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JJ
Someone needs to shut up that infernal beeping. It’s grating on my nerves. Sighing when it stops, I roll over, seeking the warmth I was nestled against before the annoying noise disrupted me.
“Doll, wake up. Do you have work today?” Lucas shakes me awake, startling me from my deep sleep. Blinking slowly, I take in my surroundings. I’m tucked under the covers in his bed, snuggled under his arm, lying on what I’ve come to think of as my side of his bed. I don’t remember falling asleep last night or being tucked into his bed.
He must have taken care of me. The last thing I can recall is lying on his chest thinking about how good it feels to have him as mine.
Stretching to rouse myself, I hiss when my body screams in pain. Pressing my thighs together because most of the aching is centred down there, I’m surprised by the tenderness between them. I’ve never been this sore after sex.
Bits and pieces of last night flood my mind as I begin to wake completely.
My cheeks heat, and I flip the covers over my face to hide.
He called me a masochist.
He said he loved me.
What the hell did I let him do to me last night?
“Don’t do this, JJ. You loved every fucking minute of it last night. Own it. Don’t turn it into something wrong.” Pulling the blanket back, he leans on his elbow, looking down at me. “I love seeing my marks on you.”
Smiling, he runs his hand over my neck, and then down between my breasts. Lowering the covers as he goes, he doesn’t stop until he’s between my legs. I let them fall open when he runs his finger down my core. “Nice and red.”
Lifting my head, I look down. My inner thighs are rosy red, big handprints visible. My pubic mound is a shade or two darker than my legs. Holy hell. I loved it at the time, but it’s kind of troubling to look at the morning after.
Pulling his hand away, I slam my legs shut. “Far out, Lucas. You’ve left bruises on me.”
Climbing from his bed, I run for the bathroom. I need to see where else he’s marked me. My face is unmarked, my cheeks sporting a healthy glow, my eyes bright. My hair is everywhere, knotty and sticking out in all directions, and definitely not matching the rest of my “just fucked” look.
Standing on my tiptoes so I can see more of my body in the mirror, I gasp when I take in my reflection. My shoulder has light bruising and my neck is bright red. Pushing against the bruise on my shoulder, my clit throbs when I remember Lucas sinking his teeth into me last night. I’m going to need to wear a scarf to work for days since my red neck is a dead giveaway of what I’ve been doing.
Glancing down the rest of my body, I find fingerprints on my hips. Craning my neck, first one way and then the next, I check out my ass. It’s as red as my neck, and tender to touch when I poke at it.
I’m running my hand over my neck when Lucas struts into the bathroom completely naked. He smiles at me as he stands behind me. Pushing my hand out of the way, he nibbles at my neck as he palms my breasts.
“You might wanna have a shower before work. You’ve got my jizz all over ya—” Slapping me on the ass, he grins at me when I gasp at the impact and jump away from him. Rubbing my hands down the front of me, I can’t feel anything stuck to me.
Shaking my head, I give up trying to find it. I forgot about him coming all over me last night.
Last night was a night for firsts.
First time I’ve ever had sex like that.
First time a man said he loved me.
First time I’ve slept with cum all over me.
Two of the three make me smile.
“I’m joking. I wiped you down when I put you to bed.” He laughs at me as he turns the shower on. “Thought you’d appreciate it.”
“I do. Thank you,” I drawl, heavy on the sarcasm.
Holding his hand under the water to test the temperature, he motions for me to step into the shower before him.
The hot water is exactly what I need. Tilting my head back, I let it cascade over my face. The skin on my ass stings a little from the water, but it’s not intolerable. Lucas steps into the shower behind me, his broad frame filling the small space. It’s a tight squeeze, but we manage.
Washing each other in comfortable silence, we tease each other with little touches. This is the most relaxed we’ve been around each other. I’m loath to disrupt it, but I want to ask him about what happened at the hospital yesterday, and about what he said last night.
“You called me a masochist?” I blurt my first question without preamble. I don’t know why, out of everything, it’s the most pressing issue—it just is.
Running his hands down his wet beard as he rinses it, he shrugs at me.
“Why did you say that?” I press him for an answer.
“Because that’s what you are.”
Turning his back on me, he shuts the water off. I grab his arm when he tries to walk out of the cubicle. “No, I’m not. I’ve never done that before.”
My voice is frantic, trying to convince him. Convince myself.
“JJ, chill the fuck out.” He shakes my hand off his arm. “One time, a hundred times. Doesn’t make a fucking difference. You are what you are. You get off on pain, you like to be forced, humiliated. To what level, we’ll find out next time we—”
“There won’t be a next time. I’m not one of them,” I cut him off, waving my hand when I can’t make myself say the word he called me again. I follow him out of the shower, amped up, and ready for a fight if he disagrees with me.
As much as I enjoyed it, it’s not a normal way to enjoy sex. I can’t do it again. Look at me—red marks and bruises all over me.
“We’ll see.” Wrapping a towel around his waist, he passes a spare one to me. “You can’t just shove it back in its box once you’ve let it out. Fuck knows I’ve tried.”
My eyebrows draw together at his words. I’m confused. “What do you mean?”
“You might think you don’t get off on pain, but I sure as fuck get off on giving it. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good vanilla fuck, but nothing gets my blood singing more than a good session like we had last night. Fucking hell, Doll. I thought we were on the same page for once.”
“We are. I think—” My words die on my tongue, a horrible thought crossing my mind. “Does this mean you’re a dominant? Are you going to try and turn me into your submissive?”
“Oh, fuck me dead.” Breathing through his nose, Lucas draws in a deep breath and holds it. Slowly, he blows it through his mouth. “This isn’t Fifty fucking Shades of Grey. I’m a biker. A biker with a fucking sadistic sexual streak. Sometimes I just want a good fucking fight while I fuck. I wanna see my handprint on your ass. Watch your fear duel with desire in your eyes when I’m slamming my cock into you.”
Ripping his towel from around his waist, he dries his hair with it. Throwing it on the floor, he leaves me in the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Bracing my hands on the basin, I stare at my reflection as I rehash what he just said.
It’s a lot to take in.
Thinking back over last night, I remember how every atom of my body felt like it was on fire. My core tingles just thinking about it. I can feel his hands around my neck, his teeth in my shoulder as I buck underneath him. My nipples have pebbled into tight buds when I think about the dangerous glint in his eyes when I fought with him, slapping his face, trying to push him away from me. My fear spiked my adrenaline, even as I enjoyed every single second of his rough treatment. Staring at my flushed face in the mirror, I remember how I felt lying on him afterwards, more content than I’ve been in my entire life.
He has a sadistic sexual streak.
I’m a masochist who gets off on pain.
Damn.
*
Wandering into his bedroom after I’ve dried myself and found my composure, regret grips me when I find him sitting fully dressed on the edge of his bed. His head in his hands, he stares at the floor. “So, I guess this is it then? I’m too much of a fucking freak for you?”
Gripping both of his shoulders, I have to use all my strength to push him upright, so I can climb onto his lap. He fists his hands on either side of him, refusing to touch me. Winding my hands through his hair, I pull his head up so he’s looking at me. “I have three more questions.”
Closing his eyes, he keeps them shut for a moment, before opening them.
Fear shines from the icy-blue depths.
He thinks this is the end.
“What happened with Amy? What about your feelings for Maddi? You said you love me. Were you just caught in the moment, or did you mean it?”
“That’s four questions.”
“Don’t be a dick. Answer me,” I snap, my frustration boiling over.
“I can’t, JJ. Not now.” Scrubbing his hands over his face, he turns stricken eyes to me. “It doesn’t affect us. It’s ancient fucking history.”
“Lucas, please. You know my stuff.”
“Not fucking now! I can’t—”
Clutching him to me, his pain is too much for me to bear, I change tack. “Soon, please? If it upsets you this much, then it affects us, whether you like it or not. What about my other questions? You can answer them, can’t you?”
“I don’t know. That’s the fucking truth. I’m working on my shit with Princess. She’s not interested. Told me to pull my head outta my ass and get over it. I’m fucking trying.”
It’s impossible to describe the feeling that assails me at his words. Elation tinged with worry, that’s the best I can do. Half a dozen extra questions pop into my mind, but I keep them to myself. I’ve pushed him far enough today—I can tell, although that doesn’t stop them from spiralling around my head. Taunting me with worry.
Is he certain Maddi doesn’t want him?
He wants me—I’m sure he does. But more than he wants Maddi?
What made him pick me?
Was the baby my trump card?
Can I live with being the one he picked because the one he wanted wasn’t interested?
The final of my three questions is one that I must voice.
I need to know before I make my choice.
“What you said last night? Did you mean it?”
Lucas doesn’t hesitate before answering, “I meant it. Didn’t mean to say it right then, but I fucking meant it.”
Staring at me, his eyes roaming my face as he attempts to gauge my reaction, I run my fingers through his hair, as I find the courage to respond.
“I love you too.” Eyes widening, he grabs my ass, and pulls me to him.
Our lips meet halfway, both of us seeking the other, tongues tangling as we finally accept each other for what we are.
Fucked up, and pretty damn perfect for each other.
*
Clapping erupts when we walk into the bar of the Clubhouse half an hour later, finally sated. I stop in my tracks, and he runs into my back.
Why are they clapping?
Shuffling me forward, Lucas gets a slap on the back from the guy named Butch, who drove me back to the Clubhouse yesterday after the car accident. Mad Dog gives him a chin lift from his spot at one of the tables with Maddi curled up on his lap. The contentment radiating from the pair of them as they whisper to each other, Maddi giggling at whatever Mad Dog says to her, tells me that they more-than-likely spent last night the same way I did.
I brace for the normal tentacles of jealousy to wrap around me when I look at her, but they don’t come. Maddi briefly raises her eyes from Mad Dog to smile broadly in welcome at Lucas, flicking worried eyes to me when he blows her a kiss. She nods, acknowledging me, her eyes widening with surprise when I smile back at her without thinking. Beaming back at me, she breaks our gaze first, to lean down and whisper in Mad Dog’s ear again. Booming laughter erupts from him, his eyes shooting to me and Lucas.
“Didn’t know you had it in ya, Timber.” one of the older guys at the bar hollers. “Haven’t heard a bitch scream that loud since Princess over there kicked Mad Dog’s ass to the curb and ruined my nightly entertainment.”
“Shut the fuck up, Smiley.” Lucas shrugs at me, apology in his eyes, when I look at him. I hope they’re not alluding to what I think they are.
“Fuck, brother. Be proud.” Grabbing his crotch, the old guy jiggles it. “Been a long time since this bad boy stood up. Gotta live through you young bucks now. Had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years, listening to you and Mad Dog going to town on your bitches. Fuck me, the screaming and moaning was better than a lullaby.”
The entire bar breaks into laughter at our expense.
My cheeks redden when Smiley stands up, taking a bow before sitting back in his seat and draining his beer. It’s half past eight in the morning, and half the men in the bar are drinking already. It’s like I’m visiting another planet when I’m at the Club—I have this thought every time I’m here. The normal niceties of society are absent from their world.
Taking my hand, Lucas asks the Prospect behind the bar to bring us coffee before he pulls me over to the table with Maddi and Mad Dog.
“Fucking Smiley’s getting worse with age.” Lucas laughs when he sits, pulling me into his lap as he props his legs up on the table in front of us.
“You gave him plenty to talk about. Felt like a fucking competition at one point.” Mad Dog chuckles when Maddi slaps his chest. “Gotta get my own place again ASAP. Too many fucking ears here.”
“Keep dreaming. You promised me flowers and dinner dates first. Last night was a one-off.” Struggling to keep a straight face, Maddi shoots Mad Dog down. He takes one look at her as she tries not to laugh, winding his hand in her long hair, and dragging her mouth to his.
Feeling like a voyeur, I watch them kiss, trying but failing to tear my eyes away. I’ve never seen them together.
It’s an eye-opening sight.
My worries about Maddi and Lucas take a backseat when I watch her bloom like a sunflower in the summer sun from his attention. Even Mad Dog becomes less intimidating to me as the love he has for her shines from his typically hard eyes. He looks fully happy and content for the first time since I met him.
Lucas coughs, nudging me when he realises where my attention is. He shakes his head when the other two don’t even notice our exchange, or the Prospect placing two steaming-hot cups of coffee on the table in front of us.
“What?” I grin, brazening it out. Grabbing my coffee, I take a quick sip. “I was—”
My excuses are interrupted when the door that leads to the parking area swings open, slamming against the wall. Beast strides through, his face red with rage, battered and bruised, a huge vein in his forehead pounding visibly.
Lucas tenses, holding me to him tighter.
“Show time.” Mad Dog quips.
Shifting his attention to Maddi, he pushes her from his lap by her hips, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Angel, you need to take JJ somewhere. Take Smoke with you. Go see Joel or something. Do not come back here until I call.” Mad Dog speaks hurriedly. His voice is full of urgency.
Fear grows within me, and I swallow hard when Beast bellows over him. “Come on, you little fucker. Tell me the meaning of this shit?” He waves around a thick bunch of paperwork.
“I’ll explain in a fucking moment. Sit the fuck down and wait.”
Maddi doesn’t seem surprised at the way Mad Dog orders her father around, but I’m shocked. The strict hierarchy of this Motorcycle Club is something that even I’m aware of—Mad Dog just disrespected Beast in the worst way.
“Go with Princess,” Lucas commands. I frown at his harsh tone, my temper flaring when he continues dictating to me. “When do you need to work next? Fuck. I’ve gotta organise someone to watch you.”
I place a finger over his lips to stop him because his words are tripping over themselves as they fall from his mouth. He’s working himself into a frenzy. “I don’t have to work until tomorrow afternoon. I’m fine by my—”
Maddi cuts in, cutting pleading eyes to me because she sees where this argument is heading. “JJ can hang with me. We’ll take Sam with us and pick up Benji on the way.”
The two men grunt their agreement, everyone turning to stare at me.
Maddi implores me to concede the point with big, round eyes.
Mad Dog smirks, as if he wants me to argue.
Lucas folds his arms across his wide chest. Fixing unblinking eyes on mine, he lifts one eyebrow, his lips thinning as he waits for my answer.
Huffing loudly, I nod at the arrangements.
Lucas whistles to get Smoke’s attention, quickly running over the plan for the day with him.
I listen with half an ear, silently fuming. It’s not like I was left with a lot of choice. I haven’t forgotten that less than forty-eight hours ago, I was abducted because of the situation surrounding this Club. It’s better to be safe than sorry in our current circumstances.
A quick hug and a chaste kiss from Lucas later, I’m on my way to Maddi’s car with Smoke and another guy, who I think is called Tally trailing behind us. They’re both whining about being stuck in a “fucking cage” because we’re not allowed on their bikes behind them since we “belong” to Mad Dog and Lucas. Another stupid rule of the Club that applies to me whether I like it or not. The misgivings I still have about the Black Shamrocks are at the forefront of my mind as my stomach revolts from the stress—our baby making her presence known.
