He was there, of course. Right where she knew he would be. Standing on the top deck in the spot she had come to think of as theirs. The sun was very low in the sky, and there were clouds gathering. The beautiful pink and golden light had been left behind as the Cape Adare worked her way north. The greyness of the evening seemed to hover around Kit’s shoulders.
Jenny steeled herself emotionally and physically, and started to walk across the deck. She had almost reached Kit, when he heard or sensed her. Slowly he turned around. The darkness in his eyes tore at her heart. But then his face changed. His eyes glistened as he closed the distance between them and took her in his arms. His arms were strong. His body was warm. And as she laid her head on his chest, she could almost feel the beating of his heart.
For a long time they stood like that.
Finally, Kit brushed a kiss across the top of Jenny’s head, and released her. Not entirely. He kept his arm around her shoulders as they stepped up to their usual place – side by side at the ship’s rail, looking out over the ocean.
It was Kit who finally broke the silence.
‘I thought I had lost you.’ His body was taut with emotion. His journey to this place had been long and painful. Jenny knew it wasn’t quite over.
‘Kit, tell me how Dana died.’
‘We were going to have a baby,’ his voice broke. ‘Oh, God. We were so happy. Dana stopped dancing as soon as she learned she was pregnant. Having a baby would have pretty much ended her career, but she didn’t care. She … we wanted the baby so much. ‘
He choked on the words. Jenny barely dared to breathe as she waited for him to say what he needed to say.
‘She was such a strong dancer, but weak in other ways. She lost the baby.’
Jenny put her hand over his on the railing. The grief in his voice was palpable.
‘When she came home from hospital she just sat there. She barely spoke. She wouldn’t talk to her friends. They were all dancers, you see. Dancing at that level is so hard on a woman’s body. She thought she was to blame. I tried to help her, but she was so distant. She wouldn’t talk to me. She would barely look at me. So, I buried myself in my studio.’
‘You were grieving too,’ Jenny whispered.
‘I should have been there for her. One day, she was just gone. We were living in Manhattan – on the upper west side. The doorman at our apartment told me she had gone towards the park. Central Park is a pretty big place. I searched for hours. She was dead when I found her. The doctors said she had taken a massive overdose.’
Tears pricked at Jenny’s eyes for this desperately sad woman whom she had never met. ‘I am so sorry.’
‘It was my fault. I should have been there. I was in my studio painting when she decided she wanted to die. If I had been with her …’
‘This is not your fault, Kit. It was a tragedy but it was not your fault. You have to know that.’
‘I felt so guilty, but I was angry too. At her. She just gave up and left me. She wasn’t willing to try. To fight for us …’
Kit took a long slow breathe.
‘After the funeral, I went into the studio. I picked up a brush. And there was nothing. I couldn’t paint any more. There had always been a darkness inside me, Jenny. Dana softened it. Gave it some colour. I fell back into the darkness when she died. And, ashamed as I am to admit it, there were times I thought I wanted to die too.’
‘That’s not why you came on this cruise is it?’ Jenny asked, fear in her voice. ‘You weren’t thinking of …’
‘Honestly, Jenny, I don’t know. I’ve spent the last year travelling. Always taking my tools with me. I’ve been to the most beautiful places. Seen so many different cultures and people. I desperately wanted to believe one of them would inspire me to paint again. Nothing did. Until I saw you – you brought new colour into my life. Bright, wonderful colours. Living … loving colours’
Jenny smiled through her tears. ‘Love at first sight?’ she said, trying to keep her voice light, despite the fact that her heart felt like it was going to explode.
‘It seems to be my way,’ Kit said ruefully. ‘I remember the exact look on your face when the coke can exploded in the library. That was quite some first sight.’
‘I have a confession to make,’ Jenny said. ‘It wasn’t my first sight of you.’
‘Really?’
‘Our first night out. You were … um … you were in the sauna.’
‘The sauna?’ Kit raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought I saw someone. That was you?’
Jenny nodded, blushing furiously.
Kit laughed. It was a rich, happy sound that Jenny knew she would never tire of hearing.
‘Then I must make a confession too,’ he said. ‘I saw you that day with the dolphins. Talking to them. That was the day I first felt the desire to paint again. That was the day you gave it back to me.’
‘It was always in you, Kit. You just had to find it. And speaking of finding things,’ Jenny said with a start. ‘I wonder …’ She reached into the pocket of her jacket and her fingers closed around something cold and metallic. The bracelet shone dully in the lowering light when she pulled it out of her pocket. ‘I suppose at some point I should give this back.’
‘That stupid bracelet. I almost lost you because of that. I want to throw it in the ocean.’
‘It’s too pretty,’ Jenny said. ‘Let’s give it back.’
‘You have to promise me you will never do something that stupid ever again.’
‘I can’t do that,’ Jenny said, feeling him tense beside her. ‘That’s the person I am. I sometimes do stupid things. I will make mistakes and fall down. You can’t wrap me in cotton wool, Kit. But,’ she turned to look at him, holding his face between her hands as she spoke with all the feelings pouring through her heart. ‘I promise you this, Kit Walker. I will never give up. I will always fight my way back. To you. For you. For us. Even if I have to do it on my hands and knees.’
Jenny was never sure if she kissed Kit, or if Kit kissed her. It was a kiss that lasted a very long time.
Jenny shivered as they broke apart.
‘You’re cold,’ Kit said. ‘You shouldn’t be out here. Let’s go down to my stateroom. There’s something there I want to show you.’
‘Ah. I may have seen it. There is this small matter of a break-in I have to explain …’
Kit was chuckling again as they made their way across the open deck. His arms stayed around her shoulders. Not so much to help as to just keep her near him. She would be very happy to live with that for a lifetime or two.
As Jenny and Kit disappeared into the ship, just as the sun dipped below the horizon, two shapes slipped beneath the clouds. The two great albatross soared easily on the winds, pacing the ship for a short time, before turning on the wind to continue their lifelong journey together.
* The End *
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