WHY HAD HE said that?
He had no idea. But once the words were out of his mouth, he couldn’t retract them. And he wouldn’t even if he could after seeing the anguish on her face. But at least her separation from her daughter wasn’t forever.
When she’d turned suddenly, she hadn’t let go of his hand. And her grip was strong and fierce. As if, despite her angry words, she needed to hold on to something—even if it was a fake promise.
“You said you know firsthand. How?”
He had a choice. He could evade the question by acting like he was talking about one of his patients. But he didn’t want to do that. And unlike the faceless acquaintances who cut his hair and backed away from the subject almost as soon as they asked that fateful question about children, he had a feeling she wouldn’t. And he had no idea why.
“I had a son who died.”
There was silence for several seconds, her eyes searching his as if working through what he’d said.
“Oh, God, I should have realized.” Her head tilted, fingers tightening further around his. “That sea turtle. It’s like the one on your shoulder. That toy didn’t belong to a patient, did it?”
“No.”
“Oh, Seb. I am so sorry. I had no idea.” Her mouth twisted. “I remember implying that only someone with children could understand what it was like to worry about them. Only you did know, didn’t you?”
He remembered that moment with shocking clarity. She hadn’t used those exact words, but he’d been right about her meaning. “Not your fault. I rarely tell anyone about him.”
A couple of beats passed in silence.
“Can I ask what happened? If you don’t want to tell me, I’ll completely understand.”
He shouldn’t want to tell her. He’d actually never wanted to tell anyone. Until now.
But this was Rachel. Someone who’d feared for her own daughter’s life. If he could trust anyone to understand, it was her.
“He died of brain cancer when he was a year old.”
A thousand emotions went through her eyes. And he was right. She would understand exactly what it was like to hear the terrible words Your child has cancer.
She took a step closer. “Tell me.”
And so he did. Told her how his baby’s eyes had stopped looking into his. How he regressed on his milestones. How he became more and more difficult to console. And finally the results of that MRI that dropped the last of the puzzle pieces into place.
The process of telling Bleu’s story was both terrible and cathartic. He talked until he had no more words.
“I never would have guessed. You’ve always seemed so...optimistic. Even when talking about this storm.”
“It was either that or give in to the grief and go in a direction that helped no one. But believe me, I remember him each and every day of my life.”
“Oh, Seb.” She grasped his other hand and held it. “What was his name?”
“Bleu Zacharie Deslaurier.”
“Bleu. I should have guessed.” The words were soft, almost a whisper and said with a reverence that surprised him. “I remember tracing that on your shoulder a year ago.”
A ball of emotion gathered in his stomach. “Yes. I remember, too.”
He remembered her soft finger as it wound around letter after letter of his son’s name. How it had sent a shuddery sense of familiarity through him, as if she’d spoken Bleu’s name aloud, rather than just tracing it. It had been hypnotic. And so, so seductive.
Then. And now.
“I’m so glad you told me.”
She was. He could see it in her face.
Before he could stop himself, he carried both of her hands to the small of her back and took a step toward her. Her head tipped back to look at him, and he was lost. There was no surprise in her gaze. No hint of rejection.
Instead, there was a warmth that drew him in until his body made contact with hers. And then slowly, slowly, his head lowered until his mouth connected with hers.
It was paradise. The taste. The feel.
Her lips were soft. So very soft.
In an instant, all rational thought fled, and all that existed was feeling. Physical feeling and a sense of being welcomed home, but it was more than that. There was an emotional connection he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before, even with Layla.
Using her hands, he applied slight pressure to ease her even closer, and she made a sound against his mouth. Some strange melding that was half groan, half purr. It sent raw heat pulsing through him.
Her mouth opened, and just like her gaze had earlier, it drew him in. His tongue filled the space, finding a moist heat that blanked every thought from his head. He wanted her. Wanted her like he’d never wanted anyone before.
Just like last time, when they’d...
Last time.
Merde. He’d promised her it would be all right. But if he went any further, it wouldn’t be. This wasn’t just about him and Rachel. She had a daughter that he didn’t want drawn into the mix.
Letting go of her hands in a rush, he took a step back. Then another. It took a second for their mouths to unfuse, but when they did, he immediately regretted it.
She pressed the back of her hand to her lips, and she suddenly looked lost. More lost than she’d looked when saying goodbye to her mother and daughter. His gut clenched, and he had to press his fists to his sides to keep from reaching for her again.
“Rach...”
“No.” She edged toward the door. “Don’t say anything. I need to go. Need to get to work. I’m already late. So, so late.”
With that, she opened the door and fled his office, leaving him to stare after her. And to wonder if he hadn’t just done the most selfish thing of his life by burying his grief in that kiss. There’d been no thoughts of storms or how hard it must have been for Rachel to send her only child away.
Or maybe that’s what drove him to kiss her. He knew exactly what it was like to send off a child into the unknown. Knew how heart-wrenching and helpless it felt to say goodbye. But whatever had driven that crazy impulse, he needed to somehow make it right and move forward. The problem was he had no idea how.
Sleep seemed like a foreign concept to Rachel when she went home to an empty house. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling. God! She’d been so sure that Seb was going to lay her down on his couch and kiss all her worries away.
Except those worries would have grown exponentially afterward. So no matter how shocked she’d been when he stopped, no matter how quivery her legs were as she’d exited his office, he’d done her a favor by not going any further.
Because he was thinking. Unlike you, Rachel.
She wasn’t even entirely sure how that kiss had come about. But something inside her had melted when she grasped the fact that he’d given Claire his dead son’s sea turtle to help her feel better. It was probably the same toy that had driven him to get that tattoo on his shoulder. In that moment of realization, she’d have given him anything.
Anything!
Maybe even her heart. And what a disaster that would have been. She needed to somehow get her head back on straight. He’d done an impulsively kind thing by giving away that turtle, but it hadn’t really meant anything. Maybe he had all kinds of toys and mementos at home.
But the only one tattooed on his body was a sea turtle.
She hadn’t asked him about Bleu’s mother. She hadn’t even thought about it, really. But she was sure if the mother of his child was still in his life, there was no way he would have been caught dead kissing someone else. She didn’t know how she knew it, but she did.
And that gave her a sense of relief. And sadness.
Because in the end, who had held him during those moments of grief? And they still happened, from what she saw in his eyes. The thought of him at home alone, picturing his baby’s smile...
God!
She turned onto her other side, punching her pillows a couple of times, and glanced at the clock. Two in the morning. Great.
She would more than likely see the man at work today, and she had no idea how she was going to face him. What she was going to say.
At least Claire would be safe. They’d made it to Tahiti, and their flight to Wisconsin was eleven hours, not including a three-hour layover in Chicago. But since it was an overnight flight, they could at least sleep. Unlike her.
But she’d better make an effort, or she was going to have a hard time keeping her mind on task tomorrow.
She called out to her smart device. “Eureka, find tropical rain forest sounds.”
Grimacing, she gave a quick laugh. Well, it was better than asking it to find storm sounds. While she normally loved falling asleep to the sound of rain and thunder, she didn’t want to send out any kind of subliminal message to the tropical storm that it was okay to come their way. Because it wasn’t. She wanted it to stay as far away as possible.
The predictions were for Tropical Cyclone Koji to intensify even more overnight.
And somehow that seemed like it would solidify things in her mind. While the island could still be in danger. She definitely was in danger. From more than just this storm.
Well, she was going to have to push through and do her job. Because there were lives at stake. And she couldn’t afford to give in to her heart and throw a massive pity party. That could wait.
With that last thought, she forced her eyes to close and prayed that sleep would finally find her and that she would not dream about that kiss. Or about anything else that involved Seb.
Something startled her awake, and for a second she lay in the dark, trying to figure out if it had been the strange dream she’d been having of Seb and running as fast as her legs would carry her. But she hadn’t been running away from him. She’d been running toward him, could just see him in the distance, could almost touch his hand, when...
What?
The sound happened again, and she realized it was her cell phone. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was five in the morning. Her first thought was Claire.
Sitting straight up, she reached for the phone that was on its charger. It wasn’t Claire. She sagged for a moment before she realized it was Seb.
Oh, no! Calling to tell her not to bother coming in to work today? No, he wouldn’t do that. No matter what had transpired between them, he wasn’t unprofessional.
“’Lo?” The word didn’t come out right, and her voice was gravelly and sleep filled. She cleared it and tried again. “Hello?”
“Rachel? Sorry to call so early, but there’s news on the cyclone, and it’s not good.”
“Is it going to hit Taurati after all?”
“It doesn’t look that way. It’s going to make landfall in the next couple of hours. And Mauhali is set to get the brunt of it.”
She blinked trying to get her groggy brain to work. “Is that the island they’d predicted?”
“No. It swung north a few hours ago. Mauhali is one of the poorest of the islands. Its population is on the lower end, and its health care is just the basics. They’re not equipped to deal with a disaster like this.”
“Got it. Give me a few minutes to get dressed, and I’ll be there.”
“Thanks. And, Rachel, I...”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’ll just see you when you get here.”
Seb was running on fumes.
He’d already fielded calls from Mauhali and Neves, asking what the plan was. Not that he had a clue. They’d expected the possibility that patients could need to be evacuated to Taurati in front of the storm. But that the storm would hit Mauhali had not been on anyone’s radar. There was no time for evacuations, since the winds were already picking up on the island ahead of the storm. And the storm would basically sit between their island and the other one.
Merde!
He hated calling Rachel in. Not just because of that kiss, but because he knew she was dealing with making her daughter leave, and if she was like him, she hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. But it wasn’t for much longer. Just until Koji was gone and they’d figured out what resources there were for Mauhali, and then they could go back to their respective corners of Pediatrics.
Was he ready for that?
Maybe not. Maybe the real question was: Was it a better situation?
And the answer to that question was probably yes. Even though, after telling Rachel about Bleu, there’d been a feeling of peace. As if he’d finally been able to lay his son to rest. It made no sense, but it was probably what had led to him kissing her in the first place. The whole rush of relief in finally being able to share what he’d gone through during Bleu’s illness and death. He hadn’t been able to reveal the depth of his grief with Layla, and they’d been engaged to be married. But that engagement had been more about the pregnancy than it had about love. He could see that now. But if Bleu had lived, he could also see that he would have worked damned hard to make things work.
Seb hunched over his computer monitor, trying to figure out what that next step might be. Whatever it was, it would now take place after the storm had passed.
He got up to stretch for a minute and then decided to grab a coffee before Rachel arrived.
Heading out the door, he rounded the corner to the elevator and stopped. Rachel. She was already here at the hospital. Talking to Philippe Chauvre. Whatever she’d said made him smile, and he reached out to touch her arm.
She smiled back, and Seb tensed.
Was the man asking her out?
And if he was, it was none of his business, although a little spiral of something in his brain called Seb a liar.
When Rachel’s head turned and saw him, her smile disappeared, a look of utter guilt appearing in her eyes.
Hell. He wasn’t trying to make her feel bad. Or feel anything, really.
He made his way over to them, nodded at Philippe and turned his attention to her. “I’m headed for coffee. Want anything?”
“I—I...ran into Philippe on the way to your office.”
He hadn’t asked. Maybe she felt guilty for getting sidetracked. But he knew Philippe enough to know there was almost no walking past him without having a conversation.
A part of Seb might not like her getting chummy with the orthopedist, but he wasn’t involved with Rachel, and he had no right to feel one way or the other about it.
Rachel was a beautiful woman—why should he be surprised that he wasn’t the only one to notice that?
But he wasn’t going to stand here and interrupt whatever this was. He needed to go get his coffee so they could finish their conversation in peace.
And if the man was asking her out?
Again, none of his business.
Before Seb could move away from the pair, though, the orthopedic surgeon smiled at him. “I guess I got caught red-handed.”
The statement took him by surprise. “Sorry?”
“I came up here to lure Rachel away from you.”
Damn! Had she told the man about that kiss? Or worse, implied that Seb was interested in her?
He wasn’t, no matter how that kiss had looked. It had been impulsive and stupid, and he was damned sure not going to do anything like that again.
Rachel drew what looked to be an overly careful breath. “He means lure me away from Pediatrics.”
Ah, hell. His imagination was going to get the best of him. Of course it hadn’t been about anything that had happened yesterday.
“A position just opened up in my department and—”
He didn’t need to hear any more. “There’s a storm out there, Philippe. Can’t this wait?”
The man had the grace to look chagrined. “Of course it can. I just happened to get on the elevator with her and asked if she had a minute.”
Rachel stared at Seb like he had two heads. But she was seriously thinking of leaving Pediatrics?
Hell, he’d just been thinking about how much better it would be when they were no longer working together. So wouldn’t that kind of move be the perfect solution?
Maybe, but he didn’t like it. He and Philippe were both heads of their respective departments. He’d never tried to “lure”—as the other man had put it—anyone away from their position.
He decided to leave it. For now. Because what he’d said was true. There was a storm out there, and this was no time for hospital politics. He forced a smile. “So, about that coffee...”
Philippe shrugged. “I think that’s my signal to head back to my own department.” He touched Rachel’s arm again. “Think about it, though, okay?”
Rachel didn’t have a chance to say anything before the other man turned and pressed the button for the elevator.
Wanting to make sure that kiss had nothing to do with the conversation, he said, “Are you unhappy in Pediatrics?”
“No. He mentioned it when that chain saw accident came through the ER and I was helping him during surgery. We really did meet in the elevator. He didn’t seek me out for a meeting or anything.”
If he’d been worried about that kiss carrying too much meaning, he evidently needn’t have. Philippe had a reputation for being competitive, claiming his team was one of the hospital’s best. It made sense if Rachel had impressed him in some way that he’d tried to persuade her to join his team.
Would Rachel think about the offer and decide it was what she wanted to do?
Not something he was going to ask. So he decided to repeat his earlier question. “It’s fine. You drink espresso, if I remember right.”
She looked surprise. “I do. And that sounds great. I just jumped out of bed and dragged my clothes on, so I didn’t even get my morning coffee.”
Rachel didn’t look like she’d just dragged her clothes on. The morning after they’d slept together a year ago, her hair had been beautifully rumpled and sexy, and he almost hadn’t been able to leave.
None of that was evident now. Her hair was neatly pulled up into a clip, whatever messiness there might have been neatly twisted away.
“I’ll get you one, and I’ll be right back, if you want to wait in my office.”
“Sounds good, thanks.”
She’d dreamed about him.
Rachel wandered around Seb’s office, waiting for him to get back from the coffee shop. His space was neat and organized, just like the other times she’d been in here. On his whiteboard were some facts about the storm.
The name Mauhali was at the top and had been underlined several times. Next to it were some facts and statistics about the island. Including the one community health clinic that was housed on the island. There was a helicopter pad, but no real airport.
She hadn’t even stopped to listen to the news this morning. And then as she was rushing up to his office, Philippe had waylaid her talking again about the possibility of her moving to Ortho. And like the other doctor had said, they’d gotten caught red-handed.
She’d finally drifted off to sleep but then had had strange fitful dreams. Seb had called her just as her hand was reaching out to grab him in her dream.
Was that her subconscious trying to tell her something? That she was grabbing at something that wasn’t in her or Claire’s best interest?
Was Philippe’s request the universe’s way of telling her to get out while she could—before she got entangled in a situation that would only bring her heartache?
No. If she took that job, it wouldn’t be because she was running from something. It would be because she thought it was something she’d be good at. Something that would be rewarding in its own right.
Sebastien came back before she had a chance to think through any of it. He was carrying two cups, one of them a disposable paper container and the other a china cup emblazoned with the Centre Hospitalier’s name.
Her head tilted. “You could have had mine put in a disposable cup, too.”
“I think I remember you saying you didn’t care for the taste they gave your coffee.”
He remembered that? A shiver of warmth went through her, which reminded her of her dream.
Don’t grab at him.
“Well, thank you. But I’ve drunk plenty of coffee in paper cups and survived the experience.” She smiled and took the proffered cup. “Besides, I’m surprised they let you carry this out of the cafeteria.”
His lips curved. “Philippe’s not the only one who can be persuasive.”
Was he saying that the china cup was his way of persuading her to stay in Pediatrics? Or was it just like it sounded—that he’d talked the cafeteria staff into letting him take one of their cups?
The latter, obviously. To read anything else into it was ridiculous.
She decided not to bite, instead saying, “Well, thanks for the coffee.”
“Yep. Ready to get to work?”
When she nodded, taking her first sip and savoring the strong brew, he pulled up a map with projections. “This is where things stand right now.”
Her eyes scanned the red cone that fanned out from the storm. A storm that was already far too close to shore. Wind speeds were... She swallowed hard. They stood at a hundred miles an hour. “That looks a lot different from what it was last night when I went to bed.”
She didn’t tell him how long it took her to actually fall asleep.
“Yes, it does. Neves want to meet with us to discuss how Hospitalier can take advantage of the work we’ve already done. Especially since Taurati is now officially off the critical list. It looks like Mauhali will be the worst hit of the islands, although the outer bands may skate across Bora Bora before it slides back out to open water.” He stared at the screen. “Bora Bora has good infrastructure, whereas Mauhali...well, it doesn’t. It’s known for its mango exports, so there are extra workers there, who I imagine are trying to get everything off the trees they can now before the storm decimates the harvest. So they may not have evacuated even if they were urged to.”
“And the population?”
“Right now, we’re probably looking at a thousand.”
“That’s a lot of potential patients.”
“It is. And another problem is the helipad’s a little distance from the clinic, due to the topography of the island.”
“So we’re looking at a task that might very well be...”
“Impossible.” He finished the sentence for her. “Yes, but if we can coordinate any medevac with other islands and schedule landings, it could work. Neves says they’re asking for a team from the hospital to go as soon as the winds die down a bit. So we need get that started, too.”
She glanced over at him, noting he had some dark circles going on under his eyes. She wasn’t the only one who hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep, evidently.
“Have you been up all night?”
“I happened to wake up and looked at the weather. I called you and Neves right after I saw it.”
Well, at least he hadn’t left her out of the equation.
“When does he want to meet?”
“As soon as we can. Let me see if he’s arrived yet.” Seb retrieved his phone and dialed the hospital administrator’s number. “Hi, are you at the hospital?”
He glanced at Rachel. “Yep, she’s here, too. Are you ready for us?” There was a pause. “Okay, we’ll be right there.”
At Neves’s office, they discussed what they could do for Mauhali and who should be on the team that went to the island. They decided on four people, since there was only so much they could do on-site, medically. They’d take basic supplies, but surgeries there would be next to impossible to do. As well as Rachel and Seb, the team would consist of Dr. Monchamp, one of the ER doctors with military training, and a nurse called Kayla Courrier, who would help with triage and identifying the most critical patients. Dr. Monchamp and Kayla would stay on the island and help coordinate who went on which chopper. And she and Seb would ride back and forth on the chopper that would ferry patients to Hospitalier.
“I need you guys to stay in close contact with the hospital, so we know what’s coming in.”
She nodded. Lord, she hoped she was ready for this. But Neves wouldn’t be sending them out if he wasn’t confident in their abilities. And although she was a pediatric nurse now, she’d once been involved with search-and-rescue teams right after finishing her nursing degree.
“We’ll get the hospitals lined up, since we already know who has choppers and who has space in their facilities.”
“Okay. Go. Give me a buzz when you get ready to go. I imagine we still have quite a bit of waiting to do.”
Almost twelve hours’ worth. Maybe more by the time the last of the bands crossed Mauhali.
The next several hours were spent getting hospitals onboard with their plans, which was easy, since everyone was eager to help out. Only one hospital couldn’t, since they’d had an outbreak of norovirus from one of the cruise ships. They were barely keeping their heads above water.
Just as she got off a call, her phone buzzed. She glanced down just as Seb looked over at her. “It’s Claire.” She pushed a button to answer.
“Hi, honey. Did you guys make it?”
“Yes. Just wanted to let you know that we’re at Grams’s house.”
She sent Sebastien a thumbs-up sign. “I’m glad you made it.”
Claire’s voice came through. “Did you hear that Taurati isn’t going to be hit?”
“We did. But it’s going to hit another island, so we’re trying to get some plans together.”
“You promised you’d help them.”
It was so like Claire to remember everything, even things she wished her daughter would forget. “We’re going to fly over once the storm has passed. And yes, we’ll help however we can.”
“Good. And I miss you already.”
“I miss you, too, sweetheart.”
“Tell Sebastien that I miss him, too.”
She swallowed, but what choice did she have but to agree? “Okay, I’ll tell him.”
“And that his turtle made it through customs without any problem.”
Rachel held her hand over the phone when she realized Seb’s head had tilted when he realized they were probably talking about him. “She said to tell you that the turtle made it through without being confiscated.” She made no mention of what else Claire had said.
He smiled. “Good news.”
“Okay, honey, tell Grams we’ll call you guys when we get on the chopper for Mauhali.” Too late she realized she’d used the word we, meaning her and Seb. But there was no way to correct it without it becoming very awkward, so she just let it go.
“Okay. We’ll be watching the news.”
“Love you, honey. Tell Grams and Gramps, too.”
“I will. ’Bye.”
With that, she hung up the phone.
“They’re doing okay, I take it?”
She smiled. “Better than we are, I think. I’m really glad Claire went back with my mom. And you were right. It would have been too hard to work with her and my mom sitting either at home or here at the hospital worrying about every movement that storm made.” She paused. “What happened here during Wasa-Arthur?”
“They rode it out, for the most part. There were surprisingly few fatalities. But they were good about evacuating people from the coastal areas to the interior. That helped a lot.”
“Is that what will happen on Mauhali?”
“That island is a lot smaller than Taurati. So the interior of that island is not super far from the coastline. A lot of them will probably shelter in place. But some will move inland. If they can.”
She nodded and sat back down. “I need to make some more calls and see if I can make more of those connections we were talking about.”
“I’ll do the same.”
If it came down to it, maybe Rachel would do what the rest of the islanders did, according to Seb. She’d just find a place to hunker down and hope for the best.