Chapter
24

“You are a very lucky young woman.” Dr. Hutton replaced the stethoscope in his bag and patted Hannah’s arm. “The child seems to have survived your ordeal, though it would be best to take precautions until the third or fourth month. Limit your activity and avoid all stressful situations.”

From her bed, Hannah smiled. “Thank you for your care, Dr. Hutton.”

He gave a slight bow. “You are most welcome, Mrs. Price. I’m relieved to also find you fully recovered from your head injury. You were wise to take the extra few weeks to heal.” He paused at the door of the bedroom. “I’ll let Mrs. Dinglemire, the local midwife, know of your condition, and perhaps you can meet with her when you feel up to it.”

“That would be appreciated. Thank you.”

After the doctor left, Hannah rose from her bed and rang for the maid for the first time in three weeks. With the girl’s assistance, Hannah washed, dressed in a plain blue gown, and allowed the maid to style her hair in a sweeping chignon. Once the girl left, Hannah ventured into the sitting room of Nolan’s suite where she got comfortable on the settee and took her breakfast alone. Physically, she felt much better, though her limbs were still somewhat weak. The bruises had faded, her head had ceased to throb, and the nausea had subsided at last.

As she sipped her tea, her hand drifted down over her abdomen. One thing her extended stay in bed had afforded her was plenty of time to think. To come to clarity of mind concerning her options and to make an important decision. A decision that the doctor had unwittingly reinforced earlier with his words of warning to avoid stress.

Almost losing her baby had brought things into sharp focus. The good Lord had entrusted her with the care of this precious life within her. Her most important job now was to protect it. And that task filled her with a ferociousness she’d never before experienced, shoring her courage and confidence. The earl might not like her, might not approve of her, but she was the mother of the future heir, and as such, deserved some respect.

The maid returned to clear the dishes.

“Could you please tell my husband I wish to see him, Ellie?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The girl curtsied and backed out of the room with the tray.

Would Hannah ever get used to giving orders to the servants, or would she forever count herself among them? She sighed and sat by the window to wait for Nolan, asking God for the strength to impart her news to him. No doubt Nolan would be distressed by her decision, yet she had to remain firm.

She could not control Nolan’s feelings for her nor his reaction to his father. Nor could she control the earl’s displeasure at her marrying his son. The one thing she did have control of was her ability to protect the child in her womb. Though she loved Nolan with every fiber of her being, she would not sacrifice her health, nor that of her unborn child, to continue living amidst this battle of wills.

The baby’s welfare must come first.

Heavy boots thudded in the hallway, followed by the creaking of the door.

Nolan rushed across the room to her side. “Hannah, you’re up. Did the doctor allow it?” His anxious blue eyes searched hers.

“Yes, he did.” She managed a bright smile. “He has pronounced me almost fully recovered. I still have to take care for a while yet though.”

“And the baby?”

She squared her shoulders. “So far, everything appears to be well.”

“That is wonderful news.” The lines creasing his forehead relaxed. “You must join us for dinner in the dining room tonight. After all this time in your room, you must be tired of eating alone.”

Yes, she was very tired of being alone. Nolan had been sleeping elsewhere while she recovered, and most times ate his meals with the earl. Her aunt had been more solicitous than Nolan in passing the long, boring hours, bringing Daisy for company and reading to Hannah from the Bible and from various works of poetry.

Was it the earl or Nolan’s guilt that kept him away? Hannah worked hard to hide her resentment. She would not resort to guilt or coercion to win his attention.

“Nolan, I have made a decision that I need to speak with you about.” She kept her regard even.

His dark brows drew together in a slight frown. “What kind of decision?”

“I’m returning with Aunt Iris to Hartford Hall for the remainder of my confinement.” She clasped her hands together in her lap and awaited his reaction.

“I see. Well, that falls in line with what I had planned before the . . . accident.” His face became animated. “I had already told Edward we would be leaving Stainsby—that I would not abide his interference in our marriage any longer. I hoped your aunt would see fit to offer me some temporary employment until such time that I can purchase a piece of land for us.”

A lock of black hair fell across his forehead. Hannah had to restrain herself from brushing it back. She licked lips that had gone dry and gave a soft sigh. “You misunderstand my intention. I will be going to Hartford alone.”

“What do you mean? You are my wife.”

“Perhaps I am, perhaps I’m not. It depends on the status of those papers you signed. Has the earl given you an answer yet?”

Instant darkness crossed his features. “He says his solicitor is working on getting the annulment revoked, but there’s been a delay in the courts. Which is why I planned to leave with you as soon as the doctor gave the word that you were recovered.”

“So we’re no further ahead regarding the status of our marriage.”

Nolan grabbed her hand. “It doesn’t matter. We can get married again. Find a magistrate, and—”

“No.” Hannah pulled her trembling fingers free. “We married once in haste without fully considering the consequences. I won’t repeat that mistake.”

Hurt flashed over his features. “You view our marriage as a mistake?”

“Not the marriage itself, but the secretive way we went about it, yes. Our love is something beautiful that should have been celebrated by all our family and friends. Perhaps then we wouldn’t be faced with this wretched situation.” Tears burned behind her eyes, but she blinked them back.

“Hannah.” Nolan shook his head, his tone full of regret.

“Can you deny it? From the moment the earl found out about our union, things have gone from bad to worse.” She squared her shoulders. “In any event, two things have become clear to me. One is that the constant conflict in this house is detrimental to my health. The doctor said I must avoid stress, and right now my priority must be the welfare of my child.”

Nolan’s jaw hardened to granite, and his eyes turned dull. “And what is the other?”

“That you need to stay here and sort out your relationship with your father.”

She could see the anger building in her husband, like a volcano about to erupt.

He jumped to his feet. “I don’t care about my father. I don’t even like the man.”

She rose and placed a hand on his arm, aware of the strands of tension quivering there. “That is not true, Nolan. You care very much. Your whole life you’ve wanted to know your father, wanted to find out who he is and establish a connection with him. You have that chance now—under this very roof. How can you throw away this God-given opportunity?”

He didn’t answer, but stared at her with eyes that seared her soul.

“Without me here as a constant source of conflict between you, perhaps you can both let down your guard and learn to be father and son.”

He grasped her arms with desperate fingers. “I will not sacrifice you in order to become his son.”

She held herself very still. “I hope it won’t come to that. By the time our child’s birth nears, I pray that you and the earl will have come to some clear decisions as to how you wish to proceed. At that point, we will reevaluate the situation, and if your father is willing to accept me into the family, I will be happy to return.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “We must pray long and hard to discern what God wants of us, Nolan, and the type of life He wants for this child.”

With a soft moan, Nolan pulled her to his chest and laid his chin on top of her head. His every inhale and exhale became a quiet form of torture for her. She clutched him to her and breathed in to memorize his scent.

“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

The agony in his voice almost broke her resolve. But she took a deep breath. “I’m afraid not. If you choose me now over your father, you will always regret it, and might even come to resent me and our child. Take this time while you can.” She pulled back and managed a smile. “Look at it this way. Establishing a better rapport with Edward will only make you a better father yourself.”

He gave her a long look. “I hope you’re right, Hannah. For I’m giving your fair warning—I will not allow our child to grow up without me.”

Once Hannah apprised her aunt of her decision and convinced her of its merit, Iris sent for her carriage. Hannah was pleased that her aunt agreed with her request that Molly accompany them, but then again, Iris had never approved of Molly working as a scullery maid in the first place.

One of the footmen arrived to carry their bags downstairs, and after a tearful farewell with Edna, Hannah approached the earl’s study, pausing to gather her courage. Despite her trepidation, Hannah could not leave without confronting Nolan’s father. She had nothing to lose by speaking her mind. After all, she was carrying the man’s grandchild, which meant, for the moment, she held the power in this game they were playing.

Still, her knees shook beneath her skirts as she knocked on the door.

“Enter.” The barked word held no warmth of welcome.

She opened the door and walked inside. The room lay in shadows with no fire in the hearth, no candle lit. The earl stood at the window staring out at the circular stone pathway in front of the main entrance.

“I came to say good-bye,” she said in a quiet voice.

With a startled jolt, the earl turned to look at her. “I am somewhat astonished that you would care to speak to me at all.”

Hannah moved farther into the room. “Despite your low opinion of me, you are Nolan’s father, and I do understand that you’re only looking out for him.”

“How big of you.”

She winced at the sarcasm but did not let it detract her from her purpose. Whether her words would have any sway, she didn’t know, but she would do her best to aid Nolan’s cause. She inhaled and released a breath. “Actually, it is big of me. You see, I’ve loved Nolan for a lot longer than you. And I’m willing to put his best interests ahead of my own. That is why I am leaving—to give you time to get to know the wonderful man your son is. All I ask in return is that you show him your heart. Be a true father to him. The father he has longed for all his life.”

The earl scowled, but remained silent.

She clasped her trembling hands together. “I will pray for the both of you, that you can forge a true connection, and that one day we may all be a family—you, me, Nolan, and your grandchild.” She raised her head to look him directly in the eyes. “Until we meet again, I wish you good health and Godspeed.”

No more would she curtsy or cower before him as a scared servant girl.

She was the woman carrying Lord Stainsby’s heir.

A hint of vulnerability passed over his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then clamped it closed. Instead, he simply bowed.

With that, she turned and quietly left the room.

Edward stood at the window watching the footmen load the Hartford carriage. They were leaving—the bold woman with her dog, and the kitchen maid who had ensnared his son. Edward should be exulting in his victory. Why, then, did he feel so bereft? As though he’d just had to put down his favorite horse?

He was still standing at the window several minutes later when another knock sounded at his door.

Blast it all. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him in peace?

Edward waited, hoping the person would go away, but instead the door opened. He turned to see Iris crossing the carpet. A rush of heat stole up his neck as he remembered what had transpired the last time they were in this room together. In the weeks that had passed since that night, he’d avoided her as much as possible, speaking to her only when necessary, usually involving exchanged niceties about the weather or inquiries about her health.

“I have come to bid you farewell, my lord.” Looking as cool and composed as usual, Iris stood with that blasted beast at her side. “I wish to thank you for your hospitality during my stay here. It has been a welcome change from the solitude of Hartford Hall.”

Edward blinked. Would there be no apology for the condemnations she had heaped on him that night, nor any mention of the kiss she’d laid upon him?

“I am overjoyed you had such a pleasant time here.” Especially since you weren’t invited in the first place, he wanted to add.

Iris ordered her dog to stay, and then ventured closer. “I see you have not forgiven me for my plain speaking the night of Hannah’s accident.” She ran a slim finger along the polished wood of his desk. “I suppose I should not have expected anything else. Although one can always hope for a miracle.” Her lips tilted upward.

“Why did you kiss me?” The words were out before he could stop them.

Her smile widened. “Isn’t it obvious? I wanted to shock you—to awaken you out of the stupor you’ve been living in.” She tapped a finger to her mouth. “I could have slapped you, I suppose, but a kiss seemed a much more enjoyable alternative.” Amusement danced in her eyes.

Audacious woman! He gave her his fiercest glare, forcing himself not to stare at those full lips and remember how they’d felt on his.

“Scowl at me all you want. It won’t do you any good. For I know under all that bluster is a wounded heart—one that needs healing in more ways than one. I pray that getting to know your son will help in some small measure.” She paused as if for emphasis. “Make good use of this time, Edward. And I hope one day we will meet again.” She inclined her head and then turned back to her dog, who lay obediently on the carpet. “Come, Daisy. It’s time to go home.”

Dressed only in a waistcoat and shirtsleeves, Nolan shivered in the cool morning breeze as he watched the bags being hoisted on top of the Hartford carriage. Coal-gray clouds scurried across the sky, spraying the earth below with a fine mist. He focused his attention on the liverymen and the horses, on the gilded frame of the coach—anything to keep from dwelling on the fact that Hannah was leaving him.

The very thought sent spasms through his chest akin to heart failure. He supposed in a way it was fitting—for without her, his heart would surely cease to work.

The front door opened, and Molly and Daisy emerged. The dog bounded down the steps as though recognizing that the carriage meant she was going home. Then Hannah and Lady Hartford came out and descended the stairs.

Nolan’s eyes locked onto Hannah, and he couldn’t look away. She looked beautiful in her modest traveling gown. No queen could have looked grander. Her gloved hands clutched her skirts until she reached the ground, where she let them fall back into place. When her eyes met his, she stopped and stared.

Time seemed suspended as Nolan searched for something to say, some reason to keep her from going. If only he could fall to his knees and beg her to stay. But pride stiffened his spine, and he did nothing.

A subdued Molly bid Nolan good-bye and led Daisy into the carriage.

Lady Hartford came forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Farewell, Nolan, until we meet again.”

“And you, Your Grace. Take good care of Hannah for me.”

“You know I shall.” She gave him a thin smile, then boarded the carriage, seemingly to give him a private moment with Hannah.

He turned his attention to his wife, intent on memorizing every detail to store away for the months ahead. The cream of her skin, the pale tendrils of hair that curled down from her hat, the quiet dignity that was now part of her bearing. She’d changed from the timid servant girl he’d loved for so long, and now walked with the grace and self-assuredness of her own worth—a woman of quality.

She came slowly toward him. “Good-bye, Nolan.” The words were a whisper, swallowed by the wind.

He shook his head. “I’ll not say good-bye to you, Hannah. I’ll only say Godspeed until we see each other again.”

Tears stood out in her green eyes, mocking her outward composure.

He longed to reach out and touch her, but he dared not, fearing he could never let her go. “If you change your mind, I’ll be here.” It was as close as he could come to asking her to stay.

“I know, but I truly believe this is necessary if we’ve any chance of a future together.” Her lips trembled. “Godspeed, Nolan.” She hesitated, as though waiting for him to say something more, and when he did not, she moved toward the carriage. But once at the door, she turned and rushed back to him. Reaching up on her tiptoes, she laid her cool lips on his.

With a low moan, he grabbed her to him, claiming her in a fierce kiss.

A kiss he hoped she’d remember for a long time to come.

Her tears dampened his cheeks, and when he finally let her loose, she took a step back. “Do you remember what you said to me on our wedding day? That we would pray together every night?”

His throat constricted at the memory of those few idyllic days. “Aye, I remember.”

“Will you promise to continue to pray every night? So that when I say my prayers, I can picture you doing the same, and in some small way, I will feel we’re still connected?” More tears flooded her lashes and rolled down her cheeks.

He clutched her to his chest once again. “I promise,” he whispered, the wisps of her hair teasing his chin.

“I love you, Nolan. Take good care of yourself.”

He wanted to say he loved her too, more than anything, but the words got tangled up with his sorrow and lodged in his throat. He helped her into the carriage, and the footman closed the door with a loud click.

Amid a swirl of wind-tossed leaves, the driver whipped the horses into motion, and the coach sped off.

Nolan stood watching the road long after the carriage was out of sight and long after the rain had washed away his tears.