The assignment in humanities class was to write a response on a short story they’d read. Mrs. Mason had told them the unit would cover different kinds of alienation, but they’d start with examining their own estrangement. And she encouraged them to write in any format, like poetry or a scene from a play. So first period Monday morning, Chelsea sat alone in the Senior Lounge with a notebook in front of her.
The Dragon
It’s always there, waiting
With its fiery tongue
To lick me into submission.
Imprisoned, I want to be free
But unbreakable bonds defeat me
And so I suffer in its angry claws.
Chelsea set the pen down and wiped her eyes. From behind her, she heard “Hey gorgeous. How are you?”
Struggling to conceal her emotions, she closed her notebook. And got a flash of last night at his house when his parents were away…
I don’t think you should have more of that, she told him, pointing to his fifth beer. You have to drive me home.
You’re such a nag sometimes.
She lifted her chin. You shouldn’t talk to me that way, Dave. I love you. I’m worried about your drinking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s go upstairs before my parents come home.
She didn’t feel like having sex, but she agreed. They went to his room, and he closed and locked the door. Then he pushed her hard onto the bed. Though the mattress was soft, the jerking made her head spin. He shed his clothes and climbed on top of her, fisting his hands around her wrists. She knew she’d have bruises…
“What’s wrong?” he asked now.
She folded her hands on top of her notebook. “Nothing.”
“You look funny.”
“Do I?”
He sat down, his shoulders hunched. “Hey, if it’s about last night, I don’t exactly remember what happened. If I did anything to hurt you, I’m sorry. I love you so much.” He winked at her. “And you turn me on so bad sometimes, I can’t control myself.”
Purposefully, she hiked up the sleeve of her shirt. “Yeah. You can’t.”
Moisture formed in his eyes. “Oh, baby. I’m a dog.” They were real tears, not fake, falling down his cheeks.
And Chelsea relented. She was making too much of this. She grasped his hand and brought it to her mouth for a kiss. “It’s okay, Dave, I know you didn’t mean to. I shouldn’t be so sensitive.”
He met his forehead with hers. The crisis had passed.
oOo
On Wednesday night, Juliet did something she hadn’t done in years. She’d asked a friend, Cassie, out for dinner and left Hannah with her nanny to meet at The Spaghetti House. Cassie was waiting for her in a large padded booth. She stood and hugged Juliet. “I’m so glad you wanted to do this.”
Sliding into the bench across from her, Juliet smiled. Cassie was ten years older than she was, but tonight she seemed a decade younger. Her hair was in a ponytail, she never wore makeup, and her long-sleeved T-shirt read, “I touch the future. I teach.”
“I’m happy to be here, too, but I’m uncomfortable taking you away from your family on a school night.”
“You didn’t do that. Mitch, the girls and Dash went to a marathon of Star Wars films that started pretty much when the kids got of school.”
“Hard to believe the franchise is still popular.”
Cassie sighed. “Dash has never seen the movies.”
“That poor boy. I admire you so much for taking him in. Like you did Johnny.”
“Thanks. We want to help. And Dash is much easier than Johnny ever was.”
“Does he like his classes?”
“Yeah.”
A waitress came over and they ordered wine.
“What teachers does he have?” Juliet asked.
Cassie went through the litany and finished with, “Of course, his favorite is Joe’s English class.”
“Students adore him.”
“Everybody does. He’s the kindest adult I’ve ever known. It’s a deep, genuine thing inside him and rarely shaken.”
“Mitch and Seth are kind.”
“Not like Joe. This is his…essence, I guess.”
Juliet wondered what it would be like to live with a man who was so generous with himself. “That’s sweet. Joe did mention he had Dash in class. He said he was quiet. But it’s only the third week of school.”
“Yeah, but I think word is getting around that he was in a gang.”
“Are kids saying things to him? Teenagers can be cruel.”
“Some of the jocks in Dash’s class have made remarks veiled just enough so as not to be able to call them out on it.”
“That’ll get worse, Cass.”
“Yeah, I know. Joe sat down with the boys and asked them not to make comments under their breath. He told Dave Baker and the others he’d keep an eye on them.”
“Do you know Dave Baker?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. He’s two-faced, if you ask me. He pretends to be this happy-go-lucky guy, but he’s bullied a couple of my At-Risk teens.”
“Does he bully his girlfriend?”
“I don’t know her.” Cassie scowled. “Do you think something’s not right with them? Because I usually find my instincts are on target when I suspect anything like that.”
Juliet recalled witnessing Dave’s aggressiveness in the hall, and then Juliet’s poem this week. “I’m not sure, but I’m watching out for it. She wrote a disturbing poem about self-alienation.”
“If you want my advice, one more suspicious thing, take your concerns to the guidance counselor or Olivia.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“So, let’s stop talking about students. Are you happy being back at work?”
“Very much so. I love teaching. I miss Hannah during the day, but that’s getting better like everybody said it would.
“Where is she tonight?”
“With my nanny, whom we both adore. She wanted to go to the Taylors. She and Brady have become buddies since they met at a kindergarten basketball league. They want to be together all the time.”
“Brady’s been lonely since his friend Timmy moved away, plus he spends a lot of time with adults.”
“Same for Hannah since she switched schools. I guess this is good for both of them.”
“Why don’t you sound happy about that then?”
“Because the Taylors have such a full life, I hate to make demands on their time.”
Reaching out, Cassie took Juliet’s hand. “Why do you do that? Always worry about intruding on people?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me if I’m being too pushy, but I’m going to get personal here. Does someone make you feel as if you’re intruding?”
“Someone?”
“Craig?”
She could lie. But suddenly she didn’t want to. “Yeah, Cass, I guess he does. Hannah and I often feel we’re interrupting his important work.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“You know, it does.”
oOo
Joe took his tray of food from the line in the kitchen into the cafeteria and saw Lila waving at him. Seated with her was the varsity football coach. Huh. Joe walked over to them. “Is this private or can I join you?”
Lou Barona’s expression told Joe he wasn’t wanted, but Lila touched his arm. “Sit with us. Lou and I were talking about the homecoming game in two weeks. I’m helping with floats.”
Homecoming was a big deal at most high schools. Joe liked it now and when he was a student, but the fact that the activities planned for the weekend centered around athletes and the big football game bothered him. Maybe he’d talk to Olivia about a way to honor non-athletes, too. “I’m sure they appreciate teachers working with them.”
“You doing anything for the weekend?” Lou asked Joe.
“I’ll probably go to the game.”
“How about chaperoning the dance Friday night? Or the soccer game Saturday afternoon?”
“Sorry, Lou. I got a kid. I do something with him on Friday nights and can’t spare time away from him during the weekend day.”
“Good thing everybody doesn’t feel that way.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He kept his voice neutral, though he was irked at the implication that school activities were more important than being with your own child. Joe often tried to combine the two, but when they competed, he chose Brady.
The atmosphere became more strained as lunch wore on, and Joe realized he’d made a mistake horning in on the two of them. He finished eating quickly and excused himself.
On the way down the hall, he was thinking about what he gave to the school extracurricular-wise when two girls came rushing up to him. One was Chelsea Roberts. “Hi, Mr. Taylor. We want to ask you something.”
He stopped and moved to the side of the hall. “Sure.”
“The Equinox doesn’t have an advisor this year.”
“What about Mrs. Jones? She’s been supervising the literary magazine forever.”
“Her husband’s sick. She has to take care of him.”
He hesitated. “I have a son I need to be home with.”
“Most meetings are in the activity period, which teachers have to stay for anyway. Once in a while, we have to work through supper, but your son could come. We’d spoil him.”
Joe remembered his earlier thoughts about participation. This would be a way to support the non-athletes in the school throughout the year.
“We can get another teacher to co-advise, if that would be something you’d want.”
“Yeah, I guess so, if there’s another adult to work with.”
“Super. You’re awesome, Mr. Taylor.”
“Nah, you’re the hard workers. Thanks for that.”
oOo
“We’ll be listening to four songs today to get more insight into self-alienation. ‘I Am A Rock,’ ‘Richard Cory’ and ‘Sounds of Silence,’ by Simon and Garfunkel. I want you to hear all of them, then pick which one to analyze in a group.”
As the music started, Juliet again felt like a hypocrite. When they’d talked about what caused people to be alienated from themselves, they’d decided on fear of rejection, pretending to be something you’re not, putting up a front that isn’t you and always doing what others wanted. Unfortunately Juliet had those traits.
Her ruminations ended when the songs finished, and she asked the students to choose one. Since the groups were fairly even, she didn’t have to intervene. They pulled their chairs together and Juliet gave them the rules. “You’ll need a group leader, one recorder and a presenter to give your findings to the class. I’ll walk around and listen to the conversations.”
With motivated students, group work was easy to facilitate. Slower students needed more concrete guidance—usually with papers to fill out—and then teachers had to be very vigilant. Still, she was going to try the same kinds of activities with her tenth graders.
Roles were assumed and discussion got underway. Juliet walked around and listened…
“The guy in ‘I Am a Rock’ isolates himself. He doesn’t think he needs anybody…”
“Everybody believes Richard Cory is happy because he’s rich, then he kills himself.”
“In ‘Sounds of Silence,’ all of society is alienated. There’s no communication between individuals.”
Juliet made notes on who was working the hardest, who was laid-back, and she also contributed something to each group. When they finished, she glanced at the clock. “Super work, everybody. We have five minutes left in class.” With a frown, she said, “Hmm, what should we do with only five minutes left?”
One boy shouted out, “Socialize as a treat for getting so much done.”
“It would be silly to start the discussion today. Go ahead. Stay in a seat, though.”
She’d relax, too. She sat at her desk, observing the students. So much energy. So much hopefulness. So much to look forward to. Was Juliet ever like them?
Chelsea interrupted her reflection. “Mrs. Mason. Remember you said you’d advise the Equinox if you could do it with another teacher?”
“Did you find someone?”
“Uh-huh.”
Why not? She should get involved with some kind of activity. “Then, I guess I can. Who else did you get?”
“Mr. Taylor. He’s a doll. You’ll love working with him.”
Of course she would. Maybe a little too much.
oOo
Restless, Joe checked on Brady, who’d been sound asleep for hours, then he ducked outside and headed down the yard to where a basketball court had been built adjacent to the ice rink. He was far enough in the back of the house that he wouldn’t disturb anyone at ten o’clock at night.
He needed release. And that made him laugh out loud. He needed release in more ways than one. Sex had been on his mind lately, but he shoved the thoughts away tonight and decided he could substitute other physical activity. He tossed the ball toward the basket and ran in to get the rebound. He made layups. Then he positioned himself at the foul line. Pounded the ball on the pavement a few times.
He couldn’t calm his brain. Juliet was in it. He was trying to put some distance between them, and fate always seemed to intervene.
She’d come to his doorway after school today…
“Did you hear? We’re co-advising the Equinox together.”
“Chelsea told me she recruited you, too. That’s great.”
Her gaze narrowed on him. “You don’t sound like it is.”
“No, I’m looking forward to working on the magazine.”
“Are you sure? I could bow out.”
“Why would you do that?”
She studied him. And he realized she must have sensed the danger of spending too much time together. “No reason,” she finally said flippantly. “First meeting’s Friday.”
“No one told me that. We have basketball that night and the initial session is bound to run over.”
“We’ll have to work something out.”
Turning away, she started out the door, then pivoted back. He was stapling more student work on the bulletin board. “Joe?”
“Yeah?”
“If you change your mind, the offer’s still good.”
“I won’t change my mind.”
“Good then. Thanks…”
“Arrgh!” He slammed the ball even harder on the pavement, then heard “It’s a little late to be running off steam.”
Halting abruptly, he looked over at his dad, who wore a T-shirt and pajama bottoms—with sneakers on his feet.
“Oh, shit, did I wake you?”
“Nah. I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. Happens a lot with retirees. Lacey zonked early, and I was watching some no-mind movie, with the windows open, when I heard sounds from down here.”
“At least I didn’t disturb you.”
“Want me to rebound?”
“Nah—let’s play some one-on-one. I’ll take it easy on you, old man.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
In actuality, his father was in top shape for being in his sixties. Both he and Lacey were runners, and they still took to the streets. By the time they finished their match up, Joe was exhausted.
“I still got it,” Seth said, ruffling his hair the same way Joe did Brady’s.
“You do, Dad.”
“So, I’d offer to make you hot chocolate, but I haven’t done that in years.”
“You did when Sara died.”
“I did? That time is a blur to me. I was so worried about you. Truthfully, I’m feeling a bit of concern about you now.”
“I’m okay, Dad.”
Seth slid his arm around Joe’s shoulder as they walked up the incline. “I don’t think you are, kid. Let’s get a beer and talk.”
They sat in Seth’s den and Joe fidgeted. “I’m…I’m…” Hell, he’d take the easy way out. Instead of saying that Juliet was on his mind too much, he shrugged. “I’m lonely, Dad. You probably think I’m nuts with so many people in this house, and at school, but I am.”
“That’s exactly where I was before I met Lacey.”
Would Joe ever have that happy ending?
“Tell me about Lila.”
“We’re dating. I like her. She’s young and fun and…uncomplicated.”
“What are you holding back?”
“I hate when you read my mind. It killed me when I was in high school.”
Seth laughed softly.
They both sobered.
“You’ll, um, you’ll be disappointed in me.”
“Never.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“No, Dad. I want to handle this one on my own.”
“All right. I can accept that you feel that way. Can you talk to Johnny about it?”
He’d thought of that. “Maybe. Truthfully, though, I’d like to not think about this.”
“The blue elephant.”
“What?”
“When you tell somebody not to think about a blue elephant, it’s all he can picture in his head.”
“I guess.”
Seth took a sip of beer. “Remember I’m here if you need me. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re human. You have normal thoughts and feelings. If you don’t like what’s happening to you, you’re strong enough to find a way out of it.”
He hoped so. “Thanks Dad. For not pressing. And for the advice.”
“I love you, Joey. More than I’ve loved anyone in my whole life.”
Joe didn’t question that. He felt the same way about Brady. Contenting himself with the care and affection that surrounded him, Joe went to his bedroom. That had to be enough. For now anyway.
oOo
Seth came to the classroom door with Brady at two o’clock on Friday. “Hi, son.”
“Dad-dy!” Brady raced to Joe’s desk. “I’m at your school.”
“You are, kiddo.”
“And guess what?”
“What?”
“Hannah’s coming!”
“I know. I heard someone told her last night that you would be here because Nana and Papa were going into the city for a long weekend and I had a meeting after school.”
“That was me! Her mom said she could come, too.”
“I did say that.” Juliet entered the room behind his dad, and Hannah crossed to Brady. “Nice to see you, Seth.”
“You, too, Juliet.”
Juliet introduced Hannah to Seth. “You’re Mr. Taylor’s daddy?”
“Yep.”
“I like Mr. Taylor.”
Ruffling her hair, which swung loose at her waist, his father grinned. “I hope so.”
“Look, Dad,” Brady interrupted. “Hannah has two empty books so we can write our own stories.”
“You have to be quiet, though. We’ll be working with students.”
“I thought we’d meet in my room,” Juliet suggested. “I have that screened-off area in the back where these two could play.”
His dad beamed at her. “Still doing the writing workshop and conferencing?”
“Yes. It’s working out well.”
Joe stood and grabbed some notes he’d made. “All right, we’ll go to your room.”
Seth bade them good-bye, and Brady and Hannah held hands down the hall while Juliet and Joe hung back. “They get closer and closer.”
“Hmm. Should we be concerned about that?”
“I don’t know. Is there a reason why they’d have to stop being friends?”
“Um, no.”
“On my end, either. Though Hannah hasn’t played with anyone else since she met Brady.”
“We could encourage them to make other friends, too.”
“Yeah, we should.”
They reached the room, which was already occupied by seven girls and two boys. The Equinox staff. “Hello, everyone,” Juliet said.
“Hey, Mrs. Mason. Mr. Taylor.” Chelsea’s gaze dropped. “Are these new students to the school?”
Brady’s eyes widened. “Nah. We’re too little for that.”
“Then, you must be Brady Taylor.”
“I am.”
“Who’s your friend?”
“Hannah Mason.”
Chelsea reached into her backpack and drew out some fishy crackers and juice boxes. “Can they have these?” She directed her question to Juliet.
“Fine by me. Neither of them is gluten intolerant.”
Joe said, “Why don’t you take them behind the screen and get them settled while we put the chairs in a circle.”
After they rearranged the room, everyone took seats.
Juliet began the meeting. “Neither Mr. Taylor nor I have supervised a literary magazine. Mrs. Jones gave us some pointers, but we thought maybe we’d let Chelsea and Joanna, as co-editors, suggest an agenda to follow.”
Chelsea drew papers and a calendar out of her bag. “We work backward from the date of release. Then we set benchmarks for what has to be completed each month.”
“Our biggest problem is soliciting enough student work,” Joanna added.
A tall, lanky boy spoke up. “And getting people to buy the magazine at the end.”
Thoughtful, Joe said, “Last year, English and art teachers were asked to encourage students to submit.”
“And it was semi-successful.” This from Joanna. “We got a lot of entries from your class, Mr. Taylor, because you taught that week-long creative-writing unit. And Mr. Bailey did a week of free art.”
Juliet’s eyes widened. Today, she wore a chic paisley dress with high heels, and he kept his gaze from her legs. “I love the idea. Maybe we can enlist more English and art teachers to implement some lessons for at least a few days.”
“We suggested it last year. Some teachers refused. They would only announce the magazine was looking for submissions.”
“Maybe Mr. Taylor and I can work on them.”
They batted around how to encourage students to write stories and do artwork, then set the calendar.
Another of the boys sighed. “This is a great idea, but our buy rate is small.”
“Increased participation in entries will inspire more sales.” Joe tried to sound hopeful.
“Yeah, but working hard all year and not selling a lot of copies is disappointing.” Chelsea had let others talk but made this point. “It’s not like the yearbook, where everybody receives them on a certain day.”
“You’re right.” He turned to Juliet. “Since I’ve been here, we’ve had a party of sorts on the day the yearbook comes out. The seniors get first period free to go to the library, read the book and start signing. And the underclassmen do the same in activity period.”
“That’s new to me. It sounds like the faculty and administration are supportive of that release.”
“Then, we just have to get them to support us,” Joe said easily.
“Any idea how?” Joanna asked.
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
oOo
The meeting had gone well and Juliet was still smiling as they walked into The Pizza Shop in the center of town. Joe and Brady waited at in a booth, both on the same side. Juliet noticed he’d put on a long-sleeved green T-shirt that matched the color of Brady’s team jersey.
“Hey,” Joe said to her. “You changed your clothes.”
“I had some jeans and stuff in the car.” She rolled her eyes. “Couldn’t go to a basketball session in a dress and heels.” Though she’d let Craig make her get gussied up that one night.
She pushed her husband out of her mind. The afternoon had been so much fun, and tonight would be, too. Not only had she and Joe decided to take the kids for pizza before basketball but she’d sit with him on the bleachers.
Too much time together. And you’re glad to have it. The notion brought guilt.
“Juliet, you all right?”
“What? Oh yes.” She nudged her daughter to the bench facing them, but before they sat, Brady climbed out from next to his father. “I wanna be next to Hannah.”
So Juliet slid in next to Joe, close. She tried not to notice how her heartbeat kicked up. To distract herself, she picked up a menu. “So, what do we like on our pizza?”
“They got little ones,” Brady explained excitedly. “So everybody can have their own.”
“They do?” She pretended surprise for the little boy she was coming to care about. “How unusual.”
“It takes a long time to cook them,” he told Hannah, then he pointed to a glassed-in room in Juliet’s line of vision that sported a small jungle gym and toys to play with. “But we can go in there. Dad always lets me.”
“What a good idea.” Joe seemed more relaxed than she was.
After Brady and Hannah left, Juliet turned in her seat. Joe’s hair was mussed by some September wind, and this close, she could see a little nick he’d gotten from shaving this morning. His scent, something subtle and male, filled her head.
Clearing her throat, she said, “Everybody liked the idea you had today for distribution of the magazine.”
“Yeah, but it’ll work only if the majority of teachers agree.”
“I doubt Marcus Thomas will give students a whole period to read the magazine.”
Joe’s suggestion had been to provide each English teacher a class set of free copies, if they would allow students to peruse the content during classroom time.
“Maybe. But we’ve done a lot of things by majority vote in the department since I’ve been at Bayview.”
“Like what?”
“Last year, Marcus wanted to spend three days on test preparation for the SATs. Teachers like me were on the fence, and others downright objected. But we took a vote and those in favor won.”
“Then, we can hold that over his head.”
Unconsciously, she knew, he leaned into her shoulder. “Why Juliet Mason, you have a devious mind.”
She fluttered her eyelids at him and said, “Me? I never.”
Too late she realized she was outright flirting with Joe Taylor.
At the end of the night, she let herself and Hannah into their home. They’d been with the Taylors since two o’clock. They’d had the meeting, eaten pizza, let Brady and Hannah play for an hour, then headed to basketball. She’d sat with Joe, losing herself in how easy it was to be with him, how much fun he was, how well he treated Hannah.
“I love Mr. Taylor, Mommy,” Hannah said as they climbed the stairs.
Dear Lord in heaven. Had Joe been right? Had they let their children get too attached to each other already?
When she slid into bed that night, Juliet lay perfectly still and tried not think about the wonderful day they’d had.
One lonely teardrop fell onto her cheek at what could never be.