HER FLIGHT HOME was a whole lot harder than she’d thought it would be. Claire had called as she was talking to Seb, and all of a sudden she knew she needed to go be with her daughter. He’d said Pediatrics would hate to lose her and listed some reasons, but none of them had to do with him. He’d never said he’d hate to lose her. That had been a blow, even though her reasons for thinking about Orthopedics had been true, that she thought it might be a good fit for her.
And with his confession that he never wanted to be a father again, she’d heard a second nail hitting the coffin of hope. With his fear about being caught in the circumstances surrounding his son’s birth, she realized she didn’t have the stomach to work with him day in and day out. Not anymore. Not after that last night together and knowing there was no hope that he might return her feelings. Not that she wanted him to. She’d told him the truth. Claire had to be her first priority. Especially knowing how he felt about fatherhood.
So she’d booked a flight, leaving a few hours after her talk with Seb. Because every time she thought about what they’d done on that beach, it left her shaky and out of sorts. The last thing she wanted was for him to guess. And if she saw him before she could sort out her thoughts, he would see it written across her face. That she loved him. That she wanted to be with him again. Far too much. Having him tuck her against him had felt more right than anything had in years. And the way Claire had hit it off with him would make it harder.
So much harder.
She’d already gotten matchmaker vibes from her daughter. As if she might like to see the two of them together.
Sorry, baby, he doesn’t want it. And I don’t want you hurt.
She stared out the window of the plane as it started its descent into Wisconsin. Taurati was already a long way behind her, and so was Sebastien. The hospital administrator had been great when she’d said she needed some personal time. He’d acted like it was a simple case of burnout after putting in so much overtime. But it was so much more than that.
And somehow she had to face Claire and her mom and act like everything was fine. She somehow had to pretend that a lightning bolt hadn’t hit her on her walk back from that cabana, when she’d realized she loved him.
She’d stupidly done what she warned herself not to do for years. In fact she’d shrugged off men, telling herself she’d have plenty of time for that once Claire was grown and gone.
But for it to happen now? Now?
How had she let this happen?
And what was she going to do about it? The easiest thing would be to stay in the States. But Claire would not believe that her mom had simply decided she missed her home country enough to quit her job and fly home. And it wasn’t fair to her daughter not to let her have a say in the decision. Claire loved Taurati. It was as if she’d finally been able to put her diagnosis behind her and start living.
They both had.
And to backtrack on all that?
She didn’t know. So she was going to take a week. Maybe two. And she was going to do some soul searching and try to make some sense out of all that had happened.
The wheels hit the runway, and the sensation of air brakes engaging was unmistakable. It was as if the whole plane gave a collective sigh of relief. Not that it had been a rough flight in the sense of turbulence or anything. Nothing like that helicopter ride to Mauhali. In fact, if anything, the weather had been silky smooth on each leg of her journey. Except for in the pit of her stomach, where a mini cyclone was busy whirling her insides into a mess of self-doubt and fear.
Just enjoy Claire. That is all you have to do right now.
Sebastien and Taurati could wait for a couple of days. In fact, if they had to, they could wait forever.
The plane finished docking at the gate, and the doors opened. Rachel gathered her belongings and started wheeling her carry-on down the narrow aisle. She hadn’t checked any baggage. She’d fled with just a few possessions. If it came down to it, and she decided to leave the hospital, she could have a moving company pack up her apartment and ship her stuff to her.
She would never have to face Seb again if she didn’t want to. One thing she knew, though. She was never going to forget him. Not for as long as she lived. It would take her heart a long, long time to get over him.
Entering the airport terminal, her eyes sought out and found her loved ones within seconds. Claire raced toward her and caught her in a fierce hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. Grams said the storm died out and that no one died on that other island.”
“It did.” Her next words were chosen with care. “Taurati was very lucky.”
It may have been. But she didn’t think she’d come out quite as unscathed as they had.
Her mom reached her and put her hands on her shoulders, studying her. “Welcome home, honey.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Rachel’s smile felt brittle and so very fake. Because this didn’t seem like home. Not anymore. She wasn’t sure there was any place on earth that felt like that right now.
Except for Taurati. And she didn’t know if she could face going back there.
“How is Sebastien?” asked Claire. “Does he miss me?”
The question slashed her heart in two. She’d tried to prevent her daughter from becoming attached to the man. To any man. But in the end, could you really choose whom you loved?
“He’s fine. I’m sure he’s really tired from all the work he put in on the cyclone and the rescue efforts on the other island. Everyone’s relieved that they didn’t have to evacuate the hospital.”
Ugh! She’d left her shoes beside Seb on the bench. She’d been so intent on getting out of there that she’d totally forgotten about them until now. If she didn’t go back, she assumed he’d toss them in the trash.
Actually he’d probably toss a lot more than just her shoes. In the end, she’d saved him from having to let her down easy. The last time he’d run. This time it was her.
And damn, she’d thought it would feel a whole lot more empowering than it did. As it was, it just seemed...cowardly.
She should have stayed. Should have been truthful about how she felt and then made her decision based on his reaction. And she might have, if he hadn’t talked about not wanting to be a father. To her, that was his decision.
Maybe if she’d been more careful with her heart...
But she hadn’t been.
She dropped a kiss on her daughter’s head, realizing she wouldn’t be able to do that much longer. Her daughter had grown over the last year. And not just physically. She’d grown in confidence and knowledge. How could she tell her they might not be going back to Taurati?
She wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until she decided what to do about the island and about Sebastien.
“Can we call him? He promised to help me with my French and Tahitian.”
“Let’s hold off on that for a while. I’m sure Seb needs some time to unwind after the crazy week we’ve had.”
Had it only been a week? It had.
A week to fall in love. The words sounded like they belonged on the cover of a romance novel. But this novel’s ending? Uncertain at best.
She decided to distract Claire as they headed for the parking garage. “Guess what I saw a couple of days ago?”
“What?”
“I was walking on the beach and saw a flag where that sea turtle laid her eggs.”
“Oh, wow. You’re sure it was the same spot?”
“Yes. It was nighttime, so it was dark, but the moon was shining and we... I mean, I know it was the right spot.”
“I wish I could have seen it. I miss Taurati.”
“I know you do.”
Rachel’s heart ached as she reached for her daughter’s hand and held it tight as her mom motioned toward one of the rows of cars.
“Speaking of sea turtles, I put the one Sebastien gave me on a shelf in Grams’s house. I can’t wait to get it back to our apartment on Taurati and put it in my room.”
She swallowed past a lump in her throat. “I can’t wait for that, either. But for right now, let’s just enjoy Grams and Gramps and being all together, okay?”
“Okay.”
And with that, they reached the car and the conversation turned to what had happened in Wisconsin since Claire had arrived. Rachel settled in the front seat and leaned her head against the headrest and listened to her daughter, all the while trying not to break down in front of them. That could come later. When she was all alone, and no one could see her cry.
Neves Bouchet paid Sebastien a visit two days after his conversation with Rachel.
“To what do I owe this sudden appearance?” he asked the man as he settled onto the couch in his office.
“I just wanted to thank you for all your and Rachel’s hard work on the hospital’s behalf. And for going to Mauhali to help with the rescue attempts. I’ll admit, it’s the first time I’ve ever been glad for hospital plans to have been abandoned midstream. But at least Mauhali benefited from them. I hear that your flail chest patient is doing well after surgery to stabilize her ribs.”
“Yes, I heard that as well.” Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of his end table. Hell! The shoes Rachel had left behind again were there in plain sight. He’d taken them out of the bag and then totally forgotten about them. But to get up and move them now would just draw attention to them.
Hopefully Neves hadn’t noticed.
“I wanted to thank Rachel in person, but she decided to take some personal days, saying she wanted to go see her mom and daughter. I assume she’ll be bringing her daughter back with her?”
The question slid past him as he processed what the man had just said. Rachel was in Wisconsin? He’d been so relieved not to run into her yesterday that it had never dawned on him that it might be because she wasn’t here at the hospital. Or on Taurati. He’d assumed that it was her day off.
“I’m not sure. I didn’t realize she was gone.”
“She didn’t tell you she was leaving?”
Merde. No, she hadn’t. Was it because of their conversation?
He swallowed as another thought hit him. Was it permanent?
“Actually, she didn’t. When did she ask for the time off?”
“Day before yesterday.”
The day of their talk. There was no way that could be a coincidence. His mind ran through everything he’d said, trying to figure out what could have made her suddenly decide to leave. He thought they’d been in agreement on everything.
“Did she say when she’d be back?”
“She said she needed at least a week. Maybe two.”
Or maybe she needed forever. Maybe she’d never be back.
His chest tightened as a thousand emotions went through him. If he’d known, would that conversation have ended differently?
“I didn’t know.”
“Yes, you said that.” Neves fixed him with a look. “Is there anything I should know?”
The man’s head turned toward the end table, and he caught sight of the shoes before his gaze swiveled back to Seb.
So much for hoping Neves wouldn’t notice. Truthfully, not much got past his friend. It was what made him such a good hospital administrator. And such a great judge of character.
And he’d pegged exactly what might have happened.
“I think you’ve already guessed. I’m just not sure what to do about it.”
“I take it it’s complicated. Not like Laurence and Britan?”
“Nothing like that.”
The other couple had followed the normal trajectory of romance—One: Noticing each other. Two: Going on the usual number of dates. Three: A proposal followed by marriage.
“Okay, I’m taking off my hospital administrator hat and putting on my friend cap. Do you care about her, Seb?”
This time he looked the man in the eye. “I do.” The answer was simple. So simple that it seemed ludicrous when he said it aloud. It was that simple. And that complicated.
Because he wasn’t sure he could do the whole family thing again. Sometimes love just wasn’t enough. And after hearing about Rachel’s ex taking off because he couldn’t handle being a father? Well, he wasn’t going to pursue Rachel unless he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could handle the fears and ramifications of what a decision like that might entail.
“Then you’ve got a decision to make, haven’t you? And I suggest you figure it out, Seb. If you don’t even try...” His friend stood and glanced again at the shoes. “ Well, you’ll regret it more than you know.” With a smile to soften the words, he headed for the door.
Figure it out. Easy words to say. Not so easy to do.
But Neves was right. If he just continued to coast through life, he could very well miss out on something good. Something beautiful.
Like having a family?
The door clicked behind his friend, and Sebastien shook his head and then tried to bury himself in his work.