Shaw
Elijah and I decided to meet at seven at Midtown Bite, a burger joint not far from our apartment. The food was good, the walk short, and it couldn’t hurt for people from the neighborhood to see us out and around together. I was nothing if not thorough. If we were going to do this shit, we were going to do it right. I wasn’t fond of failure.
When I walked inside, the hostess was standing at the podium off to the left of the door. The place had a bar-and-grill atmosphere, with the population queer and queer friendly, like the other establishments in the area. As I told Rural, we tended to find each other. Community was important, and I hoped he would end up in a place like this one day.
“Just one?” the hostess asked. She was pretty, with a short blonde bob and a nice smile.
“I’m meeting someone here, sugar.” I grinned, and hers grew, but then I remembered I’d crazily agreed not to hook up with anyone and again wondered what in the hell I was doing. And did that mean he expected me not to flirt? It was basically my automatic setting.
“That would be me. He’s meeting me here,” Elijah said, and I realized he was standing beside me.
The hostess grabbed two menus. “Right this way.”
The second she seated us at the booth and walked away, Elijah gave me his disappointed face.
“Oh God. What did I do now?”
“Guilty conscience?” he asked.
“No. You’re giving me your disappointed face, where you scrunch up your eyes, your forehead wrinkles, and your mouth goes from cute and pouty to grumpy scowl.”
His brown eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. “I don’t do that. I don’t have a disappointed face.”
“You totally have a disappointed face. Believe me, I should know. You give it to me as often as you do your annoyed face or your angry face.”
“Ugh. Whatever. I could be home watching true-crime documentaries, you know. I don’t have to deal with this.”
I leaned in and gave him a half-smile. “We’re here for you, sugar. Remember that. And here comes the annoyed face.” I dropped my head back and laughed. He was so predictable.
“I don’t have an annoyed face. Oh my God, we’ve been here a minute, and you’re already driving me crazy.”
“That’s because I call you on your shit.”
He sobered and looked at me, this time with an expression I couldn’t read. I prided myself on being good with people, watching and understanding, so I didn’t like it when someone confused me.
“Do you guys know what you want to drink?” the waitress asked.
“Something with a lot of alcohol,” he replied.
“Darling, do I really drive you to drink?” I gave my best innocent face.
“Darling? What even is that? Did we step into Regency England?”
“Sweetie?”
“Elijah.”
“Stud,” I countered, because it was fun to tease him.
Elijah turned to the waitress. “Can you put him at a different table?”
I laughed again. Christ, he was fun. There was something about him that I enjoyed, but I definitely wasn’t unpacking that now—or ever.
“You guys are cute,” the waitress said.
“Well, I am.” I winked.
“So, a bottle of tequila?” Elijah countered.
“I’ll take a diet Coke,” I told her.
“A Dr. Pepper for me,” Elijah added.
She nodded, told us she’d give us a minute with the menus, then walked away. Elijah held his in his hand. He was wearing a cropped tee, and I was annoyed I hadn’t taken the time to admire it more when we were standing up. He had great abs, firm muscles beneath smooth brown skin. His eyelashes were thick, sooty, fanning against his face as he blinked. There were a lot of secrets in those eyes, and I couldn’t help wondering what some of them were. I’d acknowledged that ILWMBF fascinated me, but the truth was, Elijah did too, even though I couldn’t put my finger on why. He continued to peruse the menu as if I weren’t there, and his pink tongue sneaked out and licked his bottom lip, which was really fucking kissable.
His eyes darted to mine. “What? You’re looking at me weird. Why are you looking at me weird?”
“You’re a paranoid person, aren’t you?”
“What? No I’m not.” I cocked a brow at him, and he added, “Fine, maybe a little, but you put me on edge for some reason. I’m not like this with everyone.”
Well…that was interesting, wasn’t it? I didn’t call him on it, though. Instead, I asked, “What are you going to get?”
He eyed me suspiciously for a moment. “Cheeseburger and sweet-potato fries. You?”
“I think I’m going with the wings and real fries.”
“Sweet-potato fries are real,” he countered. “You like arguing with me.”
“Aren’t you the one who just argued with me?”
“No. You said real fries because you wanted to get a rise out of me. You don’t fool me for a second.”
Okay, so maybe he was right, but I rolled my eyes instead of agreeing with him.
The waitress returned with our drinks and took our orders before leaving us alone again.
“So, tell me a little about you and Danny.”
He answered with, “How do you know so much about this?” then looked around and lowered his voice. “The whole thing, I mean—the advice you give people, and even this.” He motioned back and forth between us.
“I pay attention, I guess.” When I’d thought about this evening, I didn’t imagine Elijah asking me any personal questions. Most of the time, he hadn’t seemed very interested in me, so I was thrown for a loop. I hoped it didn’t go deeper than this. I didn’t want to do things like talk about my parents—about how they’d been together and miserable and continued to make each other miserable their whole lives; about the fighting and the cheating and Dad moving out and getting back together and all the mistakes I’d seen them make. The lessons I’d learned from it.
So I said, “I’m a curious person. I watch people and pay attention to relationships and such. I know how I feel and how friends have told me they’ve felt in certain situations. It’s not science. I’m not a real expert. It’s just advice.”
“Are you ever worried about saying the wrong thing?” He took a sip of his soda.
“Do you remember who you’re talking to here?” I teased, but he cocked a brow at me like he wasn’t having any of it. “Of course I am. Especially when it comes to people like Rural, but I guess, well, I figure if people are messaging me, they feel like they don’t have anyone else to go to, so at least it’s something.” I wondered why Elijah hadn’t spoken to any of his other friends about Danny. Was there anyone else who knew? Was it just him and me, two people who didn’t really get along but had secrets on each other?
“You don’t want to be a therapist or something? Do it legit?”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “Not my thing.” I didn’t think it was, at least. Truth be told, I didn’t know exactly what my thing was yet, other than writing. I knew I liked that. “If you’re not careful, E, I’m going to start thinking you like me, that you’re curious about me or something.”
He rolled his eyes, but there was a small curl to the right side of his mouth as though his smile wanted to come out to play.
“So, you and Danny?” I asked softly, not wanting to risk anyone we might know overhearing us.
“We grew up in the same town, went to the same high school. He was popular, sporty, played on the football team, because duh.”
“I can see that.”
“Did you?” Elijah asked, surprising me.
“I did my freshman and sophomore years, but by my junior year, I realized I didn’t like it. I enjoy balls but not the sports kind.” I winked, and he shook his head, but again, there was a partial smile there. “Go on.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about him. Danny isn’t the boy-next-door type. He’s worked hard for everything he has. He grew up lower middle class, but he’s always had a strong work ethic and knows what he wants. Plus, he’s got that kind of personality people are drawn to. He’s fun, nice, and has a thing for the underdog—which is where I come in. Danny was friends with me when none of his friends understood why. If people gave me shit, he defended me, and he helped me get to the place where I defended myself and decided to be unapologetically me because that person’s not so bad. I don’t know if I would have gotten there without him.”
And there it was, the connection between them. Elijah had placed Danny on a pedestal, one that no one else would be able to reach. He felt worthy because Danny had deemed him so, which made him feel like Danny was who he belonged with, where his worth was.
Well, shit. I really was good at this. Maybe I should be a therapist.
I leaned back in the booth and watched him for a moment. He shifted, as if uncomfortable under my gaze. I wanted all his secrets, when I’d never much bothered with anyone else’s before. Not in a long time. And I understood how he felt—being tied to someone in friendship, getting your validation or lack thereof from them. I’d done it in similar ways in the past and would never do it again. “You would have,” I finally said.
“Would have what?”
“Learned to be proud of who you are and to be you.”
“I…” Elijah started, but then cocked his head, and now it was as if he was looking for my secrets. Like his stare was trying to penetrate my skin, to look inside me and fit together a puzzle I didn’t like to show.
“You’re too damn stubborn not to,” I added, which made him shake his head and cross his arms. It was the reaction I was going for.
“Here you go.” The waitress had returned. She set Elijah’s plate in front of him, then mine in front of me. “Can I get you guys anything else?”
“I’m okay,” I replied.
“I forgot to ask for a side of barbecue sauce,” Elijah added.
“I’ll be right back with it.” She walked away again.
I was pretty sure both of us were thankful she’d come when she had. The moment had felt heavy, and we didn’t really do heavy. We did annoyance.
But strangely, this dinner wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.