‘According to my son, allegedly I’m an alcoholic.’
Neve nudges me. We’ve heard that one many times before.
‘Daddy has a date.’ Who with? He can’t just switch off his feelings for me. Feelings don’t go away overnight.
‘I feel so angry with my mother,’ says another voice. ‘I understand why some people murder, kill one another, I really do. Don’t worry, you’re all safe in here.’
Neve laughs, nudging me again.
‘I’m not going to be second prize because the other option didn’t work out.’
‘I was drunk taking out someone’s bowel,’ says someone else, telling us he’s a surgeon.
‘I hope he never operates on me,’ murmurs Harry, sitting on my other side.
‘Daddy has a date.’ Why hasn’t Ben returned my calls?
‘Why do we care so much what other people think?’ says another. ‘For years I wouldn’t admit I was an addict, wouldn’t dare walk inside here in case the neighbours saw me. I wore a wig and shades during my first meeting and immediately spied my Pilates teacher. Turns out AA is like going to a drinks party, but without the drink.’
‘Polly? Are you OK?’ Neve whispers.
I wake up, telling myself to put Ben out of my mind, so what if he has a date … ? I’m going to try to talk to him again; I won’t give up … I stop when I hear crying coming from the end of our row. I see a young woman with tousled blonde hair, wearing an old baggy jumper, black smudged around her eyes. I haven’t seen her before. She looks as if she’s in her late twenties. When I glance at her again, she’s wiping her nose on her sleeve. ‘Harry,’ I whisper, gesturing to his handkerchief tucked into his pocket.
Harry passes the handkerchief to me, I pass it to Neve, Denise stops knitting to pass it to the person sitting next to her, who finally gives it to the woman. She looks up to see where it came from. When I smile at her, she looks down at the floor again.
*
After the meeting Harry, Neve and I help clear up the tea and biscuits.
‘You seem quiet today,’ Harry says to me, tottering towards the sink with a couple of dirty mugs. ‘Is this about your Aunt Viv, I mean, your mother?’
I nod. ‘I have a few things on my mind.’
‘It’s Ben, isn’t it?’ guesses Neve, leading me away from the sink before asking what has happened between us. She wants detail. ‘Your life is like a soap opera. You’re giving me a run for my money now,’ she says.
Neve listens as I tell her everything. ‘His date won’t come to anything,’ she predicts, as if the date is nothing more than a pesky insect getting in the way. ‘Listen, he’s hurt. I can understand him thinking he’s second best. It does look as if you went for one apple and discovered it was rotten, so picked another.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘Yeah, but that’s what he thinks. Try and talk to him again,’ Neve advises. ‘Explain. Make him listen.’
‘No, no!’ Harry pipes up, clearly having listened to every word too. ‘Not the way to go!’ He approaches us, waving his tea towel.
We stare at him.
‘Actions speak louder than words, my dear. When I had to win Betsy back it was no good saying sorry a million times, I had to show her I meant business.’
‘So what did you do?’ Neve asks impatiently.
‘I’m coming to that,’ Harry snaps. ‘What I did was think to myself, “what does Betsy love doing more than anything else in the world?” The answer?’ He leans towards us. ‘Dancing.’
‘Dancing,’ Neve and I repeat.
‘When we first met all she talked about were her dancing pins. She has beautiful legs too,’ he says, veering off the point. ‘Anyway, I’ve got two left feet me, but in secret I took myself off to lessons, while she thought I was down the boozer.’ He raises an imaginary bottle to his mouth, pretends to drink, ‘But I was dancing the night away in the local community centre, learning the waltz …’ Harry grabs me by the hands and we dance around the table and chairs, ‘and the foxtrot! So what you need to do, young Polly, is do something special just for him.’
I stop. ‘Like what?’
‘Use your imagination. Do something he knows will have required strength or effort. No good just baking him a cake, you do that all the time.’
I’m beginning to think Harry might be right. ‘So Betsy loved your dancing?’
‘Oh yes. For her birthday I asked her to put her best dress on, she thought we were going to some fancy fish restaurant.’ He cackles as he claps his hands. ‘I took her to the London Ballroom Dance Club! We danced all night. It paid off all right, in more ways than one.’ He winks at us.
‘Thanks, Harry, but we don’t need all the details,’ says Neve, while I’m still lost in thought, trying to work out what I can do for Ben. It’s got to be something to make him realise I really do love him.