We have plans to skip school. Well, I’m pseudo-skipping school. I showed up for first period, because Joe doesn’t get out of the house until after the bus rumbles by, shaking the thin windows.
I don’t have any finals until next week, and apparently neither does Nolan. Besides, what do finals really matter when there’s something else out there?
He said he’d pick me up out front at 9:30. Which is why I’m standing outside on the concrete pavement with the sun beating down at 9:28, squinting against the summer sun. A teacher walks by behind the glass doors. He looks at me with a face of concern, and I wave. I wave because I don’t want him to think I shouldn’t be doing this. People leave all the time, for appointments. I just don’t want him to see someone definitely not Joe picking me up in the circular drop-off zone.
I look back once into the front office windows to make sure no one is reporting this, and thankfully no one seems to be paying attention. Except for a face at the corner of the window: it’s Marco, standing at the front desk, looking back. And of course, of course, it’s him.
Marco pulled a disappearing act last winter, in the weeks following the crime. When he finally did show up to see me, he pretended he hadn’t gone AWOL, pretended that everything was fine and he was the supportive boyfriend, though by then there was a hard and impenetrable wall between us.
And now finally he’s paying attention, exactly when I don’t want him here. I look away, pretending not to notice.
At 9:29, Nolan’s car stutters into the lot. It’s hard not to notice. It’s not exactly quiet, and it’s not exactly clean. I’m practically bouncing on my toes by the time he makes his way through the lot to the entrance, meeting him halfway so as not to draw any more attention.
“Go, fast,” I say, and he listens.
The humid air funnels in, and it’s hard to hear him when we’re moving fast. “Sorry,” he calls, “the air conditioner didn’t kick in this morning. It’s like that sometimes.”
I don’t complain. I like it, really. Reminds you how fast you’re moving, the air pushing back against you, tears in the corners of your eyes.
The car slows when we pass the sign for Freedom Battleground State Park. “The turnoff for my house is easy to miss,” I say in warning.
“I know,” he says. “Sorry, not to be creepy. But I’ve been taking readings around the park, and I saw your house from the distance. I knew what happened, and I…well, I don’t know what I thought. That maybe I’d sense something? But when my device started picking up the Event, I could only think about the one thing I did differently. So I came back.”
“I see,” I say, though of course, I already knew he had been there. It was my handprints that had plastered his car’s back window, after all—I’d assumed he was the Realtor then. I’m guessing he knows by now that it was me. He passes the turnoff, and I laugh. “Seriously, Nolan, you just missed it anyway.”
He mumbles to himself. “You guys need a sign.”
“Keeps the spectators away,” I joke. Except I’m not. After the killings, people did one of two things: They either avoided our house to an extreme, not even looking as they drove past. Like Joe, going ten miles out of the way so we could pretend the road didn’t even exist. Or they were sucked in like it was a magnet. The horror of it all; like they could taste it in the air. Like they could look at the house, peer in the windows, and see evil as an observer, from a safe distance.
Nolan drums his fingers on the steering wheel, over and over. “I have something to tell you,” he says.
“Shoot.”
“I was going through my credit card statement from last year, because I had this feeling about something that happened. Last winter, when I was sick, I saw my brother, talking to me.”
“Uh-huh,” I say. Even to myself I sound disbelieving.
“Right, so, that’s when I decided to buy all this equipment.”
“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. It seems Nolan believes in ghosts. I don’t.
He sighs heavily. “Anyway, I bought the equipment December fourth.”
“Wait. What?” I twist in my seat, staring at the side of his face. My eyes scan his expression for a tell, for a giveaway. “For real, Nolan?”
He nods, his fingers tight on the steering wheel. “I saw my brother in a dream. Well, I was awake. I was sick. You know, a fever dream? Where you’re not sure whether you’re awake or not? I saw my brother, and I thought he was asking me to help him.” He shakes his head. “I couldn’t really make out what he was saying.”
I can hear my heart beating inside my head. “December fourth, you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. I just double-checked with the receipt.”
This program originated December fourth. Nolan bought the equipment December fourth. That split in my life, through the entire universe.
“Lydia said she heard something,” I say. “When the power rebooted at my house. Something when the audio was hooked up to Elliot’s computer.”
She said she thought she heard me, but I don’t mention that part. She must’ve been mistaken. Imagining me there, and trying to make sense of things.
He slows the car on the drive in, the wheels unsettled over the grooves in the packed dirt and gravel. He brakes suddenly, idling the car before the clearing, the house just visible between the trees. “Someone’s here,” he says.
I have to crane my neck to see, but then I do. At least two people—a man and a woman, from what I can make out—and two separate cars. It seems like someone is pacing, taking measurements. “Ugh, no,” I say.
“Do you know them?”
My hands are clenched so tightly that my fingernails dig into my palm. “Not exactly. Someone put an offer on the house. Well, on the land.” I turn to Nolan. “They want to tear it down. All of it.”
Nolan shakes his head fast. “They can’t,” he says, and it feels so good, so necessary, to have someone on my side, finally. It feels like something else is possible. “Should I say something?” he asks, putting the car in park.
“Like what?”
“Like, get the hell off your property?”
I feel a smile forming, unexpectedly. Then I press my lips together, looking away. “No, if Joe finds out I was here, he’ll flip. Can we head to your place instead? So I can see where the signal was coming from?”
But he stares out the windshield, mouth a straight line. “Depends,” he says, drumming his fingers again.
“On what?”
“On how stealthy you are.”
When we pull up to what must be Nolan’s house, he’s staring suspiciously at the front of the house. “That’s odd.”
“What’s odd?” The house looks so not-odd I worry we’re on the set of some television show. Everything seems fake. The perfectly lined-up yards and shrubs, the fronts of the houses all differing just slightly, but there’s an underlying uniformity to everything. My mom loved houses with character. Which is why we were in an old house in the middle of farmland, with a shed that had once been an old stable. History is important, she always said, and then we lived within it so we wouldn’t forget it.
“No one’s here,” Nolan explains. “Yesterday, we had like half the state investigators at our house.”
I remember the phone message, calling him home. “What happened last night?”
“Long story. Basically, two years later, there’s suddenly a picture that was sent to my brother’s old girlfriend that shows him at four p.m. on the day he disappeared. Which is four hours after he supposedly disappeared.”
“Couldn’t he have gone missing and, like, officially disappeared after?”
“Yeah, but then, what was he doing for those four hours when we were looking for him? We were all together when he…”
I see it then, in his face, in his words. The first crack. Uncertainty.
“The date means something, Nolan,” I say. “December fourth, right?”
“Yeah,” he says, nodding to himself. As if he needs to convince himself. My stomach twists, but I follow him through the front yard.
He leads me inside the house, and I was wrong. There is nothing normal about this house. At first, there’s the living room, which seems normal enough. But it doesn’t take long before you realize something is definitely weird here. Only part of the downstairs looks like a home. The den on the other side of the living room doesn’t have any couches. Instead, it has a long table with a row of computers and a cluster of phones between each monitor. There are whiteboards covering the walls, instead of family portraits or paintings.
Oh, but then I see the pictures. In the dining room, in the kitchen, they line the walls. It looks like what I’d imagine the inside of a police investigation room to be like, except this is a house, and they seem to be looking into dozens and dozens (hundreds?) of cases all at once.
“Right, so, my parents run a nonprofit for missing youth,” Nolan says, as explanation. He walks straight past it all, like it’s normal. And I guess for him, at this point, it is.
Missing children lining the walls, in place of family photos, or paintings of fruit baskets or something. It puts me on edge, but I nod, like it’s cool, totally normal, no big deal.
I try not to look as we head for the stairway. There are so many of them. Which means, there are so many people like Nolan, too. Left behind. Searching for answers. For signs of what happened.
As I pass them by, the words keep hooking me from the corner of my eye. Last reported seen at a gas station in Cedarwood, NC; Missing since February 23, 2015.
All these people, where do they go?
At first, they blend together, in a mass; regardless of age or sex or race or features. But step closer, and the eyes look back, one by one.
“Don’t look too close,” I hear from Nolan behind me. “Or else you’ll keep seeing them.” And then I understand. It’s not normal for him, either. It’s inescapable. This is what greets him, every morning. I have the shadow house. And he has this.
So I take his advice and turn away. But then my eye catches a single photo, alone on the wall of the kitchen. Like they’ve run out of space and are just beginning a new section. I step closer. Blue eyes stare back, straight into my own. Freckles across the nose and cheeks, all the way to the narrow chin, the forehead. High cheekbones.
I take another step, until I can’t see the face all at once, but only features, one at a time.
The hair is dark, wrong.
The hair is wrong, but.
My hand reaches out, my fingers tracing the words below. Hunter Long…
“Nolan,” I say, in warning. He circles back slowly as I cycle through the features again.
I never thought that much of Elliot’s friends. In high school, they were sort of like him—quiet, studious, building things in the basement together in their free time. When we moved to West Arbordale last year, he didn’t really know anyone until he started college in the fall, and most of them lived there. Campus living was unnecessary for Elliot, since our mother taught history there. They commuted in together most days, or Joe would give him a lift, or Mom would leave him the car keys for after school and Will would drop her home later in the evening. So I remember this face. I remember Hunter Long. This is the kid he brought back home from college.
He stuck out, I noticed, because he was the only friend of Elliot’s I’d seen at the house. I’d gotten home from school, and they were in the kitchen, raiding the fridge. Neither noticed me as I walked by.
It was later, when I was alone in my room, and my door opened slowly—he stood in the entrance, like he was surprised to see me there. His hair was bleached pure white, a sharp contrast to his eyebrows, and the dark roots growing in.
I jutted my thumb to the left. “Bathroom’s that way,” I said, and he shut the door again.
By the time I came out of my room later, they were both gone. But they must’ve been looking at the radio telescope, because later that night, I heard Elliot’s laughter, and when I peered out my window, they were lying back and looking up at the sky.
I didn’t mention it to Elliot; he didn’t mention it to me. It was a brief, forgotten moment. But looking at the image, I’m sure now.
“I know him,” I say, my finger pressing into the photo, to make sure it’s real. “I’ve seen him.”
And suddenly, the room fills with a warm, prickly feeling. Like I’m surrounded by static. Like everything’s connected somehow.
“You’re right, Nolan. Something’s happening. Something here, too.”
His brother, the signal, me, him—all of us, connected. After, before. There, here.
This signal sent me here for a reason. So I would see this. It’s right here. This is what I was supposed to do, where I’m supposed to be. The pattern was so I’d find this picture. It’s not a signal for anyone else. It’s for me.