Natalie couldn’t understand it. She should be more nervous. Usually when she went up against Wade, she was shaking from intimidation, but she wasn’t shaking this time. She wouldn’t exactly say she felt calm, but she felt at peace. He had virtually barred her from her girls, with no legal grounds that she could see, not that she was an expert, but somehow she knew things were going to be okay. She was meeting with her attorney later that morning, and she was more than ready to begin the process of getting them back. She would do whatever it took, whatever the cost. What good were her personal goals and aspirations if the people she loved weren’t there to share them with her and reap any benefits that might come? Without her children, her achievements would be hollow.
Wade monitored the girls like they were parolees and had confiscated their cell phones. Sandy took them to school and picked them up daily. The one time Natalie had attempted to talk to them, Wade had found out and made their lives miserable. He had left her another terse voice message telling her to stop contacting them, and a crestfallen Natalie was anxious for her attorney’s input in the matter. She wasn’t going to face Wade unprepared. She would plan her approach carefully since she was battling her most formidable adversary. Her girls, her very family, were the prize. And Natalie had every intention of winning.
Heaven help her. She had spent so many hours on her knees the last few weeks; she desperately hoped it would turn out right. She had to hope. The alternative was unbearable.
She’d gone through her entire wardrobe, paltry as it was, and found her most serious outfit, a gray suit she’d found a few months back on clearance at an outlet store. Feeling like she needed a little emotional firepower, she tossed on a bold silver necklace and some wrist bangles and pulled her hair up in a serious twist. Giving herself one last look in the mirror, she decided she was ready and realized she had more than an hour to wait before it was reasonable to leave. So maybe she was a little nervous after all.
She sank to her knees one last time and prayed with all her heart that she would find the strength and fortitude to endure what was sure to be a long and costly battle. She prayed that she would know what boundaries to hold, what concessions to make, what to do to keep Wade in her girls’ lives in the most productive way possible. The girls needed their father. She would never ask of him what he was demanding of her right now.
Why couldn’t he just be reasonable and really see what was in their best interest? Why did he insist on making her girls the bargaining chips for power over her? She prayed for wisdom and compassion and hoped desperately she wouldn’t fall short there. She vowed on her knees that she’d sacrifice whatever the Lord required of her to get her girls back. She prayed that when all was said and done she would still have a home to which she could bring her girls.
It was time to count the plusses before she became too discouraged. She would still have her son and her health. Her father and stepmother loved her. She had friends like Tori and Jim. Her bishop and ward were great. It would have to be enough to start again.
Starting again sounded like so much effort. She would have to have faith that she would survive the worst-case scenario and that it wouldn’t come to losing everything in the end.
Please, she prayed, please help me. Please guide me through this; please give me the peace to cope. Please soften Wade’s heart and help him realize his girls need their mother, and help him be generous in understanding that I need them just as much. Please help the large hole in my heart that is Ross to not ache so badly. Please give me the support and strength I need to face what lies ahead, to take this first step.
Well, she thought as she got to her feet, faith was all about taking that first step. She’d taken tough steps by herself before—when Buck had left her a single mother, when she’d discovered Wade’s infidelities. She knew she’d never been more alone than she was right now. Yet, as she stood and straightened her skirt, she realized she didn’t feel alone anymore. So, strangely, she wasn’t surprised when she heard the doorbell ring, although she had no idea, other than Tori, who would be stopping by at this time of day.
Still preoccupied with her own thoughts, she wedged two fingers between the slats of her window shades and peered out. Her heart stopped, then started racing. The strength ran out of her limbs like water. Ross was standing outside on her front porch.
She threw the deadbolt and opened the door.
Looking tall and serious and more than a little determined, Ross stood there, his hands slung deep in the pockets of his wool overcoat. There was a long, awkward moment while Natalie groped to find her voice. She was unsuccessful.
Finally, a slight curve formed at the corners of his mouth. Bemused, Natalie couldn’t stop looking at it.
“Hello, Natalie. It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.” He took in her hairdo and gray suit. “Are you going somewhere? You look wonderful, by the way.”
“Appointment with my, um, lawyer.” She thought once again of how a short few weeks ago—a lifetime ago it now seemed—he’d told her he’d help her with her legal matters. He had to know that was impossible now.
“Ah.” His eyes dropped. “I see. Brett told me what happened with Emma. I’m so sorry. I wish you’d told me.”
“I left you a voice message. I also left a note for you with the concierge. Didn’t you—”
He shook his head. “No. And your voice message didn’t really explain much. I was hurt, Natalie. You left. Without much of an explanation.”
“Oh, Ross, I never intended to hurt you. I’m sorry. But you were busy with—and when I got the call about Em—I had to get home as fast as possible. I shouldn’t have gone to New York with you in the first place—” Her voice broke despite her best efforts, the awful guilt flooding her again.
“Natalie,” he said on a sigh. For a moment, Natalie caught herself wondering how her heart, so fragile at the moment, didn’t simply shatter like glass. When she finally glanced up, she saw Ross looking bleakly at her. “Something like this was bound to happen with Wade and the girls. Don’t take the blame for this. Don’t regret New York. May I come in?” he asked quietly. “Please?”
She backed out of the way and opened the door wider so he could enter. He gestured for her to join him on the sofa in her living room. She obeyed and perched next to him as he sat. Her heart was still thumping wildly.
“We still have some unfinished business,” he said.
Unfinished business. Her racing heart skidded to a halt. “Oh. I suppose we do. Mrs. Johnson was more than happy to resume her housekeeping arrangement with you, since our agreement was only through December.” As long as she kept talking, she didn’t have to hear him actually tell her he was terminating her employment, that he was happily reunited with the golden Elizabeth Bancroft, and that he would be moving permanently back to New York. “I hope that’s all right with you. I assumed it was, since you’d seemed happy with—”
He cut her off by placing his fingertips gently over her lips. “Not that kind of business, sweetheart. Our New Year’s Eve business.” He framed her face with his hands and pressed his mouth to hers. His lips were cool, and Natalie’s hands slid up to his shoulders of their own volition as his found their way around her and drew her in closer. It seemed like only a moment, or a heavenly forever, before he broke the kiss and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Better late than never, wouldn’t you say?”
Natalie’s brain was so fuzzy she could barely string her thoughts together. “But I thought . . . You and she . . .”
He lifted her chin until she looked him in the eyes. “I’m supposed to be the dark knight, remember? Ever watchful, acting incisively without fanfare, then going quietly away. Not you.” He kissed her again, lingeringly. “On New Year’s Eve, I faltered and failed you. It won’t ever happen again.”
“She’s beautiful, Ross,” Natalie couldn’t bring herself to say Liz’s name, but he knew who she meant, she was sure. “She’s everything you’ve always wanted.” She touched his cheek; it might be her final chance. “And you deserve to be happy and have what you’ve always wanted. What you’ve waited all these years to have.” Natalie rose from the sofa and moved restlessly across the room. “I saw her with my own eyes. She’s breathtaking. She’s an attorney, smart and successful like you. You have everything in common. College and careers—”
“But there’s a problem.”
“What?” He’d stopped her midsentence and thrown her off balance. “What problem?”
Ross rose and walked toward her. “I have a list—a list of requirements for my ideal woman.”
“I know about that. I know all about—”
“Shhh, darling.” He followed up with another soft kiss. ”My ideal woman is beautiful. She has a smile that warms me and eyes that brighten my day. My ideal woman is intelligent. She is curious about the world around her and has an enthusiasm for knowledge. And she’s been to the school of hard knocks and graduated with honors.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her arms, taking her hands in his. “My ideal woman is successful. She has learned to take the nuts and bolts of life and turn them into living works of joy. She turns cookie dough into parties and pumpkins into fairy tales.”
“Oh, Ross.” Natalie could barely breathe.
“My ideal woman,” he whispered as he pulled her close, pressing his lips to her ear, “knows how to catch the sun and give it to me as fire. But most important of all, my ideal woman has to love me as much as I love her.”
Natalie’s eyes were brimming with tears. “Ross, do you really?”
“Really. I love you, Natalie.”
“I love you, Ross. I love you so much.”
“Well, that’s a huge relief.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small blue velvet box. “Then this is for you, if you’ll accept it.” He handed the box to her.
Natalie tried to control the shaking of her hands while she opened the box. Inside was a diamond ring, intricately sculpted, unique. It was breathtaking.
Ross took the ring from the box and slid it on her finger. As he did, its diamond caught the daylight and shot it into a rainbow of lights. “Perfect,” he said, smiling at her. “Now, let’s go meet with this attorney of yours and get our girls back, shall we?”