Alexis shut the door to her apartment and sank back against the door. Her knees threatened to buckle, but she locked them. The neighbors on one side were well into their nightly battle. Screaming at each other about this and that. Did it mean anything? Because mostly it seemed like habit. On the other side of her, loud heavy metal music threatened to drive her mad—if the arguing didn’t.
She stumbled to her broken, ten dollar recliner and sank into the stale-smelling cushions. Her fingers drifted to her Bible on the end table she’d bought for college, which had been in storage. She probably should’ve thrown it away a long time ago. Now she was glad she hadn’t. Bible on her lap, she grabbed her journal and pen. Clutched both to her chest.
Tried to breathe.
Tried not to think about Bradley. She couldn’t handle that right now.
Tears threatened. Had they stopped? Rachel was gone. Taken. That madman had her, and there was nothing Alexis could do about it. She was nearly convinced he was responsible for the kidnapping as well, though logic didn’t track. This had been a targeted attack that had bested the Secret Service.
Alan.
He’d betrayed them all, and Rachel was suffering for it.
How had he been able to live with himself? How were his wife and kids supposed to go on after it came out that he had betrayed the oath he had taken to protect those in his charge? She wasn’t about to rob those innocents of his death benefits. He was dead, and there was no one to hold responsible anyway. No one to tell the FBI where Rachel was being held.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Was she hindering the FBI’s ability to find Rachel?
The FBI and Secret Service would figure out Turner’s connection to the kidnappers. Then the world would know what Alan had done. Rachel would be home safe, and things would go back to normal.
She thought back to the smells of that night, the gas in the air. In her throat. The sounds. The sharp crack that still rattled in her head. The EMT had seemed to think she might still be up for a good time even with the head injury. Why else would he proposition her in the back of the ambulance?
While his words had been grossly inappropriate, it was nothing new. It seemed like everyone in town knew her story, wanted to ask her about it, and some of them even wanted to star in the next chapter. Like she was going to let that happen when all of it had basically destroyed her. Personally. Professionally.
There was no coming back from it, and she probably needed to accept that fact. Even if they got Rachel back. Alexis wasn’t ever going to be able to go back to the way things had been before everything went wrong.
She opened her Bible to the passage she’d read that morning, then laid open her journal and wrote, Should I leave? Maybe once Rachel was found, it was time to leave. Start over somewhere else. Make a new life for herself. Write a new chapter where no one knew—or just didn’t care—who she was.
She continued writing, pouring all her fear and frustration out onto the page like David had done when he was running from Saul. Except it wasn’t her in danger, it was Rachel. Help her, please, Lord. Emotion caught in her throat until she thought she would choke on it. The taste of the gas was still on her tongue. Alexis coughed at the scratchy sensation, and let the tears fall for her friend.
Then she read. Her lips moved as she took in each word, praying it calmed her heart as well as her mind. And as she read, it was like all the voices in her head were silenced as she soaked up the words. Here, in the pages of scripture, His presence shined on her fear to illuminate the dark places in her life. Washed it all to daylight. Warmth.
Thank You, Lord.
God had a plan. Even in this.
She didn’t know what it was, and she prayed Rachel wouldn’t suffer through it. She prayed this had nothing to do with the man who had torn both of their worlds apart. Please don’t let it be him who has her. Rachel would never survive another encounter with that monster. Just the idea of it made Alexis want to be sick all over again. Just like she’d done in front of…
Bradley.
She couldn’t be embarrassed. Not when he’d caught her up in his arms, and held her that way. No one had ever held her that way. And if anyone else had tried, she’d have found a way to politely remove herself from the situation. But then, Bradley wasn’t anyone. He was everything she had ever wanted in life, and love. Nothing had changed there, except that he hated her now the way everyone else did. He looked at her with that same disapproving stare. Probably wondering what she was going to do next. How far she could be pushed.
He wouldn’t do that. She knew that as surely as she knew the way he’d loved her. Sorry, Lord. That wasn’t appropriate now. Still, she carried those sweet memories of the time they’d spent together in her heart. It might have been sin, but she treasured their time together. It was the warmest of memories, all of which included Bradley anyway. It wasn’t like she was ever going to be able to escape him.
She kept reading and journaling until the knock at the door.
Alexis blinked and glanced at the time on the microwave. 11:37.
Who was knocking?
She looked through the peep hole and blew out a breath. Lincoln. She pulled the door open and said, “Hey.”
He nudged her out of the way and strode in, a red mark on his cheek.
“What happened?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” He waved one hand around. “You’re sitting here what…reading your Bible? You don’t answer the phone? I thought something happened to you as well.” And yet, there was none of the concern on his face that she’d seen in Bradley. Or was it just that she could recognize it easier in him than she could in Lincoln.
Alexis shut the door and held up both hands. “I’m sorry. I should have checked my phone.” Even though that defeated the purpose of quiet time. Getting distracted by her phone didn’t help her focus on the Lord.
He shot her a scathing look. Alexis had to remind herself that he was just a hot-head who was concerned about her. Lincoln had been a good friend when no one else in her life had stuck by her. She needed to focus on that. Not on the fact he didn’t know how to temper his emotions.
“It’s been a rough night,” she said. “Rachel got kidnapped.”
“I know.”
Alexis frowned. “Thank you for being concerned about me, and for coming here. How did you get hurt?”
“My neighbor’s cat attacked me again.” He leaned against her breakfast bar. “I should take that thing to a vet and have it put down, but it would probably tear me to shreds in the process.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re saying that a lot. Which makes me wonder what all exactly you’re trying to apologize for.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You tell me?”
Alexis turned away and tried to figure this out. Was he here to accuse her, instead of making sure she was all right as she’d thought?
Maybe there was another layer to what he was saying. Did he know Bradley was in town? How he could know that when she hadn’t even known, was beyond her. Alexis had had no idea until Bradley walked up to the ambulance. It had been a wonderful surprise, and a terrible realization at the same time. Would there ever be an instance in her life when he could show up and it wouldn’t birth conflicting feelings in her?
Lincoln might have feelings for her, or so she’d thought at one time, but she’d never given him any indication she was open to a relationship. What she needed was the friend he’d been to her the past few months.
Her life was far too complicated right now for anything more than that. She was trying to get a job. And not the pity offer Lincoln had given her to come and work with his father. The old man creeped her out. Lincoln might work for him, but she’d never gotten the impression he much liked his father. That wasn’t the point, though. She wanted to get work on her own merit.
Dog walking and cleaning houses didn’t pay all of her bills, though. Not in a town like this. Rachel had been helping her keep her head above water, but Alexis didn’t like taking the money. She’d put as much of it as she could in her account for emergencies, mostly hoping she’d get a full time job and be able to give it back.
Lincoln slumped onto the couch and it groaned. Not because he was heavy. The man was six-two and slender, but muscled from doing martial arts since he was a kid. Some people might think he was attractive, she supposed. He just wasn’t her type. Not for anything other than a friend. And she appreciated the way he’d stuck close for her. But there was only one man in her heart, and no one else she’d ever met even measured up.
“You’re thinking about him again.”
Alexis bit back another apology.
He stretched.
“Long day?” When he nodded, she said, “Coffee?” She only had a can of the cheap stuff. Put enough milk and sugar in and it tasted okay, though. Or she could pretend it did. She couldn’t afford creamer.
He said, “Sure.”
Alexis set up the coffee maker and when it began to trickle out, visited the bathroom to clean up a bit. She needed a shower, but settled for brushing her teeth quickly. Coffee and the taste of being sick didn’t mesh, and the sensation threatened to bring more illness every time she swallowed. Her throat was still scratchy from the gas, and her hip smarted though she didn’t look to see what the bruise was like.
However crummy she felt couldn’t hold a candle to how Rachel must be feeling right now.
When she came out, Lincoln stood at the window by her desk, staring out at the street below. The coffee pot beeped, and she poured two cups. “One sugar, right?”
He wandered over. “You know I like that hazelnut stuff.”
Alexis sighed, and put milk in both cups. “I—” What was the point in arguing, or telling him for the hundredth time that she didn’t have the money for anything more than the basics.
The thoughts in her head swirled like a whirling dervish until all she could see was that fog. And taste the gas on her tongue. Until her fingers loosened the way they had when Rachel was pulled from her grasp.
The milk landed on the counter, sloshing over the rim.
“Watch it.” Lincoln screwed the lid back on. “For someone so money-conscious, you don’t mind wasting it, do you?”
She took the carton from him and placed it back in the fridge, then used an old rag to wipe the spill. “I wouldn’t describe it as money-conscious. That implies I actually have two bills to rub together.” If she did, she would be careful about how she spent them. Always had.
When she was little, they hadn’t had much money. Her mom had married a businessman and things got better, but she never forgot those days of chipped plates and grilled cheese sandwiches night after night because that was all they could afford. Now her mother wouldn’t even speak of those times. She’d called her step-father after everything went public. He’d hung up on her, after telling her to never call again. She was a disgrace now. He wouldn’t even speak Alexis’s name. As for her, she wanted to drop his and go back to her birth surname.
Lincoln touched her shoulder. “You’re so sad.”
“I’m worried about Rachel.”
“You should be worried about yourself. I would be, living in a dump like this.” He shuddered. “I’d be scared to close my eyes.”
Like she wasn’t? Good people lived in this building, and selfish ones. Just like any neighborhood. Didn’t matter if the people who lived there were rich or poor. Money didn’t make you a better person, it just revealed who you truly were. “I really think I should be alone right now.”
He shook his head. “That’s the last thing you need, babe.”
Lincoln tugged her closer, his arms winding around her waist.
“I—”
He squeezed her middle. Too tight. “Enough talking, Alexis.”