In which we are visited by an old friend.
Mr Hawke, thanks for coming in.
It’s a pleasure, good evening, and could I just make the point that I’m not here solely to push my book?
Which book?
This book here. Comes out this week. Available in decent bookshops. I’m not here to push it.
You don’t want to push it?
No, I’m a serious person. I’ll discuss serious issues with you.
Yes. What are they?
They’re in the book. Read the book.
I’m not so much interested in the book, Mr Hawke.
I am.
Yes, I’m not so much interested in the book, Mr Hawke. What I want to know is why you’ve taken the position you have on the Government. Ten years ago you were the most popular person in the country.
That’s true. At least the country. Possibly the world.
You somehow seemed to embody the notion of Australianness.
The very notion.
The very notion of Australianness.
Yes, I think so. I think that’s right.
And now you spend your time trying to undermine the Government.
No I don’t. Do you know what that bastard Paul Keating once said to me?
No.
Well, we were standing in my office.
Yes, this is his office now, you mean?
Yes, but it was my office at the time.
Yes, you were standing in the Prime Minister’s office.
Yes, my point is that it was my office we were standing in.
It’s actually the people’s office, Mr Hawke.
What I mean is, physically, it was my office at the time I’m telling you about.
My point is that physically the office belongs to the people.
Yes, well I was the bloody people who were in it at the time.
Anyway, what did Paul Keating say?
Well it’s in the book, read the book.
I don’t want to read the book.
Well, all right, I’ll tell you.
I’m not sure I want to know.
Of course you do. You’re Australian, aren’t you? I’ll read you a bit. ‘Isembard begat Hepsibah and Hepsibah begat Nehebah and Nehebah begat Trevor and Trevor begat…’
Could we start a bit further on, Mr Hawke?
A bit further on? Sure. ‘And lo a mighty light appeared in the east and there came a voice. And the voice said, “Let there be Bob…”’
And there was Bob I suppose?
Bloody oath there was, you remember that, do you?
(To camera) Somebody will now move among you with a plate.
‘And Bob did invent the wheel and solve all the problems that were upon the earth without number. And great was the happiness upon the face of the earth, yea even unto the downtrodden and the disadvantaged and the ill at ease and that bastard Keating.’
Hallelujah.
‘And lo, no children did live in poverty by the year…’ Whoops, hang on a minute I’ve got the scratchings in here.
Mr Hawke, good luck with the book.
Thanks, mate. Any boss who sacks anyone for not going to work today is probably that bastard Keating.