‘Jesus, Louis, will ye look at the state of these sheets! Did ye never change the bed while I’m away?’
‘Well of course I did! But I was out every day looking for work, you know that, and besides I couldn’t get that old copper to work.’
‘That’s no excuse. How d’ye think I’ll get them from grey to white now?’
‘Oh come on Cat, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll change them now and tomorrow we’ll sort out what to do with them. It’s late, let’s get the children to bed, it’s been a long journey.’ Louis went to put his arm around her, but she pushed him away and began to cry.
‘’Tis all I need, comin’ home to the place lookin’ like this. Look at the sink, ’tis filthy! And look at the dirt on that tablecloth! Disgusting! What’s been goin’ on here, Louis? Did ye ever do any cleanin’ up at all?’
‘Cat, I did my best, but as I said, there didn’t ever seem any time left at the end of the day to turn round and start housework.’
‘Well how do ye think I manage then?’
‘You have all day to do it.’
As soon as he had made the remark he regretted it, because the first thing he felt after saying it, was a loaf of bread Maeve had given them, hitting the side of his head.
‘Take that ye swine!’
‘Cat!’ Louis shouted. ‘What’s got into you?’
Billy began to cry and Louis sat on a chair drawing the child onto his lap.
‘See what you’ve done now?’ Louis rocked him back and forth. ‘There, don’t cry, Mummy didn’t mean it.’
‘Mummy did mean it,’ Cat yelled, ‘and what’s more, Mummy will mean it tomorrow when ye get up off yer backside and wash those sheets.’
Louis, bristling with annoyance, put Billy down, picked up the luggage and took it into the bedroom. He sat on the bed wondering what on earth Cat’s mood was all about. He and Michael had cleaned the place thoroughly before they’d left and though he hadn’t changed the beds for a couple of weeks, he hadn’t thought they looked that dirty.
The following morning Louis lay awake listening to Cat move about cooking and then she called to him.
‘Breakfast is on the table, Louis.’
‘Righto. Thanks,’ he called and appeared in the doorway in his pyjamas. ‘I was going to get you some, but you’ve beaten me to it.’
He smiled at her, but she looked away and went to pick up Eileen and feed her. At the sight of her breast, Louis felt the urge to rush over to her, push the baby aside and kiss her.
Cat saw the look on his face and turned her back to him.
Louis felt a dull thud in his stomach and didn’t know what was going on. Cat had never behaved like this before and he wasn’t sure what to say or do. He sat at the table and ate the bread Maeve had sent, albeit a little broken, and drank his tea. Not a word passed between them and all that could be heard in the room was the baby suckling at Cat’s breast.
Billy appeared in the room and asked for his breakfast, so Louis passed him a plate with bread and poured him some tea.
‘Where’s Granny and Granddad, Daddy?’ Billy asked stuffing his mouth with bread.
‘In their own house in Ireland. You know that,’ Louis said ruffling his hair.
‘I want Granny.’
‘We’ll see her soon when we go for a holiday. Granny and Granddad live a long way away don’t they? We’ll get on the train and then the big boat in the summer.’
Billy nodded, but wasn’t content.
‘I want Granny and Granddad to come to my house,’ he said looking at Cat. ‘Mummy, can you make them come here?’
‘No, Pet. They live over the water; and we are here with a man that cannot wash sheets!’
‘Oh Cat,’ Louis said throwing down his knife, ‘how can you stoop so low; dragging a child into the dispute?’
He stood up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
‘Come on now; let’s finish this here and now. What’s got into you? You’ve done nothing but snap my head off since we came home.’
Cat began to weep and then the baby started crying too. Then Billy, sensing the atmosphere between his parents, began howling as well.
‘Oh hell, what a household!’ Louis shouted. ‘I’m getting ready to go and look for work now, but before I go I want to see order settle back here, do you understand?’ he demanded.
‘Oh yes sir. No sir. Three bags full sir,’ Cat spat out sarcastically, ‘remember Billy, we’re in the army now!’
‘Cat, I’m warning you. Don’t drag Billy into things. If there’s something wrong, tell me. Don’t use the child.’
She didn’t answer him, but stood up and silently put the baby in her cot then began clearing the dishes.’
Feeling exasperated, Louis went into the bedroom, dressed and left the house, thinking that perhaps she’d get it out of her system by the time he returned.
* * *
It was dark when Louis returned home and Cat had prepared boiled bacon and potatoes they had brought back with them from Ireland. She put the meal on the table and told Louis to sit and eat.
Sitting down opposite him she began cutting up her meat, glancing from time to time at Louis. She saw his drawn expression and dark circles under his eyes and thought he looked exhausted. Suddenly she felt ashamed of her outburst that morning.
‘Is the meal all right Louis?’
‘Yes, it’s fine, thank you. The meat’s nice isn’t it?’
‘’Yes ’Tis.’ She continued cutting her meat then looked across the table at him. ‘Louis?’
‘Yes?’
‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me this morning.’
Louis put down his knife and fork and looked at her gently. He realised she was worn out and this is what he had been afraid of, but he felt helpless. They could not afford help and having three children in quick succession had been too much for Cat. He understood that but felt he couldn’t do much about it unless he was to earn a fortune and employ a nanny. Both things he knew were totally out of the question.
‘Cat, I know you are tired, but taking it out on me isn’t going to help.’
‘I know. It’s not just the tiredness.’
‘Then what is it?’ he asked placing his hand on hers and giving it a squeeze.
‘I’m lonely.’
He pushed the plate aside. ‘Cat, tell me about it.’
‘It’s just that I want to go home, Louis.’ She bent her head as tears slid down her cheeks.
Louis withdrew his hand, lowered his eyes and feared the worst.
‘So that’s what the outburst was really about last night?’
She didn’t answer.
‘Cat, I’m asking you, is that what was behind last night’s row?’
‘Louis, I don’t know what to say. I feel isolated here. I hardly know anyone an’ I’ve none of my family around me, and now Ellie’s gone—’
She couldn’t finish. The lump in her throat silenced her and Louis just stared at the floor, lost for words.