James was doing some serious thinking on the drive back to Lincoln. Stephanie had got home just after six, looking stressed and dishevelled. He had been tempted to stay, to say, ‘Sod work on Monday morning, let Malcolm or Simon worry about the surgery for once,’ but he didn’t know how to broach it without Stephanie thinking he was behaving oddly. And the truth was he was feeling odd. It was as if he had been asleep for a year and had only now woken up and realized exactly what it was he had been doing all that time. What had he been thinking? More to the point, how had he ever thought he could get away with it? He had dug himself into so deep a mess that he couldn’t imagine there was a way to dig himself out again without losing everything. He had thought he could keep the situation going indefinitely, that both women would remain contentedly in possession of half of him, and that his feelings towards both of them would always be such that he would never feel the need to jump one way or the other. Now he had started to wonder if he had been wrong.
When he got home around nine forty-five Katie was out. She had left him a note saying she had a client and that she had left him some dinner in the oven. He petted Stanley and then ate, sitting at the tiny table in the kitchen. He looked around at the Thai statues on the shelves and the framed photos of Katie’s holidays in the East before she had met him, on the walls. There was nothing of him in the room, he thought, nothing really to say that he had been living here for the past year. Even the colour, a bright, sea turquoise, wasn’t one he would have chosen himself.
The doorbell rang.
James looked at his watch. Five past ten. It was late for someone to be calling unannounced. He opened the door cautiously to find Simone standing there. ‘Is Katie in?’ she asked, before he could even say hello.
‘Erm … no, she’s working,’ he said. Something about Simone seemed a little manic.
‘Good. It’s you I wanted to see. Can I come in?’ Simone was already halfway through the door as she said this. ‘Do you have any wine? I’m desperate for a drink.’ She had clearly had a couple already.
James poured her a small glass. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘I’m fine – why wouldn’t I be? I just heard you were having trouble with the planning department and I thought I might be able to help, that’s all.’
James was having trouble believing that Simone had come round at five past ten in the evening to discuss his extension.
‘I could put in a word with the Conservation Area Group. They have a big influence on the council, you know. If I could get a consensus that there’s no objection to the building …’
James interrupted her – this really was very strange: ‘Simone, that’s really very kind of you, but I can’t see the Conservation Area Group agreeing that my breeze-block and uPVC extension is an asset to the area. And, besides, I wouldn’t want to put you to any trouble.’
Simone, who had been sitting in one of the little armchairs, stood up and moved on to the sofa next to James. He shuffled along awkwardly.
‘It’s no trouble,’ she said, and gave him a look which made him realize exactly why she was there. She was trying to seduce him. For a split second he toyed with the idea of calling her bluff, but he knew that whatever the solution to his problems might be, shagging one of his neighbours wasn’t it.
‘Actually, Simone, I’ve decided to do the right thing for once. I’ll apply for the permission and if I don’t get it, well, then, it serves me right. But thank you for your offer. I really appreciate it. You’re a good friend.’ He stood up as if to say that it was time for her to go, but Simone didn’t move.
‘Could I have another glass of wine?’ she asked, in what she clearly thought was a come-on voice.
James looked at his watch. ‘To be honest, I was hoping for an early night,’ he said, but before he had finished getting the words out, Simone had stood too and was making a grab for him. He pulled his head back, avoiding her kiss. ‘Come on, Simone,’ he tried to laugh it off, ‘we can’t be doing this. Katie will be back any minute, and what about Richard?’
‘Richard can fuck off,’ Simone said viciously.
‘Ah,’ James said. ‘You’ve had a row with Richard.’ That would explain it. She was looking for a way to get back at Richard and she clearly thought that James would never turn down the offer of a quickie.
James took the glass out of her hand and set it on the table. ‘Simone, I think you should go home. You can sort things out with Richard in the morning. What do you say?’
Simone was starting to look angry. ‘You’ve been flirting away with me for months and now you’re going to humiliate me by saying no? What, do you think I’m the sort of woman who goes round flinging herself at any old man? No,’ she said, answering her own question. ‘I came to you because you have always made it very clear that you fancied me.’
She was shouting, and James couldn’t help worrying what the neighbours might think. ‘I’m sorry if I gave you that impression,’ he said. There was no doubt in his mind that if this had happened a couple of weeks ago he would have been tempted to go for it and sod the consequences. He had never been one to turn down an invitation for sex, however complicated. Now he just wanted her out of his house. He was in enough trouble already. ‘I did flirt with you, it’s true, but I never meant anything by it. I’d never have acted on it. I thought you felt the same, that we were just having a laugh.’
He realized immediately that this had been the wrong thing to say. Simone’s face contorted into an angry sneer. ‘Having a laugh? Do you think I’d be here cheating on my husband if I thought we were just having a laugh?’
God, he wished she’d stop shouting. She really was very drunk. ‘Let’s get this straight,’ James said, his tone more serious now. ‘You are not here cheating on your husband. You and Richard had a fight and you came over here wanting to get back at him but that’s not going to happen, OK? Now, why don’t you just go home and sort things out with him?’
‘What’s wrong with me? Don’t you like me?’ Suddenly big wet tears were running down her face.
Oh, great, James thought, now what do I do? Next thing she’d be passing out on the sofa and then he’d never get rid of her. The truth was, he had let her think he liked her. He’d amused himself by flirting and enjoying the feeling that he was getting one over on Richard. He was that pathetic, he thought now, that he had needed to think his friends’ wives fancied him, that they would all jump into bed with him if he said the word.
There was only one thing for it. He had to get Simone to go home, whatever it took. He put his arms round her. ‘Of course I do,’ he said. ‘You know I do. It’s just that we can’t do anything about it because of Richard and Katie. I want to, I really do,’ he added, looking down at her tear-stained face. He didn’t fancy her in the least, he saw now. It had all been a big game. ‘But we can’t. We’ve both got too much to lose.’
Simone was looking up at him calmly, blinking through her tears, her pride intact. They were the same, he thought. They just wanted to be the one everyone desired.
‘Now, you should go home before we do something we’ll regret.’
She leaned up to kiss him again and he pushed her away gently. ‘No, if we start we’ll never be able to stop.’ He couldn’t believe he was able to trot out these clichés so easily, or that she was lapping them up.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘You’re right.’
James untangled himself as quickly as he could, without appearing rude, then steered her towards the front door. He wondered if he should walk with her, she had had way too much to drink, but decided that that would be asking for trouble. ‘Goodnight, then,’ he called, as she tottered off into the night. He wanted the neighbours to know she was leaving, that way, there would be no nasty rumours.
Half an hour later when Katie got home he told her the whole story. He was through with keeping secrets. Well, almost.