundings in the sanctuary room, let her out to explore the new house and become familiar with everything before you attempt the dog’s introduction. If it’s possible to bring the dog over to the cat’s home for a gradual introduction before you move, that may help her to accept him more easily. She’ll be in familiar territory and will know where she can go to feel safe.

The Introduction

Depending on the ages of the animals you’re introducing, there should be some slight modifications to the process.

Making Progress

As the two pets begin to settle in and get comfortable with each other, continue to watch for any potential trouble. Observe them during meals to be alerted for any signs of aggression or intimidation. Also, since play methods differ (dogs chase and cats stalk), make sure there’s no miscommunication happening.

If you haven’t done adequate environmental modifications, be sure to do them now before the cat and dog spend any unsupervised time together. This includes providing cat trees, elevated areas, and hiding places.

During the introduction sessions (and this will take many training sessions), if at any time the dog tries to aggressively go after the cat then this isn’t a safe match. If you feel uncertain as to whether the situation might improve, contact a professional trainer or certified behavior expert to work with you.

Even after you’re sure everyone has made friends, continue to monitor to ensure safety and peace.

Overcoming Fear of Strangers

The doorbell rings and your cat vanishes right before your eyes. To help her overcome this common fear, refer to Chapter 7.

Why Your Cat Insists on Sitting in the Lap of the One Guest Who Hates Cats!

It never fails. You invite four or five friends over, and your kitty ignores all the cat lovers and focuses her attention on the guest who doesn’t just dislike cats, but absolutely detests them. If you look at it from the cat’s point of view, though, it makes perfect sense. Cats are territorial animals who primarily use scent as a way of investigating and recognizing others. So if the cat is suddenly faced with a bunch of unfamiliar-smelling strangers in her domain, she needs to check them out and make sure they’re okay. The cat lovers will usually walk right over to her, reach out to pet, or—even worse—try to hold her before she’s had time to evaluate them. The only one who makes no overture to her is the cat hater. That person sits on the couch and completely ignores your kitty. That behavior allows the cat to conduct her investigation. She’s able to get close, sniff the guest’s shoes, maybe even jump up on the sofa and conduct a closer inspection. The cat is able to do all of this without so much as a glance in her direction. So it’s not a big mystery—it’s just a cat using common sense.

What to Do When Your Cat Hates Your New Partner

I find this subject so interesting. Over the years, I’ve come across quite a few owners who would just as soon get rid of the spouse if they didn’t meet with the cat’s approval. When I was single, I had a cat, Albie, who was my “date barometer.” I found that if Albie didn’t care for my date, he’d sit on the coffee table directly in front of the guy and stare him down. If my date attempted to pet him, Albie would bob and weave to stay out of range. I soon found out that the men Albie sat and stared at usually did turn out to be jerks. I learned to trust Albie’s assessment and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t engage in a staring contest with my future husband.

From a cat’s point of view, the unexpected addition of a new person to the home can be very alarming. If the new spouse is moving into your home, the cat is faced with not only the intrusion of a new person, but their strange belongings as well. The cat, a territorial creature of habit, watches as her environment is turned upside down. Furniture usually gets rearranged, schedules get disrupted, and worst of all, her usual sleeping spot on the bed may become off limits to her. Now add to that the lack of attention she may receive due to the hectic activity surrounding a wedding and honeymoon. Poor kitty can easily get lost in the shuffle.

If you and your kitty move from your home into your spouse’s home, or even to a new home, imagine how much of an adjustment that becomes. It’s an anxious time for you, but you entered into this willingly, whereas your cat had no choice. So here she is, in a new home, with a stranger (and maybe other pets or even children), and the only thing familiar to her is you. The techniques in Chapter 14 will help her adjust to this new environment.

When you talk about a cat hating your spouse or appearing jealous, it’s really that she’s anxious, confused, and fearful. She has to make many overwhelming adjustments in a short amount of time.

If your cat seems uncomfortable or even aggressive toward your new spouse, you need to slow down and give her the opportunity to adjust at a more comfortable pace. She needs as much of her familiar routine as possible during the transition. Banishing her from her usual spot on the bed will only heighten her confusion and anxiety. She needs to be an included family member—not an excluded pet. So as you all make the transition, continue to look at the situation from the cat’s point of view.

One thing that can cause anxiety in a cat is the unfamiliar sound and movement of a new spouse. A cat who has only been exposed to a female owner may need time to adjust to the heavier sounds of a man’s footsteps as well as his deeper voice or broader movements. It will help if you can ask your spouse to try to walk and talk a bit softer for the first few days. The same adjustment will be needed for the cat of a male owner who must now adjust to quicker movements and high-pitched sounds. The new female in the house will need to try to avoid sounding too high pitched or moving too fast.

One of the best ways to help a cat to bond with her owner’s new spouse is through playtime. Using an interactive toy, the spouse can help the cat develop a positive association. Teach your spouse how to use the toys and let him or her conduct play sessions. It’s important that your spouse remain still and nonthreatening throughout the game. If your cat refuses to play, you can start the interactive session and eventually hand the toy to your spouse. Watch to make sure that your spouse conducts playtime in the way your cat is used to—with lots of successes and captures. Even if your spouse isn’t a cat lover, I’ve found that much of that feeling comes from not being around cats, which prevents getting to know them. Through play sessions, both your cat and your spouse will begin to relax around each other. Your spouse will also start to view your cat in a different light while watching how graceful, fast, and comical she can be during play.

Your spouse should also take over feeding duties. Even if you normally put food out free-choice, your spouse should be the one to do it, leaving the scent of their hands on the food bowl. Treats should also come from the spouse.

Let the cat set the pace of things and offer her plenty of opportunities to investigate your spouse without the fear of being picked up, petted, or held. Your spouse may be dying to hold or pet your cat in a show of friendship, but the cat may not be ready for that. If your spouse rushes the trust-building process, it’ll just set everything back. It’s amazing how well the relationship will progress once the cat feels secure enough to proceed.

One little inside feline etiquette tip to offer your spouse is to do a human/cat version of nose-to-nose sniffing. Don’t worry, your spouse won’t actually have to go nose-to-nose with your kitty. I’m sure both your spouse and the cat will be very relieved to hear that. Actually, it’s a modified version where the human uses an index finger as a makeshift kitty nose. If you extend your index finger down to the cat’s level when she’s approaching, she may come over and do a little sniffing. In the cat world, a nose-to-nose greeting is the feline version of a handshake. If the cat wants further interaction, she may rub the finger with the side of her face and/or continue to advance toward you. If she doesn’t feel comfortable enough for further interaction, she’ll back away or just stand there waiting to see what your next move will be.

It’s important to resist the urge to pet or even wiggle your finger when doing this exercise. If the cat makes it clear that she’s not ready, casually and slowly withdraw the finger and try again another time. Give these instructions to your spouse and hopefully the feline handshake will aid in the trust-building process.

Eventually, through positive association surrounding playtime, meals, and treats your cat will very likely see the same wonderful qualities in your spouse that you do.

Preparing Your Cat for the Arrival of a Baby

When the wife finds out that she’s expecting a baby, all too often, she starts to panic about what to do with the cat. Well-meaning friends and neighbors warn her about how dangerous cats are. Many cats, once beloved family members, soon find themselves living in a cage at the shelter, never to see their owners again. Some cats, while not relinquished to a shelter, may become banished to the outdoors—something horribly traumatic and potentially deadly for a once indoor-only cat.

By now, I’m sure you don’t believe that cats suck the breath from babies. Perhaps what we now know as SIDS was once blamed on innocent cats for lack of any other explanation. The one concern a pregnant woman should have, though, has to do with toxoplasmosis. With proper litter box maintenance and a little education on your part, you can avoid this danger. IT IN NO WAY MEANS YOU MUST GET RID OF YOUR CAT! Refer to the Medical Appendix, which will explain what toxoplasmosis is and how to avoid it.

Some cats handle the arrival of a new baby without so much as a whisker getting out of place. Some others, though, appear to view it as the ultimate invasion of a hairless, foul-smelling, ear-shattering alien. Realize that it’s anxiety and not jealousy that may cause your cat to hiss or act less than friendly. Don’t punish your cat or banish her to the garage for being apprehensive. Instead, use patience, love, and positive reinforcement to help her through this so you can all be one happy family.

Unless, due to some unforeseen circumstances, you suddenly have a child in your home, you’ll have plenty of time during pregnancy or adoption to prepare your cat for the arrival. By taking the time to ease your kitty through the transition, you’ll have a calm cat well-equipped for the changes the new baby will create in the family.

If you’re planning to redecorate a room into a nursery, complete with new paint, wallpaper, carpet, and furniture, do it gradually. Start early and do a little bit at a time to give your cat a chance to adequately adjust. Remember, a cat is a creature of habit, so if one room in the house is suddenly transformed in a whirlwind of activity, she may be a little concerned. Do one or two things at a time and allow your cat the opportunity to investigate. If you’re remodeling, take breaks to play with the cat if she seems anxious about the goings-on. If workers are in the house, take time after they’ve finished to interact with your cat to help her adjust to the changes. Conduct play sessions in the new areas or offer her some treats.

Buy the crib enough in advance of the baby’s arrival so you have time to train your cat to stay out of it. My favorite method is to fill the crib with lots of shake cans or plastic bottles. A shake can is an empty soda can or bottle with a few pennies sealed inside. Fill the crib with the shake cans so she won’t be able to find a quiet, comfortable spot to nap in there. Keep the shake cans in there until the baby’s arrival. If the cat attempts to climb the crib once the baby comes you can buy a crib tent to place over the crib. If you do decide to use a crib tent, choose a sturdy one that won’t end up becoming a hammock for the cat.

The sounds a baby makes can be disconcerting to a cat (and to parents as well). You can find crying-baby sound effects on the Internet or you can record the crying sounds of a friend’s baby and play it at a low volume while you conduct play sessions with your cat.

Catwise Clue

Don’t lavish an overabundance of attention on your cat before the baby arrives, because chances are you won’t be able to maintain that schedule when the baby is home.

If your cat gets used to this seemingly endless amount of affection for nine months and then becomes all but forgotten after the delivery, it’ll cause her even more anxiety. Maintain a normal schedule before the baby’s arrival.

If you have musical mobiles or any other sound-generating baby toys, play them while the cat engages in a game or is eating so that by the time the baby arrives, all of these noises are old news to the kitty. This especially applies to any large toys, high chairs, motion swings, exersaucers, or anything else that may cause a cat to raise an eyebrow.

If you have a friend with a baby, invite them for a visit so you can gradually get your cat used to the sight and smell of a baby. When the friend and the baby visit, conduct a play session with your cat. Click and treat the cat for showing relaxed behavior around the baby.

Scent is very important to cats, so before your baby is born, the mother-to-be should start wearing baby powder, lotion, or whatever other products will be used on the newborn. This will help the cat associate those scents with her owner so they’ll be familiar when she smells them on the baby.

Keep the cat’s schedule as normal as possible. Don’t skip her play sessions even if it means that one family member plays with her while the mother tends to the baby. Allow the cat to be a part of things. If the mother is nursing the baby, there’s no reason why the cat can’t be sleeping by her side.

One thing to be aware of is that the increase in visitors to your home to see the baby can be a bit overwhelming. Conduct play sessions and click and treat your cat for displaying relaxed behavior.

If you find that your cat is too fascinated with the baby and you’d prefer that she stay out of the nursery completely, you may want to install a screen door at the room’s entrance.

My best piece of advice to you is to relax. Cats and babies can be wonderful together. I loved watching my cats and my children discover each other. I prepared in advance, kept a watchful eye, and made sure my demeanor around my cats and kids was calm and relaxed.

Small Children

One of the scariest sights your cat may encounter is a toddler coming down the hallway in her direction with fingers ready to grab a fistful of fur. Ouch! Always supervise small children around the cat. It’s so easy for a tail to be grabbed or an ear pulled. A cat who feels trapped by a toddler may react by scratching or biting.

Teach children that the cat is a member of the family who should be treated with gentleness and respect. The cat is not a toy to be teased, dressed up, or restrained. Show your children how to pet with an open hand. Instruct them to pet with one hand only to avoid making the cat feel confined. As soon as the children are old enough, teach them how to interpret the cat’s body language and means of communication so they’ll begin to learn when the cat prefers to be left alone.

Catwise Clue

Use a stuffed animal as a teaching tool to show small children how to pet and also demonstrate what areas are off limits and sensitive. This is especially helpful if your young children tend to be too enthusiastic or if kitty is timid or nervous.

I taught my children the cats’ names as soon as possible and repeatedly shared with them what loved members of the family the cats were. I also modeled the gentle behavior I wanted from my children. If any adult or older child in your family inappropriately handles the cat or speaks in a derogatory manner, that will quickly be picked up by a young child.

The litter box, feeding station, and where the cat sleeps are three places that should be off limits to young children. You may want to install a baby gate across the doorway to the room where the litter box is kept. There are gates available with small openings to allow the cat to go through. The other option is to put a chair, box, or stool on the other side of the gate so the cat has something to land on or jump from when hopping over the gate. If the cat is older or not as athletic, use the gate that comes with the small opening.

When your children want to play with the cat, provide them with safe interactive toys, such as the Cat Dancer. Don’t allow them to use laser lights. Interactive toys on long poles should only be used by children old enough to understand how to avoid poking the cat in the face. Children, no matter how responsible, should be supervised by an adult when using an interactive cat toy. Instruct children on the toy’s proper use. In addition to watching that children don’t accidentally poke the cat in the face with the toy, you also don’t want the cat to be teased by having the toy constantly kept out of reach. Explain to your children how it makes the cat feel good to have successful captures, just as they themselves feel happier when they do well at a sport or game.

I often see the family cat being hauled around by a child with only a small portion of the body supported. She ends up hanging from the child’s arms, barely supported under the armpits with her front paws almost straight up in the air. Teach your children how to properly lift and carry the cat. If they aren’t big enough to support the cat’s full weight they shouldn’t carry her at all.

You’re Responsible for the Cat’s Welfare

When your children are old enough, it’s certainly a good idea to have them help with the responsibilities of caring for the cat. They can fill the food and water bowl, you can show them how to brush the cat, or they can scoop the litter, but a child can’t possibly handle the total responsibility of an animal. You must monitor to make sure the cat is getting everything she needs. A child won’t notice if the cat hasn’t been urinating in the box or eating regularly. A child also may not notice if the cat has diarrhea or is constipated. Neglecting the cat because she belongs to your child will not teach anyone any lessons—it only causes the cat to suffer.

Unfortunately, in some families, animal abuse by children occurs. Do not tolerate any mishandling of the cat and be alert for signs of “accidents” that may have been intentional. If you suspect abuse, move the cat to a safe environment immediately and contact your child’s doctor.

Supervise your cat and/or provide her with a sanctuary room when unfamiliar children come over and want to play with her. Even if children don’t mean any harm, they’re often unable to read a cat’s warning signs. Events such as birthday parties are fun for the children but not necessarily for the family cat. As a responsible owner, use your good judgment and always provide for your cat’s safety.

Bringing a Second Cat into the Home

Enemies Under One Roof: Easing the Tension in a Multicat Household

Distraction and Redirection

Introducing a Dog to Your Cat

Making a Good Match

Preparations

The Introduction

Introducing an Adult Dog to a Cat

Introducing a Puppy to a Cat

Introducing a Kitten to an Adult Dog

Making Progress

Overcoming Fear of Strangers

Why Your Cat Insists on Sitting in the Lap of the One Guest Who Hates Cats!

What to Do When Your Cat Hates Your New Partner

Preparing Your Cat for the Arrival of a Baby

Small Children

You’re Responsible for the Cat’s Welfare