Brian looked stunned. Despite all their talk about the possibility the child was his, he looked absolutely blindsided once the time came for him to take over. His paternity had been confirmed, and he’d even signed a declaration, but it seemed reality had just sunk in.
Eventually, Karen had to nudge him out of his stupor.
“So what happens now?” he asked the caseworker, blinking.
“You get to take her home! Make sure you’ve got the right car seat and all that, but she’s all yours.”
“Of course. Car seat.”
Karen had a sinking feeling, watching him. While she’d already known he was clueless, it was clear the poor guy would need all the help he could get.
“Can someone teach me…” He stopped as if overwhelmed by all the things he needed to learn. He turned to her, a desperate, pleading look in his slate eyes.
“You know what? I’ll go ahead and set that up,” Karen said. “Bet you’re pretty glad I prepared for this part, aren’t you? And there you were, mocking me for bringing it along...”
“Karen, you’re a godsend,” he said intently, the intensity of his voice and his gaze making her entire being vibrate.
She quickly left to carry out the promised task.
When they pulled up at Brian’s home, Karen said, “You need somewhere for her to sleep. Lucky for you, I’m well-prepared for this part—as prepared as possible, anyway. I have a bassinet and all sorts of other newborn stuff—clothes, toys, bathtub...”
“I can’t ask you to do that. Listen, I have plenty of money, so I have no problem buying all new stuff.”
“Yeah, but are you ready for major shopping right now? We might as well use what we have until you can make firmer decisions about what you want for her; you haven’t had time to research anything. I’ll go get my stuff and we can sort of take inventory from there, but the main things we need right now are diapers. And baby food since you won’t be nursing,” she said with a straight face.
“Right,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching with suppressed laughter. “But isn’t breastfeeding supposed to be best for the baby? I heard one of my coworkers say something like that.”
“Yes, it is. What you can do is pick up donated breast milk.”
Brian’s eyes widened. “Okay, I know it’s all totally natural and whatnot, but that sounds really gross. Just… feed her milk from random people? Bleh.”
Karen giggled. “You have so much to learn. I can help point you in the right direction or feel free to carry out your own research. Diapers, bath time—easy. What to feed her, sorting out a schedule, what type of plastics to avoid—a little harder.”
Brian shook his head. “I owe you big time,” he said. “In more ways than one.”
She gave him a kind smile.
“Oh, do you need me to help you bring anything over?” he asked.
“No, I’ve got this. I’ll make a few trips if I have to, but I’d rather sort through everything alone.”
He gave her an understanding, sympathetic nod.
Karen stared at the boxes—containers of all sorts of things she hadn’t looked at in a while. She’d never intended to throw any of them away, or even give them away; she’d planned to preserve the items for the next time she found herself with child.
It suddenly hit her what a huge favor her sister had done her, allowing the storage—the never-born baby had more stuff than she did!
Still, what should’ve taken mere minutes stretched much longer as she got caught up in memories, guilt, and a bit of self-loathing while she went through each one.
Here she was—the eldest and the most responsible daughter, yet she’d let herself get involved with a man who pretty much screamed player—an untrustworthy bad boy—but she’d thought she could fix him, change him for the better. She figured she’d show him how to love, and he’d appreciate everything she was and all she had to offer.
Boy, had she been wrong.
Tamara had even warned her about him, but she’d dismissed her younger sibling’s opinion, even though it made sense that Tamara would have some insight into dating a guy like him since she was savvier in that area.
But being the eldest and more academically inclined made Karen dismiss good advice, and being focused on her education and career goals had made her naive in the dating world in the first place.
She’d been so inexperienced when she met her ex, having not bothered to date until after college, that she acted immaturely and irresponsibly, even managing to get pregnant without any commitment from him.
But because she’d met him after steering herself onto a steady path, finding herself in a comfortable place where her work life and everything else felt under control, she’d assumed ‘the man’ had arrived right on schedule and slotted him in; everything was going according to plan.
Even if she hadn’t lost the baby, she was positive her ex would’ve been an absent father trying to dodge child support checks; he’d told her to get an abortion, after all, so he would’ve resented being forced to provide for something he didn’t want.
He’d even told her she was stupid for getting herself pregnant, that it made no sense for them to have a baby at that time. He was right—although she’d resented his implication that she had somehow managed to do it all by herself. In the end, while she was devastated about losing the baby, a small part of her was glad she was no longer tied to him in any way; they’d gotten a clean break.
And now here she was, still a bit broken-hearted, unemployed, and so shaken by everything slipping away from her that she’d needed time to recalculate, leading her to live in her younger sibling’s house until she could get back on her feet.
Karen couldn’t get over the irony—the careful, sensible sister had her world fall apart around her in a number of ways that her cautious nature failed to prevent, while the less responsible, fun-loving, social one was living it up, set for life if she was smart about what she’d been given.
“So get this,” Brian told her when she returned to his house, “I was offered a week of unpaid paternity leave. Luckily, I have two weeks of unused vacation time which, due to the short notice, I can’t actually take advantage of right away. But I can take that unpaid week now, and figure out everything I need to know about being a new father. Anything more than that and I risk losing my job. I like to think I’m pretty hard to replace, but everyone’s replaceable, right?”
“Not really, but technically, I guess—yes.”
“In any case, I need to work, so I probably won’t take additional vacation time soon. I’m happy to pay someone to look after my daughter for me, and that someone might as well be you. So instead of you just walking me through things until I get the hang of it over the course of the week, would you be open to something longer-term? I’d like to hold on to you for maybe a few weeks more, and I don’t trust anyone else right now to look after her. It doesn’t even have to be just you—I can hire someone else to help you out once I’ve gone back to work. How does that sound?”
“Sounds like you’re panicking—we haven’t even gone through day one yet! How about we get through this week together first, and once you head back to work, I’ll give it a shot alone for a day or two and then let you know if I need additional help?”
“Sounds great. To be honest, I’d prefer if it’s just you since I sort of know you and she probably knows you too.”
Karen smiled. “Let’s see how the week goes,” she said again.
Denise destroyed her in no time.
Every mewling sound, every painful cry, every wriggle of her cute little fingers and toes, every stretch of her arms and legs impressed itself on Karen’s memory, endearing the infant to her even more.
How was she supposed to remain detached from the tiny human? How could she forget what it felt like when the baby smiled, puked on her shoulder, seemed comforted by her embraces and soft words?
How was she supposed to act as if she hadn’t been looking forward to doing everything she was doing now with her own child?
How was she supposed to separate the love that had grown in her for her unborn baby from the love she felt for the one that practically fell into her lap?
Karen knew she had to remain clear-headed since she was only going to be around for two months at most—no use getting emotionally entangled with this man and his daughter.
Well, for the child it was pretty much too late, and she’d just have to deal with losing a little one again. At least this time, she’d know the kid was out there being loved and cared for.
But the man—she had to put as much distance between them as possible.
Sure, she thought she saw something in his eyes that suggested he might like her as more than a parenting tutor or a babysitter, but wasn’t it just appreciation for having a convenient, caregiving female around?
Brian had been lucky to have someone nearby with childcare experience at a time he needed all the help he could get.
Karen had taught him how to change diapers, how to prepare feeding bottles. She’d helped him shop for various supplies.
Soon, the two of them figured out a routine, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling closer to both father and child.
She grew used to their voices, their faces, their smells.
She realized pretty quickly that no matter how many walls she tried to keep up to fortify herself against heartbreak, she was doomed.
“Hey, girl—how’s it going? The house still standing?” Tamara asked Karen once she picked up her call.
“Things have been interesting, to say the least. You won’t believe what happened…”
“Oh my god—the house is okay, right?”
“Yes, and I’m fine too. But your neighbor… well, he just found out he’s a dad. Newborn got dropped off, no sign of the mom…”
“Oh, crap. Things just got complicated. And here I was, looking forward to coming back and finally making a move on him.” She giggled.
Karen thought she was joking at first, but by that giggle, she knew her sister was serious. “So you have a crush on him?” she asked, trying not to sound too invested.
“Who wouldn’t, right? You’ve seen him. He’s handsome, single, gainfully employed—probably making six figures. He seems like he’s got his shit together, and that’s always attractive. I guess the kid throws things off a bit now, but I think I can work around that.”
Karen’s heart fell; she knew what she had to do. No way was a man worth risking her relationship with her sister.
“Yeah, he’s a nice guy,” Karen said neutrally. “I’m helping him out a little. Imagine some dude suddenly becoming a dad—he’s got all these guy questions, completely clueless about the whole parenting thing. Of course, he thinks the nearest female can help him out, and since I haven’t found a new job yet, I’m like a babysitter.”
Tamara whistled. “Don’t get too close! Hey, but isn’t it weird?” she said seriously. “With… you know. Being around a new baby like that—are you okay?”
Karen couldn’t answer right away. She waited until her throat loosened up again a bit, till she could squeeze a response out. “It’s pretty hard, yeah.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t…”
“Are you kidding me? It’ll be tough when it ends, but I can’t imagine not being here for her—her own mother abandoned her! She’s got some caught-in-the-headlights dad and I’m here, well-prepared for baby care, and I’m supposed to spit at the chance to do some good here? Everything practically led me to this point, positioning me for this opportunity, so no matter how conflicted I might feel, I’ve been placed here at this time to do exactly what I’m doing.”
“Wow—okay, sis. But take care of yourself. Whatever you need to do to make sure you’re okay, do it. And look, I don’t know if you ever talked to anyone besides me about the miscarriage, but maybe if you start, it’ll help you let go of this new baby when the time comes. Heck, maybe Brian and I will get married and you can still be around her after all!”
Karen’s throat and viscera responded simultaneously to her sister’s words. “Listen, I have to run—something on the stove,” she lied.
“Okay, love. I’m so glad you’re looking after my place. And him. Can’t wait to see you guys when I get back!”
“Say hi to Pierre for me,” Karen couldn’t stop herself from saying.
“Say what? Oh, girl, no—Pierre was just a few nights in France. I’m in Italy and it’s all about Alessandro now!”
Tamara giggled and they said goodbyes again before disconnecting.
They’d done it—the weekend had arrived, so they were almost through the first week.
“Good morning,” Brian said warmly when she came over. “Baby’s asleep, so how about it?”
Karen froze, giving him a quizzical look.
“I go back to work on Monday and need a caregiver,” he clarified. “Still open to a sort of nanny position? I’ll make it worth your while. Name your price.”
“Well, there are reputable agencies…”
“Maybe just one month, if that’s okay with you? As you said, I have a shitload to research and not a whole lot of time to get up to speed, but by then, I’ll be armed with way more info and can deal with the next stage better. I just... I don’t want to mess this up. You’re hella prepared, and she already knows you. And you’re right there. We could easily switch off—say you come over and watch her while I’m at work, and I grab the baton for the evenings and overnight.”
“Oh, I see—so not a twenty-four-hour deal.”
“No, I don’t think that would be right for any of us. I still want to be involved in the baby’s care and keep learning whatever I need to know; I want my child to know me. So what do you say? Again, name your price. I recognize what I’m asking here, and that what you’d be offering is insanely valuable.”
Karen thought about it. What she hadn’t researched was the average going cost of nannies; she hadn’t imagined ever having the need. And as far as she knew, most daycare centers didn’t accept babies younger than six weeks, so she couldn’t suggest that to him instead.
Besides, he seemed pretty set on having her.
She told him what she made monthly at her last job and he said, “Great, I’ll add a grand to that. Does that sound good?”
How could she turn him down? She hadn’t found a new job yet, he had offered to compensate her generously, and she had all the requirements and relevant experience for the position.
She could think of no drawbacks to the arrangement at all—none besides getting dangerously attached to the two and not knowing what to do with herself when the gig was up.
“Sure,” she said, nodding her head for emphasis. “I’d love to.”
Next thing she knew she was wrapped in his arms, her breasts squashed against his hard chest, his masculine scent filling her nostrils. “Oh, Karen, thank you so much.”
Karen managed to squeak out a “My pleasure” as he released her, trying to recover from the shock of his embrace, and waiting for her rapidly thumping heart to calm back down.