“Michael and I are old friends. Actually, we’re closer to family than friends. We don’t do it as often as before, but we sometimes fight like siblings do. That’s all that scene was in front of the Ritz. We were both exhausted from the fashion show rehearsal—which was amazing. The tickets for the event are sold out, but we’ll be streaming live and allowing viewers to bid online in an auction for some of the designs.” Adelaide clapped her hands over her chest to show her enthusiasm for the television audience. She was indeed excited about the event. It was just that she had a gaping hole where her heart used to be, and she had to lay it on thick to cover how dead she felt inside. “But what was I talking about? Oh, of course. My fight with Michael. Long story short we had a disagreement over something, and it blew into the biggest fight we’ve ever had.”
“Would you call it a lovers’ spat?” the morning show host asked with a teasing grin.
“There’s no love lost between us. I’ll tell you that much.” She gave the host an exaggerated wink. “I’m so embarrassed at how immature that sounds, but lack of sleep and stress can make a person do some silly stuff. Once we pull off the best damn fashion show and auction tomorrow, I’m sure we’ll go back to being easy friends.”
“The air practically crackles when you talk about the fashion show. Could you give us your best pitch before we go to commercial?”
“This world is beautiful because of its diversity. This fashion show will celebrate those differences. My greatest hope is for the event to illustrate that acceptance of all diversity showcases the best of humanity.”
The cameras cut out to a round of applause, and Adelaide was able to leave the studio with a triumphant smile on her face. Her personal life might’ve been a wreck, but she was a Song and she wouldn’t let anything, even a broken heart, interfere with the charity event and the cause so worthy of her and the designers’ efforts.
While she’d thought all the hard work was done, the last-minute preparations kept her up all night. Not that she would’ve been able to sleep otherwise. Every cell in her body hurt. Breathing hurt. Existing hurt. Working didn’t ease the pain, but it distracted her from the most painful thing of all: reliving her argument with Michael. Hearing his words on a loop.
Emotions we mistook for love... We’re past it...
She knew it wasn’t true, and that was what hurt her the most. He didn’t trust her with his love. With his heart. He thought she would crumble and fall at the first sign of hardship, and he was afraid of holding her up for the rest of their life. A burden he had to carry, along with the secret he held so tightly to himself.
The rest of the day rushed by with Adelaide packing extra supplies just in case. When she bought ten rolls of duct tape thinking it would come in handy, Adelaide accepted that she was panicking. And she wasn’t the only one. Her anxious designers texted her with last minute questions until her cell phone overheated.
Before she could properly absorb what was happening, it was time for the fashion show to begin. Adelaide wore an edgy white tux sans tie that she’d designed as her contribution to the collection. It fit so well and allowed such great range of movement that she almost forgot she was in formal wear.
Michael came, but he stayed away from her except to say hello and wish her luck. Perhaps, it was for the best. She wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on the proceedings 100 percent with him so near. Soon the cocktail reception came to a close, and she escorted her grandmother and the VIPs to their seats, adrenaline coursing through her veins. This is it.
The models showcased the immaculate business attires to the oohs and aahs of the guests. But when they walked the runway in the formal suits and dresses, there was only hushed awe.
Their guests were entranced by the setting, the music and, most of all, the clothes. From everyday business wear to evening wear, these were clothes that people with autism could wear with confidence—without the discomfort that would’ve prevented them from looking and performing their best. Adelaide was so proud of her designers and what they had accomplished.
Adelaide swallowed the emotion clogging her throat, and took the stage to introduce her amazing design team to the pounding applause of their guests.
“May I have your attention please,” Adelaide said into the mic. “It’s time to announce the winner of the design contest. As you guys can guess, it was a tight race. But this designer’s work captured the very spirit of this fashion show. And the winner is... Mona Andrews!”
The applause rang like thunder and her entire design team jumped to their feet shouting and congratulating Mona, who cried happy tears. Adelaide couldn’t have wished for a better outcome.
The auction was a spirited and exciting affair with the guests competing for their favorite pieces. The bid for Mona’s award-winning red suit was cutthroat. Adelaide watched the proceedings come to an end, feeling weightless with elation. They’d done it. She’d done it.
Her design team rushed to her and enveloped her in a group hug. They were a happy, whooping mess of entangled limbs.
“You guys were so amazing, and I’m so proud of you,” she said, untangling herself.
“We had an amazing leader,” Chris said, and the others echoed his sentiment.
“Go and have fun now. You deserve it.” She sent off the design students with more hugs and congratulations.
“Adelaide.” Her grandmother materialized at her side and pulled her into a tight hug. “Congratulations, my heart. I’m so proud of you.”
“Oh, God. Thank you, Hal-muh-nee.” Tears sprang to her eyes.
“The woman who pulled this spectacular event off...that is you. Never doubt who you are. Never doubt what you’re capable of achieving,” Grandmother said with a catch in her voice. “You’re going to be an amazing department head.”
Adelaide was rendered speechless for a moment, and it felt as though her heart had skipped several beats. When she regained her ability to breathe and speak, she gripped her grandmother’s hands in her own trembling ones and said, “I won’t let you down, Hal-muh-nee.”
“I know you won’t.” Tears glistened in her grandmother’s eyes.
“Congratulations, cuz.” Colin wrapped her up in a bear hug.
“Thank you, Colin,” Adelaide said hugging him back.
“Enjoy the moment,” he said. “Hal-muh-nee, may I escort you to your car?”
“Yes, I should be on my way.” Her grandmother squeezed Adelaide’s hand one more time before being led away by Colin.
Adelaide stayed until the last of the guests and staff left. Except for Michael. He stood quietly in shadow against a wall following her with his eyes. Adelaide locked the loft door and turned to face him from across the room.
“Are you finally ready to talk?” she asked in a deceptively calm tone. Inside, she was trembling with fear—afraid of what was to come, the success of the night fading into the background. “What you said to my grandmother, and what I said on the show... Is that what you really want?”
“Adelaide.” Her name was a plea on his lips. But a plea for what? He pushed himself off the wall and drew closer to her. In the light, she could see the pallor of his skin, his drawn and tired expression. “That’s what we agreed to from the beginning. It’s for the best.”
“Despite what I said, we don’t need to end things.” She breathed in and out several times to keep her voice—and panic—from rising. “It’s not that my reputation is suddenly unimportant to me, but being with you won’t harm me. There might be talk in the beginning, but soon they would see that I’m a grown woman in a committed relationship. It’s mature, grown-up and boring. They’ll forget about us in no time.”
“It’s not only the public. What about your grandmother? The show was a huge success tonight. No one could question that. You are going to get that department head position at Hansol. If you oppose your grandmother now, all that could be jeopardized.”
“We’re not talking about a casual affair. Why would Grandmother disapprove of us? You’re just grasping at straws to end this relationship.”
“There are things you don’t understand, but I won’t come between your family and your dream. This has to end now.”
“But that night...you told me you loved me.” She held her breath, praying he wouldn’t deny it.
“I know,” he said simply.
“Then why? Michael, I love you, too. I’ve always loved you.”
“No. You can’t.” He stumbled back, then widened his stance and steadied himself. “I know you had a crush on me when you were a little girl, but that wasn’t love. Even if it was, you’re just confusing the past with the present. The passion we share is extraordinary, but it isn’t love. Please. You can’t love me.”
“Why can’t I love you, Michael?” She took hesitant steps toward him. He retreated before he stopped himself. “Why can’t we be together?”
“Trust me. We can’t be together. You can’t love me.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” She reached him at last and put her hand over his heart. “Let me love you. I don’t need anything from you. If what we have is all you could give me, then it’ll have to be enough. Just don’t push away my love, Michael. It has always been and will always be yours. You deserve to be loved. Let me be the one to do it.”
His eyes grew impossibly wide, and his breathing grew shallow and rapid. Then he shut his eyes and opened lifeless eyes to her. “It’s over, Adelaide.”
“No, Michael. Please.”
“If you stay with me, you’ll lose everything that matters to you.”
“What are you hiding? Please tell me. We can figure this out together.”
“You don’t want to be with me.” He took a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to be with you.”
“You’re a horrible liar, Michael Reynolds.”
“Adelaide, I—”
“That’s enough. I hear you loud and clear. I don’t know what you’re hiding. Or why you’re so afraid. But I hear you.” Adelaide took a step away from him, then another. “You just broke us. Not this relationship or our hearts. But us. You and I will never be the same again. Whatever you’re hiding from—whatever you’re protecting yourself from—I hope it’s worth it.”
She’d had enough; his lies were hurting him as much as they were hurting her. And there was the one truth that had never changed. He might’ve loved her, but he didn’t trust her. She was still a helpless little girl to him. A burden. Not a partner. Never a partner.
Her soul exhaled a weary sigh and lay down on the cold ruins of her heart, and Adelaide left without a backward glance. Without tears.
The next morning, Adelaide didn’t bother getting out of bed. The fashion show was done, and her design team was probably packing their things from the studio and saying goodbyes. Adelaide’s goodbyes would have to wait. She deserved a day to wallow in her suffering.
The intense pain had faded now into a dull ache, and she could live with that. It seemed as though that was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life. She’d lost Michael, but she would get Hansol. The fashion show couldn’t have been a bigger success. She had accomplished what she’d set out to do. Like Grandmother, she would devote her life to Hansol and somehow fill the void inside her.
Adelaide stared up at the ceiling. It was white. She was glad she’d kept it white, while she had the rest of her bedroom painted a light jade green. The emptiness of the white ceiling felt familiar and undemanding, and it calmed her.
Liliana walked into her room after a soft knock. She bore a cup of milk and a slice of toast. The softness of her gaze, the concern in her expression, were a lot harder to look at than the ceiling. Much harder.
“Adelaide, dear. Mrs. Song wishes to see you. Do you think you could eat a few bites of this and head down?”
“No, thank you.”
“I’m so sorry, but I can’t leave your room until you do.” She sighed quietly and sat on the edge of her bed. “We know something happened a couple days ago. You’ve been dragging yourself around like a ghost. It’s a wonder how well you held yourself together for the fashion show.”
“It just hurts.”
“Oh, my dear.” Liliana squeezed her hand gently. “Maybe your grandmother can help. She has experience in how to put one step in front of another until the pain becomes bearable.”
“Okay, but no food.”
“All right. Let me help you.”
The room spun when she stood, but Liliana wrapped her arm around her shoulder as she guided her down the stairs to Grandmother’s room. With each step, Adelaide found the strength to stand on her own. By the time she was at her grandmother’s door, she felt strong. And furious.
She pushed open the door without a knock and kneeled on the bang-suk. The floor mat felt like blocks of wood against her knees this morning.
“You summoned me, Grandmother?”
“Adelaide, look at me.”
She raised her eyes, and let all her resentment and anger spill out through them. “Are you disappointed in me for taking the day off, Hal-muh-nee? Should I be sitting in my studio, waiting for my department to be formed?”
“Ah-ga.”
“Stop. Not now. I am not your baby. I am a grown woman. Can you ever accept that?”
She was being unimaginably rude to her elder for no good reason. Why did Adelaide feel so angry with her grandmother? Why did she want to lash out at her?
“I haven’t been keeping you out of Hansol because I thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was because I knew you would do only too well. You and I are so much alike. That’s what made me afraid. I chose to dedicate myself to Hansol when your grandfather died, and I neglected every other aspect of my life. Even you children.”
“No, that’s not—”
“Listen, child. I let my ambition blind me, but the company wasn’t enough to make me whole. I needed my children and grandchildren. Our family. Each and every one of you matter more than the world. But I nearly lost sight of that, and trapped myself in a lonely cell of my creation.” Her grandmother reached for Adelaide’s hand. “I didn’t want that for you. I couldn’t want that for you. I thought if I dissuaded you from working at the company, you would find your own life. Pursue your own dream. But now I know—Hansol is your dream. Besides, you’re stronger than me. You would use that clever brain of yours to figure out how to balance your life. I am so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“Oh, Hal-muh-nee. All this time, I believed you didn’t think I was good enough.”
“I know. I know, ah-ga, and I’m so sorry for trying to relive my life through yours.”
“I... I have something to tell you. I’m in love with Michael, but he left me, and it hurts more than I can bear.” Adelaide laid her head on her grandmother’s leg, curling up on the floor. “He doesn’t see me for the woman I’ve become, but as a burden. He loves me and I love him more than life, but he doesn’t trust me with his heart.”
“I suspected,” she spoke under her breath, “but I didn’t know it had come so far.”
“I’m sorry I kept it from you. I stupidly thought I could let him go when the time came, but I couldn’t. I tried to hang on to him...”
“Oh, my sweet child. He sees you and loves you as much as a man could ever love a woman.” She smoothed her hand over Adelaide’s bent head. “Don’t give up on him.”
“It’s too late, because he’s given up on me. He’s given up on us.” Adelaide took a deep breath and raised herself into a sitting position. “I can’t be near him. I’m eager to do my part for Hansol, but please send me to New York. I could start my clothing line there. I can’t be here right now.”
“That isn’t difficult to arrange, but are you sure?”
“That is the only thing I’m sure of. I need to leave and move past this. I can’t let it destroy me. My new position will help me get through this. I’ll survive, Hal-muh-nee, but not here. Not like this.”
“Whatever you need, I will make happen. Remember, I am always here for you.”
Michael didn’t remember driving home from the fashion show, but he was inside his house. Everything looked different—drab and colorless—in the weak morning light. In fact, his house looked downright ugly. He hated it. He hated everything. Himself, most of all.
Michael glanced at the half-empty bottle of Scotch on the coffee table. He remembered now. He’d poured himself endless shots of the stuff and must’ve fallen asleep on the couch. Now morning was here, and he’d neglected his duties. The fashion show was an enormous success, but he should’ve been monitoring for unscrupulous bottom-feeders trying to taint Adelaide’s success with rumors about their night at the Ritz.
Belatedly, he picked up his phone and scrolled through his alerts. Autism awareness was still a trending topic among many of the influential attendees, including Mateo Sanchez and his daughter. And, luckily for him, the tabloids and gossip columns were otherwise occupied.
Michael laid his head back on the couch and covered his eyes with his hand. Where was Adelaide? How was she doing? Was she hurting as much as he was? God, he couldn’t bear to think that. He didn’t know losing her would hurt this much. As though his heart was torn out of him.
He’d hurt Adelaide to protect her in the only way he knew, but he needed to see her. Michael had no idea what he would say or do, but he had to see with his own eyes that she was okay. Or as okay as she could be after what he’d done to her. What could he do to ease her pain? He called her, but she’d blocked him on her cell. He called her office, but she didn’t pick up there, either. When he reached the receptionist, he was informed she wasn’t in.
Then she must be home. After a quick shower, he jumped in his fastest sports car. His heart bruising his rib cage, Michael broke every speed limit on his way to her house.
“Liliana, I need to see Adelaide,” he said as soon as the front door of the Song residence cracked open.
“Michael,” she said rather coldly. Then she continued with utmost politeness, “Why don’t you come in and I’ll let Mrs. Song know that you’re here. I have a feeling she might want to speak with you.”
“But Adelaide—”
“Don’t push your luck with me. I have never seen that dear child suffer so much.” She choked on a sob. “I don’t care what you did or why. Do not demand anything from me, because it’s all I can do not to slam the door in your face right now.”
That was enough to rob Michael of speech. The unflappable, mild-mannered Liliana was nowhere to be seen. To think he’d caused this change in her spoke volumes as to what state Adelaide was in. Oh, God. What have I done?
He followed her to the door of Mrs. Song’s room without another word, and stood still while she went inside to speak with the family matriarch. When she came out, she shot him another furious glance, as though she couldn’t bear even to look at his sorry mug.
“She’ll see you.”
“Thank you, Liliana.”
With a huff, she turned her back on him and disappeared down the hall. He entered Mrs. Song’s room and knelt on the bang-suk. “Good morning, Mrs. Song.”
“It’s well past noon and it isn’t a particularly good afternoon,” she replied stoically.
“You might not think I deserve to, but I need to see Adelaide. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
“No, you don’t deserve to see my granddaughter. And no, she is far from okay.”
“I’m so sorry.” He gulped down the lump in his throat. “Please, Mrs. Song. Could I see Adelaide even if it’s for the last time?”
She sighed, her iron mask softening as she looked closely at him. “What have you been doing to yourself?”
“It doesn’t matter. I broke her heart, and I let her down in the worst possible way. If I thought I didn’t deserve her before, this certainly confirms it. But still... I need to see her.”
“She’s already gone, Michael.”
Cold sweat broke out on his forehead. No. “Gone? Gone where?”
“She left for the airport half-an-hour ago to be with Garrett and Natalie. When she feels ready, she will work at the New York branch.”
“Was she so angry with me that she wanted to put the entire country between us?” He should be grateful that she hadn’t disappeared to another continent. Even he wished he could flee from himself, because being in his skin was nauseating.
“I don’t think she has room for anger in her devastation. The Song family’s biggest strength and weakness is that we love too deeply,” Grace Song said, looking out the window. “She loved you with all her heart, Michael. She wanted to be everything for you. When you pushed her away, she took that as her failure. She thinks she failed you, because she wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Her not good enough for me? You know I can’t give her children. Even if I was whole, I wouldn’t have deserved her. She is the most amazing woman I know.”
“She believes that you don’t trust her with your love. That you still see her as a helpless child. A burden.” His breath caught in his throat, and his eyes bugged with shock. A burden? But before he could utter a word, Mrs. Song continued, “Have you even tried telling her that you can’t have children? Did you ever think that it should be her choice to decide whether she wanted to stay with you or not? Do you even know if she wants children? If she’d want to adopt?”
“No, but it’s more than that.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I didn’t believe you would allow Adelaide to marry me. You and James want her to have children of her own. I don’t blame you, but I couldn’t make Adelaide choose between me and her family. If she lost your support now, what would happen to her dream of joining Hansol?”
“Allow her to marry you? Hasn’t Garrett taught you anything? Us Songs are relentless when it comes to the people we love. I wouldn’t be able to stop Adelaide from choosing you even if I wanted to. And that brings us to the next point. How dare you assume I would hold your infertility against you? And how dare you assume I would be so unfair and unreasonable as to keep Adelaide out of Hansol after all she has accomplished?”
Michael felt the walls crashing in around him, and the sound of the truth rendered him temporarily mute. It was you. All this time, he had told himself it was Adelaide and Mrs. Song who stood in the way of their forever. But it had been him all along. He was afraid Adelaide would grow to resent him and leave him. Like Kathy had done. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, so he had chosen when and how they would end. When they didn’t have to end at all.
“Mrs. Song, I never believed you to be any of those things. Now I know that.”
“You were so entrenched in your own shame and guilt that you treated the woman you love like a thoughtless child.”
“I was wrong. So very wrong.” He had ruined the best thing in his life because of his fear and insecurities. “Do you think she’ll listen to me now? Am I too late?”
“How would I know that, child? What I’ve told you, I only know because she told me as she sobbed in my arms. I almost despised you in that moment. Do you know that?” He watched incredulously as the formidable Grace Song teared up in front of him. God, what have I done? “I’ve never seen my baby hurt so much. A part of her shattered, and it killed me to watch.”
“Please give me a chance to make it up to her, and to you,” Michael begged helplessly.
“If you weren’t like one of my own, I would banish you from my sight. But it’s too late for that. You’ve been mine for a long time now. If I could, I would still hide Adelaide from you, but you are hers to take or leave. She is her own person and it’s her decision. Not yours, and certainly not mine.” She took a deep breath and all signs of her prior vulnerability disappeared. “When you fight for her, you must fight with everything in you. Because both of you deserve to know once and for all whether you are worthy of her.”