Gust worked through the rest of the day and into the night, refusing to think or feel. He healed as many as he could, too many to fit into the healing hut. Many had to stay home in their beds. The fires had long been put out. Some had died, although not as many as they’d feared. Still, dead was dead, and his town was in mourning. Mandissa and Kurzun coordinated the firing rituals and said their blessings and chants, the same as when his parents had died. He knew all of the dead, although he didn’t attend any of the rites. He was too busy with the wounded living.
He worked in tandem with the other healers, who he also knew refused to let the battle distract them from their work. They needed to be instruments of relief and compassion, not grief and rage. The other healers and their apprentices spread out to different areas of the town, working hard to save those they could. It would take weeks to clean up the town, to return it to its former glory. But Gust was proud of his people as they bore down and helped each other, held fast together.
He hadn’t seen Lance since the warriors fled.
Gust took a shaky breath as he scrubbed his hands clean in a bowl of water. He trembled and knew he couldn’t put off thinking or feeling any longer. It was early morning, the day after the battle, a couple of hours before the sun would rise. He stood in his room, the silence around him eerie and foreboding. Exhaustion made his shoulders droop and his eyes ache.
The worst part was his heart. And his stomach had been twisted in a knot since hearing Ulfr’s words. Since hearing Lance’s confirmation.
Scourge.
Lance was Scourge.
Lance was the one to murder his parents.
Gust gripped the table the bowl sat upon and leaned over it, fearing he would be sick. He hadn’t eaten anything after the battle or during the night. His stomach was empty, and the very thought of food made him nauseated.
The priestess in that village told him that Scourge himself had cut down Khal and Lapis as they tried to beg him to spare those in their healer’s tent. Gust squeezed his eyes shut as his breathing turned harsh and uneven.
Oh gods! How could you do this to me?
And how could he be so stupid? All the clues to Lance’s true identity had been there before him, staring him in the face. His only excuse was denial. He hadn’t wanted to know. He hadn’t wanted to consider that such a sweet man could be a monster.
“Gust.”
He shook his head as Kissa put a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t.”
“Hush, baby.” She wrapped her arms around him, and they sank to the floor. She cried with him, rocking them both as he sobbed into her bosom.
When he finally quieted, his throat and eyes ached. He steadied his breathing and continued to clutch Kissa tightly.
“I told Gamall that I want him gone,” Kissa said quietly, though her tone was hard as granite. “He agreed. The council will make sure he leaves by tonight. We should contact the earls, even the queens but I don’t want our jail to hold him. I don’t want him here at all. If I’d known—” She didn’t finish.
Gust closed his eyes. His emotions were more complicated. He didn’t know what to feel or what to do.
“He saved us,” he said, his words barely a whisper. “The earls didn’t. The queens didn’t. He did.”
Kissa stilled and her fingers flexed against his skin. “He is a monster who took my brother from me. Good riddance to him.”
It would be easier if Gust could think the way she did. But he couldn’t forget Lance’s kindness or his touches, or his rare smile. Gust had looked into his eyes plenty of times and hadn’t seen a monster. He hadn’t seen Scourge. Lance had saved him, protected him, respected and admired him.
Gust had never felt so lost in his life, not even after his parents’ deaths.
Kissa left a short time later and Gust changed his clothes and walked outside. He smelled the approaching dawn on the air and crossed his arms over his chest, seeking whatever comfort he could find. His eyes quickly adjusted to the dark, and he suspected he was one of the few still awake.
He noted the smoke near the temple and dragged his feet over to the pyres. He could only stare and regret and mourn. Mandissa and Kurzun said nothing to him as they silently went about their duties. He had nothing to say to them either.
The pyres made him remember his parents, and he finally looked away, his stomach a gnawing pit of grief. He left and wandered aimlessly through the quiet streets until a steady trotting caught his attention. He turned. Though he didn’t smile, some of his grief lightened as Brutus approached him. Brutus nickered and pressed his nose against Gust’s chest, rubbing him affectionately. His tail swished back and forth in happiness.
“Hey boy,” he said quietly and patted Brutus’s neck. “You did really good out there.”
Brutus laid his head over Gust’s shoulder, pushing closer, giving him a hug. Gust clung tightly to his neck. Brutus was divine. How could a divine beast ally himself with a monster?
“Gust?”
Swallowing hard, he lifted his gaze as Lance cautiously approached. He appeared as uncertain and exhausted as Gust. He was clean and wearing a different tunic. What struck Gust the hardest was his shaved face. He was handsome, even a bit pretty. His strong cheekbones and chin were now prominently displayed, and his full lips were drawn in a thin line. The cleanly shaved face also exposed the bruises around his neck, put there by Ulfr’s massive hand.
He moved stiffly and kept his arms close to his sides.
“Are you injured?” Gust asked automatically.
Lance blinked before shaking his head. “A few cuts that I wrapped up. A few bruises. This”—he fingered his neck— “Not bad.”
“Good.”
Silence.
Then Lance’s shoulders slumped and he lowered his gaze to the ground. “You don’t want to be my friend anymore.”
Gust’s stomach knot tightened harder, the pain intense.
Lance sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck. “You want me to leave and I understand. I really do. I am… I was Scourge. I can’t change that.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I am so sorry, Gust. I’m sorry I lied and said nothing about being Scourge. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you. That’s no excuse, I know. And I’m so sorry I brought Ulfr here and that his warriors killed some of your people. I feel so bad about that. Like, physically sick bad. It’s so weird, that sensation. I’ve never felt it before. Not before coming here, meeting you, meeting everyone. I didn’t feel anything.”
Lance turned his attention to the pyres, the smoke still visible above rooftops. Then he met Gust’s eyes, his own haunted and sad.
“Ulfr always told me that my brain was broken. That I don’t think like other people. I guess that’s true. He said it made me strong and made me a better warrior. I don’t know about that. I just know that I feel now. And I feel so bad.” He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Ulfr killed that baby and her mom. The ones I told you about, remember? He had his men kill them. The first people I tried to save and—” He broke off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He shuddered visibly and Gust ached to hold him while being repulsed at the same time.
“I want to do something about it,” Lance said, and lifted his head. “About how I feel. I want to help others. I can’t be a healer like you and your aunt but I can protect people. I can use my skills to defend those I used to kill. That makes sense, right?”
Gust nodded silently, overwhelmed and still confused.
Seemingly encouraged, Lance took a small step closer. “I don’t want to be Scourge anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone like you and those in your town. I’ll go after the other warlords. I’ll make up for what did. I have to.”
Gust stared into those frosty clear blue eyes and didn’t see a monster. No matter how hard he searched, all he saw was a child-like man searching for redemption. A victim in his own right. But those hands had wielded the sword that sliced his parents to ribbons.
Lance reached out and touched Gust’s hand where it lay on Brutus’s neck. Gust jerked back as if it was a snake, and his heart raced as he took two steps away.
Lance froze and the hurt on his face had tears rising to Gust’s eyes.
“I won’t hurt you,” Lance murmured. “I will never hurt you.” He took a shaky breath and spoke louder. “It’s okay. You stay here. You stay with your aunt and your people and heal others. I’ll leave before the sun gets too high. I hope someone will give me some supplies. But I understand if they don’t. I make people sad and angry.”
He nodded as if coming to a decision. His eyes turned blank and no emotion showed in his expression.
“You stay here and be safe. I want you safe and happy. I’ll kill the warlords and their warriors and those that want to harm others.” He stood straight, shoulders back, reminding Gust that he was a half head taller than him. “Goodbye Gust. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll never forget you.”
With that he turned away and Brutus trotted at his side. They disappeared into the darkness. Once they were out of sight, Gust walked in the opposite direction, all the way to a small hill just outside town. He climbed up the grassy slope before collapsing under a large tree that bore the carvings of numerous lovers. His own parents had their names enclosed in a heart near the base. His father had carved it after he proposed to his mother and she’d accepted.
It was the same tree where Gust had spread their ashes.
He lay on his back, resisting the urge to cry. Lance’s words repeated in his head. Gust curled into the fetal position and hugged himself tightly. Lance wasn’t a monster. He just wasn’t. He was a victim. There was something different about his mind but Gust didn’t think it was “broken.”
He continued to lay there as the sun rose. He ended up dozing off for a short time. When he next opened his eyes, the sun’s rays allowed him to watch a spider struggle along between blades of grass.
Lance wanted to make right what he’d done. He wanted to help others. That was noble and good but could he do it? He was weirdly innocent and strangely naïve. Or perhaps he was simply hopeful for the first time in his life and eager to begin his new mission. He was free and able to make his own decisions.
He’d killed Khal and Lapis.
There was no monster in his eyes.
He was a slaughterer of innocents.
He was trained by Ulfr. Victimized by Ulfr.
He’d protected Gust from a bear and from Dakar.
Gust groaned in frustration and grief. He supposed everything boiled down to two questions: what would his parents want him to do and what was he strong enough to do? Lance was a lost man looking for a purpose. He needed help and he needed guidance. He also needed protection for when people found out who he used to be. He needed someone to have his back, a confidant. A friend.
Gust doubted it would be easy to turn Lance into a villain again. Yet he could be manipulated. He could also kill the wrong person if given the wrong information. Gust had heard what Ulfr said to Lance right before his death—that others would spit on him, curse him. That if he tried to play the hero there would be resistance.
Gust sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He observed his town, the beginnings of activity. His people. His home.
His people and home that Lance had helped protect.
Despite it being home he’d never wanted to spend his entire life here. From his earliest days he’d always been antsy to see the rest of the empire, to explore and discover, and to meet new people and observe their customs. He had friends but not a best friend or anyone, besides his aunt, who he was particularly close to. There were times he felt constrained by the demands of his town and pressured to do exactly what was expected of him and nothing more. He didn’t want what they wanted.
Lance didn’t want to be Scourge, and now was his opportunity to redeem himself.
Gust had never bonded with anyone as thoroughly as he’d bonded with Lance. Mandissa had said this was fated by the gods. Their friendship, Lance’s appearance, and Ulfr. Then there was Brutus.
Gust looked at the sky and for a moment felt his parents kneeling beside him. He smelled his mother’s perfume and felt his father’s strong hand grip his shoulder. His parents, whatever else they were, had been kind, forgiving people always willing to help those who needed it and wanted it. Always willing to grant second chances to those who truly wanted to better themselves. They’d been open-hearted and patient, and filled with love and hope.
He heard them speak.
Help him for us.
Gust swallowed hard and resisted the sob that wanted to break free from his throat. No. No more. He’d wept enough for them. For everyone. Now was the time to act.
Lance was a friend and he was in need. Gust was a healer and his job wasn’t done yet. On that thought alone, Gust leapt to his feet and, despite his fatigue, raced down the slope, heart pounding in anxiety and hope.
Dear gods, let me be making the right decision.
“How can you do this?” Kissa shouted.
Gust shoved food into his bag that was already heavy with a few extra tunics, a pair of breeches, a few personal items he couldn’t live without, and small jars of different healing herbs.
“I have to.”
“You have to? What in the gods’ name does that mean?” She gripped his arm. “You listen to me, Gustum, I will not let you go off with that monster. I already lost my brother and your mother, and I will not lose you as well.”
“He won’t hurt me.”
“You bull-headed—”
Gust gripped Kissa’s arms and looked her straight in the eye. “My parents would want this. You know that as well as I do. Lance was a victim of Ulfr’s cruelty and molded into Scourge. Then he came across a baby and saved not only her but her mother as well. That’s what started it all. A baby, Aunt. She laughed at him and he felt something.”
“He’s lying to you. He has to be.” Tears filled her eyes and slipped down her face as her voice lost power.
“No, he’s not. He’s never lied to me. Not even about being Scourge. If I’d asked him, straight out, he would have told me. I’m certain of it. You’ve looked into his eyes, Aunt. You’ve seen what I’ve seen. I have to help him. I have to help him protect others against the pain you and I have suffered.”
She stared at him in silence for a long moment. “Does he know?”
Gust cleared his throat and turned to grab his pack. He didn’t have to ask what she meant. “No.”
“Will you tell him?”
“I don’t know.”
She gave him a wet kiss on the cheek. “May the gods bless you and keep you safe, my love. I still think you’re making a horrible choice, but you have to make the journey on your own terms.”
Gust kissed her cheek in return and managed to give her a strained smile. “I love you.”
She sighed. “I love you as well.”
“I will come back.”
She only nodded listlessly.
He touched her shoulder one last time before leaving. He stepped outside and took a detour before joining Lance. He hurried to Ramsis’s shop and found a detailed map of Cairon. Even as the cartographer attempted to make small talk, Gust shoved the docets into his hand and dashed out. He rolled the map and put it in his pack before making his way to the front of the town. Gamall and the rest of the council were speaking to Lance. He wore his black tunic, breeches, and sandals, the dark colors giving him a rugged look which was emphasized by the sword strapped to his hip. Brutus stood nearby with saddle and bridle, looking eager to be gone. It would seem a few people had supplied Lance for his journey since his saddlebags appeared full. Lance’s stance was non-threatening and he nodded at whatever Gamall was saying. Gust was too far away to hear them.
It surprised Gust when Gamall held out his hand and Lance clasped it. At least he wasn’t being aggressively kicked out. A few of the council members—especially Lukman—looked rather disappointed that such an event wasn’t happening. Then the council backed away and that was when Gust noticed Ally.
Lance turned to her and made to take the sword off his hip. Ally shook her head and touched his hand. She said something that made Lance noticeably straighten and he nodded. They clasped hands before she patted his shoulder and then turned away to return to her forge. Lance took a breath and moved to Brutus, swiftly mounting him.
For a moment Gust’s voice stuck in his throat. For a moment he hesitated, doubted. Then he shook himself and stepped forward when Lance picked up the reins.
“Lance!”
He turned and eyed Gust, expression still blank.
“Got room for one more?” Gust managed a smile and ignored the gasps and whispers from the council and the rest of the audience come to see Lance leave. “Thought you could use some help.”
Lance’s expression broke and a wide, joyful grin split his face and brightened his eyes. He appeared so much younger than mere seconds ago. Gust was stunned for a moment and knew he’d made the right decision. Gust continued walking until he stood near Brutus, who danced a little, apparently just as excited as his master.
“Really?” Lance searched his face. “Are you sure? I don’t know what’s going to happen or what I will face. And I want you safe.”
Gust raised an eyebrow and kept his tone light despite the emotions whirling inside. “I’m not helpless.” He gestured to his quiver and bow. “I also have you and Brutus. You’ll protect me, right?”
Lance nodded vigorously. “Yes! Of course, we will!”
Brutus stamped his foot and snorted in agreement.
“So I have nothing to worry about.” Except for everything, that is.
Lance continued to grin as he reached down, holding out a hand.
Gust eyed Brutus. “He can handle both of us?” Sure, Brutus had borne both of them before, and yet this adventure might prove to be a marathon, and he didn’t have enough money to purchase another horse.
Brutus tossed his head and flicked his tail.
Lance chuckled. “Don’t insult him.”
“Right. Apologies, Brutus.” He should have known better. Divine animal. Eventually he might stop questioning what Brutus can do. With a fortifying breath, Gust grabbed Lance’s hand and let himself be pulled up and onto the saddle. It was certainly a snug and intimate fit, and he couldn’t help but notice Lance’s firm backside pressed against his groin.
“Gust!”
Gamall hurried toward him, followed closely by Atema and Rabia. The other council members stayed back, each wearing an expression of shock. Lukman looked positively horrified with disbelief.
“Don’t do this!” Gamall panted slightly and Atema and Rabia gripped his arms to steady him. “You will be arrested as well.”
Gust frowned and gripped Lance’s waist, tense muscles quivering at his touch. “What are you talking about?”
“We have to send messengers to the earls,” Atema said. “They will tell our queens. We have to let them know that Lance is Scourge. He’s wanted by the emperor himself.”
Lance tensed further and bowed his head. Gust clenched his jaw and slid his arms around Lance’s waist, linking his fingers against his stomach.
“We promised to give him a day’s head start,” Gamall continued, “in gratitude for what he did for us. But the authorities will be dogging his steps for his entire life.”
“Think of your aunt!” Rabia said. “Do you want her to lose her nephew as well?”
Only he and Kissa knew that Scourge had killed his parents. The rest only knew that Ulfr was responsible for their deaths. Gust glared at Rabia, warning her silently to shut up. “This is my choice. Lance is no longer Scourge and we’re going to prove it. He needs my help.”
Lance sat up straighter and looked over his shoulder. Their gazes met and naked affection showed in Lance’s eyes. Gust smiled despite the pit in his stomach. He was choosing his fate with eyes wide open and never would he turn and run away.
Lance’s eyes were not a monster’s eyes.
After a moment Gust tore his gaze away and nodded his head respectfully to the three council members.
“Goodbye. I will pray that the gods bless this place.”
“We will pray for you,” Rabia said. After a moment’s hesitation she added, “And for you, Lance.”
Lance nodded, smiling slightly.
Gust’s heart pierced with the severing of his ties to Thebys. He had no idea when he might return. If he ever would.
He leaned closer to Lance. “Let’s go and do some good.”
Lance brightened and faced forward. He clicked his tongue, and Brutus reared up in an impressive display before shooting off like an arrow. Gust squealed and squeezed Lance’s waist, hanging on for dear life.
Lance laughed.
It was boisterous, from deep in the gut. The first true laugh Gust had ever heard from him. It was careless and free, as innocent as a child’s, and as warm as a fire during a cold night.
Gust turned around and watched his home shrink into the distance. Then he pressed his cheek to Lance’s back and closed his eyes, waiting for the unknowable future to greet them.