Brian felt like he’d been slapped in the face.
Could it really be his baby lying in the hospital alone at this very moment? His child with... what was her name? Nicole? Deidre? He couldn’t remember. But would it matter if he had? Had the woman even told him her real first name?
As far as he recalled, she’d been dodgy about personal details. He’d been the same way, considering the nature of their brief, casual acquaintance.
He recalled what she looked like—a lovely, leggy blonde he couldn’t believe had actually gone through what she’d hinted at going through.
She told him she didn’t want to spend New Year’s alone and wanted one night of being treated like a lady, and he had no problem helping that amber-eyed girl through her complicated issues rebound-style.
Besides, she’d looked mournful. He’d really just wanted to help. But had he ended up making a baby with her? Had she tricked him somehow?
The look he’d seen in her eyes was sorrow—she didn’t seem to be looking forward to a new year at all.
He figured that, like him, she’d gotten almost physically ill at the signs of celebration and jubilee everywhere, that her stomach had turned all day at the sight of stupid New Year’s glasses and hats—was anything really going to change because the year had a different ending number?
He tried to think back and gather more clues. Had he told her where he lived? He couldn’t imagine being so careless with a stranger—his home was his castle, and for the past six years, anyone who hadn’t been around for more than two months didn’t get to see it—which meant no one had.
The last time he let a stranger in his home for a romantic tryst, he’d awakened to having been robbed blind. The drink the woman had made for him had been drugged, and she’d managed to take off with what she wanted.
And now, here he was, possibly having been taken advantage of by a female once again. Would he ever learn?
His attention returned to the sad woman sitting next to him. “I need to find out for sure,” he said, looking Karen in the eye.
She returned his look steadily. “I don’t blame you—let’s go,” she said, springing from the couch and heading over to a coat rack.
Brian hesitated, and she seemed to read his hesitation. She looked him up and down with a challenging look, and when her voice came, it was different—not at all like the little lamb of before.
“Okay, you didn’t give a shit about that baby until you thought it might be yours,” she said, her voice firm and matter-of-fact. “I feel like, had she been left on your doorstep, you would’ve turned her in without a second thought.” Then her voice softened again. “Meanwhile, all I have are second thoughts—that child grabbed my heart from the moment I saw her. You think I don’t want to see how she’s doing? I have to check on her!”
Brian knew there was no way he could stop her, and that he didn’t want to. Despite being the one who came up with the theory that it was his child, at this point, Karen probably still felt like the baby was more hers than his.
She grabbed her handbag, and as they prepared to leave, Brian realized he was glad she was coming along; he needed the moral support.
“I wonder how long it’ll take for them to know,” he wondered aloud as they headed for the hospital in his car.
“You’ll probably know pretty soon—I’m sure they want to place this child somewhere as soon as possible.”
Panic raced through him at a speed he’d never felt—even after waking up and finding his place almost bare after getting conned.
He hadn’t even thought about what would happen afterward if it turned out the baby was his. If they never found the mother, then he’d probably have the choice to give her up for adoption or keep her, and he couldn’t imagine giving her up. He’d always wonder about her—if she was okay, if her foster or adoptive parents were being good to her—and he couldn’t deal with that kind of stress.
But did it rival the stress of actually taking care of a baby? A tiny thing that would become a little girl, then a big girl, and then an independent human? How the heck would he get through that?
He had no experience with kids whatsoever, and he didn’t know the first thing about raising one—especially a girl. And with no woman in his life to help? This was impossible.
“What’s wrong?” a gentle, feminine voice said, pulling him back from the fog of panic that had overtaken him.
He realized he’d been breathing fast, and quite audibly. “I was just thinking...” he began, still trying to catch his breath, “that I... I don’t know what the hell to do if she turns out to be mine.”
“Thought you were,” Karen said, briefly turning her head toward her window.
Brian’s mind kept racing. Wouldn’t it be better for the baby to have two loving parents? Two people emotionally and otherwise prepared to raise her?
“Don’t you dare,” Karen said, her eyes narrowed a little.
“Dare what?” he asked, watching her from the corner of his eye.
“Just abandon her like that. You were thinking of giving her up, weren’t you? ‘Cause it’s the easiest thing?”
“Probably the best thing. I’m in no way, shape, or form ready to take care of a child.”
“Well, join the club—lots of people aren’t fully prepared for a baby’s arrival, no matter how many clothes and toys they might have. You don’t think it’s best for the child to be with a natural parent?”
“What makes you think you know what’s best?”
A moment passed before she responded. “You’re right—if she turns out to be yours, you get to decide what’s best for her as her father. And if you figure she’s better off in the arms of perfect strangers, so be it. Her mom seemed to come to the same conclusion—that she should be with someone else.”
Her gently spoken words clashed with her fiery eyes as she placed the ball in his court.
“Nobody’s adopting her,” he said firmly, and it came out much rougher than he intended—so rough, he felt compelled to apologize. But when he glanced at Karen’s face, it held a bright smile and overall, something that looked like pride.
“Well, look at you, Papa Bear. Anyway, I would definitely put my name in the hat if it came down to that, although I don’t really have a chance.”
“Wait, first of all—why would you say that?”
She gave him a look, and he wondered at her ability to convey so much with only the rearrangement of her face. Where other people’s facial expressions and non-verbal cues only gave clues to their feelings or thoughts, Karen’s face seemed to say whole sentences quite clearly.
“Come on, Brian,” she said out loud. “There are plenty of white couples who’d be first in line.”
He was about to protest but thought better of it—she probably knew what she was talking about.
“White newborns are a hot commodity,” she continued. “And she’s a girl, too? You have no idea how many people would line up! Chances are, she’ll be officially adopted before she hits one year of age. You really think they’re going to give my black, single ass priority?”
“Okay, fine—I get it. Anyway, second of all, I already said I’m not putting her up for adoption—I’m not going to throw her away and have her possibly end up in the system instead of a loving home.”
Karen flashed him another one of her strange, pride-filled smiles, making him feel pretty good about his decision.
“She doesn’t look like a Denise to me. Does she look like a Denise to you?” Brian asked as they waited.
Karen shrugged, smiled, and shook her head all at once. “The good news is, if you don’t like what the mom picked out, you can just change it. You’re the one signing the birth certificate, you’re the parent who’ll have sole custody. That note the biological mother left has no legal weight in this case—you can call the baby whatever you want.”
He took a short breath. “I’ve never thought about baby names. I have no idea what I’d change it to.”
“More good news: you have plenty of time to come up with one—up to a year, depending on how much you love paperwork.”
“You sure know a lot about this whole thing.”
They waited in silence for a few more moments before Brian worked up the courage. “So if it turns out that she’s mine, will you help me get…ready? Like my place and everything? I mean, I know you probably have things to do, but I don’t know the first thing about babies, and I figured…”
“You figured since I’m a woman, I’ve got it down?”
Brian examined her face to see if she was really offended and couldn’t tell. “Well, I thought since you found her and obviously feel something for her already—hoping to adopt her and everything—that the next best thing would be getting a chance to look out for her for a bit by steering me on the right track. Plus, you’re right next door and there’s… you know… your history. I figured if you have some extra time…”
“I’m just messing with you. I’d love to help!”
“Great! I just need some guidance, you know? What to buy, how to hold, feed, change diapers…basically, everything you know. Do you have any other experience looking after newborns?”
Karen smiled at him. “Ha! Informal job interview time. Okay, let’s start with education: I majored in psychology, I have a master’s in the same field, and I worked as a school psychologist until the charter school I worked at shut down. As for baby care, I did a lot of babysitting in my teens and in college. My experience is mostly with babies six months plus, but when I was pregnant, I was one of those moms-to-be who consumed baby magazines like food and hung out on lots of maternity forums. Of course, I know it’s not quite like the real thing, but…”
“Oh, you don’t have to sell me on it—I was just making conversation to distract from how terrified I am!” He took a breath. “I’m really glad you’re here; I don’t know what I’d do otherwise, and I’m glad I don’t have to find out. I also know it’s a lot to ask of you, so of course I’ll compensate you for your time.”
“Oh, you don’t have to.”
“Of course, I do. Your time is valuable and I’m asking for a lot of it—a few days, maybe a week. I don’t know what kind of job you have that allows you to be so flexible…”
“I’m in between jobs at this time.”
“And you wanted to help me out for free? For, like, up to a whole week?” He shook his head. “You’re lucky you have me to guide you with numbers and math and whatnot.”
She smacked his arm playfully. “Thanks,” she said dryly. “I’ll take it. Guess we can figure that stuff out later. For the record, helping you with the baby would be my pleasure. You don’t understand—I found her crying in the dark. I held her as she calmed down and warmed up. I’m already emotionally invested in her well-being, so I can’t tell you how happy the thought of looking after her makes me—to be that close to her again. Only thing is, when it’s all over and you’ve got the hang of it…” She shrugged.
He knew exactly what she was going to say, and his insides fell a bit at the thought. “Well, maybe you can be her godmother or something. People still do that, right? That way you can visit and keep up with her...”
“Yeah!” she said with a wide smile, but her face looked like she didn’t really believe him. And how practical would it be, really?
“Look at us—talking about it like it’s all said and done,” he said, shaking his head. “First things first—let’s find out if she’s my baby. And then hopefully no one else will show up to claim her.” He grinned at her. “What a mess, right? I’m sorry you had to get involved.”
“I’m not,” she said without hesitation.
He smiled at her, grateful for her unexpected intrusion in his life.
If nothing else, it looked like he was about to gain a good friend.