Justine went to school with our kids. She had lots of issues but lots of talent too. She was struggling with the whole rejection thing, but she buried it. FAITH
When they returned to Australia, Phil and Bev decided it would be good for them all to start attending church as a family. Bev hadn’t grown up in a religious family although she did attend a Catholic school. She liked the idea of being part of a church community and together she and Phil sought out one that suited them both, hoping that shared worship would bring them closer and lead to positive changes in Justine and Tendy’s behaviour. Israel, Crystal and Andreas accepted the regime change. To Israel it felt like a connection to happier times in his life, first in the New Zealand community when he was very young, then later with the Hutterites. Justine and Tendy were unimpressed. Tendy hated what she saw as hypocrisy. There they were, pretending to be the perfect family sitting together in church, when their reality was more like chaos and mayhem. She refused to play the game of happy families. No way was she going to pretend to be a good Christian girl. Instead, she perfected the role of offended drama queen.
Justine and Tendy, increasingly stroppy and strong-willed, ignored all rules. They got into trouble and they didn’t care. Bev was often by herself, trying to discipline them when Phil was out of the country on business or buried in work at the office. By 2001, desperately worried that they were on the point of wrecking their lives, Phil phoned Faith to ask her if she’d take one of them. She discussed it with her family and they decided to take Justine because, like them, she was keen on sport. However Tendy had thought she would be the one to go, and when she discovered it was Justine, she was angry, blaming Justine for manipulating the situation in her favour. Justine had mixed feelings about leaving home. Living in a new country would be exciting, but she wasn’t sure whether life with Faith would be so good.
Faith was under no illusions about how difficult it would be to take her niece under her wing. She feels now that she was too strict with her, something Justine heartily agrees with, although she also credits Faith with saving her from making a huge mess of her life. She stayed with Faith for three years until she was 18 and finished school. Once she settled in, she loved school because it was big on sport and she made lasting friendships. Her new friends didn’t smoke and didn’t think it was cool so she quit the cigarettes along with the other anti-social behaviour. While she was living with Faith, Justine began to appreciate the value of the religious beliefs the family lived by and she herself became a Christian.
With her partner-in-crime living in another country, 14-year-old Tendy was finding life hard. Justine was in a good school, whereas Tendy was still changing schools often and still with her bad group of friends. She hated going to church, and the way she saw her family pretending they were all happy and wonderful whenever anyone was around. She wouldn’t play the game and refused to smile when she had to be in a family photo. She felt that all the others could pretend, but she couldn’t. She was the emotional one, the one who wore her heart on her sleeve. Her behaviour worsened: she climbed out the window at night; she wandered around town until a desperate Phil finally found her; she smoked and drank. At home, she spun every incident into a drama designed to prove how much her family hated her. One night she climbed out the window to go joy-riding with boys. When she came back, Bev was waiting for her at the end of the drive, worried sick. They had a huge row but Tendy was unrepentant. She ran to her bedroom and phoned her father who was in Thailand on business. ‘Help! She’s psycho! She’s going to kill me!’ She spun it so that Bev was an evil witch-woman and she the hapless victim. It worked. Phil flew home immediately.
Whereas Tendy was more and more alienated from the church, it became increasingly important for the rest of the family. Bev got involved in various church-run activities and one day attended a lecture given by a woman working in an orphanage the church supported in a remote area of Borneo in Indonesia. She came home enthusing about the amazing work being done there. Phil astonished her by telling her she should go and visit the place to see it for herself.
Balai Karangi village in the province of Kalamatan was not a tourist destination. Getting there would require three separate flights into areas increasingly remote from the English-speaking world, but the orphanage had captured Bev’s heart and she decided to go. Phil suggested she take Tendy with her for company but also in the hope that the trip would shock her into seeing that her own life was paradise compared with how others had to live.
The trip in September 2001 went well. Tendy loved having Bev all to herself and the two of them got on well, the way they had when Bev first arrived in the family. Balai Karangi village welcomed them. Tendy with her blond hair was an exotic novelty and streams of children flocked around her wherever she went. They tugged her hand, pulling her with them to show her the hospital the church was building, and the orphanage. The people of the village had nothing but the ragged clothes they wore and their diet consisted of rice three times a day, yet they were so happy just to be alive.
When they got home to Australia, Tendy went right back to being what she now describes as a little shit, but the visit had been transformative for Bev. She wanted them all to go over and experience for themselves the happiness of people who had nothing and who lived without any modern-world essentials. Phil jumped at the idea. Here was a project he could make happen, one that would help bring his family together. He threw his energy into raising the money to pay for airfares for all eight family members. They would go as soon as possible.
His business couldn’t afford all the airfares so he swung into a round of fund-raising. Brunei Airlines agreed to sponsor some of the flights. Business friends he approached donated money for the trip and to buy materials for the building projects at the orphanage and hospital complex.
Although the trip did no more for the children than paper over the cracks of their family life, it did leave a lasting impression on all of them, by putting their own history into some perspective. They felt they had life pretty good in comparison with the villagers, especially the orphans.
Phil worked on the building projects, glad to use his expertise for such a worthwhile cause. Bev helped out in the orphanage and the kids roamed the village surrounded by a crowd of local children who attached themselves like magnets whenever Bev’s son Mitchell or one of the Cooper kids appeared outside.
The visit did bring the family closer. The kids loved having their dad around in this haven from the outside world. His business back home couldn’t intrude because there was no internet and no phone coverage either. They were in the middle of a jungle high in the mountains in 30 degree heat, where they were pummelled by rain and thunder storms every day, and they loved it.
Phil saw what a difference his and Bev’s little help had made. When he got home again he launched into a round of fund-raising, starting with a charity ball which raised thousands of dollars for the Mount Hope project in Balai Karangi village. It was a huge undertaking but he loved it; it was like the best days in the community when he masterminded the concerts.
He and Bev have been back several times and they continue to support the orphanage and hospital with money and labour. In 2006 Phil opened a letter which contained a cheque for $15,000. It was from the recently established Hutterite community in Australia who had heard of his work at Mount Hope. He read to Bev the message that came with it: ‘God has blessed us and we know that you will use this to bless others.’
They immediately put it toward the support of the orphanage.
All the family were elated by their experience at the orphanage, but once back home again, cracks reappeared in the family structure.