Kit felt like an intruder. Like death hovering on the edges of the masked ball – or in this case leaning on the bar at the back of the observation lounge. Pulling a pen from his pocket, he quickly sketched a death’s head on a paper cocktail napkin. He was blacking in the area around the empty eye sockets, when he heard her laugh.
He looked up, searching the crowded room. Jenny was standing near one of the big glass windows. They were so far south now, that darkness was a stranger, and Jenny was framed in the gentle light of a very low sun. She was talking to the elderly lady with the big purple handbag. And standing next to her was the guest of honour. Glen Stewart. The man who had survived that dramatic rescue.
He looked like a man who had been to the gates of hell and back. His face was gaunt and even from a distance, Kit could see the bruises. People were crowding around him, and Kit could tell from the set of his body, that the man was starting to tire. He was looking around, as if to escape.
Kit knew that feeling well. Some people seemed to feed on the pain of others. Even well-wishers were exhausting when they wouldn’t leave you alone. And he was as bad as anyone in the room. He too was only here to look at the man who had come so close to death … and fought his way back.
Across the room, Glen turned and their eyes met. For a few seconds, their gaze held, then Kit looked away. The habit of hiding had become ingrained. He picked up his pen again, just to give himself something to do. This time the sketch was a small yacht … with a wave towering above it. The wave was shaped like a hand, fingers outstretched like claws trying to grasp the yacht.
‘That’s actually pretty much what it felt like.’
Kit slowly lifted his eyes from the sketch. Glen was standing beside him, his empty glass in his hand.
‘You must be glad it’s over,’ he said, taking refuge in platitudes.
‘I am,’ Glen signalled the barman for another glass of water. ‘Although I am beginning to think facing this crowd is almost as bad.’ Glen smiled to take the sting out of his words. ‘I may have to punch the next person who asks me what it felt like out there.’
Kit looked at the man’s tired eyes. That’s not what he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask what had driven Glen to fight so hard to survive. Was there a wife or a child somewhere waiting for him? Was that what drove him on? Love? How much love did you need to fight that sort of pain? And if the love wasn’t strong enough …
‘This is really good, you know,’ Glen said, lifting the sketch from the top of the bar for closer inspection.
‘Keep it,’ Kit said. He turned away. He had to get out of here before someone came looking for Glen – and found him as well.
Kit stepped through the door, letting it shut behind him. The ship was in smooth waters now. Despite the delay to their journey, they would reach the ice tomorrow. All the passengers would go ashore. But not Kit. Tomorrow he must do what he had come to do. He couldn’t wait any longer.
‘Look at this,’ Glen appeared at Jenny’s side again, holding a white paper napkin out for her inspection.
She froze as she saw the drawing.
‘Oh, look,’ Vera plucked the napkin from Glen’s fingers. ‘It’s another of those drawings. Is your mystery man here?’
Jenny turned her head towards the bar. ‘I can’t see him …’
‘I think he left,’ Glen said, retrieving the napkin. ‘You know … This is rather good. I think I will keep it as a souvenir.’
‘Sorry, I have to go,’ Jenny said.
Vera looked at her and raised a single eyebrow.
Glen put his hand on her arm.
‘Jenny, it was good to talk to you. You know, I am moving into the crew quarters.’
‘Sorry?’ Jenny was surprised. ‘Into the crew quarters?’
‘Yes. I can’t stay in sick bay. They might need the bed for someone who is really sick. The passenger cabins are all full. But I was told one of the lecturers didn’t come – so their cabin in the crew quarters is free. That’s where they are going to put me. So, we’ll be neighbours.’
‘That’s great,’ Jenny said automatically. ‘If there’s anything I can do, let me know. But, sorry, I have to go now.’
Realising that she was being almost rude, Jenny pushed her way through the lounge and out the doors. At the stairs she hesitated. Down one flight was the luxury cabin where her mysterious friend lived. But she knew instinctively that he wouldn’t be there. She headed for the top deck.
The wind was icy as she stepped outside. But she was right. There was a solitary figure standing by the railing.
She started toward him, and then stopped. What was she thinking? If he wanted to talk to her, he would have done it at the party. He was obviously a man who enjoyed solitude and here she was behaving like some stalker. Not only that, he was a passenger; and not just any passenger. He had the biggest, most expensive cabin on the ship. And she was just a first time lecturer. She could lose her job over this. Not that they were likely to throw her off the ship mid-ocean. But it still wasn’t …
‘Hello, Jenny.’
‘Hello, Kit.’
‘This is getting to be a habit.’
‘Oh, I am so sorry,’ Jenny said, feeling flustered. ‘I didn’t mean to intrude.’ She started to back away.
‘No, please stay.’
He turned to look at her and she could see an indescribable need … a hunger in his eyes. But not for her.
‘Please.’ Kit said again, ever so softly.
‘All right.’ She stepped up and took a position beside him, her hands on the rail and together they stared out over the ocean.
The twilight was soft and although the ocean looked as cold as it no doubt was, it appeared far less threatening than it had just twenty-four hours earlier.
‘There’s no sign of our friends, the albatross.’ Jenny said.
‘With so much of the world to explore, we really can’t expect them to stay with us.’
‘I guess not. But it was lovely to watch them together like that.’
For a long time Kit remained silent. Jenny was beginning to wonder why, when at last he spoke again.
‘Glen seemed to be enjoying the party.’
‘I guess after a close call like that, it feels good just to be alive.’
‘I imagine it does. I saw the two of you talking. Has he said much about what happened?’
‘Not a lot. He got caught up in the storm. He was doing all right until a freak wave smashed his boat.’ Jenny stopped talking for a minute, her mind redrawing the image of Glen’s face as he’d answered questions about his ordeal. ‘He said there were times he thought he was going to die …’
‘But he kept fighting.’
‘Yes, of course he did,’ Jenny said. ‘Wouldn’t you?’
For a very long moment, there was no reply. Jenny felt a strange fear deep inside her. She looked across at the man standing with her at the railing. ‘Kit? You would have kept fighting … wouldn’t you?’
‘Of course.’
He didn’t meet her eye, and Jenny felt a coldness descend on her that had nothing to do with the weather or the latitude. He was lying.
‘His life was on the line,’ Jenny said forcefully. ‘And he fought for it. You would. I would. Anyone would.’
He turned to face her then. He was very close, looking down at her with an intensity that made his blue eyes seem deeper than the ocean. He gripped her by the shoulders as if he were drowning, and she was his life preserver.
‘You would, wouldn’t you, Jenny. You would fight. You’d never give up. You’d never leave … someone you loved.’
‘Never!’ The fierceness of her answer surprised her. Yet she meant it. Even more importantly, she wanted Kit to know she meant it, because right now she was afraid for him. More afraid than she had been for Glen even in those moments when he disappeared under the waves. ‘I would always keep fighting. Life is too precious to let go of it easily. I would fight for myself. For the people I love … and the people who love me.’
His face was just inches from her own – and she quivered with the need to kiss him. It wasn’t about love or lust – it was about life. And never giving up.
His eyes searched her face. He lifted one hand to tenderly touch her cheek with the back of one finger. His ran his finger along the fading mark where she had scratched her cheek. The wound had healed, but his touch was so light, so gentle, she could barely feel it. His eyes glistened with tears not brought about by the biting cold and the wind, but rather by some terrible pain she could sense deep inside him.
‘You would never give up,’ he whispered.
She closed her eyes unable to stand the power of his gaze, and felt his hand drop from her shoulder. When she opened her eyes again, he was leaving, striding quickly away across the freezing, windswept deck. Jenny stood rooted in place as he vanished down the stairs.
‘What just happened?’ she asked herself in a whisper.
Whatever it was, she couldn’t leave it there. She almost broke into a run as she crossed the deck. It took just a moment to descend to deck six, but when she looked along the corridor towards the stern, Kit was not to be seen.
She hesitated. She should not go to his cabin. She should not knock on his door and demand to know why he had looked at her like that. Why he had placed such emphasis on that word. You would never give up. You. What did that mean? She had to find out.
‘Jenny, there you are,’ before she could move, a female voice stopped her in her tracks. It was Anna. She sighed and gave her attention to the nurse, who also happened to be her boss’s wife.
‘I’m just putting some things together to put in the spare cabin for Glen. You know he’s going to be in the staff quarters? He’ll be right next to you, so can we rely on you to help him out?’
Anna didn’t seem to notice her lack of response.
‘I knew we could count on you,’ she continued. ‘So why don’t you come with me now and we can get some stuff squared away for him.’
Without giving her time to answer, Anna started down the stairs and Jenny had no choice but to follow.