CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Ruby

 

Crockett grinched his blurry way back to the kitchen a little after ten, less than fresh from not enough sleep, with a headache that would have dropped Babe the Blue Ox. Clete sat at the table with a glass loaded with coffee, cream, crushed ice, and a shot of chocolate syrup. Crockett peered at him bitterly, got a cup of fresh coffee, and flopped into a chair. Clete chuckled quietly, shaking his head.

Crockett grimaced. “What?”

“Lord, son,” Clete laughed. “When’s the autopsy?”

“Yours or mine, asshole?”

“Ha! Pard, I seen a corpse or two in my time. Ain’t one of ‘em looked near as bad as you do.”

“Only pussies drink iced coffee, you wimp.”

“Hurtin’, ain’tcha?”

“A little.”

“That ride in the back a that truck didn’t do ya a lotta good, did it?”

“Not much.”

“You git any sleep?”

“Couple a hours.”

“The girls just went shopping. Goody’s takin’ a nap. Ivy’s at the beauty shop for a while. Why don’t you crawl back upstairs, take a steam, and git into that big assed Jacuzzi tub in the whorehouse for a spell. I’ll gitcha up, say about two-thirty?”

Crockett sipped his coffee. “Marry me,” he said.

Clete grinned. “That ain’t the only offer I ever had, but it sure as hell is the scariest.”

Crockett lurched to his feet. “Sorry,” he said. “Moment of weakness.”

 

When Crockett left the steam room off his bath, he felt a lot like Gumby. He wobbled into Carson’s room on crutches, eased himself into the big marble tub he’d enjoyed so many times before, and turned on the water, gradually growing weightless as the tub filled. He set the thermostat for two degrees below body temperature, flipped on the overhead TV to a rerun of a great old Tommy Lee Jones movie, Nate & Hays, sank ‘til the water touched his earlobes, and promptly went to sleep. Ten seconds later Clete was tapping him on the back of the head.

“Quarter after two, son. Time to wake up and stretch out some a the wrinkles. You been soakin’ for almost three hours. I gotcha a couple a big towels on the rack, but that’s as far as I go. I don’t wanna give ya no false hope.”

“Thanks, Texican,” Crockett mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to stop a yawn. “Be down in a few minutes.”

Crockett opened the drain and the water began to flow away. With the return of weight came the return of aches and pains, but to a much lesser degree than before the steam and soak. Crockett toweled off, put on his robe and crutched his way into his room. Just as he sat on the bed, there was a knock on the door followed by Satin’s voice.

“Ya decent?”

“More or less.”

The door opened and in she came, armed with a tube of something that purported instant relief from every aliment from gout to shingles. Satin grinned.

Ah,” she said, “almost naked. Just the way I want ya.”

“Oh, shit,” Crockett said, and let it happen.

 

The ointment smelled like a combination of horse liniment and kerosene. As Satin was slathering it on his bicep and ribs, she spoke up.

“Ruby’s nice,” she said.

“What?”

“Ruby. She seems nice.”

“You met Ruby?”

“And Goody, and Ivy. We came home about noon and everybody was here. Ruby showed up about half an hour before you got out of the tub.”

“Oh, great.”

“What? You wanted to be all dressed and downstairs when everybody came back so nobody would know how much you were hurtin’?”

Crockett didn’t answer.

“Everybody here is your friend, shithead. Lighten up.”

Satin patted his cheek and rubbed her hands with one of his bath towels. “You’re done, Crockett. I hope that helps, ‘cause you smell like a herd a koalas. Hurry downstairs. Goody’s making ham salad for a late lunch. He’s a sweetie.”

As Crockett got dressed he realized that Ruby must really have changed. He knew that if Ruby had behaved toward Satin the way she behaved toward Mazy, for instance, Satin would have probably punched LaCost out after spending five minutes with her. Instead, she twice mentioned how nice Ruby was. He walked into the hall and started downstairs, wondering how Ruby and Carson were doing.

 

When Crockett entered the atrium, festivities were in full swing. Goody was the first to notice him. “Would ye look at that then?” he said. “As Lazarus from the grave, we have a Scot among us. Saints be praised.”

“Goody! It is great to see you, Sir Thoroughgood.”

“Aye, laddie. It’s a fine judge of character ye are.”

Ivy rose from her seat and held out her hands. Crockett approached and took her hands in his. She kissed him on both cheeks.

“Crockett, my very dear,” she said. “It is well to have you return to within these walls. Once again you labor selflessly for the benefit of others. Once again I am blessed to offer some small assistance. What joy you give me, what worth you bring into my days, what wonderful people you bring into my life. I celebrate you David. Welcome home.”

“Aw, Ivy,” Crockett said, feeling his ears get warm. “Again you honor me with kindness and compliment far above what I deserve. I celebrate you, Ivolee Minerva Cabot, and the light that flows from you that brightens my life.”

“Good Lord,” Clete groaned.

Ivy laughed. “You must forgive us, children,” she said turning to Satin and Carson. “David and I do sometimes shamelessly flaunt both emotion and eloquence. It has become nearly a contest over the years, I’m afraid. I can only beg for your understanding and tolerance. My inspiration is such that I may suffer no choice other than to wax rhapsodic.”

“Far out,” Crockett grinned in his best Stitch impression, and the table broke into a round of chuckles. He took a seat between Ivy and Carson.

Goody slid a platter of sandwiches his direction. “Ham salad, Crockett?” he said. “I made it myself, you know.”

The last line was repeated in unison with Goody by Clete, Stitch, Ruby and Ivy. Laughter overtook the group again and, all of a sudden, much more was right with the world than was wrong with the world. Crockett accepted a sandwich and potato salad, and let the fellowship wash over him, cleansing away everything else, at least for a time.

Nudge sat on a chaise fifteen feet away and slow blinked at all of them.

 

When the late lunch was over, everybody except Crockett and Ruby seemed to vanish into thin air. Crockett looked around.

“Where’d everybody go?”

“Conspicuous by their absence,” Ruby said, smiling at him.

“It would appear that we are the victims of a plot.”

“Nefarious and furtive,” Ruby said. “Why don’t you take your aches and pains over to the comfortable area by the glass, arrange yourself fetchingly on a chaise lounge, and I’ll put the potato salad in the fridge and get us drinks.”

After only a few moments, Ruby approached carrying two tall glasses of mysterious golden brown liquid.

“Long Island Iced Tea?” Crockett asked.

“Iced tea, yes,” Ruby said. “Long Island, no.”

“Suits me.”

Ruby smiled. “I don’t drink as much in a month now as I used to drink in a night then. It got to be too much like medicine, Crockett. That kind of self-prescription can cause problems.”

“Well, you look great, Ruby. You really do.”

“Compared to the last time you saw me, how could I not?”

“Yeah, well…”

“I never doubted you’d find me, Crockett. All the time chained in that cave with that horrible man-child, even though I’d finally driven you away, I knew you’d save me. I knew you would, and you did. I was dying, but I knew you’d come.”

“Wasn’t just me, LaCost. I had lots of help.”

“It was you. You’d have done it, even if you were totally by yourself. You had to. I needed a new life. To get it, I needed you. Thank you, Crockett.”

“God, that must have been horrible for you,” Crockett said.

“Now that it’s over, I think it was worth it. I needed to have the shit slapped out of me, and I got what I needed. Then I needed you, and I got that, too. As bad as it was, Crockett, I think it was necessary.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Somebody up there likes me.”

Crockett smiled. “Be a fool not to,” he said.

“And you got what you needed, too,” Ruby went on. “You needed to be rid of me. I was so controlling and manipulative. I treated you terribly. I carrotted and sticked you shamelessly, Crockett. That was so unfair and wrong. You can’t know how much I regret the way I treated you.”

“I could have taken off, Ruby. I wasn’t wearing a chain.”

“Yes, you were. I created it and I attached it and I profited from it, at your expense. I used you.”

“Old news,” Crockett said. “Now you’re a working girl.”

“An official employee of Cook County, Illinois.”

“And this,” Crockett went on, looking her over. “This is something else. No heels? No makeup?”

Ruby smiled. “Not unless the occasion calls for it. That Ruby doesn’t live here any more.”

“So no more private practice?”

“Not at this point, that’s for sure.”

“You even changed your hair,” Crockett went on.

“You like it?” Ruby asked.

“Yes, I do,” Crockett said. “A lot.”

Ruby grinned. “Well, if you like it that much,” she said, “take it with you.”

With that, Ruby reached to the top of her head, snatched off her wig, and tossed it into Crockett’s lap.

“Jesus Christ!” he shouted, nearly squirting out of his seat and flailing at the furry thing in the chair with him.

Ruby laughed. “Take it easy, Crockett. It won’t bite.”

Crockett gaped at her as he regained control. “You’re uh…you’re uh…”

“Bald?”

“Yeah! You’re bald!”

“Not completely, but enough that wigs are the only sensible answer. The best way to wear a wig is with no hair, so I shave my head.”

“Wow. I don’t know, LaCost,” Crockett said, peering at her. “Kind of a Persis Khambatta thing goin’ on.”

“A what?”

“Persis Khambatta. Star Trek, The Motion Picture. Miss India back in the 60’s. Shaved her head for the movie.”

“God, Crockett. The things you store in that dusty attic you call a mind.”

Crockett smiled. “I like it. Looks good on ya.”

“Don’t think I’m trying to be a wiseass,” Ruby said, “but it doesn’t make any difference if you like it or not. I like it, and that’s what’s important at this point in my life.”

Crockett felt a little insulted and reminded himself to be nice. “So, the new Ruby, huh?”

“I don’t know if this is the new Ruby or not, but it damn sure isn’t the old one.”

Crockett grinned. “Well, it’s a process, Ruby. Life is a journey without destination, you know. For everything there is a season. Turn, turn, turn.”

“Bite me,” Ruby said. “Besides, I hear there’s a new Crockett, too. A cabin in the woods? A dog? Crockett in the wilderness? Sounds like progress to me.”

“Then again, it could be just escape,” Crockett said. “Maybe the reason I’m moving forward is because I’m running away from something.”

“Is that what you think?”

“To be honest, Ruby, I don’t give a damn. Maybe just changing your lifestyle offers the stereotypical opportunity for growth. Maybe none of it makes any difference anyway. Maybe, by the time we’re seven or eight, we’re so hardwired we’re stuck with what and who we are forever. Maybe, with the help of some metaphysical entity sitting above the clouds, we can do a one-eighty and become. I don’t know. I do know that I like living in the woods, that I’m looking forward to going home to my cabin, and that I can’t wait to get my dam in so I’ll have a lake. None of that may change one bit of who or what I am, but it sure as hell makes it easier to live with myself.”

“And now there’s Carson,” Ruby said.

“For a while, at least.”

“I tried to fix you up with her a time or two, but it didn’t take. Then all I did was get out of the way, and here the two of you are.”

Crockett smiled. “Success through inaction,” he said.

“She’s heavily invested in you, you know.”

Crockett nodded. Yeah,” he said. “I know.”

“She’s a wonderful person.”

“Yes, she is,” Crockett said. “She’s also transient. When she gets free of all this crap, she’ll be on her way. I’m a wide spot in the road. Necessary now, dispensable later.”

“There’s nothing but now.”

“I know. That’s why I got a dog.”

“C’mon, Crockett.”

“Aw, Ruby,” he said. “Carson is bright, lovely, and sophisticated, there’s no doubt about that. She’s also damaged goods, just like the rest of us. She has no identity, she’s on the run from somebody who wants to kill her, she gave her life away for Vaseline on her teeth and duct tape on her ass, and now she’s got me, the white knight, ready to tilt at windmills to save her. Talk about patterns. You, Rachael, Marilee Walker, Inez and her kids, Mazy, and now, Carson. Christ, LaCost. I may be the sickest sumbitch on the planet.”

“And you like it,” Ruby said.

“No. I need it. For whatever reason, I need to be some sort of twisted, one-legged version of a hero. I can save anybody from anything except themselves, Ruby. And that includes me.”

Ruby watched him take another swallow of tea.

“Lotta anger there, Crockett.”

“Yeah, but most of it’s directed at me. When I get the lake I’ll take it out on the fish.”

“Here’s to your lake,” Ruby said, toasting him with her glass.

“It is good to see you doing so well. It really is. For what it’s worth, I’m very proud of you.”

“It’s worth a lot,” Ruby said.

“Also, and don’t take this the wrong way. It’s nice not to be needed.”

Ruby couldn’t think of anything to say.

Crockett stood up, smiled, and handed her the wig. “You can keep this,” he said. “It’s not my color.”

Ruby accepted the wig and returned the smile. “We gonna be friends?” she asked.

“As much as we ever were, I guess,” Crockett said. “Maybe more. Who knows about the future?”

Ruby watched him walk away, then looked out the window and felt tears overflow her eyes.

 

Crockett schlepped back up to the Men’s Club and flopped on the bed. He was nearly dozing when he heard Nudge “myrrphing” in the hall. He opened the door and the cat swept in, levitated to the bed, and lay down. He peered at Crockett through half closed lids and swished his tail.

“You, too?” Crockett asked.

Nudge yawned and turned his head away, staring at something or nothing at the other end of the room. His tail continued to lash.

“Oh, fine,” Crockett said. “I’m an asshole. I saved you too, you ungrateful wretch. And now you have the nerve to come in here and call me names. You could be a throw rug, you know.”

Nudge’s only response was to owl his ears.

“Terriffic. The silent treatment. How childish.”

There was a light knock on his door. He opened it to find Carson standing in the hall. Christ, she was beautiful.

“Hi, Crockett. You alone?”

“Sure,” he said, stepping back. “C’mon in.”

“I thought I heard you talking to somebody.”

Crockett smiled. “I was arguing with Nudge,” he said.

“You do that a lot?”

“Yeah. What brings you to the men’s club?”

Carson’s eyes traveled around the walls. “Sherlock Holmes would have loved this place,” she said, taking a seat in an armchair only slightly smaller than a bulldozer. Crockett sat across from her.

“How’d your visit with Ruby go?”

“I’m not sure. She seems more rigid in some ways, more open in others. She’s different, no doubt about that. And how could she not be, after everything she’s been through.”

“And how could you not defend her after everything you’ve been through?” Carson asked.

“Okay,” Crockett said. “You got me.”

Carson peered at him. “You really do love her, don’t you?”

“Sure.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to like her.”

Crockett shook his head and smiled. “No,” he said, “it doesn’t.”

“I love her,” Carson went on, “but I’m not sure I like this Ruby very much. Maybe it’s just a transitional thing.”

“You trying to cheer me up, Mary Lou?”

“You deserve it, David. You cheer me up all the time. Actually, that’s why I dropped by. What are you doing tonight?”

“Tonight? I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose.”

Carson’s eyes drifted to the far end of the men’s club. “Is that connecting door to my room unlocked?” she asked, standing up.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Carson smiled. “That’s all I wanted to know,” she said.

Crockett’s eyes followed her to his door and watched her disappear into the hall. He walked to the connecting door and tried the knob. It opened easily. Grinning, he sat on the bed and looked at Nudge.

“Whadaya think, old man,” he asked.

The cat rolled to his side and began to purr.

“Me, too,” Crockett said.