AARON PULLED AWAY from the kerb, all too aware of how Stella’s light floral scent filled his car and his growing obsession with the way she smiled, her happiness and how she made him feel: as if a part of him he hadn’t even realised was missing had returned and wanted to steer the ship.
Well, there was no way he would allow his libido to take charge. She was fifteen years younger than him. His trainee.
But it was more than mere attraction, as rampant as that was. As much as he respected his GP partner, Toby, Stella seemed to bring a breath of fresh air and renewed energy to the surgery, as if she’d flung open the windows to invite in the cool, autumn-scented air.
On her second day Stella had again sat in on his morning surgery, impressing him with her astute diagnostic skills and the way she questioned everything, wanting to learn as much as she could from the experience, when he knew her heart wasn’t in this particular placement.
She seemed to have recovered from her minor wobble after treating someone from her past. It was only when she’d questioned him about keeping a professional distance from the patients he lived alongside that Aaron realised how out of her comfort zone she was here in what he considered a little corner of paradise, a place he was privileged to live and work. That she had rocked up anyway and was giving the job her all showed her tenacity, determination, courage.
But what had made her feel claustrophobic all those years ago and was it anything to do with this ex she had mentioned? He wished she’d opened up to him more, confessed the deeper reason she was so spooked. Yesterday he hadn’t wanted to push her too hard, to pry. He’d even resisted asking his parents if they remembered Stella from nine years ago. No one liked to be the subject of gossip—he understood that on a personal level.
After Molly died he had been the talk of the town for a while. Fortunately, he had been too consumed by grief and guilt to care. He’d had Charlie to focus on.
Aaron cast a side eye at Stella, who sat in the passenger seat, reconciled that she would tell him what she wanted him to know, if and when he earned her trust.
They’d just finished a house call and were now headed back to the practice for afternoon surgery.
‘I remember Mrs Taylor,’ she said, glancing at him with a relaxed smile. ‘She used to be a music teacher at the school, didn’t she?’ Her voice carried a tinge of sadness, compassion for the retired woman, who was receiving chemotherapy for stage two ovarian cancer.
‘Yes. She taught me piano for a while, actually.’ He smiled in her direction, reluctantly returning his eyes to the road, because the green blouse she wore today brought out the sparkle in her eyes. He didn’t want to crash because he couldn’t stop staring at a woman he should not be thinking about that way.
‘Do you still play?’ The curiosity in her gaze heated the side of his face. To look at her would be to confirm what he’d see in her expressive eyes, what he felt growing stronger within him every moment they spent together and most of the moments they were apart: a constant, undeniable lure he was struggling to keep at bay.
But fight it he must until a new placement could be found and she moved back to London.
‘A little—I’m trying to teach Charlie “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.’
‘That’s adorable.’ As he caught her lips curling into that wondrous smile of hers, he recalled what he’d come to think of as their moments, because this felt like another one.
What the hell? He should be convincing himself that he’d been mistaken, that a woman like Stella would have no use for a man like him. Except he couldn’t forget their spark of chemistry on Friday night when she’d uttered a low challenge, for his ears only.
‘See you Monday, boss.’
Her proximity when she’d leaned close to taunt him had set his body aflame for the first time in years. The shock that he had seriously considered kissing her was profound enough to render him on his best behaviour since.
But then they’d shared their second moment in the staff room yesterday when she’d haltingly confided in him about her reservations about returning to Abbotsford. Their differences, their working relationship...none of it had mattered in the face of her vulnerability. He had wanted to know exactly what made her tick, to understand her fears and dreams, to be alone with her. Not as her supervisor; not as Dr Bennett. Just Aaron, a man who’d, out of nowhere, reacted to this woman and needed to sort fantasy from reality in his mind so he could return to normal.
Well, his new normal anyway, the suspended state he’d inhabited since Charlie was born: get through each day knowing that he’d done everything he could for his son. Mostly that meant putting his own needs second, but that was a small price to pay for the mistake of his past.
Dragging his gaze from Stella’s profile and from all thoughts of shared moments, he returned his thoughts to his son.
‘I just need to make a brief stop to pick Charlie up from school before we head back to the surgery.’ His responsibilities grounded him once more. Fatherhood had become the best role in the world. That his libido felt nineteen again paled into insignificance, especially as it was directed at this particular woman. He wasn’t a teenager, or in his twenties, or even in his thirties. Stella Wright needed to remain off limits, because not only had she reawoken his sexual urges, she had also reawakened his guilt.
Aaron didn’t deserve such light-hearted and frivolous feelings as lust after letting down Molly and Charlie in such a devastating way. He’d had his shot at happiness. He’d had it all and his wife, his son’s mother, had died because he had been careless.
‘Of course. No problem.’ she said.
Normally Aaron managed to drown out his self-recriminations. But today, perhaps due to Stella’s presence, memories gripped his throat in a choke hold.
Charlie’s conception had been an unplanned slip-up. He and Molly had only been married a few months, and they had both wanted to wait a couple of years to start a family. She’d just opened her interior-design shop in Cheltenham and they were enjoying married life together, decorating the run-down old farmer’s cottage they’d bought, establishing Aaron’s growing practice, living the life of a couple before children.
Then one giggly, wine-fuelled night, a shortage of condoms and a miscalculation of Molly’s likely ovulation date had changed everything. Nature had overtaken their careful planning.
Oh, they’d both been excited about the baby after the initial shock. They’d made new plans to share the parenting responsibilities so they could still both commit to their respective careers. But with Molly’s death, his guilt and shame had roared to life. Aaron should have known better. He was a doctor, for goodness’ sake. He should have been more responsible. Not only had he lost the woman he loved, but also his recklessness had condemned his son to life without his wonderful, kind and funny mother. Every child deserved to know both of their parents. If he’d been more careful, if Molly had become pregnant a few years later, as they’d planned, perhaps she’d still be alive.
Oh, he understood on an intellectual level that the rare postnatal complication she had suffered had nothing to do with timing. But his wisdom didn’t help. His beautiful Charlie, with his mother’s energy and sense of mischief, served as a constant reminder of Aaron’s deepest regret.
‘Does he enjoy school?’ Stella asked.
He seized the lifeline, wondering how long he had been silent.
‘He loves it.’ Aaron forced himself to smile, to return to the present moment. To be what he needed to be: Charlie’s dad. ‘Walking home has become our routine, boys’ time where we chat about our day before I have to head back to work for a few hours.’
‘Perks of being the boss.’ Stella smiled as if infected by the image of his rapscallion son, who was active and full of probing questions. Then she quickly looked away, out of the window, her expression falling contemplative as if she had suddenly remembered that she didn’t actually like children. But that couldn’t be true. He’d seen her interact with a few at the practice. She was a natural.
‘Yes. I’m very lucky to have a job near home where I can walk him across the fields after school.’ Rather than rebel against life in Abbotsford without Molly and resent being the much talked-about widower, Aaron was endlessly thankful for this close community. They had rallied around him and his newborn son when they’d come home from the nearby hospital. Baked goods and casseroles had arrived on the doorstep with reassuring regularity. Offers of babysitting had flooded in. As Charlie grew, people delighted in seeing him out and about, always cheerful and engaging.
To Aaron it was heartening and bittersweet, as if Molly’s death had made Charlie different, special somehow, when Aaron wished he could turn back time so his son had two parents.
‘We’re also lucky to have such supportive families near by. I’m never short of a babysitter.’ He tried to repay people for their kindness and consideration by being the best GP he could be.
‘So who cares for him after school?’ Stella asked, her gaze wary as if she was only making polite conversation.
‘My parents or Charlie’s other grandparents; sometimes his aunt, Molly’s sister.’ Aaron had never mentioned to Molly’s family that the timing of Charlie’s conception hadn’t been exactly planned. He didn’t know what Molly had told them about her pregnancy. He was just grateful that they’d never once openly blamed him for their daughter’s death.
He blamed himself enough.
‘I’m glad you have help,’ said Stella. ‘Raising children is the hardest job in the world.’ She expelled a small sigh that he wondered if she was even aware of.
She had spoken generally rather than with first-hand knowledge. As far as Aaron knew, like Stella and Darcy, the middle Wright sister, Lily, had no children.
‘You’re welcome to join us on our walk, if you’d like. Charlie has been asking about my new work colleague.’ At the slight stiffening of her body he added, ‘Or you can head back to the surgery and familiarise yourself with the cases booked for this afternoon if you prefer.’
He didn’t want to force his rambunctious five-year-old on her if she only tolerated children, but nor did he want to exclude her, especially when he enjoyed every second of her company more than he should.
Stella chewed her lip, clearly dithering.
‘Not fond of small children, eh...?’ His stomach sank, although how Stella felt about his son didn’t matter. He had avoided relationships these past five years, focused on raising Charlie. They were a two-for-the-price-of-one combination that would put many women off.
He cleared his throat, irritated by his foolish disappointment. He wasn’t looking for a relationship. He and Charlie had a good thing going, a routine, stability. He wouldn’t jeopardise that.
‘They can be a handful,’ Aaron joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere and rectify the direction of his thoughts. ‘Don’t worry, Charlie doesn’t bite, but it’s no big deal. I want you to see what life as a rural GP, something I know you don’t aspire to, is like, but there’s certainly no obligation on you to participate in my extracurricular activities.’
She shook her head as if clearing a silly thought. ‘No, it’s not that. I like kids as much as the next person. I’d love to join you actually. I’d like to see how the school has changed since I attended, and I could do with a breath of fresh air. Aside from my parents, obviously, stunning autumnal days like this one are what I miss most about Abbotsford.’
She stared out at the view—there was one around every corner—her small smile wistful.
‘Oh?’ he asked, intrigued anew by her complexity. One minute she acted bored by the pace of life here—bemoaning the lack of nightlife, feeling claustrophobic—the next she seemed fully at home in the village where she’d grown up. It was almost as if she was fighting her natural inclinations, acting as if she didn’t belong for some reason.
But why would she do that? Perhaps it was linked to the ex she had mentioned. But that was a long time ago. Surely she’d fallen in and out of love a few times since then, in her search for Mr Right?
‘I used to ride a lot as a kid and into my teens,’ she elaborated. ‘I spent hours riding Gertrude, my pony, out for a hack through these lanes and across the fields.’
‘Now, there’s something you can’t do in London.’ He could imagine Stella ruddy-cheeked and mud-splattered as easily as he could imagine her in skyscraper heels dancing with her arms over her head in some nightclub.
He swallowed at the memory of her long legs and shapely thighs, a tight black dress... He shouldn’t be imagining her at all.
She shrugged, as if she’d merely swapped one rush for another.
Aaron understood. He’d once been desperate to move away from the predictability and expectations of home, to spread his wings and experience a different way of life. But unlike Stella, he’d always known that he would end up back here. He’d been raised to be heir to the Bennett estate his parents currently managed, which comprised the manor house, farmland and a handful of rented cottages.
‘Do you ride?’ Stella asked.
He shook his head. ‘But Charlie is desperate for a pony, ever since he saw that animated movie with the talking horses.’ So far Aaron had managed to dodge that particular demand. He shook his head. ‘Never going to happen.’
‘Are you overprotective, then?’ she asked, looking at him with that hint of fascination that warmed his blood and had him craving their next moment.
‘I prefer the term vigilant.’ He frowned. ‘It’s something I never understood about parents until I had my own tiny human to love and nurture and keep alive. You never want anything to harm them, not a scraped knee or a broken heart.’
His insecurities tightened his chest, as if he’d run too far on a frosty morning. What if he made a complete hash of parenting? What if Charlie grew up hating him for the error of judgement that had led to Molly’s death? What if he lost Charlie too as suddenly and pointlessly as he’d lost Molly?
‘You’re right. You want the best for them, all the time.’ She nodded as if she knew exactly how he felt. Again he thought Stella must have some first-hand experience.
Then as if realising she’d said too much, she mumbled, ‘It certainly must be a lot of responsibility.’
‘And joy. Laughter. A steep learning curve.’ He hesitated for a second but then ploughed on. ‘You sound as if you have experience of children beyond professional exposure.’
He wanted to understand her reticence for being here, part of the Stella puzzle that clearly brought her some sadness, and he sensed it was connected. It wasn’t his place to ask any more than it was his place to wonder at the softness of her lips or the intelligent depth of her hazel eyes, but there it was all the same, like an itch he couldn’t scratch.
Outside the school, Aaron parked the car and turned off the engine, aware that his breath was trapped in his chest while he waited for a clue to the parts of herself she kept well hidden.
For a second, her stare moved from his eyes, to his mouth. His mind immediately returned to thoughts of kissing her. Did she fancy him in return? Had she, late at night when sleep evaded her, imagined his touch and if they would be good together, physically?
Need roared to life, waking every cell in his body. But it went beyond lust. He liked Stella. He wanted to know her. He wanted those moments.
She drew in a breath, as if preparing to share some intimate part of herself, but at the last second, she seemed to change her mind.
‘Not really,’ she said.
An answer that only left him with more and more questions.