It was quite probably the best thing he had ever done.
The canvas was shining with the deep glow of newly painted oils. That gleam had always seemed to be something magical. He thought the magic had died with Dana. But he was wrong. His gift had never been more powerful. He could almost weep at the joy of it. He lifted his paint spattered hand and flexed the fingers; hardly able to believe that his own hand had done such work.
Today, for the first time, he had painted Jenny.
The other canvasses in the stateroom showed the world around her. He had painted the beauty that she brought into that world. Her presence had been a shadowy reflection on the ice. A few strands of hair on the wind. A shape in a bird’s eye.
Not this time.
This time he had painted the woman he… what? The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life painting. The rest of his life loving.
He would never sell this painting. It would be like selling a part of himself. It would be like selling his soul.
An image of his agent’s face sprang into his mind. The man would be over the moon when he saw the collection in this cabin. And he would tear his hair at Kit’s refusal to sell that painting of Jenny. Kit’s work had never quite cracked the million dollar barrier. Not yet. Kit knew in his heart that the painting of Jenny could shatter that barrier and more besides.
It never would. He could never sell it – but he could give it away. After all, it was Christmas Day. For the first time since Dana’s death, he wanted to celebrate the holiday. His love for Dana and his grief were not gone. There would always be a place in his heart for Dana. But there was room in his heart for Jenny too. And deep down, he knew this was what Dana – the Dana he had loved so deeply – would want for him.
Kit was half way to the door before he realised he was still holding a brush in his hand. He returned it to its proper place, wondering as he did where he would find Jenny. He had planned to wait for her at the landing point, after he and Glen had shepherded their group back down the headland. But the two of them had been ordered into the boats by one of the seamen, who said he’d bring Jenny in the next boatload. Once he was back on board, Kit was so desperate to paint, he’d vanished into his cabin in a kind of a daze and then lost track of time. He smiled. It was a long time since the passion had taken him like that. He welcomed it back like a long lost friend.
By the time Kit reached the passenger lounge, the Christmas party was in full swing. He looked at his watch and realised it was even later than he’d thought. He had obviously missed the dinner while he was painting. That was the problem with these never-ending days, there was no encroaching darkness to warn you that time was passing. He glanced out through the huge glass windows at the front of the lounge. The Cape Adare was moving. Heading home. Her mission accomplished. The noise and laughter inside the lounge indicated that the passengers also considered their voyage well done.
And the paint on his hands told him something about his own journey.
Kit entered the room, no longer feeling the need to hover in the background. No longer wanting to hide. He stood near the centre of the room and looked around for Jenny. She wasn’t there. That was strange.
He saw Vera Horsley chatting to the ship’s doctor and made his way towards her. Vera kept her finger on the pulse of the ship. She would know where Jenny was.
‘No, I haven’t seen her,’ Vera said when he asked. ‘I thought she might have been with you.’
‘I haven’t seen her since this afternoon. When she went …’ Kit’s voice trailed off as a terrible thought formed in the back of his brain.
‘She went where?’ Vera asked.
‘We were half way back down the headland. Some woman had lost her bracelet. Jenny went back to get it. She said she would take a later boat.’
‘You don’t think?’ Vera’s face froze.
‘No. That couldn’t happen,’ Kit said, wishing he felt as confident as he sounded. Once more he looked around the room, and immediately recognised the blonde woman leaning on the bar. It took him just a couple of seconds to reach her side.
‘Your bracelet,’ he asked without any pre-amble. ‘Have you got it back?’
The woman looked a little annoyed as she answered. ‘No. I have not. And I think that is quite poor. That girl should have brought it back to me as soon as she came on board. I am of a mind to have strong words with the captain.’
Kit had already tuned her out. He spotted Glen just coming through the door. Much as he did not want to contemplate the thought that Jenny might have been with Glen – it was still a better option than the other fear that was growing in his mind.
Glen was alone.
‘Have you seen Jenny?’ Kit asked as he approached.
‘No. Not since this afternoon,’ Glen said. ‘Look, I don’t want to get caught in the middle of something here. If you and Jenny are … you know, that’s fine. I’ll back down.’
Kit nodded curtly. ‘What I’m concerned about right now is where she is. I think maybe she got left behind.’
‘Left behind? Where?’
‘At that last landing. It doesn’t look like anyone has seen her since.’
‘That can’t happen,’ Glen said. ‘We swipe on and off the boat with our key cards. I saw her do it this morning. The log would show if she hadn’t swiped back in.’
‘Oh! No!’ The sound of Vera’s shaky voice caused both men to turn.
‘What is it?’ Kit asked.
‘I think … oh no. It’s all my fault.’
Vera looked as if she might faint. Kit took her arms and guided her to a nearby seat.
‘Tell me,’ he said, crouching in front of her.
‘Jenny’s room key. I reset it.’
‘What do you mean, you reset it?’ Kit asked.
‘Well, we wanted to … I wanted to get into your room. You seemed to be stalking Jenny. I thought it was all right because you are … well, who you are. But I wasn’t sure. And I wanted Jenny to see …’ Vera’s voice trailed off.
‘What did you do to the key?’
‘I know a bit about room key systems, I researched them for a book last year. I reprogrammed her key to let her into your cabin as well as her own.’
‘But that wouldn’t stop it registering her on and off the ship. Would it?’
Vera frowned. ‘It might. If I did something wrong.’
‘Let’s check her cabin,’ Glen said. ‘I’m staying in the staff quarters, so I can get us in there.’
They took the stairs. When repeated banging on Jenny’s cabin door did not elicit a response, Kit felt his gut clench with a terrifying certainty.
‘We have to turn back. Now.’
Banging on the door to the bridge did elicit a response, and within a couple of minutes, Kit had outlined his fears to Captain Haugen. The captain immediately called Karl Anders to the bridge. The pair had a hurried conversation while Kit stood by, trying to contain himself.
‘Thank you. We will take it from here,’ Captain Haugen assured him as Karl left the bridge at a brisk walk.
‘Are you turning back?’ Kit demanded to know.
‘First we will search the ship. She could be on board. If we don’t find her, then I will send a boat back for her.’
‘It could be too late by then,’ Kit was shouting, but he couldn’t stop himself. ‘It’s freezing out there on the ice. And she could be hurt. She’ll think we’ve left her. She could do something stupid … like … like try to walk to McMurdo. If she does that we’ll never …’
‘Mr Walker. We will find her. I’ve already told a seaman to prepare my tender to launch. Karl will call in a few minutes, and then the boat will be away.’
‘I’m going too.’
The captain shook his head. ‘I can’t allow that. As a passenger, your safety is paramount. I cannot allow you to leave the ship now.’
‘I have to go back.’
‘No. Sorry.’
Kit saw that the captain was not going to be moved on this. He turned on his heel and stormed off the bridge, Glen was close behind. As soon as the heavy door slammed shut behind them, Kit turned to Glen.
‘Do you know where that tender boat is?’
‘Deck six. Port side. They’ll be prepping it now,’ Glen said.
‘I have get to get on board,’ Kit said. ‘And you are going to help me.’
Glen seemed to hesitate for a second, but only for a second. ‘All right. Go get your heavy weather gear. Meet me on deck six.’
Unlike the inflatables, the tender boat had a solid hull, and a covered cabin. The seamen were busy preparing it for launch when Kit and Glen approached. One of the seaman made as if to stop them coming too close. Glen shouldered his way between the seaman and Kit.
‘You can’t go …’ the seaman started to say.
Kit ignored him. He brushed quickly past before anyone else could try to stop him and swung himself on board. A few seconds later, Karl Anders joined him, his face a mask of anger and anxiety.
‘You have to get off this boat,’ Karl said.
‘That’s not going to happen,’ Kit told him firmly. ‘I am coming with you.’
‘No. You’re not. I need to focus on finding Jenny. You’ll only slow us down.’
‘I won’t. You’re the one slowing us down – standing here and arguing. Let’s get underway.’
‘The captain’s orders …’
‘I don’t give a damn about the captain’s orders. It’s Jenny I care about.’
Kit held the expedition leader’s gaze. After a few tense seconds, Karl seemed to realise that Kit was not going to back down.
‘If I let you stay, I need you to swear to me that you will follow my orders. I will not have you putting Jenny’s life even more at risk.’
‘I would never do that,’ Kit said firmly.
‘All right.’ Karl still didn’t look happy but turned away to order the seamen to proceed.
It seemed to take an eternity to launch the boat. Kit stayed well out of the crew’s way. He was glad to see the doctor come on board, but at the same time, his presence made Kit even more fearful for Jenny.
The boat was lowered into the water with a resounding splash. As soon as the ropes were free, the seaman at the controls sent it powering away from the Cape Adare, which had come to a standstill. Conversation would have been difficult over the roar of the motor, but Kit wasn’t in the mood to talk.
In the back of his head, the same words were pounding over and over like the tolling of a church bell.
Not again. Please, God. Not again.