Some of the adults who come in get converted to the community but not to Christianity and they can still be rotten old sinners. NAOMI
Not many people leave Gloriavale now, partly because of its isolation, but also because the young ones have grown up inside and know no other way of life.
Phil’s family offered hospitality to one young man who had left because he wanted to work with computers, but inside the community one does not choose and he was apprenticed to a painter. He hated it and decided to leave. To avoid being caught and hauled in front of the men, he walked across the swamp at the back of the farm and hitchhiked to Christchurch. The whole operation took him 14 hours.
Naomi’s escape was different. The children’s maternal grandmother had been growing more and more disillusioned with Neville who once referred to himself as the angel of Gloriavale. She whispered to her son that if that was the case, his halo had slipped. Her son shushed her for fear somebody would hear and report her.
Naomi was in charge of the shopping which gave her the freedom to go into town once a week to buy groceries. On one such trip, while the community was still at Springbank, she was put in touch with her friend who had left years before. The friend showed her a video, warning her not to shut her mind against it because it was the truth. Naomi was devastated to see her own daughter, Sandy’s sister Yvette who had left the community, describing in harrowing detail the way in which Neville had sexually violated her.
A few years later at Gloriavale, Naomi felt increasingly that Neville was no longer preaching the word of God and she knew she couldn’t be wholehearted in her commitment. She felt that true religion was being squeezed out of Gloriavale and that she was dying inside spiritually. It took her two years to make the decision to leave because it was such a hard thing to do. She had family there, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and she loved her job, helping in the school where she was confidante to the children who all called her Grandma. On the other hand, she was constantly in pain from chronic arthritis and physically couldn’t handle the work. Neville told her she was getting lazy and that she didn’t have the spirit, that she was just giving in. In What We Believe he writes, ‘Christians should learn to bear pain and hardship as part of the corruption of this life’. He told her off and when she broke down, he said, ‘Don’t you cry!’
She retorted, ‘I’ll cry if I want to,’ but then thought, oh, now I’m in trouble.
Neville knew she didn’t like him.
She planned her escape carefully. The first step was to get money but she was only 64 so not entitled to the old-age pension. However, Work and Income in Greymouth arranged a benefit for her of $146 a week which she had credited directly into her newly opened bank account. She asked the bank not to send her any mail, and waited several weeks for the money to accumulate. She left in April 2002, without telling anybody because if she had they would have tried to talk her out of it or, worse, she would have been called to front up to the men who would wear her down until she agreed to stay.
She drove the shopping vehicle into Greymouth earlier than usual, telling people that she had a hospital appointment, a lie which troubled her conscience for some time. She prayed all the way into town, Please God, don’t let this truck break down.
She caught the bus to Nelson and when it stopped at Pancake Rocks she rang the community and told them to pick up the vehicle from the Mitre 10 car park. They thought she must have been admitted to hospital, but she just said, ‘No, I’m not coming back,’ and hung up.
Naomi felt dreadful about leaving, and full of guilt. She prayed for forgiveness for leaving and for telling the lie. But she knew that everyone felt guilty when they left and that she’d been right to do it. In Nelson she rented a basic cabin in a motor camp and clothed herself from second-hand shops. She sent the blue dress back. It was almost new and somebody would be able to use it.
Unlike Faith, she didn’t suffer from the fear she would be damned to hell for leaving and instead she felt she’d got her religion back again. Now she was able to worship God the way she’d done before Neville clamped the iron control on the community. She was able to return to the tenets she believed to be right. The relief was huge, of not having to look over her shoulder for Neville or one of the men whenever she did something as simple as trim her hair and put it in curlers. The thing that tore at her heart was leaving her family behind: a son, another daughter, and both their families, as well as Sandy and Dawn. She knew it was unlikely she’d ever see them again and she’d been too frightened of discovery to seek out Phil’s family or Yvette.
Before long, the family heard the news, which cheered them immensely: Naomi had escaped from Gloriavale and gone into hiding. Nobody knew where she was, but Phil hired a private detective who discovered she was living in a caravan at Tahuna Beach Motor Camp in Nelson. Israel rang her up, but instead of being delighted to hear from him, she was terrified. ‘How did you get this number? Who told you I was here? How did you find out where I am? I don’t want you ringing here.’ She refused to talk and hung up.
Her reaction stunned them. They’d been looking forward to a joyous reunion with their much-loved grandma and couldn’t believe she didn’t want anything to do with them. But Phil, true to form, refused to give up. He knew Naomi would be suffering because of leaving her family, and from lack of money. He enlisted the help of Naomi’s long-time friend who had left the community years earlier, asking her to persuade Naomi to let Israel talk to her. Eventually she agreed and he was able to persuade her to accept Phil’s typically generous offer of tickets for Australia. She lived with the family for several months and the reunion was everything the children had hoped for. Crystal and Andreas had no memories of her, but the others all recognised her and remembered her playing with them, teasing them and singing with them. Her grandmother was balm to Tendy. She never felt any criticism from her and Tendy felt that if ever she became a Christian herself, she’d be the same sort of Christian as her Grandma was.
Naomi was with Phil’s family for Christmas 2002, as was the young man who had also escaped from the community. When Naomi asked him what he’d like for Christmas, the other children told her to buy him fudge. She went into town, found a sweet shop, but then had to ring home to ask what flavour. They laughed and told her it was hair product he wanted, and that they were teaching him how to live in the world. Naomi couldn’t believe anyone, especially a young man, would spend a whole $16 on stuff to go on his hair.
She stayed with the family for several months before she went to help nurse her dying sister in Brisbane. The children were thrilled to have their grandmother living with them. Israel had been worried that she would be different, but she was exactly the same loving, funny grandma he remembered from when he was little. Tendy adored her and saw her as the one who was a true Christian. She never preached at Tendy or told her off, always loving her no matter what she did.
And Tendy did plenty. Coming up to her sixteenth birthday that December, she put Bev and Phil through hell. Phil sat her down and tried to make her see sense. He was worried about her, and that her wild behaviour was affecting the younger ones. She decided to interpret this as meaning he wanted her to leave home, so she had her birthday and went.
She travelled up and down the coast, drifting from job to job, smoking and drinking and making one bad choice after another. She’d drift home again, move on soon afterwards, and go back into the same destructive lifestyle. Her life hit rock-bottom time and again. Phil tried to help her but her behaviour went against every value he believed in. She wasn’t interested in his recently reclaimed Christianity and it further alienated her.
Tendy met a boy, moved in with him and got pregnant although she didn’t discover that until they’d broken up. He didn’t want anything to do with her and used threats to make her stay away from him, possibly because he’d now got the next girlfriend pregnant, too.
Tendy was in debt, she was drinking and smoking heavily, and pregnant. In the end, she got desperate and rang Israel in Brisbane where he was at university doing a business degree. She poured out her troubles to the brother who had always been the stable, reliable presence in her life. He and Justine clubbed together to bring her home, and persuaded her to tell Phil and Bev. That was good because now she had her family around her again, but bad because, as Christians, they didn’t want her to have an abortion. Tendy didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew that it was her life and she’d have to make a decision soon.
It was Christmas, and again Phil took them all to Christchurch. Before they left he suggested to Crystal that she ring the community to ask if they could visit their mother and Dawn while they were in New Zealand. Crystal wasn’t keen after the previous experience, but in the end she rang; they were given permission, and pressed to stay for a few days. She declined the invitation to stay, saying that they’d just go for the day. The family flew to New Zealand and on the day of the appointment Bev drove them over to the coast. The children hadn’t wanted her to come because they didn’t want her abused the way she had been the time before, but Phil insisted, knowing they’d be tired and need her when they came back. They dressed carefully, keeping in mind the community’s attitude to dress, however the girls didn’t have any long skirts so they all opted for jeans that weren’t tight, and loose jumpers. Crystal braided her hair. Justine had a nose-ring and for some reason she’s now unable to fathom, didn’t take it out.
The visit began well enough with their mother and Dawn coming out to meet them. It was the first time they’d seen Dawn for about six years and they were excited to be with her again. Then Neville/Hopeful came out and invited them to come inside and sit down. Once he had them captive he got stuck into them: ‘Why do you dress like men?’ ‘Our women dress modestly and it’s beautiful.’ ‘Only pigs wear rings in their noses.’ He kept turning to Sandy, demanding her agreement, calling her by her new name of Prayer.
Sandy/Prayer was distressed by her children’s worldly appearance. But the floor was Hopeful’s. He lectured them about how they had chosen to live with their evil father in a world of adultery and wickedness. Israel spoke up but Hopeful refuted everything with biblical quotes. Justine said something, too, but that was a major mistake: she was a woman and her place was to be quiet, meek and obedient. The older kids felt sorry for Andreas. He was only 11 and shouldn’t have to suffer this tirade against his own father. Also, he was the only one who had no memory of their mother. Crystal could at least remember her face, and the older ones had definite memories, but Andreas just had to sit there listening to his grandfather while this stranger nodded in response to Hopeful saying, ‘Isn’t that so, Prayer?’ ‘You tell them, Prayer.’ All of them noticed that she didn’t directly agree that their father was all the terrible things Hopeful said he was.
They sat quiet and endured, waiting for it to be over. At last they were allowed to go with their mother and Dawn to their rooms, and the day improved. However, Hopeful hovered around, never leaving them alone for long with their mother. When he wasn’t there, Sandy was more like herself and talked about when they were little. Dawn told them her memories of living in Australia.
The best thing was meeting ten-year-old Cherish. She looked like Justine and Andreas, but they could all see traces of their own faces in hers. It was the highlight of the day, but she was only allowed to stay with them for a couple of minutes before she had to go and do her chores. Tendy suspects they were trying to protect her from evil influences, or perhaps from being seduced by her worldly siblings.
Whenever Hopeful was in the room, conversation faltered and they couldn’t say what they wanted to. All the time, too, the meeting they’d been subjected to when they arrived hung over them, but they tried to simply enjoy being with Dawn and their mother. The day was charged with a whole mix of emotions and was extremely tiring. It ended with Hopeful and their mother driving them around the community, with Hopeful conducting the tour as if he were trying to sell the place. They felt like strangers, like people he’d never met before. Towards the end, he leaned towards Sandy and they held a whispered conversation.
Their mother turned around and told her children again how disappointed she was that they were so worldly and that in a way it might have been better had she not given birth to them. Her parting words were that unless they came to be with her in the community and live the way she did, then this would be the last time they met and that she’d never see them again.
Then Bev arrived with the van. Sandy demanded to know what she was doing there; the atmosphere cooled noticeably and they climbed in with Bev and drove away. The children each made their own interpretation of the incident.
Israel: ‘I could understand on some level that it hadn’t been my mother saying those hurtful things, that it was just the community rhetoric and that she’d been manipulated into saying them. But it doesn’t make the pain any less, of hearing your mother say that.’
Justine: ‘On the way home, Bev was asking us what happened, and then it pretty much hit us. The whole way home we were quiet – a bit of crying, too, and I kept thinking, oh my gosh, did that really happen? She doesn’t want any contact with us from now on. Oh my gosh, we’re never going to see her again. What a way to leave, to finish it.’
Tendy: ‘We just left with no nice goodbye. We were all so upset and so exhausted. Just to go there and be ripped apart by your mother you hadn’t seen for years, and to see your sister – and all the mixed emotions. It was so exhausting and I remember sleeping the whole way back. We were crying and then we all fell asleep. I remember Mum saying she was disappointed and how in a way it would have been better if she hadn’t had us because of the way we were living and how we turned out. But I never took it that she wished she had never had us. I know that Justine and the rest of the kids did, but I never felt it was said like that.’
Crystal: ‘Oh! Crush the day! We went away and we were all just silent on the way home. We all slept so we didn’t have to cry. It was a bit hard having your mum talk like that, even if she hasn’t been in our life that much.’