The last drops of after-sun lotion stubbornly slide out of the bottle, forming a pretty flower-like shape on my arm that I admire with curiosity before rubbing it into my thirsty skin, which now smells of coconut and papaya.
‘I’ve made some reservations for tonight at a beachfront diner,’ says Luca.
I take a long sip of my lemonade, which I’ve been drinking copious amounts of since it became my beverage of choice last week.
‘You do know I’d be happy eating off paper plates with plastic forks as long as I’m with you, right?’
He rolls his eyes without wiping away the smile that is doing the most delightful things to his face. ‘I think you better leave the romance to me, Australiana.’
Laughter spills out of me. ‘It is your specialty.’
‘I should let you know that we have to catch dinner ourselves. From a boat.’
‘So that’s the catch?’
He reaches over and tickles me. ‘Oh no, you’re the catch. And a slippery one at that.’ He slips a slice of red-wine-infused peach into his mouth and licks his lips.
‘Remind me again why you do that? Your drunken peaches,’ I say.
He shrugs. ‘Tradition. Here, try.’
I take a few sips. ‘It’s good.’
Luca takes a slice of peach and guides it into my mouth. ‘Take mine. I’ll get another.’
‘No, I should start getting ready. Don’t want to miss the boat.’
‘We’ve got time,’ he says, uncrossing his legs and leaning over for what turns out to be a fruity alcoholic kiss that has me questioning whether it’s him or the wine making me giddy. He glances up at the clock. ‘Actually, enough time to get undressed and dressed again.’
He nestles his face into the space between my neck and shoulder, and I whisper, ‘It wouldn’t be so bad even if we did miss the boat.’
Ours is one of many boats, dotted across the stretch of water, all competing for something to bring home for dinner. There’s a deliciously salty breeze sweeping through the air, and the sky is glowing orange and pink, affording us more minutes of sunlight before we need to head back. Luca reels in our second fish and it makes its way into the bucket with a splash.
‘Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you said. How do you feel about learning to scuba dive tomorrow?’
‘We can get certified, then see if we like it enough to do it on our own.’
‘I’d love that.’
He laughs and pulls me closer. ‘Looks like we’re crossing that one off your bucket list.’
We make our way out of the boat, where we’re greeted by a man who escorts us to a table on the beach. There’s soft music playing in the background, and while he cleans and cooks our fish for us on a nearby grill, daylight fades completely. For light we rely on the gentle glow from the candles on the table and around us.
‘I think we should make this a yearly thing. Thoughts?’
There’s something permanent about these words that unsettles me and has been bothering me ever since my revelation on our hike back to the apartment from the lemon grove last week. I can’t seem to shake the vision of Luca wiping away his tears.
He gives me a questioning look. ‘Mia?’
The wine splashes down my throat so quickly that I can’t hold back a cough. ‘Sorry, I was distracted.’
‘I don’t think you were. What’s wrong?’
Just when I thought our relationship couldn’t go any deeper, these past weeks have given the two of us access to each other’s souls. While it’s clear that I can’t hide my concerns from Luca any longer, it doesn’t stop me from trying to.
I reach for the wine and his hand closes over mine.
‘Mia, don’t you think we’re at the stage where you can be open with me? Are you okay?’ he asks with an element of scepticism in his voice.
‘I think so. I’m fine. It’s all fine.’
‘Yes. We’re okay.’
Or at least I think we are.
The waiter brings out our grilled fish, and I try my hardest not to poke around it with my fork. Despite its mouth-watering flavours, I force down every bite, along with my emotions, so that the evening he’s gone to so much effort to organise isn’t ruined.
‘I’ve got something for you,’ he says between our last course and dessert. ‘Well, actually, it’s for the both of us.’ He reaches into his pocket and produces a small box and slides it into the middle of the table. He watches me intently as I pull the ribbon.
‘I think I know what this is,’ I say, a smile spreading across my face. The box is heavy and exactly the right size for the item I think it contains. ‘You did it. You got us one!’ I say, turning it over to read the message engraved on the padlock. Luca & (bella) Mia. I trace my fingers over our engraved names, and in an instant my elation …
‘That’s my way of saying that you’re my forever, Mia.’
… turns into fear.
That night I toss and turn until the first rays of sunlight trickle through the window to our bedroom, bathing us with dappled light, casting tiny rainbows on the ceiling.
‘Up for a swim, painter girl?’ asks Luca.
‘I just want to sleep for a little longer.’
‘You tired this morning?’ he asks, brushing his hand across my cheek.
I nod and close my eyes. ‘Just half an hour.’
When I do reluctantly pull myself out of bed, it’s too late to get a spot on one of the main beaches.
‘Doesn’t matter, we have that,’ says Luca, pointing to an inlet where a small rock pool and lagoon that lies below us are tucked away between the cliffs. The aquamarine water lazily beckons us with its seductive appeal.
‘I thought you said it was a private lagoon?’
‘I did. It’s our private lagoon.’
‘You’re full of surprises, aren’t you? Let me grab my towel.’
The only terrible thing about stepping down the hundreds of steps leading down to the lagoon is that we’ll need to walk back up them later on. We reach the rock pool, dropping our towels and beach bags in the sun, heading straight into the water, which is as warm as a freshly run bath. Once we’ve cooled off, we find a cosy spot to lie under the sun.
‘Mia, I need to ask you something.’
‘Oh? What’s that?’
‘Last night, you seemed a little quiet. Are you homesick? I know you said you didn’t want to leave, but I understand if you’re homesick.’
‘Oh, no,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘It’s nothing like that. I mean, I miss my parents, but things with them have been a little easier recently.’
‘Then what is it? Because I know you didn’t sleep last night.’
I hold onto my breath before exhaling deeply. There’s nowhere to turn, nowhere to look away when he pierces my eyes with his intense stare. He waits for me to respond.
‘You cried the other day.’
‘What do you mean?’ He furrows his brow.
‘At the lemon grove, when I told you about—’
His eyes widen in surprise. ‘That’s what this is about?’
‘It’s fine, I mean, it’s okay that you did, it’s just that it made me worry that if it happens again—if I get sick again—it’s not fair for me to condemn you to a life where you might be the one watching me go through that kind of stuff again, Luca. If you got upset just listening to me tell you about it, and you weren’t even there, what are you going to be like if you see it unfold before your eyes?’
‘Of course I got upset! How did you expect me to react?’
‘What happens if you lose me? You’ve already had to deal with losing your parents so suddenly. I don’t know if I can do that to you. I don’t know if it’s right to let that happen to you.’
He sits up now and his hands begin speaking in rhythm with his words. ‘You’ve been sitting on these worries for how long now?’
‘A week? Don’t be upset. Please.’
He glides his hand over his forehead. ‘Mia, I am upset. Not because you’re thinking what you’re thinking, but because you didn’t talk to me about it. You can’t keep that kind of stuff inside you. We’re a couple. You need to trust me.’
‘I do trust you.’
‘Then you need to trust that I know what I’m doing. I know you’re in remission. I know what you’ve been through, and I know what could or could not occur in your future. We already spoke about this, and I thought you had gotten past this.’
‘Well, I thought I had, too. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for feeling the way that I do.’
‘I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I wouldn’t be devastated if you got sick again, or that I wouldn’t be worried. But I can tell you this: I’m not going anywhere. I’m certain that I would rather live my life knowing I made every single day count with you than be apart from you, knowing that you were living your life someplace else without me.’
I draw my knees up to my chest and fight back the tears.
‘I also know that the figures mean nothing. Niente.’ He stands up and makes his way to the rock pool. ‘Don’t let your fears come between us, Mia. What we have is too special.’