colophon
In which I relate my experiences up to the age of five; and describe the occasion of my first public appearance on any stage.
In which I make my first public appearance on the stage and my first success; and meet the red-faced man.
In which I join the clog dancers; fail to get the cream tarts; and incur the wrath of Mr. Hawkins.
In which I feel very small and desolate; encounter once more the terrible wrath of Mr. Hawkins; and flee from it into the unknown perils of a great and fearful world.
In which I have an adventure with a cow; become a lawless filcher of brandysnaps; and confound an honest farmer.
In which I come home again; accustom myself to going to bed hungry; and have an unexpected encounter with my father.
In which I see my father for the last time; learn that real tragedy is silent; and go out into the world to make my own way.
In which I take lodgings in a barrel and find that I have invaded a home; learn something about crime; and forget that I was to share in nefarious profits.
In which I trick a Covent Garden coster; get glorious news from Sidney; and make another sad trip to the hospital.
In which Sidney comes home to find father dead, mother too ill to recognize him and me half starved and in rags.
In which I vainly make the rounds of the theatrical agents; almost go to sea; and at last get the chance for which I have long been yearning.
In which I rehearse the part of the boy hero of the thrilling melodrama, From Rags to Riches; and start off on a tour of the provinces.
In which I encounter the difficulties of a make-up box; make my first appearance in drama; and learn the emptiness of success with no one to share it.
In which I taste the flavor of success; get unexpected word from my mother; and face new responsibilities.
In which I understand why other people fall; burn my bridges behind me; and receive a momentous telegram.
In which I journey to London; meet and speak with a wax-works figure; and make my first appearance in a great theater.
In which I play with a celebrated actor; dare to look at the royal box; pay a penalty for my awful crime; gain favor with the public; and receive a summons from another famous star.
In which I refuse an offer to play in the provinces; make my final appearance as Billy at the Duke of York's Theater; and suffer a bitter disappointment.
In which my fondest hopes are shattered by cold reality ; I learn the part played by luck on the Strand; and receive an unexpected appeal for help.
In which I try to drown my troubles in liquor and find them worse than before; try to make a living by hard work and meet small success; and find myself at last in a hospital bed, saying a surprising thing.
In which I encounter the inexorable rules of a London hospital, causing much consternation; fight a battle with pride; and unexpectedly enter an upsetting situation.
In which I attempt to be serious and am funny instead; seize the opportunity to get a raise in pay ; and again consider coming to America.
In which I startle a promoter; dream a great triumph in the land of skyscrapers and buffalo; and wait long for a message.
In which I discover many strange things in that strange land, America; visit San Francisco for the first time; and meet an astounding reception in the offices of a cinematograph company.
In which I find that the incredible has happened; burn my bridges behind me and penetrate for the first time the mysterious regions behind the moving-picture film.
In which I see a near-tragedy which is a comedy on the films; meet my fellow actors, the red and blue rats; and prepare to fall through a trap-door with a pie.
In which, much against my will, I eat three cherry pies; see myself for the first time on a moving-picture screen and discover that I am a hopeless failure on the films.
In which I introduce an innovation in motion-picture production; appropriate an amusing mustache; and wager eighty dollars on three hours' work.
In which I taste success in the movies; develop a new aim in life; and form an ambitious project.
In which I see myself as others see me; learn many surprising things about myself from divers sources; and see a bright future ahead.
In which the moving-picture work palls on me; I make other plans, am persuaded to abandon them and am brought to the brink of a deal in high finance.
In which I see success in my grasp; proudly consider the heights to which I have climbed; and receive an unexpected shock.
In which I realize my wildest dreams of fortune; ponder on the comedy tricks of life and conclude without reaching any conclusion.