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I SEARCHED FOR HOURS. I looked up and down the beach, all the way to the river and back again, but there was no sign of them. No sign of Aurena holding my little girl, Moira. No sign of Moirae or Bythane in either form, nor did I stumble into any scouts from the pack. I had even scoured the base of the falls in case Thane were lying amongst the rocks, cold and possibly injured. But there was no one. I was alone here.
I cursed myself many times throughout the night. How is it that the stupid crown had stayed tied inside my robe through it all, and yet I hadn’t held on to my child? My poor, sweet, innocent Thane. His bright red eyes sparkled from the moment he opened them. His thick, beautiful brown hair was soft like silk and blew in his face with a slight breeze. No. Not was; is. I thought to myself. The reason I can’t find anyone is because they searched farther down, beyond the cave. They are probably down there around a campfire keeping my babies safe and warm until I find them all. A mother for less than a day, and already I’ve lost my babies. I shook myself from those thoughts. No, that’s not true. It was Gwadei who had thrown Thane and I into the river with his magick. His madness has gone too far.
My feet drug their way through the sand and I made my way back inside the cave where I awoke. I had no idea if the mer-queen had stayed or not, but I had nowhere else to go, and I desperately needed some sleep. As soon as I had a few hours rest, I would hand off the blasted stone to her and search for my companions once more.
My sleep was fitful at best. Sure enough, when I had returned, the queen was nowhere to be found, so I had curled up with my back against the wall, and looking up through the hole above the water, prayed that the goddess still heard me and wished for my children’s safety. Visions of Moira and Thane that flashed through my mind: as babies, then toddlers as they learn to use their wings, and on through the years when they’re grown up, had kept me from any peace that night.
Waking once more to the sounds of splashing, I greeted the queen. “Alaeniya.”
“My merfolk saw you search. I sent them to look. They found camp.” She spoke simply.
“You did? They did? Where are my people? I must go to them!” I jumped up, and in my haste to find them, almost for- got to stop and wait for her to answer.
“First stone. Hand me, and I tell you. I keep safe until new ruler.” She held out her hand as she spoke again.
“I don’t have time for this!” I yelled, frustrated at being delayed from my reunion and not caring how she knew why I had wanted to talk. I had this clawing need to confirm that all was well and that I was just over-reacting. “Here.” I pried the sapphire out of the setting as quickly as I could, not caring that I warped that section of the crown, and tossed it to her. She caught it effortlessly.
“Go west. You will see on beach.” It was very basic for directions. However, that was how the mer-queen was: simple and to the point. I had already planned to look in that direction to- day, but at least I know they are there now. If I didn’t stumble upon them, then I hadn’t gone far enough.
I hadn’t even bothered to reply, but turned and ran out of the cave. I had no doubts that she would keep the stone well-hidden in the abyss. As for a thank you, I probably should have, but I was too concerned for my children. I’m sure she would understand.
I half ran, half stumbled through the sand as quickly as I was able. I couldn’t wait to be back with my family, for that’s truly what we had all become. I nearly ran into them as I rounded a bend.
“Thank the goddess I found you!” I exclaimed and made my way over to Aurena to take up Moira.
“My queen, it is good to see you! Where have you been, and where is Thane? We thought for sure you had been taken back to the castle. Moirae and Bythane sent the pack out to look for you both,” Aurena explained.
“Wait.” Dawning realization came with her words. “Where’s Thane? He was supposed to be with you. I woke up without him. The mer-queen found me in the ocean and took me to a cave. I had hoped you had found him and were keeping him safe and warm.”
“I-I’m sorry, Milady.” She lowered her head. “We had no idea. Your Guardians seemed upset that they were unable to get a reading on you. At least that’s what I determined after several guesses. We thought maybe the king had taken you back and was shielding you. So, Thane is nowhere to be found?” Her voice caught and tears sprang up in her eyes.
“No.” I clutched Moira closer to my chest as a single tear dropped onto her forehead. “He’s nowhere. My poor Thane. He’s truly gone, then.” It hurt to say the words. My heart shattered, knowing that my last hope was for naught. Thane was gone. My precious boy was murdered by his father in a fit of anger. Less than a day old, and he had already captured the hearts of everyone here.
Aurena held me and cried alongside me, silently shedding tears for the precious life taken too soon. Bythane and Moirae also drew near, to comfort as much as to mourn for my little prince. We stayed like that for hours, our grief all-encompassing. Only long after the tears dried up and I had been drained of all emotion save for my grief and sorrow, did I lie down to rest. Food wasn’t even a thought, and it took a lot of coaxing from my lady to let her have Moira for a bit while I tried to sleep. I couldn’t lose Moira, too− not after all of this. I needed to think and sleep, so I closed my eyes and let myself drown in the blackness.
I slept most of the following day, my sorrow overpowering in its intensity. With a heavy heart, I woke to hold my son’s memorial. The mood in our makeshift camp was somber at best, everyone mourning in their own way. I nodded to my shadow hounds, who called to their pack. Within a minute, they lined the cliffside and the surrounding beach to bear witness to the proceedings.
I kissed Moira and handed her off to Aurena, who curtsied while adjusting my child in her arms. I nodded to her as well and picked up the knife Aurena had packed in her belongings. Going through the motions of sterilizing the knife in the fire, I then made my way to the ocean.
Stepping out into the sea, I didn’t even feel the cold as the water rushed past my ankles. The small waves left trails of foam in their wake. The hem of my skirts floating on the current threatened to tangle around me and pull me down, but I pressed on. With silent tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision, I said a prayer to the goddess, hoping she had my son and cared for him well. Lifting the knife in one hand and slicing the palm of my other, I didn’t even flinch. The pain was nothing compared to the ache in my chest.
I flipped over my hand and let my blood drip into the ocean, the droplets creating little pools of red as they landed. As my Thane now rested in the northern ocean, so, too, shall my blood, for it is the only piece of me that I can leave behind to be with my son. I stood a moment longer, watching as the pools warped and diluted themselves into the waves. Turning, I looked to the shore where my shadow hounds and my dear friend awaited me.
Howls rose on the wind as the mournful sounds of the Cyscáth Bytheiad were echoed after each other. It was a chorus of pain, crying out to the sea. What’s been done has broken me; it was as though a knife was tearing away strips of my soul. I died a little inside that night, saying farewell to half my heart.
“It’s my final command as your queen, Aurena. Please, do this for me,” I said as regally as I could muster, even though what I’ve commanded of her only served to drive the knife deeper into my already broken heart.
“But Milady, how can you ask this of me? I-I can’t.” Aurena sobbed.
“For you must, my friend. You must take my sweet Moira and go back to Annarii. Live there, with your brother and raise her as your own. No one will question it, for none know that you came with me. They only know that you left for a time and are returning with a child. The king will be following me, so you won’t have to worry about him. Plus, he doesn’t even know about Moira. This is the best way to keep her protected and alive. She will grow up as though she isn’t my child.” That last was too much, and the tears once again fell at the thought of never seeing Moira again.
“Oh, Your Majesty, it isn’t fair. It isn’t right. One day, when she is old enough, I will tell her the secret of her birth and of her noble mother who gave everything to protect her. I swear it.” She spoke with conviction, even though her tears now matched mine.
“Thank you, Aurena. Efallai y bydd an bandia solais do bhealach yn dhéanamh eich cefn am byth.” I said a blessing upon my daughter and gave her over for the last time to my lady. We shared a look that said everything our mouths could not, for if we sat around any longer talking, I might not have the resolve to do this− to kill myself further by sending away the last piece of my heart.
Aurena gave me a quick embrace, then turned and ran off into the forest that would eventually lead her home. Standing at the top of the cliffside, I waited until I could no longer see her retreating form and then turned to the vast ocean. It only took one minute before I collapsed on the ground and poured out my sorrow. Throughout the sunrise I stayed there, kneeling in the dirt, grieving for my loss and feeling sorry for myself. It would be the last time I would cry. I would need all the strength I possessed to finish my mission. And finish it I would, for I would not let Thane’s death be for naught.