The DOCTOR walking down the street at a brisk pace. The CAPTAIN following behind him, calling out.
CAPTAIN … Doctor! One moment, please. Why must we all be rushing about so? I don’t understand it. All you’ll do is rush to your death, Doctor … not the kind of thing a man with a clear conscience would do. Not at all.
The CAPTAIN grabs the DOCTOR and holds him, even when the DOCTOR tries to pull away.
DOCTOR I’m in a hurry, Captain. A hurry!
CAPTAIN But I need to speak with someone. I’m so down, Doctor. I feel like a man about to burst into tears … Even at the sight of my own coat hanging in the hall.
DOCTOR Hmmm … (Stares at the CAPTAIN.) Puffy. Fat. Thick neck. And subject to apoplexy, I’ll wager. Yes, my dear Captain, you’re headed for trouble soon enough. Apoplexia cerebri. Of course it may only affect one side or, with a bit of luck, it’ll only attack the brain so that you will live on as some kind of vegetable. That’s my prognosis, anyhow. I’ll assure you, though, that if this is the case and the good Lord does decide to paralyze you … I will conduct experiments on you that will cause our names to go down in history …
The CAPTAIN pushes the DOCTOR away, staggering back and off to one side.
CAPTAIN Doctor, stop it now! You could kill a person from fright, you know … pure and simple fright! (Beat.) I can already imagine the mourners, using lemons to make the tears flow … Still, they’ll say “He was a good man. A good, good man.” (Points at him.) Ahhh, you’re a damned ol’ coffin-nail, you are!
The DOCTOR smiles and tips his hat, turning away. WOYZECK suddenly appears, reading as he moves past. The CAPTAIN calls out.
CAPTAIN Woyzeck! What’s the hurry, man? Stop a bit …
WOYZECK comes to a stop but doesn’t turn to the CAPTAIN or the DOCTOR. Just stands there, fidgeting. Hides his book and glasses.
DOCTOR What’ve you got there, Woyzeck?
WOYZECK Nnn … nothing, Herr Doctor.
CAPTAIN You rush around through the world like an open razor … you’re going to give someone a nasty cut there if you’re not careful! (Laughs.) I swear, it’s as if you’ve got to shave a battalion of eunuchs on punishment of death if you miss a single hair … and speaking of hair or … what was I saying? Oh yes. Beards. Speaking of that …
DOCTOR Troops should be discouraged from wearing facial hair. As the Romans first suggested …
CAPTAIN Yes, no beards. Quite right. (To WOYZECK.) And while we’re on that subject—you haven’t noticed any stray hair in your soup, have you now? Do you follow me? A hair from somebody else’s beard perhaps? An engineer’s or a sergeant’s or even a … oh, say, a drum-major’s? Well, Woyzeck? (Beat.) But that woman of yours … she’s probably trustworthy, right? Isn’t she?
WOYZECK Yes, sir. She’s … what do you mean by all that, sir?
WOYZECK moves close to the CAPTAIN, into his personal space. The CAPTAIN steps back, annoyed. The DOCTOR watches closely.
CAPTAIN Look at his face! Look! (Chortles.) Well, perhaps not in your food … but a hair caught in a pair of lips. Do you understand me now? Lips. Ahh, love … believe me, I’ve known the feeling, too. My God, Woyzeck … (Studies him.) You look white as death.
WOYZECK Captain, sir, please … I’m a poor man, I haven’t got much. Just her. Don’t joke about this if you’re not … please!
CAPTAIN Me, joke with you?! Why would I bother doing that?
The DOCTOR moves to WOYZECK, placing a hand on his neck.
DOCTOR Careful, Woyzeck, watch your pulse now! It’s becoming irregular and violent! Careful now!
WOYZECK The world’s gone as hot as hell … but I feel like ice. Ice cold. I’m all … (Explodes.) The bitch! SLUT! It can’t be …
CAPTAIN Your eyes, my God … they’re like a pair of knives! (Steps back.) Stop it now or do you want me to put a bullet in your head? I’m doing you a favor, Woyzeck, because you’re not a bad sort … I’ve told you for your own good.
DOCTOR Your face is growing taut, Woyzeck. It’s twitching … your muscles … and your behavior is tense. Excited.
WOYZECK I suppose anything is possible … (Breaks.) THE BITCH!!
WOYZECK catches himself and stops, looking around; as if he had just come upon the DOCTOR and the CAPTAIN now.
WOYZECK It’s a fine day, sir. Look. (He points.) A nice gray sky … makes you want to pound a nail into it and hang yourself … all because of the space between yes … and no. Tell me, Captain, is the “no” to blame for the “yes,” or the “yes” for the “no?” I’ll … I guess I’ll need to think about that.
WOYZECK executes a strange little bow and shuffles off—first slowly, then gathering speed. The DOCTOR follows after him.
DOCTOR What a case! Wait, Woyzeck!!
CAPTAIN They make me so dizzy, all these people … (Shudders.) Look at them go, that one tearing off like a spider’s shadow and the other jerking along behind him …
The sound of VOICES rising up around the CAPTAIN. He spins around and looks at the sky. Pulls up his collar.
VOICES WOYZECK … WOYZECK … WOYZECK!!
CAPTAIN … like thunder following after lightning. It’s grotesque, I tell you. Grotesque!!
Blackout.