At this point, you might have an inkling that I have butterfingers (and I’m now realizing this applies figuratively and literally). I drop things constantly, always to horrific effect. I once lost my grip on a boiling hot pie so badly that the contents went from the oven to the floor to the ceiling and then back to the floor. I’ve also been known to fumble tangram tarts in professional test kitchens shortly before I’m due on set to start filming. It’s all very pie stakes.
These experiences, though, did not prepare me for someone else doing the toppling. I had been recruited to assemble a dessert table for the wedding of dear friends. Having delivered an assortment of pies and tarts to the reception locale the previous day, I arrived shortly after the ceremony to set up. God only knows what happened overnight, but several of the tarts were completely and utterly shattered. Like my heart.
I sobbed, watched my other friends try to put the pieces back together, consumed a lot of tequila, and then eventually turned those crumpled ruins into a design. Similar in technique and process to Happy as a Gram, this design has the added bonus of repurposing leftover dough. Scraps that may be otherwise discarded survive to live in a colorful, renewed capacity. Lemons to lemonade. Shard times to shard designs (and really bad rhymes and other such crimes).
1 disk Marbled Pie Dough
2 disks Basic Pie Dough
BLUEBERRY PINEAPPLE FILLING
4 cups 1-inch fresh pineapple chunks (about 1½ pounds/680 grams)
2 cups (12 ounces) fresh or frozen blueberries
⅔ cup (132 grams) granulated sugar
¼ cup (28 grams) tapioca starch
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 teaspoon kosher salt
MARBLED SHARDS DESIGN NEEDS
Parchment paper
Chef’s knife
Paring knife
Pastry brush
Small bowl of water
1. On a floured surface, roll the disk of marbled dough into a circle, rectangle, nebulous galactic blob, whatever! You have some flexibility with this design. Roll the dough onto the rolling pin and unfurl it onto a sheet of parchment paper. Slide a flat baking sheet under the parchment and place the dough in the refrigerator to chill.
2. Roll the disk of basic dough into a 13-inch circle. Roll the dough onto the rolling pin and unfurl it onto a sheet of parchment paper.
3. Remove the marbled dough from the refrigerator and use a chef’s knife to cut a variety of three- and four-sided shapes.
4. Lightly brush a small section of the rolled basic dough with water and place several of the marbled shapes on it, fitting them together like a puzzle but leaving some space between the pieces.
5. Continue brushing water and adhering shapes, working a section at a time, until the entire surface of the white pie dough is covered or you run out of marbled dough.
6. Using a paring knife or a small shape cutter, cut a small vent hole. Slide a flat baking sheet under the parchment and freeze the pie top for at least 30 minutes, or until it can be easily lifted as one piece. Once the pie top has frozen solid, it can be wrapped well and used to top a pie at a later time. A well-sealed pie top will keep in the freezer for up to 3 months. Handle frozen pie tops gently, as they can shatter.
7. Roll the second disk of basic dough into a 14-inch circle. Roll the dough onto the rolling pin and unfurl it over a 9-inch pie pan. Taking the edges of the dough, gently ease the dough into the pan, nestling it into the inner elbows of the pie pan. Trim the excess dough with kitchen shears to create a 1-inch overhang. Fold the overhang back under, creating an elevated edge.
8. To prepare the blueberry pineapple filling, combine all the ingredients in a large bowl and gently fold with a spatula to coat the fruit.
9. Scoop the filling into the prepared pie shell. Use a pastry brush to lightly brush water around the edge of the pie.
10. Remove the frozen tangram top from the freezer, pick it up as one solid piece, and lay it centered on the surface of your filled pie. Let it sit for a few minutes to thaw slightly and settle. Press to seal the edges, and run a paring knife around the edge to trim the excess dough.
11. Chill the entire pie in the freezer until the oven has come to temperature. The pie can be frozen solid before baking or simply chilled through, about 20 minutes.
12. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment.
13. When the oven has come to temperature, place the chilled pie on the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 25 minutes, then rotate the pie 180 degrees and lower the oven temperature to 350°F. If the edges are already brown, cover with a shield. Continue baking until the filling is bubbling rapidly and the top crust looks baked through in the center, checking every 30 minutes to rotate the pie and cover lightly with foil as necessary, 80 to 100 total minutes. (If baking from frozen, add 30 to 45 minutes to the bake time.)
14. Cool the pie completely on a rack before slicing and serving.
SUGGESTED SUBSTITUTIONS
Dough alternatives: If you have any miscellaneous small disks of leftover colored dough from other designs, this is a prime opportunity to utilize them. Simply roll them out as instructed in step 1 and proceed with the directions. Otherwise, you can also substitute one complete disk of any dough.