Chapter 7 – Special Circumstances: When Family Members Steal Your Identity
Sadly, many identity theft victims know the person who stole their identity. While this is often the girl who took your order at a local restaurant or a neighbor who stole your mail, family members are also all too often the culprits. When someone in your family steals your identity, your finances may be ruined, but even worse, so is your relationship with that person. On top of that, it often causes the family to be split in two, as members of the family are forced to take sides.
For our purposes, we will consider close friends as family as well. In other words, identity thieves are often people you trust. One study in 2004 showed that over 30 percent of all identity thieves were relatives and an additional 18 percent were friends or neighbors. Again, the point of these statistics is not to scare you, but rather to suggest that you need to protect yourself even in what you consider a safe situation.
Computers give your family members (and friends) a whole new set of ways to steal identities. Whereas before an identity would have to be stolen the old-fashioned way – by actually taking paperwork, forging signatures, and otherwise stealing tangible items – computers and the Internet make it easier for family members to become identity thieves with just a few clicks. The result? More family members are turning to stealing identities because it is both easier and brings around fewer feelings of guilt. It might seem like a big deal for a son to go into his mother’s personal belongings to steal her social security number, but it is not as big of a deal to look over her shoulder as she reviews her credit card account online.
Profile of a Family Thief
There is no single sign that a family member is stealing your identity. It could be your teenage daughter looking to make some money or your jolly, laughing uncle using Thanksgiving as an excuse to snoop for information. It could be your grandmother or your grandson. It could even be your best friend or the person you trust to watch your children. Anyone who has any kind of access to your personal computer or anywhere else your personal information is available could potentially be an identity thief.
That said, a few characteristics are commonly found among family members who steal identities. None of these characteristics should make you accuse a family member of even considering stealing your identity. However, if you notice something weird with your personal information, keep in mind that you might want to look no further than your own home.
The Freeloader
Children and grandchildren are a gift from heaven. Well, maybe. There comes a point in everyone’s life when it is time to fly away from the nest. Unfortunately, some parents (or grandparents, if that is the case) do not encourage or require this. There is simply something wrong with a 25-year-old who is still living at home and playing video games all day or who still gets all her credit card bills paid by mommy and daddy. The “freeloader” is the person who would rather have you pay for his or her bills than get a job or do anything worthwhile with his or her life.
It is not just children and grandchildren either. Have you ever opened your home to a down-and-out relative? We like to be nice to our family members, so when someone is in trouble, we all want to pitch in to help out. Let us say, for example, that your cousin’s house is flooded in a major storm. You have a guest room, and offer to let him to stay while he gets back on his feet. But how long does it take to “get back on your feet?” Sometimes, family members take advantage of kindness and overstay their welcome.
And overstaying the welcome is the least of your worries. The freeloader is more likely to steal your identity, especially when threatened. This type of person is terrified by the fact that his or her meal ticket may be disappearing, and if you are threatening to “kick out” or “cut off” your freeloader, he or she may turn to desperate measures — like stealing your identity.
Freeloaders also have access to your identity. Most are not working or going to school while you probably are, so there is plenty of time to access your personal information while you are not around. Most freeloaders are not the kind that will sell your information for some quick money. Think about it; if you sell the identity information, that may get you a few hundred bucks today, but it still means that you are out on the street tomorrow. No, instead, the freeloader will look for ways in which they can take advantage of your information to fund their own needs. That might mean opening a credit card in your name or it might mean using you as a co-signer to get a loan where they otherwise would not have been approved. Your family knows you, so they are more likely to be cautious to avoid a confrontation with you. They will play it smart so you do not find out they are the one stealing your identity.
The Disgruntled Ex
Exes can be vicious. Whether it is a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, lover, or just friend with whom you have had a falling out, your identity could be at risk. The goal here is to make your life as hard and as miserable as possible. You have wronged him or her in the past, so now your ex wants to make you pay. Unfortunately, this was a person with whom you used to be very close. That means that they know you and your habits. They may even know some of your personal information without even having to hunt for it. Exes can be very dangerous.
The further an ex can reach, the better. They want you to suffer. So, nothing is safe. Again, this family member (ex-family member, actually) will not just sell your identity to make some quick money. In fact, for exes, money usually is not the goal at all, unless there was a big settlement in your favor. Rather, your ex wants to waste your time and, over long periods of time, cause you financial hardship. It is common for an ex to do what it takes to ruin your credit in as many ways as possible. He or she has revenge on the mind.
Preventing an ex from using your personal information against you can be difficult. Again, it is common that he or she already has your social security number, driver’s license number, and other sensitive information simple because, at one time, you were people who trusted one another very deeply. You may have had accounts together or have acted as co-signers for loans. It is very hard to go through the process of getting a new social security number, so that is not a valid route. After all, the government cannot issue a new social security number for every single person who goes through a rocky divorce. There are not enough hours in the day. So, you have to look at the situation as though your identity has already been compromised. What would you do if you thought a thief got a peak at your information?
First and foremost, if you have any accounts together, close them and separate your financial information. If you have a joint account and put $500 into it to pay your rent, there is nothing stopping your ex from withdrawing that $500, simply because he or she wants to go on a shopping spree. It is hard to prove that it was your money because it was in the joint account, so you may not even have a case against him or her in the court system. Instead, maintain a separate bank account. This is a good idea even if you are married to another person and very happy. You never know what the future holds, and having solely joint bank accounts is asking for trouble. No one is saying that you have to lie. Your spouse can know about your other bank account, and can even know the balance. So, for your own safety, keep yourself as the sole owner of the account. If something goes sour, you will have an account to fall back on without having to take the time from your schedule to open another.
When dealing with an ex, also make it well known to your attorney that he or she has access to your personal information if that is the case. You should call all three of the major credit reporting bureaus and request that your credit history be monitored. Close any accounts that you may have open and that your ex knew about because those will be the first places hit. Open new accounts with different lenders and different account numbers and keep this information personal. Be on guard, even if your divorce was somewhat amicable. Emotions run high and even if it was a mutual agreement to end the relationship as friends, do not take it for granted that the other person is ready to release you. You never know.
The Desperate Caregiver
Parents with young children and adult children with elderly parents top the list of family members who steal identities. When a caregiver is desperate, he or she often does things that would normally never even cross the mind. It is like cornering an animal. When threatened, even the sweetest dog will attack and bite you.
With a desperate caregiver, the victim may never find out that his or her identity is being stolen. There are two different kinds of victims in this case: children and the elderly. However, for both, identity theft can be a nightmare. A caregiver is supposed to be the one person you can trust even when the rest of the world is not safe. When a caregiver steals your identity, it takes a real toll on the entire family and on your own feelings regarding trust.
Children as victims — the world is a cruel place. Sadly, children are victims of identity theft quite commonly simply because, if their caregiver is not protecting them, no one is. A child does not understand what “credit” means. A child does not know to check his or her credit score annually. A child usually cannot even fathom why mommy or daddy would do anything bad to them. Child identity theft can be very confusing for the little boy or girl involved.
In mot cases with child identity theft by a family member, only one adult is involved in the actual theft. It is the other parent or a grandparent that usually figures out what is happening. When that happens, the child has to be involved to clear up the theft, but at the same time, emotions run high because someone supposedly responsible for the care of the child in question has essentially ripped him or her off. Children who have had their identity stolen may be placed in foster care or homes with distant relatives, depending on what the court decides when the problem is brought to light. It usually also causes a riff between spouses, and it is common for parents to divorce after something as major as one parent stealing the identity of a child and the other finding out years later. In addition, when the child is an adult and understands the implications of what happened, there is usually often a divide between the thief/parent and the child. It is hard to mend such a relationship.
Children may not find out that their credit has been ruined due to identity theft until they are 18 or even older. Usually, it happens when the child applies for student loans, a car loan, or a first credit card. The lender comes back with a crazy credit report that shows the child not paying insurance bills at the age of two or taking out a second mortgage at the age of seven. At that point, the real problems begin, and there are usually 18 years of problems to fix.
It can also go the other way. When we age, our children often take care of us, and that opens up more opportunities for a desperate family member to steal identities. It does not just happen with senile elderly people in nursing homes, either. Parents trust their children and take advice that they would never take from anyone else. Since aging parents do not always keep up with the latest technology, the Internet is a great opportunity for adult children to take advantage of a trusting parent. The children will set up accounts online, take their parent’s social security number, and otherwise take advantage of sensitive information at their fingertips. When the parent says that something looks out of the ordinary, the child can just lie and say that the parent is mistaken. This creates a whole set of opportunities for dishonest family members. Remember, this can happen with relatives other than children. Anyone in the family can take advantage of an elderly relative.
The common thread here is desperation. When family members are desperate, they turn to scamming relatives — especially children and the elderly — whereas they would usually never consider the option. In most cases, it starts slowly. The thief is not an inherently bad person, just a person who feels like there are no other options. So, it will start slowly and the person will convince him- or herself that the theft is justifiable. How can identity theft ever be justifiable? Well, it should never be justified, but here are some scenarios in which you can see how a desperate family member would be able to convince him- or herself that what they are doing is “not that bad:”
• An adult son needs a loan to buy a car, but his credit is not approved. He takes the money he needs for the down payment out of his elderly mother’s bank account, justifying it to himself because he can use the car to get her back and forth to her doctor’s appointments instead of having to take the bus.
• A parent cannot afford private school, so she uses her five-year-old son’s spotless credit history to take out a loan. After all, the money is going toward his education, so it cannot be that bad to do that, even if she does not have the means to pay it back right away. She tells herself that, by the time he is 18, the debts to his name will have been cleared up and he will never know the difference.
• A grandson needs a loan from the bank to buy his dream motorcycle. His credit stinks because he was late on car payments in the past, and he will only be approved if he finds a co-signer. Using a card she sent him for his birthday, he forges his grandmother’s signature on all the documents. He talks to her on the phone and also convinces her to give him her social security number and driver’s license number, telling her that he needs to list that information on his college application since she is someone the school will call if there is an emergency. In no time, he has the bike, which he has a hard time paying for, ruining her credit as well as his own. He tells himself that it is no big deal, though. She is not going to take out any more loans before she dies anyway.
• A mother needs some quick cash for rent. So, she sells her infant daughter’s social security number to an immigrant smuggler in town and he, in return, gives her $250. She justifies it to herself because the number is only going to be used by an immigrant to get a job, not for someone to ruin her daughter’s credit, and hey, she can always “catch” the problem a few years down the road after everyone has forgotten she was the person who sold it. After all, the baby needs a roof over her head, does she not?
• When he was born, family members put money into a college account for a child. At the age of 13, the mother is having a hard time paying off her gambling debts. Since she is on the account as an authorized user, she pulls money from the account a little at a time. Twenty dollars here or there will not hurt, right? Soon the entire account is empty, but she keeps telling herself that she will put the money back soon. She is bound to “hit it big” at the slot machines sooner or later, and besides, her son does not need that money for at least five or six more years.
And so it goes with the excuses. They never end with the desperate caregiver. There is always a way to justify what they are doing, but the fact of the matter is that it is still wrong. The innocent victims are left without protection when their caregivers turn to identity theft.
Other Family Members
Do not fall into the trap of believing that your identity is safe even if no one in your immediately family falls in the aforementioned categories. Just like any stranger can be an identity theft, absolutely any family member can be an identity theft. Some do it because they like that adrenaline rush. Some do it because they know someone else that really needs the money. Others just do it for no reason at all.
Also, do not forget that “family members” includes people who are not living in your household. Do you fully trust the cousins who sleep at your house during the holidays? You must, if you do not keep you social security card in a locked box. Do you fully trust the babysitter? You must, if you do not log off of your computer and ensure that he or she cannot access the account you use where you passwords may me saved. Do you fully trust your brother’s latest girlfriend? What about your best friend’s son? Your housekeeper? Your grandmother’s live-in nurse? All of these people are often left in house unattended with your unprotected personal information.
How to Catch an Identity Thief in Your Family
One of the biggest group of people who steal identities are actually family members. This happens often with children – but it can happen to you too, especially if you leave your family information all in one place. All someone has to know is your social security number, and then can take out credit cards using your account. When this happens, your identity has been compromised. If you keep your social security card in the same place as you keep your child’s card, you might find that it all gets stolen – and there are suddenly credit cards that are used by someone else. If this person is a family member, it might be difficult for you to confront them and catch them at the act.
The first thing that you to do is figure out who is stealing your identity. There are many ways that you can do this. Who had access to the information that they needed? Who was able to have this information? The best way to make sure you are right about who is stealing your identity is to double check the purchases and see what they have been doing with your and your child’s identities.
Once you have taken care of this, you will be better able to have an idea of who might be stealing your identity. Then, you want to take a good look at how you can stop them for stealing it even further or from doing worse. The best thing that you can do to catch someone who has stolen your identity or your child’s identity is to talk to the police about the situation. The police are usually going to be able to stop someone who has stolen identities, and they will also be able to help you get your money back. If you do not report someone to the police – even if they are your family members – you will find that your credit and your child’s credit might be ruined. You want to be sure that you have taken all of the steps that you can to save the identity of your child. This is very important. If you do not take steps to make sure that the identity is restored, you will not be able to recover. You want to be sure that you are taking all of the steps, so that you will be able to restore the credit of the people who have had their identity stolen.
Getting Help When Someone in Your Family is Stealing Identities
When you have discovered that a person who is in your family has stolen your identity or your child’s identity, you are going to need to talk to someone. It might be hard to do – because when your family member has stolen something from you, it might seem like you do not want to get the police involved. However, it is very important that you do talk to someone, and that you do it right away.
The first person that you should talk to is the police. It might seem very extreme, but you want to be sure that you are talking to the police as soon as you can. You need to talk to the police because if you are not talking to the police, you will find that your credit is ruined. The police are the only people who can start an investigation, and who can make sure that you are able to get your credit restored. You have to be sure that you are doing as much as you can to get the ball rolling on the investigation.
It might be tempting to not call the police about identity theft because it is someone in your family that is doing it – and you might want to keep it quiet. When this happens – you might feel that you can simply put it behind you and move on. However, there is a problem if you don’t report the identity theft. The biggest problem is if you and your child have had your identities stolen, it means that your credit has been ruined. This could be a huge problem. Your credit could be destroyed, which would mean that you would have problems getting loans, getting credit, and having other things happen. You absolutely have to make sure that you can restore your credit. The only way that you will be able to restore your credit is to report the crime.
Therefore, when you are dealing with identity theft, no matter who has done it or how close they are to you, you absolutely have to be sure that you are reporting the problems and starting an investigation. You want to be sure that you can do this because reporting it is the only way that you will be able to restore your credit.
It is especially important that you are contacting the police if your child’s identity has been stolen by someone – even if they are a member of your family. Your child needs to be able to begin his own life with a credit report that is clean and clear and not in any problem. You want to be sure that you can give your child this type of life, and therefore you absolutely have to be sure to report any credit problems. You do not want your child to have to begin with any problems. Therefore, any stolen identities or problems have to be reported as soon as you know about them, so that you will be able to solve them.