Aunt Viv and I meet in Chamomile, Christmas music playing in the background. Christmas has been the last thing on both our minds.
Aunt Viv looks tired, dark rings under her eyes and her hair pinned away from a pale face. ‘I wanted to tell you, Polly, of course I did, but I’d made a promise.’
I stir my coffee. ‘Were you never going to tell me?’
‘I know it’s hard to understand, but I made peace with my decision years ago. Whatever you think of my sister, she gave you a home, she provided for you in a way I never would have been able to. I couldn’t come back and destroy that. What a way to repay her! We made a deal and I had to honour it. It broke my heart, it wasn’t easy, but …’
I can’t listen … ‘How about being honest? You lied to me!’
‘If I’d told you, it could have done unthinkable damage. I made a promise to be as good an aunt as possible, treat you like my own, love you like my own. I was determined to be a part of your life; no one was going to stop me from doing that. I never stopped thinking about my little girl,’ she says tearfully. ‘I came back from America to be close to you. I watched with terror when you were with Matthew. I admire the way you’ve brought up Louis and had the courage to turn your life around. I have loved every single minute of being close to you, especially these past few years. And Louis … well, of course I loved babysitting him. He’s my grandson.’
‘I wish you’d told me,’ I say again, fighting not to cry, and then thinking what the hell, just cry. ‘I can’t call you Mum.’
‘I don’t expect you to.’
I look up at her. ‘Maybe one day.’
She takes my hand. ‘That’s good enough for me.’
We sit quietly for a while, until Aunt Viv says, ‘There are many things I’m not proud of Polly, but I’m so proud of you.’
I look up, tears in my eyes. ‘You won’t be very proud of me when you hear me sing.’
‘Sorry?’
I end up telling her about my plan, based on Harry’s advice. ‘It’s the Christmas school fundraiser tonight, ‘Stars in Their Eyes’. I’m singing a song for Ben.’
‘But you can’t sing.’
‘I get that from you.’
We laugh for the first time and it feels good. ‘I always used to wonder how Hugo could have such an angelic voice.’ I look at Aunt Viv, not wishing to fight or argue with her anymore. ‘Will you come? I need all the support I can get.’ Janey is coming with Paul; Hugo and his Spanish girlfriend, Maria, along with Jim and his wife, will be on our table. Thankfully I know Ben is coming because Gabriella told me he’s helping behind the bar.
Aunt Viv appears surprised and touched. ‘Of course I’ll come. I’ll bring earplugs.’