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Benji
I don’t need to search for Lacey in the crowded bar after I make my promise to Maddi. I hear her soft gasp over the noise of the room, the small sound informing me of her dismay at my choice. I pretend I don’t hear it, letting any further protest from her get swallowed by the conversation that resumes in the room. I’m sure they’re all disappointed that they didn’t get to watch Maddi and I go at it—that they don’t get some more free entertainment out of the latest O’Brien drama.
It’s too bad, really. I’ll miss her curvy body, but my future is at stake. There’s no fucking way I’m going to rehab and giving Dad the opportunity to let my secret out of the bag. Lacey is an acceptable casualty in this war I’ve been thrust into.
I’m not stupid. I know she’s falling for me. I like it; I enjoy having power over her. The rehab on my knee isn’t going as well as expected. Dad’s constantly on my ass about remembering where I buried Brendan’s body and now wants me to prospect. Joel and Maddi are still fighting to overcome the damage—physical and mental—caused by my fuck-ups.
My guilt, my frustration, my failures.
None of which leaves me feeling in control of my life or like the superstar I once was. All my life, I’ve been the special one. The guy everyone wants to be—or fuck, if you have a functioning pussy. Having that yanked out from underneath me has sucked big time. Lacey’s the only person who still looks at me like I’m worth worshipping. I need her to love me, to idolize me, so I can regain some of my power.
She’s exactly what I needed during this time. She’s a good fuck, an even better friend, and she’s the only person not on my back every time I get high. Hell, she’s usually there getting off her face with me. Giving her up to please Maddi? To further my end-game?
Easy as pie.
I concentrate on ignoring the twinge in my chest that’s calling me a liar.
“Righto, people. Shut the fuck up. Time to get down to business.” My Uncle Lenny’s booming voice breaks through the dull roar of the bar. Conversation dies in increments until there’s complete silence. Letting go of my twin, I pull up a seat next to our fifteen-year-old brother, Lachie. I nudge him with my good shoulder, and he nudges me back, grinning when I pretend that he’s hurt me. Wendy scowls at us until we settle down, only smiling when I wink at her.
“You all should be made aware that Connor is no more. I’m not getting into details, but let’s say it went down like it was supposed to. Nothing more will come from that quarter, same goes with the Mavericks. Mad Dog and Timber settled that shit the night before. Tonight, is our last night on lockdown, just to give the dust time to settle.”
Sobs break through the silence, obviously coming from Lacey, as Lenny finishes his report. I’m pushing to my feet before I register what I’m doing, only to fall back into my seat when I hear Mama C comforting her. Two distinct reactions vie for dominance within me. I want to soothe her on one hand, but on the other I want to scream at her for crying over her piece-of-shit ex. My anger wins, the tightening in my temples as my temper spikes becoming unbearable. I know what that fucker used to do to her, she’s told me her story, yet she cries for him.
What a fucking joke.
“Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to the remaining business. Sherri is still out there spreading her poison. Our new deal with the Mavericks means she’s not welcome there. If she tries, they’ll hold her for us. It’s only a matter of time for her, so she can be put on the backburner while we deal with our biggest fucking headache.”
That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Connor’s out of the way and I know he never said anything. If he had, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, instead I’d be swinging from the roof in the bunker, preparing to meet my maker. Now, I just need to keep my ears open and intercept Sherri before the Shamrocks do. That good-for-nothing whore would throw me under the bus to save her own skinny ass without even blinking.
“Charges were finally laid against Mad Dog today. We know what we’re up against and it’s a bunch of trumped-up bullshit. The only reason he was denied bail is Thomas fucking Taylor’s involvement and the fucked-up laws he’s had passed making bikers the number one enemy of society. Now we have the location, we need to get the body ASAP and get rid of it.”
I’m dragged out of my plotting when Lenny speaks again.
What the actual fuck?
My head’s about to spin off my shoulders.
Mad Dog. Charges. Bail. Thomas Taylor. Body.
I didn’t even notice that Mad Dog was missing in my urgency to make amends with Maddi. Which was bloody stupid considering if he’d been here, I’d be flat on my back seeing stars after he’d dealt with me for hurting his woman. I swallow hard when I look at the fading bruises around her neck and the light purple bruise under one of her eyes. When she feels my scrutiny, and looks at me, I mouth “I’m so fucking sorry” to her. She rewards me with a taut smile.
Looking around the bar, I mentally catalog who’s present and who’s missing. The only people missing are Mad Dog, Joel, and Dad. Joel’s still in the hospital, but there’s no reason for my father to be missing unless he was telling the truth the other day.
“What the fuck’s going on?” Jumping out of my seat, I address the room. “Dad told me he was out of the Shamrocks, but I didn’t believe him. Why’s Mad Dog in jail? Someone needs to explain this shit right fucking now.”
“If you sit your ass down, I’ll be able to get to the point.” My uncle snaps.
Maddi pats my leg with a shaky hand. “Please sit down, Benj. Everyone has the same questions.”
I sit with obvious reluctance, and Lenny starts speaking again. “Mad Dog’s been charged with murdering Brendan Taylor. Now, we all know it’s a heap of shit, but until the body is disposed of properly...” he stares at me when he says the last word. “We have to be careful. They have zero proof of murder right now, so if we screw up the retrieval, we’ll be giving them a loaded gun to take our brother down.”
Holy fuck. Dad hadn’t been lying when he said he’d told the Shamrocks about my fuck-up, he just conveniently left out the bit where Mad Dog was being blamed for murder. Unless...
“When was Mad Dog arrested?” I ask.
“The morning after Maddi broke your arm.”
Snickers of amusement meet his answer, but they don’t register with me. Instead, my head pounds with confusion. My addled wits have let me down once again. Dad spoke to me the day before Mad Dog was arrested. He told me a Kennedy would never be more than an Interim-President. He blackmailed me into prospecting for the Club because he had a “plan” in place to make sure an O’Brien stayed as president.
“Fuck,” I whisper as the pieces fit together. “Dad did this.”
“What?” Maddi asks.
Pulling myself out of my stupor, I’m about to repeat what I said, until I glimpse Timber shaking his head at me. His eyes threaten bodily harm if I repeat what I just said for Maddi to hear.
“Nothing, lil sis.” I laugh when she rolls her weary eyes at me. She’s actually older than me by seven minutes. Since she’s shorter and smaller, I like to get a reaction out of her by calling her “lil sis”. It pisses her off, which is the whole point of doing it.
“Sure. Sure.” She dismisses me.
“Can I continue, or would you two like a few more fucking minutes?” Lenny grumbles.
“Nah, you’re cool. We’re done.” Me and Maddi answer at the same time.
The first genuine laugh in months frees itself from my chest when we look at each other and say in unison, “Twinning.”
It takes her a moment to join me and most of the people in the bar as we laugh. She quickly sobers, but some of the cloud of tension that’s surrounded her since I arrived dissipates, and her rigid posture relaxes a tiny bit. Reaching over I grab her hand and hold it as Lenny speaks again.
“Right. Bail was denied which means Mad Dog stays in until his trial. That’s about five months away. It’s fucked up, but there’s fuck all we can do right now. Our lawyers are on it.”
He sighs, his frustration at not having better news written all over his face.
“Now we’ve gone over that, let’s recap everything else that’s gone down.”
I look around the bar as he speaks. He must follow my gaze since with his next breath he answers the question on the tip of my tongue.
“We wouldn’t normally let everyone know what’s going on but none of this is normal.”
Nodding in agreement because his statement seems to be directed at me, I’m left flabbergasted at his next announcement. “After Beast confessed to treason and Mad Dog was arrested, we voted on the Club’s presidency. Beast’s gone, permanently. A vote on what happens next with him will happen once Mad Dog’s out.”
Maddi’s hold on my hand tightens and her hand shakes. Matty and Lachie look to me for answers. I don’t have any that I want to share, so I paint a fake smile on my face and shrug as if everything’s going to be okay. My brothers don’t need to know that there’s two ways out of the Shamrocks and they both involve death—one by natural causes, the other by the hand of your ex-brothers.
I watch Lenny try his hardest to hide his grief at his little brother’s betrayal, but it doesn’t matter how blank he keeps his expression, he can’t stop the quaver that ruins his no-nonsense tone. After a pause, he continues. “Mad Dog was voted in unanimously as Prez and Timber as VP. Smoke was promoted to Sergeant-At-Arms. Timber saw Mad Dog today, and he refused the presidency. That’s his prerogative; however, we voted this afternoon to keep the status quo until he’s released. He can decide then if he wants it or not. Timber’ll be interim Prez until then.”
I can’t look at Maddi. This is too much. My father and Mad Dog, my two main male influences. One has fucked up everything for both of them, for no reason other than to cover for my ass and has managed to bring my sister down in the process.
The list of sins staining my soul just grew longer.
Lenny nods and my other uncle, Smoke’s father, walks forward holding a black leather cut. We’re all told to gather around. It takes a few moments for everyone to find a spot, the silence that fills the room once everyone is in place is more deafening than the loudest party.
With a subtle incline of his head, Lenny tells Butch to begin. He lays the cut on the table in front of me, and I recognise it as my fathers. Horror—pure fucking horror—grips me as my uncle pulls his hunting knife from its sheath on his belt and proceeds to cut the President patch from my Dad’s cut. Maddi squeezes my hand from her position next to me as she watches, tears filling her eyes. I look at my assembled family and find matching expressions on each of their faces, except for Wendy who’s stoic as usual. She moves to fuss over Lachie and Matty, refusing to meet my eyes when I seek hers.
“She left Dad,” Maddi tells me in a low voice. “Nobody will tell me the full details about any of this, not even what’s going on with Mik, but that much I do know for certain.”
“Fuck me.” I can’t offer her anything further, except the curse that sums up my feelings. Everything constant in my life fell apart in two and a half bloody days, and there I was, laid up in a fucking hospital bed unaware it was happening.
“I thank you for the honour.” Timber’s deep voice fills the bar, drawing my attention back to the proceedings before me. I hold my breath as he recites the Black Shamrocks Oath.
“Brotherhood is not just a bible word. It is a way of life. Absolute loyalty. Allegiance until death. Club before blood. Go deo deartháireacha I arm. Forever Brothers in Arms.
I’m shaking. Every part of my body trembles, and for once it’s not from the DTs. I never thought I’d see the day my father was still alive and not a member of the Shamrocks. Every single thing I’ve taken for granted has been turned upside and on its head. What was up is now down. What was right has swung to the left.
Impotent rage is making its way up my throat when a small hand grabs the fingers of my broken arm and holds them with enough pressure to give comfort, yet soft enough not to cause me any pain. A supple body presses against my side and a second warm hand touches me, making its way under my t-shirt to stroke my abdomen in a soothing rhythm.
I know who it is before I glance down at the short blonde who’s looking up at me with soft, brown eyes. Her shoulder-length hair is covering some of her face, but I can see enough to know she’s the only person in the room who realized just how close I was to losing it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Our moment is broken when my twin shuffles beside us. Shit, I forgot about my promise. Breathing deeply, I examine my sister to gauge how much I’ve just pissed her off. Maddi gazes at the pair of us with an indecipherable gleam in her eye. I still don’t know if she’s annoyed or approving when she lets go of my hand and moves to stand in between our younger brothers. She throws an arm over each of their shoulders, pulling them into her. Her face is pale, her eyes filled with pain. She’s an absolute fucking mess if you ask me, although she’s trying her hardest to hide it from everyone. I’ve got to talk to Dad soon. He needs to undo this shit. I don’t give a fuck if it all comes down on my head. Anything is preferable to watching Maddi being eaten alive.
Since Maddi didn’t mount a protest, I move Lacey in front of me. Wrapping my hands around her waist and pulling her back against my stomach, I pretend I don’t hear the sigh that leaves her. I choose to concentrate instead on drawing on the comfort she offers—the comfort I need to get through the rest of this ceremony.
While I was distracted, Timber has had his Sergeant-At-Arms patch removed from his cut and replaced with the President’s patch. Smoke’s now stitching the SAA patch onto his cut, while his previous Enforcer patch has been pocketed by Butch for the time being, apparently ready to be voted on once a deserving candidate comes to the forefront.
“Dane,” Butch grunts at the closest prospect. “Burn this in the incinerator.”
Handing my father’s cut to him, he turns to watch me, waiting for my reaction as Dane makes his way to the door leading into the yard.
“Oi, Dane,” I yell over the ruckus—the chorus of congratulations and celebratory slaps on the back that Timber and Smoke are receiving. “Give that to me.”
The prospect pauses, looking to Butch for permission. He grants it with a nod, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the table. He flicks his gaze between me and Lenny, my father’s older brother, as the room falls silent. Dane tosses the cut to me, and the very second it lands in my hands, a sense of rightness fills me. It might be spur-of-the-moment, but I’m certain I’ve made the right decision.
“While I’ve got everyone’s attention, I wanna put my hand up to prospect.”
Lacey shifts in my arms, staring up at me with shocked eyes. I’ve told her many times before that I’ll never join the Shamrocks.
“Don’t do this, Benj.” Maddi commands in a voice meant only for my ears, as she rushes to my side. “We both know you don’t want to.”
“It’s all good. I need to do this.”
“You don’t just say you want to prospect. You need to do your time as a friend of the Club first.” Butch interrupts our quiet conversation.
Nudging Lacey and Maddi out of my way, I close the distance between myself and my maternal uncle. Utilizing my superior height, I sneer down at him with narrowed eyes. “That’s not how it works for legacy nom’s and you know it. Did you do your fucking time?” I ask him, already knowing the answer.
It’s obvious he doesn’t want to admit I’m right; however, after a long moment of exchanging glares, Butch shakes his head. Pointing at Timber and Smoke, I continue making my point. “Did you two?”
“Nope.” Timber draws out the word, popping the second syllable. Fuck knows why, but he looks pleased with me. “I most certainly did not.”
Eyeballing Smoke, I wait for his answer. My cousin shakes his head before dismissing me by showing me his back. My nostrils flare as I fight the urge to walk over and belt him one. If he keeps going, I’m going to smack his arrogant head in. I don’t give a fuck what he thinks I’ve done to him; I won’t put up with his disrespect.
“What about you?” I ask Lenny.
“All right. We get your fucking point.” He caves in, instead of answering me. Turning to Butch, he grunts, “I nominate Benji.”
Looking around the bar, I wait. My heart is pounding in my ears. I need two more people to second his nomination for it to pass.
“I’ll second that,” Timber drawls, a grin breaking out across his features.
Fuck, he’s gonna have fun with this. Prospects do all the grunt work—cleaning up after parties, acting as a barmaid, taxiing drunk brothers home, basically anything a patch tells you to do. I’ve seen prospects sent to buy tampons, so a brother could keep his Old Lady happy. I acknowledge him with a chin lift, and he picks up his bottle of beer from the table in front of him to raise in salute. Yep, he’s definitely gonna make the most of this.
One down; one more to go.
My lungs are full, straining, as I hold my breath waiting for someone else to step up and second the motion. My hope’s fading, and I can feel my cheeks heating with embarrassment, when a raspy, breathless voice calls from the back of the room, “I’ll second, as well.”
As if by design, the crowd parts and I’m left staring at Mad Dog’s father. He’s sick; dying of cancer like my mum did. It fucks with my head to look at his frail frame—his hollowed-out cheeks and sparse hair reminding me too much of Mum in her final days. Swallowing the lump in my throat that’s trying its bloody hardest to choke me, I offer him a tentative smile. Looking him in the eyes is fucking hard when I know most of the anguish I can see in them is Dad’s fault.
“Thanks, Viking.” My voice croaks as I speak. My throat closes off, and I can’t get any more words out. Clutching Dad’s cut to my chest, I relax my posture as much as I can. Attempting to affect an air of nonchalance, I smirk at Butch, flashing an insolence-filled look at him. “Well, I guess that’s settled then.”
“Fucking well looks that way.” He dismisses me by dropping my gaze, without giving me the response I wanted. As much as I pretend otherwise, his reaction stings. I don’t get why he has such a jones against me prospecting. My mother loved the Shamrocks and would’ve joined if she wasn’t a girl. As her big brother, I’d expect Butch to be one of the brothers who wouldn’t have a problem with it. For an instant, everything in the room seems to stop, suspended in motion. Meeting Butch’s eyes again, I’m surprised to see worry and love clouding their green depths. He opens his mouth, as if to speak, but the moment’s lost when someone coughs. Butch spins on his heel and heads for the exit.
The bar bursts into action, conversations restarting, drink orders being yelled at the Prospects, and the Old Lady’s heading for the kitchen. My feet have a mind of their own as they move in Lacey’s direction, determined to get to her before she goes into the kitchen with the other women.
After the tension and drama, I’d love nothing more than to sneak off and get off my head with her, before burying my cock in her hot pussy as our mutual highs take us for the ultimate ride. My cock twitches in my jeans, swelling at the thought of blowing a load in her clenching cunt. Fuck yeah, what a way to de-stress.
Promise to my meddling twin, be damned.
My pursuit is interrupted by Timber. My wood has been cockblocked by a fucker named after a falling fucking tree. That’s almost poetic.
“Yo Prospect, there’s a van in the yard that needs a good cleanout and a wash. Come find me when you’re finished. I’ll find something else for you to do. Would hate for you to get bored.” He roars with laughter as if he’s said the funniest thing ever.
Opening my mouth, it’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him to get a prospect to do his dirty work, when his first two words register with me.
Jesus Christ, I’m a fucking prospect.
With one last look at Lacey as the swinging doors to the kitchen close behind her, her luscious ass disappearing from my view, I bite my tongue and nod at his instructions instead. He grins at me, easily guessing that I’m not thrilled by his order, and nudges my shoulder with his. I hiss through my teeth as my broken arm protests his touch.
“Give me that. I’ll get the patches sorted.” He motions toward my father’s cut, which I’m still gripping in my injured hand. I pass it to him, narrowing my eyes at him so he gets the message that if he damages it in any way, there’ll be hell to pay. If I’m going through with this fucking farce, I’m doing it with Dad’s cut on my back. The one my mother bled over so she could get his patches just right after he joined.
Timber gives me a solemn nod in response.
“Get Dane to help you clean. It’ll take you forever with one arm, gimpy.” Timber throws his final edict over his shoulder as he walks away from me, heading for his new woman. Looking at her, I remember what Lacey told me I said to her, and Timber’s earlier laughter makes more sense.
Payback’s a bitch, I’ve been told.
Guess I’m about to learn that the hard way.
I shake my head, grateful he hasn’t decided to fuck me up physically for disrespecting his Old Lady but pissed that he has the power to make my life a misery for the foreseeable future. Watching him lift his woman in the air and wrap her legs around his waist before he makes his way towards the bedrooms, I’m reminded of the night this thing began with Lacey.
