Dawn had barely broken when Tayla awoke with a start. She sat straight up in the bed, her room still dark. With a hand to her chest, she tried to still her rapidly beating heart.
She hadn’t had a nightmare. No, to the contrary, she’d slept soundly wrapped in Thaddeus’ arms after they’d made love. She sighed with the memory, and then stretched her legs across the bed, only to feel nothing there. She slid her arms over the sheets toward the spot where Thaddeus had lain.
It was empty.
She tossed back the covers and reached for the lamp. Bright light burned her eyes, but she quickly focused and saw that, indeed, her bed was empty. She started toward the door, then stopped herself. He wasn’t out there either. She sensed it.
He was gone. He’d left her, because it was his destiny.
Going back to her bed, she sat on the edge willing the tears not to come. She had known the time was near, had seen it in his eyes, felt it in his touch last night. He’d told her there was no stopping it. Yet the pain was indescribable, the loss so severe she threatened to succumb to its intensity.
Then she heard footsteps outside her door and a tiny knock. “Ms. Hampton?”
Tayla hurried to wipe her eyes. Who would be in her cottage knocking on her door at this time of morning? Gathering her composure she answered the door. “Good morning.” She tried to sound as normal as possible.
“We came over early for breakfast but Mr. D told us not to wake you.”
Tayla had grabbed her robe from the back of her door and was now slipping it on. “Mr. D? You saw him this morning?”
Alisa, who was playing with her hair and peeking into Tayla’s room, nodded. “Mm hmm. He said he had to go. He needed to rest. But Monty said he can’t rest in the forest.”
“Rest?” Tayla whispered. He told her he would return home to…Why was he going into the forest?
“Anyway, I’m hungry,” Alisa wailed.
“Where is Monty?”
“He said he was going with Mr. D, because that’s what men did.”
Alarm skittered through Tayla. “He went with Thaddeus? Why would he take that child with him?”
Alisa rolled her eyes skyward, clearly not interested in discussing this topic any longer. “Mr. D doesn’t know Monty is coming. Monty left after Mr. D. He said he was going to follow him.”
“What? I’m going to strangle Monty.” Tayla rushed back into her room, pulled some pants and a shirt from her drawer and stripped off her robe.
“Ms. Hampton, I’m still hungry.”
Tayla paused just as she was about to undress, remembering again that she was not alone. “Right, Alisa. Sweetie, there’s some cereal in the kitchen. I’m going to call Ms. Dudley and let her know that you’re here. I have to go and find Monty.” And Thaddeus.
* * *
Thaddeus trekked through the bushes before sitting on a rock by the creek to rest. There were memories here. Memories of the morning when he’d come looking for Tayla. The moment he’d realized his feelings for her were more than he could control. He looked up to the sky, saw the first of the sun’s rays peeking through the clouds and thought of how her hair had sparkled that morning. Everything about her had been beautiful, surreal.
He dragged his hands down his face. He knew he wouldn’t make it back to Delos in time. Flying was not even an option, as he could barely walk a mile or two without collapsing. Luckily he was already perched on the side of a mountain. He only needed to get a little higher up, build his nest and be done with it.
At this point that was how he felt about the whole thing. Nothing really mattered now. He couldn’t be with Tayla—they had no future—no matter how much he wanted it. She’d felt so right in his arms. And he had felt right in that bed beside her.
Since Tayla.
Whatever the case, he’d rested long enough. He was just about to stand and begin his uphill trek again when out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of something. Rising slowly, he moved in that direction; his senses were slower, so he relied heavily on his vision alone. Had the little feet been just a tad faster he would have missed him. But they weren’t, and so he didn’t.
Stretching one long arm, he grabbed hold of the collared shirt and pulled its little owner along with it.
Caught, and ashamed of that fact, Monty held his head down, refusing to look up at Thaddeus even as he was being turned to face him.
“What are you doing out here alone?”
Thaddeus released him, sure he wasn’t going to try and run away. He carried a backpack and had something folded tightly in his hand.
“I’m not alone.” Monty shuffled. “You’re out here, too.”
Thaddeus tried to hide a smile. He really liked Monty. “So I am.” He slid his hands into his pockets and decided that instead of questioning Monty and receiving lukewarm answers at best, he would simply talk to him and wait until the child was ready to tell him the truth. “I came out here to be alone, to think, I guess,” he began. He walked back to that rock and took a seat again. “Sometimes a man just needs to be alone.”
He didn’t have to look around to see if Monty had followed him; he heard the slow, steady steps behind him. Now the boy perched right next to him on the rock.
“But sometimes a boy just needs somebody to talk to,” Monty said in a low voice.
Thaddeus looked down at the small head of tight brown curls, the golden color of the child’s skin, and wondered if a son of his would have looked like this. “I haven’t been a boy in a long time. What do you suppose boys like to talk about?”
Monty hunched his shoulders. “Sometimes they just have questions.”
“Questions, huh? I’m no boy, but I still have questions.” He had questions now that would sadly go unanswered. “Tell me about these questions; maybe I can answer them for you.”
“Really?” Monty’s brown eyes grew in question.
The innocent expression clutched at Thaddeus’ heart and, for the billionth time this morning, he wondered what he would be missing after his death. “Yes, Monty. I will answer your questions if I can.” As long as they weren’t about women and love. He hadn’t done so well in that area of his own life. But Monty was too young to understand those issues.
“How do you become a hero?”
Of all the questions he could have asked, this was one Thaddeus would have never thought of. “I guess that depends on what you think a hero is.”
“That’s easy. A hero is a strong man that protects and saves all women.”
“Well, if that is true, all you have to do is make yourself strong and rescue a few women.” Thaddeus squeezed Monty’s tiny biceps. “You have a little work to do.”
Monty giggled. “I know. I asked my mom for weights this Christmas. But what I really need to know is, how do you save a girl who’s not afraid of anything?”
Thaddeus frowned. He’d asked himself the same question about Tayla. He was supposed to protect her from her husband but she’d never been really afraid of him in the first place. And while her mother-in-law’s transformation had made him a little nervous, Tayla had stood up to her as well. “You know, little man, that’s a really good question.”
“Alisa’s not even scared of Igor.” Monty slammed a fist on his thigh.
Thaddeus smiled. Alisa was a tough little girl. “They don’t always have to be afraid of something for you to save them or protect them. Sometimes people just need to be saved from themselves.”
“I don’t understand,” Monty retorted.
“I don’t think Mr. Delos understands that either.”
Both males looked up to see Tayla standing near the creek.
Where had she come from? Thaddeus stood quickly as she approached.
“Isn’t it funny how the both of you seem to be running from the same thing,” she commented.
“I am not running.” Thaddeus eyed her carefully.
“I was following,” Monty said nervously. “Not running.”
When she was close enough, Tayla rubbed Monty’s head, then his smooth cheek. “And because you were so smart I was able to find you.” She reached for his right hand, uncurled his fingers and displayed the chunks of bread he’d been breaking off and dropping to the ground.
Monty looked to Thaddeus guiltily. “I didn’t want to get lost going back home.”
Thaddeus smiled. “That was a very good idea. You know heroes need to be smart, too.”
Tayla bent so that she was eye level with Monty. “They also need to eat breakfast and get an education. Now Ms. Dudley is just through the clearing waiting to take you back, so tell Mr. Delos goodbye and get going.”
“Aren’t you and Mr. D coming, too?”
Two pairs of eyes pinned Thaddeus. “Ah, actually little man, I have to go and teach somewhere else. I won’t be returning to Grayson Moore.”
“But who’s gonna protect Ms. Hampton if you leave?”
“Montepelier!” Ms. Dudley’s voice echoed through the trees.
Tayla stood and tried to keep her eyes off Thaddeus. He was watching her, she could feel his glare prickling against her skin. A slight breeze began to blow, and the smell of the sea tickled her nostrils. “It’s okay, Monty. You’ll just have to be my protector. Now run along before Ms. Dudley gets angry.”
Monty sucked his teeth. “She’s always angry.”
Monty took a few slow steps until he stopped in front of Thaddeus. “I’ll do a good job, protecting her, I mean.” He shuffled from one foot to the other.
He shouldn’t touch him. He shouldn’t have touched any of them. It was a simple assignment, his last assignment. Becoming attached to them hadn’t been part of the deal.
He felt weak all over. Even his athame was heavy against his waist. Still, he bent down, picked the little boy up and held him close. Little arms clasped his neck tightly.
“I promise I’ll do a good job,” Monty whispered.
Thaddeus closed his eyes, inhaled the fresh scent of youth and sighed. “I know you will, little man. I know you will. And be patient with Alisa; she’ll need you one day.”
Monty ran off the moment Thaddeus lowered him to the ground. Tayla watched, fighting back tears.
Thaddeus straightened, ran his hands over his face and through his hair. “You should go with him.”
“And you should take your own advice.” She took a tentative step toward him. “I’m thinking that you’re the one who needs protecting now.” Standing on tiptoe, she rubbed her palm against his cheek. “You look so tired. Why don’t we sit down?”
“I don’t want to sit down, Tayla. I want you to return to the school.”
Tayla folded her arms over her chest. “Why? Because you’re the big strong man and you can handle everything by yourself? Or maybe you think you’re still protecting me.”
She was going to make this difficult, just as he’d suspected. That was why he’d left while she slept. She wasn’t going to let go without a fight. He couldn’t tell if he admired that fact or hated her for the pain it would ultimately cause. “No. It’s because that is the way it has to be. I told you all of this ahead of time so it really shouldn’t surprise you. It is time for me to go.”
He was trying to be mean, trying to push her away, but she saw the pain etching his eyes, the slump in his wide shoulders, and knew he was feeling the same thing she was. “You can’t get home, can you?” She moved toward him again but he moved backward, out of her reach.
“I will be fine.”
“If you can’t get home, what will happen?” A lump caught in her throat. “Will you…um, I mean, will it simply happen…here?”
Thaddeus turned away from her. He was vulnerable at this moment, the most vulnerable he’d ever been in his life. And she was beautiful, her face free of makeup, her hair flowing wildly in the breeze, her scent seeping into his pores until each breath he took was solely of her. She made him want to tempt the fates, made him want to believe that his father’s blood would prevail and that he could not die, that he could be with her again one day. But the growing fatigue inside him sent a different message. “Tayla, why do you do this? Why don’t you just go now? It will be easier for us both.”
She went to him then, rubbing her palms over his broad back and sighing. “It won’t be easier, Thaddeus. I love you. There is no easy way to let you go. But if I can be there, if I can be with you until the last possible moment, it might be enough. Don’t you understand that?”
“No!” he roared. “I don’t understand it!” He pulled away from her and moved closer to the trees. “I am not like you. I will never be like you. I can’t give you what you need.”
Her bottom lip quivered as her anger grew. “And just what is it you think I need, Mr. High and Mighty Greek God? What do you think is better for me than being with you?”
“You need to give your love to someone who can return it, someone who can be with you completely and make you happy. I cannot do those things.” It pained him to even look at her, to see that at any moment she would cry and to know that those tears would be because of him.
“But you did,” she swallowed deeply, “you did give me those things.” Her voice was quiet in the breaking day.
And she had given them to him in return. Thaddeus sighed. “But I can’t any longer. That we can not deny.”
“I have accepted that fact, Thaddeus. And if I must live the rest of my life without you I will survive. But if you push me away now…I don’t…I don’t know what I’ll do.” Her voice broke then and the tears began to fall.
And, just like that, he was undone.
* * *
Thaddeus stumbled as they walked along a narrow cliff and Tayla quickly put her body between him and the ground until he was steady again. They’d been walking for a couple of hours. He said he needed to get higher and deeper into the mountain. The breeze was chillier up here, and Tayla wished she’d thought to bring a jacket.
They didn’t talk as they walked, each of them consumed by their own thoughts, their own feelings. Tayla knew she was doing the right thing. This would give closure to what they had done together. She’d been there the night he appeared, and she’d be there the moment he went away. That was how it had to be. She only wished she would have something other than memories to sustain her for the rest of her life. But they would have to be enough.
And they were etched so vividly in her mind that she was sure they’d keep her company for all time. She loved him with all her being. That would never go away. She knew it now as she walked behind him to his death.
Thaddeus felt her behind him, felt the heaviness that was on her mind, but didn’t dare peek inside, not that he thought he’d have the strength to anyway. What she was thinking probably mirrored what he was feeling, and he could barely manage with his own misery. Taking hers on would destroy him before he reached the mountaintop. She hadn’t left him, even though he’d told her to several times. He felt strangely comforted, although her presence would in no way alter the events. He’d tried to fight her, tried to fight the feelings she evoked inside him. Truth be told, he hadn’t fought all that hard. A part of him had wanted to let her inside, to finally feel the completeness of being in love. He’d gone all his life without ever experiencing that, and wanted to thank her for this opportunity.
He saw a clearing through a dense patch of trees and knew that was the spot. He moved in that direction and heard her following behind him. She was probably tired and hungry. It wouldn’t be long now, and then she could return to her home, to her school, to the children he’d also come to love. She could live normally, without him.
He sat down on the ground and tried to regain the strength he needed to build the nest. He knew he’d waited too long to set out on this journey, but he’d wanted every minute he could have with her.
Tayla fell to her knees beside him, pushing his hair back out of his face. “What do you need me to do?”
He shook his head negatively, then opened his mouth to speak. She stopped his words with a finger to his lips.
“Don’t do that. Not now. Just tell me what needs to be done, and I’ll do it.” She stared into his eyes for a long moment before leaning over and replacing her finger with her lips. It was a soft kiss, a loving touch, an immortal commitment. “What do you want me to do?”
I want you to stay with me forever, his mind sang.
“I need to gather twigs to make a nest,” his voice answered gruffly.
His mouth said one thing but Tayla could swear his eyes said something else, something so sweet and so endearing that she’d felt it clutch at her heart. “Okay, I’ll do that. You just sit here.” And she stood, moving back and forth among the trees until she’d accumulated a healthy pile of branches and twigs.
Thaddeus stood then, having regained a tiny bit of energy. He sorted the twigs and began to fit them together.
Tayla watched in fascination as, in no time at all, he fashioned the twigs into a huge bird’s nest. Were it not breaking her heart, this would have been the most interesting thing she’d ever witnessed. But she knew that in just a few moments Thaddeus would be inside that nest, burning until he died. She wondered at how wise this decision to be with him until the last minute had been, wondered if she could really stand to watch him die.
“Come to me, Tayla.” He stood beside the nest. He had been watching her stare at the nest and knew exactly what she was feeling. He’d decided while he was building it that he would not leave this world without telling her all that he felt for her, all that she’d done for him and holding her one last time.
His voice washed over her and the chilliness in the air subsided, replaced by a glowing warmth that she could not readily explain. With slow measured steps toward him, she reached for his outstretched hands.
“I came here to do an assignment and to complete my life’s destiny.” He rubbed his thumbs over the soft skin of her hands. “I never thought I would find you. All my life I’ve wandered this earth wondering if I’d ever feel this thing they called love. And the moment I walked into your office, the moment you looked at me, I knew I’d finally felt it.”
Tayla’s breath hitched even as warm tears began cascading down her cheeks.
“In your eyes I saw everything I’d ever wanted in a woman. I saw your strength, your loyalty, your dedication, your fear and your determination to overcome it. I wanted you as I’ve never wanted another person in my entire life, and I still do.”
He brushed away her tears, put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to him. “I cannot change what must be done but know that if I could…to be with you forever…I would.”
Her palms splayed on his chest, then went up to cup his face. “I never thought I’d love again, never wanted to sacrifice my heart to another man. But then you came into my life. And you were like no man I had ever known. I believed in you not because you asked me to, but because my heart had already been touched by yours. You told me before the connection between us was strong. I guess I’ve known that too, since the first night we met. The moment you walked through that door, my defenses began to crumble and you took up residence inside my very soul.”
Thaddeus’ head moved as he nuzzled her hands, her words washing over him with complete satisfaction. “I am so deeply in love with you.”
“And I with you, my love.” She stood on tiptoe then, placed her lips on his briefly, then pulled away. “You must fulfill your destiny. I’m okay with that because you will always be in my heart…always.”
His lips ground down on hers then, in a kiss filled with passion, longing, yearning and the taste of forevermore.
“I will carry you with me in here,” he put her hand to his heart, “for all time.”
Tayla nodded. There were no more words for them. The sun was setting. The time had come.
He released her, then set her away from the nest and climbed inside. Tayla stood still, hands clasped in front of her, tears flowing freely.
First came the intense light, that aura that seemed to surround him when he transformed. It engulfed the entire nest and Thaddeus’ form as he sat in the middle of it. Then she saw him begin to change. The colorful wings appeared first, his body shifting and molding until it was that of a bird…of the phoenix. Then the flames ignited, filling the clearing with intense heat that she seemed shielded from.
Rays of purple, gold, orange and yellow burst into the sky as the burning continued. Tayla watched in fascination and grief as her heart went up with those flames. Her quiet tears turned to sobs as the flames swirled into a funnel, reaching higher and higher into the sky until they were nothing, sucked into the morning light streaking over the horizon. The nest was gone, the spot where it had been covered with fresh green grass again.
Tayla went to that spot, fell down on her knees and pounded the earth, crying until she swore her body had no more tears left to shed.