So, I told them. I handed to them my next document. I had typed it the previous night and had then asked Susan and Seb to check it. The document read:
My terms are these:
1. In this document ‘Senior Partner’ will mean Clarissa Jones and ‘Commercial Partner’ will mean Humphrey Reid.
2. The firm will pay for me to have legal advice about the full terms of this agreement and its drafting up to a cost of £2,000. The terms recorded in this document are subject only to that advice.
3. I will retire as a partner with immediate effect upon the signing of the final agreement between me and the firm.
4. The firm will pay me as a consultant for six months at the same rate as I am currently paid. For the avoidance of doubt, that is £14,000 a month. During the consultancy period the firm will also continue to make pension contributions on my behalf as at present.
5. During the period of the consultancy, I will be entitled to take six weeks’ leave and my full pay and all other contractual rights will continue during that period.
6. The firm will give me a full indemnity against any liability to the firm or for any activity past, present or future of it.
7. Once I have set up my own solicitor’s firm, but in any event within six months of the signing of this agreement, the firm will take all steps as it is able to assign to me (or such business or person as I shall nominate in writing), the legal aid contract for family work currently held by this firm.
8. The firm will release me from any covenants restricting my ability to practise as a solicitor.
9. The firm will release my secretary from her employment when requested by me on any date within six months of the signing of this agreement and, until then, will not take any steps to terminate her employment save in the event of future gross misconduct committed after the signing of this agreement.
10. The Senior Partner of the firm will sign positive references in relation to me and my secretary when we leave, in terms that we will have drafted and submitted for signature.
11. The Senior Partner will write a letter thanking the secretary of the Commercial Partner for the excellence of her services to the firm and ensuring her of the firm’s commitment to her future employment with it.
‘I’ll see you in the morning and I expect the document to be signed by 4 p.m. tomorrow afternoon. Think about it overnight. Now, home time. I am going to see my lovely family and have a nice meal with them. I hope you will do something similar.’
I am not Christian, but Seb is, and my very final parting shot was in the words that he had spoken when I first told him what they had done. ‘For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Timothy. Chapter six. Verse ten.’ I was on such a high.
Rounding this bit off, Clarissa and Humphrey did think about it overnight, but it was not as simple as them saying “yes” or “no”; they had to get the other partners to agree. So next day they arranged an emergency meeting of the partners, having told me what they intended to say.
The meeting happened a few days later.
‘Thank you, everyone for coming. We wanted to call this meeting because we thought that you would like to hear some very good news – with Jon’s great help we have found a solution to the legal aid problem that we were facing and I am sure that, like me, you will be delighted.’ Jaws hit the floor and some people looked at me, quizzically.
‘Yes, well, Jon has decided that he wants to set up on his own and has been good enough to say that he will take over our legal aid contract. So the public will continue to benefit from his inestimable services and we won’t have to make any difficult decisions, ourselves, about whether or not to continue legal aid. Of course, only if you agree.’ She did that frosty, determined smile which meant: ‘And if you don’t agree, I will remove your balls with my own teeth and then stick them in a grinder.’ There were no other female partners; Clarissa would have stung them to death.
‘How much will Jon pay us for taking over the contract?’ Probate George did not even look at me when he spoke.
‘Oh, there is no question of payment, George. Jon is helping us by doing this. Anyway, Humphrey, I think that I am right to say that the legal aid contract has no commercial value.’
Humphrey looked sincere and assumed the appearance of someone who was expressing his considered opinion of the contract’s commercial worth.
‘No, that’s right, Clarissa. It really hasn’t got any value and, you know, it’s all part of a deal with Jon that we have thought about very carefully. So, we do recommend this to you.’
‘What about the goodwill that attaches to the contract?’ George is such a pillock.
‘George, there isn’t any. Remember the accounts?’
George was far too stupid to pick up the vibes, all of which were screaming, ‘Shut your mouth, George!’
‘So.’ He turned to me. ‘When are you going?’
‘Six months’ time, George. I will be so sorry not to work with you anymore.’ I even managed to smile at the bastard. He didn’t ask about holidays.
‘I’ll draw all this up. Does everyone agree that this is the best way forward?’
There were mutterings and some more stupid remarks from George but it didn’t take long. So, bingo! Game over. Welcome, new world.