1 October
‘I’m going to have either a heart attack or a stroke before I can have the joy of telling Sir Basil Stamper to stick this job up his entitled bumhole,’ said Alan Robertson, putting a cup of coffee down in front of Laurie. ‘I’m sure he gets some perverted kick out of giving me sleepless nights.’
Sometimes Laurie had thought exactly that too. She chuckled to herself.
‘You all right, lass?’ said Alan suddenly then. ‘You seem different somehow.’
‘Different?’ Her expression and voice both registered puzzlement.
‘If I was a fanciful man,’ began Alan, ‘which I’m not because the Stamper family have battered it out of me, I’d say you seemed lighter. Not the ideal word, but an aura reader might detect a hint of sunshine yellow dancing around you.’
Was it so obvious? thought Laurie. It wasn’t something she wanted on show to the general public, that there was levity in her soul, because it wasn’t right what she was feeling. She knew it was the ‘fake news’ of the emotional world, her empty heart scrabbling around for something to stave off its hunger and finding a fireman, a film and a carton of popcorn.
‘I’m just getting on with things,’ said Laurie.
‘Are you off to your session tomorrow? With Molly?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Going okay?’
Laurie sighed before the ‘Yes’ and Alan was straight on it.
‘That was a sigh full of meaning.’
‘I’ve met someone at the group.’ She sat back, waited for Alan to look disgusted, tell her she was a hideous human being, shudder with disbelief. Alan did none of those things.
‘A man, you mean? And if so, what’s wrong with that?’
‘There’s nothing going on—’
Alan cut her off. ‘It’s no business of anyone’s but yours if there is, Laurie.’
‘I don’t want to feel the way I’m feeling and I’m fighting against it,’ she said. ‘I went to the pictures at the weekend – alone – intending to start fully feeding myself back into the real world as a single person and bumped into this man from Molly’s group doing the same thing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d wonder if something wasn’t trying to push us together.’
Alan chuckled. ‘Like those old gods you see on films playing chess with people’s lives.’
‘Just like that. So we went in together and I sat there trying to watch the film but all the time I was thinking, I have feelings for this person and I don’t know what to do with them. And I think he might feel the same about me. I didn’t go looking for it, Alan. My friend wants to set me up on a blind date and I can’t think of anything worse. It really was the last thing on my mind. I’m not over Alex. Not by a long chalk.’
Someone knocked on Alan’s door and he gave them the Vs through the glass – his way of saying, Come back later, unless Armageddon is underway.
‘You’re a living, breathing creature, Laurie. And our feelings aren’t on reins. There’s no sin in helping each other along, it might be a solid foundation to build on or just a helpful stepping stone. Don’t presume it’s a harmful thing, or wrong. As my dear old great gran, God rest her soul, used to say, “Life is here and now – live it or miss it.” You see, she did say some things without F-words.’
‘Thank you, Alan,’ said Laurie, meaning it.
‘What for?’
‘Not making me feel like I’m not normal.’
‘Normal isn’t anything to aspire to,’ said Alan, with a disapproving click of his tongue. ‘The Stampers think they’re normal. So did the bleeding Borgias.’